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jhigdon
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| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 1:14pm | IP Logged
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I posted on another forum in regards to help with meal planning while having morning sickness, but after reading more posts here, I wanted to sort of reach out and ask for help and advice.
We are expecting our fifth in early October/late September. It will be my fifth c-section, and my oldest will be turning nine six months later. I have homeschooled for three years now. Right now a second grader and a Kindergartener. Next year I will have grades 3, 1, and K. Plus and almost three year old and a baby.
These last few weeks since we found out have been so hard. I feel horrible, all I want to do is sleep so I don't have to be aware of the nausea. Eating is a chore. My prayer life is hit or miss, and what makes it worse is I'm in an Aspirant class for secular Carmelites. I feel horrible not being able to pray properly. School has been off and on. We do about three days a week right now. Our kids have all been sick on and off since December, with two of them sick right now.
I don't have help at home from a mom or anything. My sister helps when she can, but she has two older boys in public school and she's busy with work and so forth. Our schedules clash.
All day today I haven't done anything because I'm just so gosh darn tired. The kids have been watching so much TV, it only makes me feel even more guilty. My oldest had her first confession last night, and I felt so horrible that I didn't have the time to sort of sit with her and talk to her about it. We talked about it, but I feel like I wasn't really "there".
I have struggled with depression in the past, and it tends to flare during pregnancy and about six months to a year after the baby.
I would love some advice from those of you who have been there and done that. I need help with meal planning, laundry, and school (although I signed up with Mother of Divine Grace for next year because it will keep me accountable, I think).
I feel bad for not doing tea time anymore, not having the energy or will power to sit and read with my kids.
Anything would really help.
Thanks and God Bless....
Jen
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LucyP
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| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 1:35pm | IP Logged
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I have no experience or wisdom to offer, as I have two children only, and they came to me "ready-made" through adoption. But I wil pray for you. All my prayers tomorrow will be offered for you.
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folklaur
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| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 1:50pm | IP Logged
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First - praying for you.
Second - be easy on yourself. You are growing a person, and it is *hard* work. (no mommy-guilt - you can't will 'morning' sickness away. I am really sick during my pregnancies - they are literall 9 months chunks of blurs in my memory, filled with meds and toilet bowls and not much else....I know my kids had birthdays and milestones but I can't tell you much about them....)
Third - School: If you have to utilize the TV right now, then do it. Get educational videos from the library or netflix. Watch educational shows online. Get books on tape and have them listen. They will learn even if it isn't "formal" schooling, and even if this isn't a super-intensive school year anyway....it will still be fine. You will not ruin their education. Really. Honest.
Fourth - I have never had depression, but I do have panic disorder. Other moms here have have dealt with depression could probably help you more, but I guess I would say if you are feeling badly, don't wait to tell someone about it. Don't feel guilty for feeling depressed.
I'll be praying, and I am sure others will jump in with way better advice, too!
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Stephanie_Q
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| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 2:02pm | IP Logged
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I hope that the ladies here are able to help from their experience. Jennifer (Mackfam) had some survival strategies for a mom struggling with hyperemesis gravidarum in this thread recently. I'm praying for you, Jen!
__________________
Stephanie dh 6.01
dd 6.02, dd 8.03, ds 3.05, ds 12.06 at Catholic school.
dd 12.09 at home.
Baby boy due 10.13
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Lara Sauer
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| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 2:03pm | IP Logged
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I guess my first question would be, have you had a heart to heart talk with your husband about the struggles that you are going through right now?
My second question would be, have you had a heart to heart talk with an intimate friend about the struggles that you are going through right now?
If you have done neither of these, you really must. Depression and fatigue go hand in hand and can be, as I am sure you already know far too well, a very vicious cycle.
Since you said you are an aspirant to the secular Carmelite order, I would also call the mother of that house to see if she has any words of wisdom for you...Remember however, that your primary vocation is to motherhood...anything beyond that is GRAVY!
Motherhood is a gift really beyond all measure from our Lord...without even trying, we basically fulfill all of the Corporal Works of Mercy each and every day...Clothe the naked--done! Feed the hungry--done! Give drink to the thirsty--done! Instruct the ignorant--done!
