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Sarah M
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I'm at my wits end with my 7yo these days. She gets easily frustrated and then gives up/whines/slinks around/complains....it's maddening! For example, this morning she was sorting the laundry, and one shirt needed to be pulled inside-out. She didn't even try, she just started whining, and when I tried to vocally guide her (instead of taking it away and doing it myself, which would have been soooo much easier- but not helpful long-term), she dropped the shirt six times while barely putting in any effort. Then, during lessons this morning, she was doing her basic addition (not a new skill- so it's not that it's too hard for her, this was just drill of what she can do in her head), and she looked at 7+3 and said, "I don't know!", dropped her pencil and put her head down. Then, while doing her history narration (orally), she looked at me, said, "I don't remember anything!" and threw herself on my bed.
I'm going mad.
For the most part, this child is extremely compliant, easy-going, and eager to please. This habit of getting easily frustrated and giving up is rather new, but it's increasing in frequency and I can barely stand to do lessons with a child who moans and groans the whole time-- the lessons are only 10-15 minutes each as it is, so it's not like I'm dragging out math or whatever.
Any advice? Thoughts? Am I doing something wrong? Should I totally back off? Or should I make perseverance our focus habit?
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dawn2006
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oh, i have a lot to say but the baby just woke up... my almost-7-year-old is like this, too.
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Dawn Farias | wife to Ariel | mom to Gabriel 9, Daniel 7, Elizabeth 5, and Michael 3 | blogger at Be Absorbed | native Texan but currently living near Seattle
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JodieLyn
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It seems to me that 7 yr olds tend to be rather over-emotional.
she might need more "hands on" for a time.. lots more hugs and holding when she's frustrated and going to her and helping her do a thing rather than just giving verbal directions.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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missionfamily
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I have a seven year old boy much like this. He is my sweetest, most loving, eager to please child, but life dissolves him to tears numerous times each day.
He has some learning issues, so I've learned to be very slow and gentle there, but that's not when he gets upset. It's legos breaking apart and not being able to find his shoe or draw the cat in the hat perfectly.
I think I'm realizing his sensitive nature is what gives him those aforementioned strengths, but also this strong reaction to disappontment or frustration.
I'm working on trying to react gently and suggest solutions to his struggles, but if it doesn't work after a couple of tries, I just snuggle him up until he's calmer and then suggest a new activity.
It is a constant test of my virtue however and I get irritated often enough to feel terrible about it.
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Colleen
dh Greg
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Sarah M
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JodieLyn wrote:
It seems to me that 7 yr olds tend to be rather over-emotional.
she might need more "hands on" for a time.. lots more hugs and holding when she's frustrated and going to her and helping her do a thing rather than just giving verbal directions. |
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You know, I think you're right. I don't do a whole lot of "hands on" with her- hugging and snuggling- she's my oldest, so I think I tend to think she doesn't need it. But of course she does. And I probably expect too much of her. She's only 7, after all. She's usually so eager to please, that it's easier to take advantage of her helpfulness.
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Angi
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No help, only hugs, our 7 year olds must be soul mates.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 12 2009 at 6:25pm | IP Logged
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Sometimes showing something like the "one shirt needed to be pulled inside-out" and making it more "fun".. I caught my kids doing this so it might appeal to your daughter too..
they put both hands into the shirt and down the sleeves.. and then say the magic word (whatever that is on a given day.. abracadabra etc) and pull the shirt right side out all at once.  And they think it's a great thing.. and it gets the shirt turned right side out so everyone is happy.  Especially if you come over to her and make sure she knows you're going to do something fun.. smile and pretend you're showing her a big secret. 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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anitamarie
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My 7 yo gets that way when she isn't getting enough one-on-one face time with us. We make sure over a week or so to play extra games, do extra crafts, etc. of her choosing with just her. Also, an errand alone with Dad or Mom seems to help and extra talk time at bedtime is a must when she's acting like that.
My dd hates to be put on the spot about what she remembers for a narration, but she loves to be right. So, I'll ask goofy questions about the information in order to get her to give me the correct information. For example, Me - "So, Ben Franklin was born in Bethlehem, right?" her - "No, Boston." me - " In 1962, right" her- "no, 1706", etc. Since we have now established that she knows it, I ask her to put it in a sentence. Good Luck. My oldest is a boy, I had no idea girls could get so emotional/attitudinal so young.
