| Author | |
glinNC
Forum Pro
Joined: May 09 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 206
|
| Posted: Nov 07 2008 at 9:07pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
Can anybody share a secret they have learned to tame a strong-willed 6yr old boy?? This child is very willful ... he can be willfully loving and helpful, or he can be willfully disobedient and hurtful. (I pray he's not bipolar!  )
What do you do to make him WANT to obey all the time? I have techniques that work *sometimes* ... and sometimes he knows there's nothing I can do at certain times, like during Mass. Today, he wouldn't get off the kneeler and come sit by me. (He was distracting the lady near to us.) I had to tell him about 5 times and practically drag him by his shirt  before he got close enough to me to allow me to tell him that he wasn't acting properly.
I lay down the expectations before Mass and before we go to any function at which he has some free reign. He tends to just go off and do what he wants, and I'm going crazy looking for him.
I would love any suggestions you may have on dealing with a child who is so independent. I know he'll be a good leader some day, but he needs to learn to be obedient and civil first!
Thanks in advance!
glinNC
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Kristin
Forum Pro
Joined: April 03 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 317
|
| Posted: Nov 07 2008 at 10:10pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
A book that we have found to be very helpful is Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child by Robert J. MacKenzie, Ed.D.
Our son is five and we have had quite a journey up to this point. This book is one of the only ones that we've seen that hit the nail on the head for us. I'm really starting to see a turn-around and all I can do is breathe a sigh of relief!
Prayers and hope you find some answers, soon!
In Christ,
__________________
Bunch 'o Honey to my Honey Bunch and Mama to five - Noah 10y  , Rose 8y  , Dominic 2.5 y  , Oliver 16m 
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SallyT
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 08 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2489
|
| Posted: Nov 10 2008 at 2:57pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I'd love to hear answers, too. You could be describing my 6yo. I definitely don't think he's bipolar, or ADD, or anything like that: just very independent. The kind of kid who will look at you while you're giving him instructions, all the while thinking, "When she stops talking, I'm going to go do what I'd planned to do all along, before she interrupted me . . . "
I really try to reward the good behavior, as much as punishing the bad. My oldest daughter is also quite strong-minded -- it IS a good trait in a teenager -- and with her, I was and am most successful when I can figure out ways for us to work together towards something, rather than setting us up to adversaries. Failing that, I revoke cherished privileges, to drive home that failure to cooperate with me when I need cooperation is going to redound to the non-cooperator's sorrow. (this is the ONLY reason I permit my 6yo to play a hand-me-down Gameboy . . . taking it away, as we recently did for a week for some, um, reluctance to get with the program, really did result in some excellent behavior for a while. I keep hoping it'll become a habit).
I'm actually really glad somebody posted this, because I was starting to think I had the only 6yo on the planet who -- well, in our case it's going up to get a blessing from Father at Mass. You'd think Father was going to brand him with a red-hot iron or something. He's not afraid of Father -- we've had him over for dinner, and Ben loves him as much as the rest of our kids do. But -- man. I'm so tired of having him (my son, not Father) trying to duck behind me when I'm about to receive, and getting tangled up in my feet when I genuflect . . . Again, I recall that when my oldest headstrong daughter was the same age (we were Anglican at the time), she used to march up to the rail with her hands clapped over her forehead so that the priest couldn't give her a blessing . . . and now she goes to Confession weekly and is totally devout, so these things don't necessarily determine the course of someone's future faith life. It's just the present recalcitrance that I tire of . . .
Sally, also in NC
__________________
Castle in the Sea
Abandon Hopefully
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Elena
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 13 2006
Location: Ohio
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 592
|
| Posted: Nov 10 2008 at 3:57pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
If possible, get him into a swimming class and/or age group swim team program. Nothing takes the fight out of a strong willed boy like an hour or so in the pool!
(and my strong-willed pool boy ended up competing at the high school level, making it to Sectionals for three years and now is in EMT training - so all is not lost!)
__________________
Elena
Wife to Peter, mom of many!
My Domestic Church
One Day at a Time
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
glinNC
Forum Pro
Joined: May 09 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 206
|
| Posted: Nov 10 2008 at 7:32pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I do engage the kids in many physical activities throughout the day to ensure that they get the energy release they need!
I have pulled out my Children's Book of Virtues and will work from that on the character traits of obedience and cheerfulness. I am going to make a chart, too, to try to form the habit and nix the occasional negative willfullness!
Glad to know I'm not alone!
glinNC
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
onemoretracy
Forum Pro
Joined: Aug 03 2006
Location: Georgia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 329
|
| Posted: Nov 11 2008 at 3:46pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have a strong willed 9 yr. old. We seem to go in and out of phases, IYKWIM. I have seen the good phases get longer and the ugly ones get shorter over the years, so take heart! I remind myself that the willfulness and determination he has can be such virtues for him later in life if he is formed properly now. I have reminded often he is 'to use his powers for good, not evil'
One thing that works for him is positive attention. He loves to be given a responsiblity that is slightly difficult and then to be praised for it. He thrives on words of encouragement. When I am negative it seems to makes things worse, it can spiral out of control. This is not easy, but I have learned if I can do this, my life will be easier in the long run!
I am not talking about empty praise though. I try to tie the praises in with a specific virtue he has shown. When I see his behavior going downhill, I offer words of encouragement towards the opposite virtue. Like if he is being rowdy at inappropriate times i will try to focus him back on self-discipline etc...
I know your son is only 6 and you are probably exhausted by his will already!  Take heart though and keep on persevering bc these kinds of boys can become amazing, strong men if we just keep on them.
__________________
Tracy
DH Lee
DS Jake-10
DS Ryan-9
DS Luke-6
DD Laine-6
DD Mary Clare-3
DD Sara (Dec.6 '08)
My Blog
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mary G
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5790
|
| Posted: Nov 11 2008 at 4:14pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Gosh -- all I have are STRONG-WILLED kids, of both sexes ... and it gets really ugly when they all decide to stand their ground at the same time  . But, honestly, I think my almost 6 yos is the toughest nut so far -- part of it is attitude picked up from the older siblings 
I don't have any words of wisdom ... I just try to channel the energy to better choices; problem is that I'm a "screamer" so it can get pretty loud around here at times. One thing that works great with the younger 3 is cuddle-time ... rather than getting mad at them I try to take a deep breath and cuddle and hug and kiss 'em until the fight is gone.
__________________
MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Strong-Willed Boys!
