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Servant2theKing
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| Posted: Oct 13 2008 at 2:53am | IP Logged
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Our daughter just learned she's expecting twins! Her youngest will be 15mo (if she makes it to her due date)!
She has already tried to search online for tips and wasn't able to find very much that seemed helpful. Could any of you mothers of twins or multiples please share your survival tips for those early weeks and months? Are there any books on carrying and raising twins that you found really helpful?
What items did you most need duplicates of and which could you manage with only one (for instance, did you use a single crib and co-sleep the babies? If you were limited with space, what duplicate items would you consider indispensable for caring for twin infants with a very young toddler?
What kind of help from others was most beneficial?
What tips can you share for family routines that might make life a little less challenging.
I'm hoping you ladies can share some of your wealth of knowledge and experience to encourage her during this blessed time!
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mavmama
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I suggest googling for a Mothers of Multiples club near her. When my girls were toddlers I belonged to one, and the support offered was wonderful. HTH
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Liz
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Becky Le
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I can mail her a copy of the book "When You're Expecting Twins, Triplet or Quads". It is full of information specific to mulitple pregnancies that I found very helpful.
I also second the recommendation to find a NMOTC group BEFORE the babies are born. The women I've met and made friends with through my local club have been an immeasurable blessing in my life.
Lastly I found support and advice on the Twins Magazine message board.
As for your more specific questions: In the bedroom we used a fullsize Arms Reach Cosleeper for the twins to sleep in together and on the main level we used a pack and play for napping and later for "playing". We had 2 swings and 2 bouncy seats but only one exersaucer. If I had to choose between swings and bouncies with a 15 month old I would choose the swings to get the babies up off the floor and away from the toddler's curious hands.  We also LOVED gumdrop pacifiers which the babies got used to in the NICU. Oh, and 2 boppies are absolutely essential!
Help from others: Having people bring meals and having my mom around to help keep the house tidy and the other kids happy was the absolute BEST thing. It was so important for the older kids to be able to maintain their routine while we all adjusted to life with the babies, particularly while they were still in the hospital.
For us, sanity depended on routine. (And I know strict AP types won't love this advice so bear with me, lol!) The babies came home from the NICU on a sleeping and feeding schedule and we kept that schedule up once they were home. They still, at a year old, eat and sleep on the same schedule. IMO, if you try to feed multiples on demand you will find yourself feeding and diapering all day long. If they are your first kids, or your other kids are older, this may work, but with a busy 15 month old at home it's unlikely she will have the time or energy to feed all day and night. It's ok to let the twins be on a schedule. They won't be any less loved or attached!
Lastly I would just say that the biggest thing about having twins is adjusting your own expectations. You sometimes have to let a baby cry while you change the other. You sometimes have to hold one a little more than you hold the other. You are not going to be able to treat them the way you treated your sigleton because there are 2 of them. You can't let that guilt tear you apart.
Congratulations to you and your daughter. Having twins is an AMAZING experience. There is nothing like getting twice the smiles, twice the hugs and twice the love. 
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Becky, loving wife to Chris and mom to Stephen (11/99), Elizabeth (04/01), Catherine (08/04), Natalie & Samantha (10/07)
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MarilynW
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| Posted: Oct 13 2008 at 12:26pm | IP Logged
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I say a resounding Amen to most of what Becky said - especially regarding routine ( I had NICU babies) and also getting used to a baby crying. It was hard to get used to the fact that one would always cry while I was feeding or bathing or changing the other.
In terms of space and equipment - we had a very small space when our twins were born. I had them in the same bassinet at first as they were so tiny. Then the same crib. But as they grew I did have them in separate cribs as they would disturb each other. I would go with 2 bouncy seats - but I am not over keen on swings. A good double stroller and baby carrier so mom can go for a walk with all 3 children. I coud never wear both babies together - never managed - so would wear one and have the toddler and other twin in the stroller.
Some help would be great - my dad would come in the evenings at the "witching hour" and hold one of the twins while I had the screaming other one. I also appreciated anyone who would give a lot of time to my toddler so she did not feel left out.
I too suggest having a diapering, feeding and sleeping station on every level.
I will write more as I think of of other things.
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juststartn
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My twins (identical twin boys) are now 17mos old...wow...17mos...how did that happen???
Anyway, sorry for that tangent...lol
I'd suggest a couple of things to start doing right now.
First of all, start making freezer meals NOW. If that means doubling each meal and putting one into the freezer, do it. Make sure that the pantry is well stocked. If she's planning on using cloth diapers, start buying them now (same with disposables).
Are these identical, or fraternal? These days, the drs are pulling identicals at 34-35 wks, due to placental function issues (at 34-35 wks is when they get to a total of 10ish lbs, and the generally accepted "max" a placenta can handle well--at least according the MFM specialist I had)--my boys were induced at 34w1d, and weighed 4#11o, and 5#2o at delivery...
CHances are, she will be on some form of bedrest. Hard enough with no other dc, but with an active toddler, she's really going to have her hands full. I'd suggest seeing if there is a hsing teen in the area, or maybe an at-home woman of older years nearby (maybe in the parish) that they could trust to come and help out when/if that happens...(I was put on bedrest--strict, but modified---2 hrs vertical, tops, each day, from 26 wks til I delivered). I'd recommend getting any and all nursery preps done asap (I got the bedroom painted just before they put me on bedrest). Do not plan any longdistance travel after about 20ish weeks on....