Your life right now IS your prayer, as long as you do each act with the right intention.
Practically speaking, I would encourage you to carry a timer and decide how much "work" you can really manage per hour...5 minutes? 10 minutes? 15 minutes? And then concretely decide what you are going to do to fill that time frame.
In 5 minutes, you could probably clean out a toilet bowl and tidy the sink in your bathroom...set the timer and do it. In 10 minutes, you could read a story to your kids...set a timer and do it. In 15 minutes you could probably straighten one room in the house and maybe even have time to vacuum...set a timer and do it!
THEN, WHEN YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE ALOTTED WORK, GO AND SIT DOWN AND REST AND BE AT PEACE WITH YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED THE GOAL THAT YOU SET!
If you still have some energy, then set the timer for one more small task...if not, close your eyes and rest.
Imagine what you can do in 10 minutes, or in 15 minutes. Break your day up into small battles that you can easily conquer. Truly you can do anything for only 15 minutes, even if you are tired...It is a heroic effort to conquer your own will.
What would be even more beautiful is if you could give your husband, your friend, or the Mother of your order your schedule so that they could pray for you while you are working.
I will join Lucy P in offering up prayers for you.
Congratulations on the beautiful new life growing within you...Please, remember that your fatigue is just your body reminding you that you are his/her mother, too!! 
Peace to your day!
__________________
You can take the girl out of Wisconsin, but you can't take the Wisconsin out of the girl!
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SaraP
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| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 3:04pm | IP Logged
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cactus mouse wrote:
| Third - School: If you have to utilize the TV right now, then do it. Get educational videos from the library or netflix. Watch educational shows online. Get books on tape and have them listen. They will learn even if it isn't "formal" schooling, and even if this isn't a super-intensive school year anyway....it will still be fine. You will not ruin their education. Really. Honest. |
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What Laura said!
A season (or several) of watching too many videos and eating PB&Js for dinner is more than compensated for by the blessing of another sibling.
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Mama to six on earth, two in heaven and two waiting in Russia. Foxberry Farm Almanac
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jhigdon
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| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 3:20pm | IP Logged
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The biggest issue I run into with school is not so much my own expectations, but that of the state. I live in a county where we have to keep a portfolio, and I did have the kids watch videos when we were sick (and that's another thing...I've got two sick kids and someone has been sick here in this house since December almost). During the review, the reviewer said we didn't present enough evidence of schooling (I mostly use videos for Science during the colder months when we can't go out). So, I have to make sure I've got "something" done during these time frame, or else we get a bad mark.
Thank you for your kind words and support. I really, really needed to read them, and be reminded of the blessing that this child is. It's hard to forget that when the days are a blur and the laundry is piling up, and your kids have been eating less than ideal meals.
I believe I do have a mentor for Carmel. I need to contact her. I'll send her an email after this.
I do find when I time myself, I get things done faster than I would have expected. I'm going to start with a small list of things to start timing myself on (putting laundry away...those clothes sit in the baskets until they are worn), etc.
Well, my four year old is getting a bit whiny, so that's my cue.
Thank you again for your support. It means so much to know I'm not alone.
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folklaur
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| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 4:12pm | IP Logged
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jhigdon wrote:
| The biggest issue I run into with school is not so much my own expectations, but that of the state. |
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Maybe you could peruse some unschooling sources to see how they do reporting? I know that there are unschoolers in states that even have very stringent requirements.  Just an idea.
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Marybeth
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| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 7:30pm | IP Logged
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What kind of evidence did the reviewer want to see? Maybe we could brainstorm with you for some ideas and ways to implement them in your state of life right now. Maybe you could start another thread asking for specific help of ladies from your home state?
I couldn't read chapter books to my ds after our dd came home (adopted at 8 months) because of how active she was and the needs she had. Audiobooks saved us last year!!!! I can't recommend them highly enough along with educational videos. Even if the kids watch a show which isn't "educational" you could have them narrate it to you or you could teach them plot, characters, setting, etc. from the show.
Did you know you could sign up for a thrice weekly Lenten Adventure which also includes coloring sheets and prayers? I don't have the link b/c of being on my laptop. Google...holy adventures and it should come up...if not let me know and I can send you the link. Several of us on the forum used their Advent Adventures with a big thumbs up from all of our kids.