I know I wasn't that way!
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cornomama4
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Wait, you're suppossed to turn the shirts right side out BEFORE you actually have to put them on??
As you yourself said, she is only 7. Are the academics too rigorous (boring) for her at this age. Math yes, but History maybe can wait or get visited "accidentally". Of course this is my opinion, but I'm not sure History makes sense so much at that age because of the perception of time being a little iffy.
You seem so on-the-ball and conscientious....but maybe 7 is a good year to do the math and reading and the rest....historical fiction has a way of sinking in "accidentally" (think Little House books)
Good luck
cm4
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Sarah M
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cornomama4 wrote:
As you yourself said, she is only 7. Are the academics too rigorous (boring) for her at this age. Math yes, but History maybe can wait or get visited "accidentally". Of course this is my opinion, but I'm not sure History makes sense so much at that age because of the perception of time being a little iffy.
You seem so on-the-ball and conscientious....but maybe 7 is a good year to do the math and reading and the rest....historical fiction has a way of sinking in "accidentally" (think Little House books)
cm4 |
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Oh, I was afraid someone would say this. We are using Oak Meadow grade 1 and I really really like it, but of course panicked when dh asked what we were learning in history (OM has no history for this age for the exact reasons you mention). Then, of course, I realized that there is no picture/composer study in OM, and so I added that, too. And then we added handwriting practice because I didn't think OM had enough....
Okay, so this is what we're doing:
Everyday, we do CM-style lessons in reading, math, handwriting, and recorder practice. That all takes about an hour or so. Then we do one other "lesson" during the day, which takes about 30 minutes. Mondays: American History, Tuesdays: Religion/virtue education, Wednesdays: Nature study, Thursdays: Around the world or Oak Meadow recommendation, Fridays: Fine Arts Appreciation CM-style.
Is it too much? I really need someone to look at our plan and tell me honestly what they think. It seems to me that 1.5 hours shouldn't be too much, but then, when we started this year just following Oak Meadow and adding in religion (which took about an hour a day), it was all bliss. Then I started adding more and we are really up and down. I've made 12 different "school day schedules" since the beginning of the year and my husband is starting to think I'm really  .
I think I know what I should do (cut back to just OM plus religion and read alouds, like we started with), but I guess maybe I need someone else to tell me that's okay! I think I know that it is good enough, but then I wonder..... how will she know a Picasso from a Monet??? Will she write her letter "m" from the bottom instead of the top? But she's never even heard of Ben Franklin! 
Yes, it is tiring to live in my brain.
We listened to all the Little House books on CD in the car over the last 6 months and they have been the highlight of our year. Absolutely wonderful- the kids say it's their favorite time of day to sit in the car because we listen to "Laura and Mary stories."
Okay....so ramble, ramble, ramble....I think I may have just answered my own questions. But you all tell me what you think, anyway.
Thanks for getting me started on that line of thought, CM4. And seriously- I am *so* not "on-the-ball". Maybe this loony post will prove that, though!
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Mackfam
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I'm going to throw one other observation out there. I made it "after the fact" when my oldest dd was about this age. I suffered much trying to figure out what in the world was going on.
Around that age lessons and questions and narrations become a bit more abstract...or at least there was more abstract than concrete in lessons as I reflect back. At the time, I didn't think so. My dd was certainly capable, but the work was absolutely overwhelming her.
Consider cutting back on your lessons. Drop back to some very gentle reading and nature study. Spend extra time with her assuring her that it's not her fault that you're doing this. My dd was very insecure at this time. When I *finally* figured things out, I simply told her that we were trying some things on and they just didn't fit us, so we were hanging them back on the rack for a little while and putting on something comfy. I could almost feel her collective sigh of relief. We eased back into more work when I felt her maturity growing.
I hope this advice isn't too troubling, Sarah. It was so hard and frustrating for me when this was going on with my oldest. And I spent so much time trying to force a square peg into a round hole when all I really needed to do was relax, follow my instinct and let things be gentle.
