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| Posted: April 28 2009 at 9:01pm | IP Logged
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I will give a bit of a background. My oldest 3 children are daughters and my 2 youngest are boys. When I was a teenager my parents came back to the faith, and decided to have more children, they all happened to be girls.  I have three younger sisters, I am about 12+years older than they are, so I helped my mom out a LOT. My point being that I am used to girls and their temperaments.
Now I have 2 toddler boys and they are doing death defying acts, they tag team us with their antics. I am constantly diverting their attention from one thing to another, or I am averting some kind of situation.
Sometimes I feel like a failure because I don't know what I am doing wrong, or if this is somethng that is normal.
They are so sweet and loving and yet they can be crazy a minute later.
When they were babies it was so much easier, now that they are geting older, I wonder sometimes where they get their antics from. Especially my older one he has taken interest to 'himself'. We do not let him watch TV very much and he really does not have boys his age to play with. So I am truly at a loss what to do.
Can someone recommend a good solid book on raising boys and what I should expect.
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Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
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anitamarie
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| Posted: April 28 2009 at 10:06pm | IP Logged
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Bringing Up Boys - James C. Dobson, is probably the best I've read on the subject. (Being one of 3 girls myself and then finding myself mother to these strange creatures - boys.) The Wonder of Boys is good, but some of his ideas are not in line with Church teaching. I just threw out what I didn't agree with. He does have interesting psychological information, though. Those are the best books I've read on the subject. It's not you. You are not a failure. Boys require a slightly different type of parenting. Best of luck and blessings.
Anita
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 28 2009 at 11:05pm | IP Logged
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If you have typical girls, I bet the boys are throwing you for a loop  .. I have 2 typical girls.. the others are as "bad" as the boys
I find the best thing is to cultivate a bombproof demeanor.. when I don't go into panic mode by the antics, they tend to respond better.
Yes I can stand at the foot of a ladder extended over the roofline and tell my 2 yr old to come down and sound just about bored by it (I tell people it's just shellshock  )
But the important thing is.. that the only thing I've given is a direction that can be followed.. I haven't confused the issue for the child with emotional overtones. They aren't stopping to figure out what's wrong with mom instead of doing the thing that will fix what's wrong with mom.
cupboards with padlocks are actually childproof.. nothing short of that is high enough or child proof enough for truly dangerous items.. just consider yourself a chatalaine who must carry the keys for all the important stuff on her at all times. Limit the number of things that aren't locked up to things that you're willing to go to battle every single time over. Not things that you'll let slide this time because you're exhausted. One of these for instance might be kitchen knives.. yes, hard to get to.. but since they're not locked up they're not really childproof, but I will deal with the kids every single time they start to mess with them (including climbing toward them, poking them, etc.. preferable anything that happens prior to them actually holding them) and because you're consistent they'll learn that is not tolerated.
Giving them somewhere more safe to perform their antics you can then send them to wherever that is... so when they're jumping on the couch.. you may not jump on the couch you may go and use the mini-trampoline.. helps more rather than trying to stop the physical activity.. give it an allowed outlet.
Oh and a bit more about the bombproof demeanor.. when you panic, you confuse the kids.. they may try and get you to do that again just so they can figure out why you're reacting that way. So by controlling yourself more, they will have less reason to retry a stunt just because mom acted weird and that's confusing.. and so they'll do it again to figure it out.
I grew up with only sisters (my dh had only brothers so we're equal there ) but I also was rather a tomboy myself at least in the younger years.. so the smaller boys don't throw me too much.. now the 10 yr old is starting to get up there where I'm gonna be hollaring for help before long
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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| Posted: April 28 2009 at 11:19pm | IP Logged
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anitamarie wrote:
Bringing Up Boys - James C. Dobson, is probably the best I've read on the subject. (Being one of 3 girls myself and then finding myself mother to these strange creatures - boys.) The Wonder of Boys is good, but some of his ideas are not in line with Church teaching. I just threw out what I didn't agree with. He does have interesting psychological information, though. Those are the best books I've read on the subject. It's not you. You are not a failure. Boys require a slightly different type of parenting. Best of luck and blessings.
Anita |
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Thank you I will most likely buy it, I know that some of the parenting books I have I do the same as you. Take what I need and know will work and put away the rest.
I am barely figuring that out that they are truly amazing. 
Thanks for the suggestions.
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Claudia in Southern California
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Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
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| Posted: April 28 2009 at 11:51pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
If you have typical girls, I bet the boys are throwing you for a loop .. I have 2 typical girls.. the others are as "bad" as the boys
I find the best thing is to cultivate a bombproof demeanor.. when I don't go into panic mode by the antics, they tend to respond better.
