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Becky J
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| Posted: Jan 08 2009 at 6:46pm | IP Logged
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I see there was some discussion of this topic a few months back, but I want to revive it by honing on a few aspects of this issue.
I am increasingly drawn to the parenting perspectives that argue "you must train your children to do what you say the first time you say it, and you must train them not to question what you tell them to do".
But I am concerned about the argument (as put forth in Greg Popcak's "Parenting with Grace") that we don't actually *want* our children to be blindly obedient to authority.
Is that true? It seems to me that as Catholics, we are indeed supposed to be "blindly obedient" to what God tells us to do through the teaching authority of the Church. God doesn't "coddle" us or try to work with our particular "needs" and cajole us into obedience. He, through the Church, lays down the law and we have to follow it on pain of mortal sin. Sure, there are some commandments that do involve a degree of choice (e.g., we must attend Sunday Mass, but we have options for times, liturgical styles, rites, etc.) However, it seems that the real sticking points for most Catholics are the issues about which there is no choice. (E.g., no contraception is allowed, period.) If we want our children to grow up to be good Catholics, don't we have to train them for "blind obedience"?
Maybe the key is to train them to discern which authorities deserve their blind obedience -- i.e., their parents, the Church, possibly their teachers (based on how trustworthy they are) -- and which do not -- i.e., the State?
I would really appreciate other moms' perspective on this matter.
Thank you!
Becky J
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Lori
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| Posted: Jan 08 2009 at 7:04pm | IP Logged
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I am by far no expert on the matter, but it has always been my humble  opinion that obedience to parents was a precursor to obedience to God, like a training ground/example. Like learning to be faithful in the little things so you can be trusted with the big things?
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Bridget
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| Posted: Jan 08 2009 at 7:09pm | IP Logged
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When they are young, you really need blind obedience. No amount of explaining is going to make them 'get' why the family must be out of the house at such and such a time and to accomplish that they must have their teeth brushed and jacket on by yet another time.
When they are young you just train for obedience. Cheerfully. See virtue threads. 
As they get older, they can begin to understand how the pieces of daily routines, family life and faith fit together. By adolescence, explanations make sense and you have a strong heart bond with your child. They begin to see the broad picture. They are co-operative out of love and understanding.
We all need to understand WHY the Church teaches what She does. We are constantly called to learn. Teens, especially are ready for apologetics in the faith and your reasoning behind other life decisions.
So it's not either/or. It's slowly moving with your child from one appropriate approach to another.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 08 2009 at 8:16pm | IP Logged
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The Church does not demand blind obedience. You're welcome to ask why. Blind obedience would be doing something without being able to ask why.. now you may still be required to do something whether you agree or not but you can ask why and get an explanation of the reasoning.
Some people I know want their children to be obeying before they will discuss why. Simply that the child must obey but the parent is still willing to help the child understand.. but NOT as a way for the child to delay obedience.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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dawn2006
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| Posted: Jan 08 2009 at 9:31pm | IP Logged
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Bridget wrote:
When they are young, you really need blind obedience. No amount of explaining is going to make them 'get' why the family must be out of the house at such and such a time and to accomplish that they must have their teeth brushed and jacket on by yet another time.
When they are young you just train for obedience. Cheerfully. See virtue threads.
As they get older, they can begin to understand how the pieces of daily routines, family life and faith fit together. By adolescence, explanations make sense and you have a strong heart bond with your child. They begin to see the broad picture. They are co-operative out of love and understanding.
We all need to understand WHY the Church teaches what She does. We are constantly called to learn. Teens, especially are ready for apologetics in the faith and your reasoning behind other life decisions.
So it's not either/or. It's slowly moving with your child from one appropriate approach to another.
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I agree with all of this. My oldest is only six (almost 7) but I already see the wisdom in Bridget's post playing out in our own house.
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Dawn Farias | wife to Ariel | mom to Gabriel 9, Daniel 7, Elizabeth 5, and Michael 3 | blogger at Be Absorbed | native Texan but currently living near Seattle
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: "First time obedience" revisited