HTH 
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Mackfam
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I just read your post, Sarah. It sounds like you're moving in this direction. I think you and she will feel much relief and a great deal more peace if you drop a few of the extras. I promise Ben Franklin and Picasso will come!
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Jen Mackintosh
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Wildflowers and Marbles
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cornomama4
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I'll say again, you sound very conscientious. you sound like me a couple of years ago when I was trying to get my ds6 and ds5 to read, and having minimal success and
lots of frustration. So I backed off and waited (and had 2 other kids in the meantime!) and now at 8 and 7 they're reading fine. They spend a lot of time in creative play right now, plus a co-op (art science gym) Montessori and a naturalist science class. But it's all very stealthy as far as "schooly" goes.
The old saying "less is more" could really come into play here. Yur dd is also probably feeling the fact that she's not a little kid anymore, and this may be scary. By acting like a baby (whining) she may be showing you that she still needs the comfort of a no-pressure enriched learning environment.
There is a time for more academic structure, but it is different for evey child. The most important thing now (IMHO) is that they have a positive sense of self, a sense of approval and love from their parents and the safety to grow as they will. I'm spending a lot of time instilling good habits and morals and just talking and listening with them. All that other stuff will come in due time, but don't be fettered by some curriculum's idea of a timeline. Did you know the difference between a Monet and a Picasso at age 7 and did it really matter at age 7? At age 16 yes, maybe. Again IMHO. I just know when I backed off and went more relaxed everyone was happier and they're doing fine.
Hang in there!
cm4
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JodieLyn
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Any place I'm gonna be seeing a monet or picasso will have a nice plaque om the wall telling me what it is anyway
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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mooreboyz
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Sarah,
I found some interesting info about age 7 through some Waldorf research I've been doing over the past 6 months or so. It seems that this time which comes at the same time as them losing their baby teeth is a very big transitional year emotionally. It is at this time when they begin to live in their "self" more and where they start taking things more personally. There are lots of interesting articles on the web, but this is all I could find quickly:
waldorf
I found my 7 yr old son crying at the drop of a hat not much after his bday and I was bewildered as he had always been so joyous and tough. This helped me to make sense out of it and I wished I would have known this with my older 2. I find giving him more snuggles and focused alone time from time to time really helps. I actually talked to him about how this is a big growing up year for him and that it isn't easy.
Waldorf suggests readings that work well with this age and other curriculum if you're interested. Here is also a book I think your daughter would enjoy...you read a section to her each day:
wonder book
Also, it is easy to get really eager to teach lots to your oldest...I did it. Try to relax about it and enjoy it more. Focus more on teaching her to love learning and less on memorizing this and that...it will all come .
Take care!
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Jackie
7 boys - 1, 4, 7, 10, 13, 15, 17 years
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KC in TX
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JodieLyn wrote:
| Any place I'm gonna be seeing a monet or picasso will have a nice plaque om the wall telling me what it is anyway |
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That is true, isn't it? We have so much we want to teach our children that we tend to put too much pressure on ourselves.
I have a 7 year old like this as well. For us, it was piano. She whined and cried saying it was too hard yet when the piano teacher had her play, she did perfectly fine. It must be a 7 year old thing.
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acystay
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cornomama4 wrote:
The old saying "less is more" could really come into play here. Yur dd is also probably feeling the fact that she's not a little kid anymore, and this may be scary. By acting like a baby (whining) she may be showing you that she still needs the comfort of a no-pressure enriched learning environment.
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I wanted to agree with cornomama! She had so much good to say in her post! My 7 year old (will be 7 at the end of the month) basically broke down at the begging of our schooling this year. I just couldn't take it and sent her to room b/c I was so frustrated. I finally went in and said I was sorry but that I needed to know what the problem was. It took her a bit of time, but it finally came out that she was worried she would fail or mess something up and make a mistake. I was putting so much pressure on her to succeed and get all this knowledge in. To be honest I didn't think we were doing that much. Anyway, then I just backed off completely. I would do things from time to time when she would ask for it, but nothing to structured. I may have suggested how about math, or let's try this new way to do spelling. I got her a brain quest workbook and said you can do this anytime, but you have to do some of it.