Yes I can stand at the foot of a ladder extended over the roofline and tell my 2 yr old to come down and sound just about bored by it (I tell people it's just shellshock )
But the important thing is.. that the only thing I've given is a direction that can be followed.. I haven't confused the issue for the child with emotional overtones. They aren't stopping to figure out what's wrong with mom instead of doing the thing that will fix what's wrong with mom.
cupboards with padlocks are actually childproof.. nothing short of that is high enough or child proof enough for truly dangerous items.. just consider yourself a chatalaine who must carry the keys for all the important stuff on her at all times. Limit the number of things that aren't locked up to things that you're willing to go to battle every single time over. Not things that you'll let slide this time because you're exhausted. One of these for instance might be kitchen knives.. yes, hard to get to.. but since they're not locked up they're not really childproof, but I will deal with the kids every single time they start to mess with them (including climbing toward them, poking them, etc.. preferable anything that happens prior to them actually holding them) and because you're consistent they'll learn that is not tolerated.
Giving them somewhere more safe to perform their antics you can then send them to wherever that is... so when they're jumping on the couch.. you may not jump on the couch you may go and use the mini-trampoline.. helps more rather than trying to stop the physical activity.. give it an allowed outlet.
Oh and a bit more about the bombproof demeanor.. when you panic, you confuse the kids.. they may try and get you to do that again just so they can figure out why you're reacting that way. So by controlling yourself more, they will have less reason to retry a stunt just because mom acted weird and that's confusing.. and so they'll do it again to figure it out.
I grew up with only sisters (my dh had only brothers so we're equal there ) but I also was rather a tomboy myself at least in the younger years.. so the smaller boys don't throw me too much.. now the 10 yr old is starting to get up there where I'm gonna be hollaring for help before long |
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Your post made me laugh out loud really hard Yes you are very right. Thank you!!
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Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 29 2009 at 1:34am | IP Logged
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oh good Claudia.. I was purposefully trying to keep it a bit light and funny. If for no other reason than it's much nicer to laugh at it all than to cry over it
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Mimip
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So glad to have this post to laugh at. I too have typical girls first and then a very mellow boy and now oh how to describe him.... an evil kinevil for a son. He gets into and on top of everything. It is crazy! I have to follow him around everywhere we go (parks, playgrounds, backyards) It is exhausting!
All that being said we really had to super childproof the house. We nailed all the tall bookshelves to the walls and started to hide all cords. Thank goodness the cabinets were already child locked. Now to figure out how to save the TV from being brought down?? (We are looking for a corner cabinet that closes)
Oh the adventures of having children, wouldn't trade it for the world
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Mimi
Wife of 16 years to Tom, Mom of DD'00, DD'02, '04(in heaven) DS'05, DS'08 and DS '12
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I found this site last night Parenting Boys and it gave me some semblance towards their behaivior. I think that JodieLyn you are right when I keep my composure and don't distract them with my feelings they listen. They do stop to figure you out when you are getting to emotional or your voice gets too angry.
Wow the difference is so apparent, my girls if I raise my voice then they know they have to, they stop. Usually I don't I just have to give them a look and they stop.
With my boys I have to physically get in into what they are doing to break them from what they are doing, I have to follow them around and I have to always be on high alert. That is what is physically exhausting
Believe it or not I am thinking Dog Whisperer mode, sometimes, of course not that harsh, but some of the techniques he uses are the same for these boys.  I have to really tone down my emotions and just discipline quietly, but be very assertive.
I slept on what you said JodieLyn can you tell
I know two women that have all boys.
One of them is very quiet and loving and disciplines this way. Her boys are so well behaved and they are nice and respectful. They have great manners and play well with all children. She is very diplomatic about the way she handles squirmishes, and they just listen and then they stop whatever she has told them to stop. She does not threaten them.
The other mom on the other hand, yells at her boys and is constantly getting aggravated at what they do, to the point where she cusses at them and threatens. Her boys talk back to her and are not respectful with her or other children. She always looks dissapointed in them and lets them know that when ever they do something wrong.
So yes I can see the difference and what direction I should be taking. I just did not put much emphasis on my own intuition because I was not sure I was in control or just being passive. So I was raising my voice and getting no results.
Thank you all for your great help.
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Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
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KauaiCatholic
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I found great wisdom in Meg Meeker's book, "Boys Should Be Boys: 7 Secrets to Raising Healthy Sons." (I tried attaching the Amazon link but failed; however, a reviewer broke down the chapters in detail if you're interested.) it may be a little past the toddler years, but I think what you need most to get through THOSE are really powerful guardian angels ... plus a sense of humor and a strong heart. 
as the youngest of 3 daughters, I was at a loss when God blessed me with an extremely "typical" boy as my first. but despite my ineptness, he survived the toddler years (praise be to God and his namesake, St. Augustine). hang in there!
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kozimom
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Wow! This is really interesting! I had a girl and then a boy - really saw the differences - and then 3 girls, now followed by 4 boys.....OH MY! I need to maybe print this stuff off.............:0
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: My Toddler Boys