I write daily math problems on a big white board near our kitchen. This way I can write them when I have a moment and correct them when I have the time. I had major surgery in the fall so I understand the frustration and anxiety which occurs about homeschooling.
Praying for you health and peace of mind....
Congratulations on your new baby! 
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Marybeth (Mb)
http://held-together.blogspot.com
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SarahA
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| Posted: Feb 20 2009 at 10:23am | IP Logged
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I'll be praying for you, Jen.
I have 5 as well. Oldest is 2nd gr, then K, then pre-K, then 2 and the baby is 6 months. This is my 1st year homeschooling, and I'm enjoying it. However, I still have those moments when I want to be an ostrich and stick my head in a hole, so I don't have to look around at my messy house or hear my noisy kids. 
I've not had C-sections, but I know they're major surgery. And major surgeries have a long recovery time. Add the anticipation of that to your morning sickness and regular caretaking duties, and that's a recipe for fatigue.
Do your busiest little ones nap at a time you could as well? When you really need a break, your older ones could watch an educational movie. I consider VeggieTales as light religious ed--Miracle at Fatima or The Song of Bernadette more Catholic, obviously Lots of great Catholic choices out there. (Does your state consider religion an academic class?) My kids love the Magic School Bus, and that's science...books and DVDs. There are also some great adapted cartoon books, so that's kind of literature. If your kids love to draw, they could make pictures about what they've learned--then you've done art as well! Would pictures count in the portfolio?
We don't have tv and their video-viewing time is limited, so they love "getting" to watch educational movies. It helps me when I need a break or have other projects I need to do. However, my 2 year old won't sit through them, so that's only while he's sleeping.
What states have those tight requirements? NC doesn't check records, and allows us to register as a religious school (I take that as permission to teach Religious Ed as core curriculum  ) I didn't realize how fortunate we are here!
Sending prayers for you!
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Sarah
Army wife, Mama to (so far...) 2 boys, 1 girl, then 2 more boys
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10 Bright Stars
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Jen,
I feel for you as I have very intense morning sickness too. With my last baby, it was so bad and it lasted the whole 9 months. The only relief was giving birth! I was put on Zofran which is an anti-nausea medication and it did wonders to take the edge off. It is very pricey and your insurance will only cover it with the doc saying you need it. Still, it was $10 a pill!!!!! My husband knew it was worth it though as I had 7 at home and had just had twins the year before, so I don't think he was going to quibble over the price.
Anyway, try to turn in early and have your husband take over more of the kid going to bed routine in the evening. This can be hard for Dad's who are gone all day, but I am sure he will be happy to oblige. Can he make a batch of something that you can feed the kids for lunch over the course of the week or pre-make a few dinners for you just to get you through this stage? It should be overwith soon in most pregnancies. Anyway, try to get some sleep. If you have to nap while they watch t.v. DO IT! You are building a human and your other kids are young. It doesn't matter if you get a lot of school done now. You can always catch up over the summer if you feel badly about it.
Try to eat protein as often as you can and little bits here and there. I lived off of yogurt, string cheese, egg and cheese sandwiches, red grapes, tomatoes!! YUM! Eat what makes you feel good, but make sure you eat. Gatorade was also a life-saver for me, especially in the dreaded mornings. Have you tried the little arm bracelets. They help a little here and there.
If you are comfortable with others coming over (i.e you aren't the type to frantically clean before someone comes over like I do) then see if a teen-aged girl can come over once or twice a week to read to the kids and play with them. Then, you can go and nap.
Prayers for you. I wouldn't feel so bad about the formal prayer. Your life right now is a prayer. GIve your suffering up to God and that is one of the most perfect forms of prayer. When you are feeling so ill, unite your suffering to Christ's and you ARE praying. I mean, morning sickness can be almost unbearable especially with tiredness on top of it. Have the doc check your iron levels too. I was very anemic one pregnancy and I felt as if I were going to just fall over on the couch and fall asleep. I could barely keep myself awake! The extra iron I took really helped. (Of course, that might make you feel ill!!! But, maybe you can get it in food etc. ) ;
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Need help/advice - some depression