It was very hard to do this. Really not much lesson teaching was going on. Just life in a sprinkled in lessons. I've now gone back okay, school is now at 10. You do what you want until 10 and then we do "school". So much better. I take time with things. So, we are spending a long time with Story of the World. We have only gotten to Egyptians in the ancient world and have had this series since September. She does some math and reads a ton (mostly at night). One thing I had to let go of too was to realize that learning in the home environment can happen ANYTIME. I let her do math while I am making dinner sometimes. Or have her start spelling work.
I guess I'm just letting you know that the more you let go (just a bit) you will find that the relaxed environment will change. Take a break. Really enjoy things right now. Take a week and bake and have tea and read and do crafts. How about when you are listening to Laura you do some hand sewing (make a simple quilt square) or teach her knitting. Yes, my daugther knits! She does it in the car. In fact today I have to read Laura and suggested last night she read. Or have her do water color painting to classical music and tell her who it is. Have you ever heard of Classical Kids ? My son (now 5) loves Tchaikovsky. They are CD's with a story and the music is woven into the story. He can tell we are listening to Tchaikovsky music now when we don't have that CD in.
Sorry I said a lot and hope that this helped.
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Connections
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Sarah-
Follow your instincts! I can SO relate to your many schedules. I have DS 7 and 6 and I do the same exact thing!
Sometimes, I feel like I am reading so much and gathering so many ideas that I do not take time to actually see what works for my children!
I try and focus on the love of learning and the value of play right now. I add skills work but even that I am willing to change/postpone if it is making my sons miserable. At this age (and in my humble opinion), it simply is not worth it.
You said what you were doing worked wonderfully (I even remember you posting about this early in the year!). By all means, go back to it. There is a great deal of pressure (most of which we put on ourselves) to do more. When things are going well it seems logical to add one more thing, doesn't it? Well, maybe. But, if adding one more thing has changed the entire process (from enjoyable to miserable), I say go back to what works.
I am always reminding myself that we have SO MUCH TIME. Truly, I cannot think of any academic things that they have to learn right now. So many people say that when the time is right children learn things almost effortlessly. There must be something to this (learning problems aside).
One thing you might want to do (if you are still worried about the history, etc.) is to use Cay's A Picture Perfect Childhood and simply read aloud the books from the Children's Story Hour. No narrations. Just enjoy the stories.
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Tracey
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Sarah M
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Great ideas, great encouragement. Thank you all! Classical kids CD's- I have a few, but we haven't listened to them  - sounds like a great ideas for a rainy afternoon. And knitting. Of course. We started our year with knitting, but got so busy doing "schoolwork" that knitting (and baking, and clay modeling, and fun in general) went by the wayside. No more!
I talked with dd today and told her exactly what Jennifer suggested- that what we were doing was just not working for us. We were trying to put on tight leather boots, and instead- we're going back to fuzzy slippers. You should have *seen* the look on dd's face when I told her I'm putting the workbooks in her cubby, and she can work on them if/when she wants, but she doesn't have to. Utter relief. Today, we're baking. She wants to try a recipe she wrote (one part butter plus one part sugar plus whip cream, all stirred together... pray for me ) and we're going to whip up some pumpkin muffins. Cooking/baking are her favorite activities. Then maybe we'll play a board game or two (another favorite activity) and then just have free time today. I'm going to spend the rest of our week just "de-toxing" from schooling. Then, next week, we'll get back into our gentle, lovely OM lessons which we loved so much back in September. We'll spend lots of time snuggling on the couch, reading aloud, and I'll make a better effort to get us outside every day, rain or no rain. I'm going to re-read The Heart of Learning (one of the OM teacher guides)- it's one of my favorites about slowing down and proceeding slowly. I just need to keep pulling it out at various times of the year for a reminder, I think.
I can't believe how much less stressed our home is today. Thank you all so much for your prayers and your help. I think I was on the fast track to burnout.
Tracey- you are so right. When things are going well, we think: maybe we should add something more? When things are enjoyable, we think "this must be too easy"! I wonder how many times it'll take to cycle through: pleasant > adding more activities/school > freaking out> burnout> going back to what worked originally, before I learn my lesson!
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Sarah M
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Jackie- thanks for the article. I printed it out and hope to read it later today with a cup of coffee.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: child gets easily frustrated----help!
