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gwendyt
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| Posted: March 03 2005 at 10:03am | IP Logged
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Help! I'm wondering how you all would handle the constant "mommy, you want to play dinosaurs w/me? or trains, blocks, etc... Now, I do try to give some individual attention to all the kids and play with them all together or alone (whatever works at the time), but it seems like if I say yes and play, the time is never enough and they end up throwing a fit when I have to stop. It almost seems better to tell them "no" and eventually they find something to do alone or with each other. Can anyone relate to this? Any comments or suggestions? I must admit I feel some sense of guilt if I don't play with them, but on the other hand, I do feel that's part of the reason they have siblings and between my responsibilities, a baby, schooling, etc...the "fun or free time" play like dinos, dolls, trains whatever should be their play, not mine...or am I way off base?
Also, my older two girls, since they don't ask as much, end up not getting much play time with mom since the three under 4 yrs. seem to monopolize that time...still trying to figure this whole thing out! Although I suppose we never do get it totally figured out, do we? 
Wendy
married to DH Joe 13 yrs., DC - Erin, 8 Amanda, 6 Alex, 3 Jacob, 2 and Jonathan, 8 mos.
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Bridget
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| Posted: March 03 2005 at 2:06pm | IP Logged
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Wendy,
I think how we play with our children varies depending on our personalities. I really don't play with my children. I read to them, i talk to them, I take them to the park, I include them in my work and projects and help them with theirs. I provide them with hot choclate or popcicles. I rock little ones a lot.
Since I don't really get down on the floor and play their games, they don't expect it and they do play very well together for the most part. The olders are so good at setting up playthings for the youngers.
I do try to keep an ear open for problems that might be developing, but they need minimal direct supervision.
I used to feel guilty that I wasn't a playful mom, but my children seem to have learned how to play games of all kinds and build lego creations without me. I think it's just the nature of childhood.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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tovlo4801
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| Posted: March 03 2005 at 5:14pm | IP Logged
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Wendy,
I'm in the wrong forum, since I only have two kids, but I asked a similar question in the CCM group a couple months ago and the advice really helped me. I was reassured overwhelmingly that it's normal to not want to play kids games - we're not kids! The suggestion that kept coming up was to include the kids in your work. This was not something I wanted to do. I'm very busy all day long and I just saw trying to include a 4 yo in the process as slowing it down. I have to say I haven't been super successful, but I've started asking my 4 ds if he wants to help when I'm doing something (laundry, making a meal, etc). OH do his eyes light up! He's all smiles and squirms and just bubbling over with "yes mommies". He gets things from the refrigerator for me, or puts plates and glasses on the table or sorts laundry with me and LOVES that time. He still asks to play, but honestly not nearly as often. I've realized that he didn't so much want to play as he just wanted time to be with mommy. Hope that helps.
God Bless,
Richelle
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gwendyt
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| Posted: March 04 2005 at 2:26pm | IP Logged
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Thanks for the input Bridget and Richelle...Bridget, I think you're right in saying that if you don't get down on the floor with them as much they don't come to expect it, and that our personalities play into it too. My husband and I enjoy learning, talking, playing games/sports with the kids, etc...but as Richelle said, we're not kids, so sometimes it's hard to get into their kid brains and pretend or enjoy some things as only they can do! I guess I won't feel too guilty over it as I feel I connect with them in other ways...and you're right, those little guys do like helping with my jobs...I do try to include them when THEY ask, but maybe I need to ask them more. They'd probably like that! Thanks,
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Wendy
Married to DH Joe 18 yrs., 8 beautiful children - 2 girls, 6 boys (14,12,9,7,5,3,1,newbie born 3/1/2010)
A Little of This, A Little of That
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Willa
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| Posted: March 04 2005 at 2:54pm | IP Logged
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Wendy, I wonder if it might help to give the kids a time frame if you LIKE to play with them but don't want to get trapped.... tell them that you have, say, 15 minutes to do dinos or blocks or whatever and then you will have to get the laundry or start dinner. Then maybe at that point, to transition, you could ask if they want to "play" with you now, ie help fold or get things out of the refrigerator. Just a thought!
I personally am one of those less playful moms as Bridget described herself; when I get involved with the kids' activities now it's usually to do something like draw, or read, or play a board game with them, something where I don't feel like a second-rate kid  I don't think kids really NEED a parent to be a playmate, just to allay your guilt feelings; yes, I agree, that's one reason why we give them siblings and also, I like to see kids get in the habit of being able to have some happy alone time as well.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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gwendyt
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| Posted: March 04 2005 at 3:13pm | IP Logged
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Willa -giving a time frame...that's actually what I've been doing lately (and it does help to allay those fits!), but I like your idea of then asking to "play" with me, whatever I may be doing. Good stuff! I knew I could count on everyone here for great feedback 
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Wendy
Married to DH Joe 18 yrs., 8 beautiful children - 2 girls, 6 boys (14,12,9,7,5,3,1,newbie born 3/1/2010)
A Little of This, A Little of That
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cswini
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| Posted: March 05 2005 at 8:02am | IP Logged
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Dear Wendy,
I know that Laura Ingalls Wilder's memories were a bit fictionalized to make exciting reading, but I do believe her accounts of her mother Caroline's constant struggle to feed and cloth her family on the praire were quite accurate. She virtually never had time to sit on the floor and play with the children -- something vital to her family's survival would have been neglected. The few times she did do this were very lovingly noted -- but it certainly didn't happen very often. She showed her love for her children and family by providing the best home she could, whether it was in a wagon, a soddy, or a nice frame house. She did expect the girls to work alongside her, and I think a lot of love and teaching were imparted during that time. This is how it has always worked historically -- the image of a mom sitting on a sunny nursery floor playing with her (single!) toddler is a media created fantasy. Don't feel guilty -- let your heart, circumstances, and the Holy Spirit guide you.
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Catherine, wife to Joe, mother to Ben '86, Laura '88, Samantha '89, Jessica '92, Max '02, & Julia '04
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Kids who always want you to play?