Hmmm...after they were born, the boys were in the NICU for 2 wks (actually, they spent most of that time in the "Intermediate Care Nursery", but it all goes under the NICU label). I pumped like a mad woman, since I wasn't able to stay at the hospital all day long (I had three other littles, and a DH who had to go back to work 3 days after I got back from the hospital). This naturally interfered with their nursing ability and we had to go to formula for them...
Clothes--you'll need alot of little bitty onesies. And socks. In the summer (this summer, last summer I was too paranoid and they were very tiny still), we rarely put clothes on them--only if we were going out. We do have plenty of clothes for them. I'd recommend as few "outfits", and get those coordinating pieces...we have a gazillion pairs of khaki shorts/pants, jeans, overalls, etc, and lots of teeshirts/onesies...
As far as equipment. Oh, the swings were indispensible. The boys had preemie reflux issues--reflux apnea was a biggie. So I had them sleep in their swings/car seats for months. They then moved to their own bassinets....They never slept together (by the time they got out of the danger zone for the apnea/reflux, they then started exploring each other--usually with their fists!). They are in separate cribs now (have her check out craigslist, consignment shops, etc)...we got a double dresser at a yard sale. LOADS of crib sheets and waterproof pads for them. We didn't use boppies, so that was something I didn't need/want...
We were in a small house with a goodly number of people and stuff--fortunately we have since moved to a MUCH bigger house with storage buildings...ahhhh...
But we are still going thru all of the "stuff"...
Things I didn't use...proppers. The exersaucer that was so valuable with my others, well, I would have needed two of them, and we had no space for them. Wipe/bottle warmers...hmmmm.....
Things I did find useful...two cribs. Two bassinets. Loads of crib sheets. Two swings. Two car seats (of course). Pacis...the hospital ones the boys got very used to--and only available in the hospital florist/gift shop  ....
I was REALLY REALLY glad that we had a stocked pantry and that I didn't need to go out and buy diapers and such--I had something like 1000 diapers when they were born...maybe it was 1500...a good bit, I know (I wasn't going to have much opportunity for grocery shopping after they were born--DH deployed to Iraq when they were 3 wks old, the day after their baptism, and about 1 wk after they came home from the hospital--and I had little/no help...).
HTH
Rachel
PS: oh, and because I am a goob and forgot to mention it, lol..
I LOVE my double stroller with the lock in car seats. Whew. LOVE IT. We have to use it when we all go to the store together--my oldest pushes it once the cart has gotten too full for her to manage...
As far as routines--they were on one when they came home from the hospital. I had spent enough nights up there (I'd go up for the after dinner/night-time visiting hours, and stay as long as I could), so I got well acquainted with how the nurses did things...which worked very well in maintaining a sense of "normal for them when we got them home And to "ditto" what one of the pp said, while you can "go with the flow" with one dc, with two--well, you'll be feeding and changing and feeding and changing non-stop 24/7. Because invariably, one baby would "like" to be on an opposing schedule--but that
is simply not workable with two wee ones, esp not with a toddler, as well...
We swaddled them alot, for quite a while. Those swaddle blankets were VERY useful for us--esp when we had someone in who wasn't swaddle familiar...
I'm sure I'll think of something else---I'm in the middle of hsing...lol
Rachel
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Angi
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It seems my advice will be different  .
First thing was to let go of the "I will never ____ " idea. I always said, "I will never use bottles/pacis/let my baby cry." Well, God gave me twins, who cried at the same time  , and one with a birth defect that prevented her from latching on. So, we used bottles for 6 weeks, and pacis for a year.
My dh's grandma came over weekly to do laundry and find the kitchen under the mess. She did this for over a year. This helped a lot.
We had a mother's helper come and play with my older girls (24 mos and 44 mos). She came daily, and I tutored her weekly in exchange.
We adapted the "squeeky wheel gets the oil method." Which ever twin was most upset, got our attention first.
We sat on the floor A LOT - mostly because dh and I both dropped a twin at some point (small falls, no injuries). And, when the floor, lay the twins on a blanket nearby while reading or playing with the older children.
We loved Mothering Multiples (so much so, that when LLLI was looking for models for the new edition - we are in it ).
We did not join the MoM group. Ours does not allow children at their meetings. As a nursing mom, I thought this was ridiculous.
The apmulitples yahoo group has a lot of good advice.
I hope some of this helps.
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Servant2theKing
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Ladies, thank you all for the wonderful and timely responses! Your tips have really encouraged my daughter (and me, since we are hundreds of miles away and I SO yearn to be able to help her during this blessed time). Becky, thank you for the title of the book you shared; my daughter already requested it from their library, along with about ten other books on twins or multiples that their library has...she told me she had seen the titles while searching for pregnancy books and had thought to herself, "Oh, I don't need those"! :)
Thank you all for your wonderful responses! You'll probably hear from me again as things unfold.
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onemoretracy
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I second all of the advice here. 
When my twins were born my older two were 2 and 3. I read all of the books and joined forums and groups etc...
After my twins were born and at home, I quickly adopted the "whatever works for us best" philosophy. We took our cues from our babies, but also from what our older boys needed and our own bodies as well.
Assure your daughter that what works for some families may not work in her home and remind her not to be too hard on herself if she plans to do things one way and that way just isn't working. I saw many of my twin mommy friends suffer from of guilt and dissapointment because things weren't going the 'way they were supposed to!' I felt it a bit too myself!
I planned on nursing, but my son was in the NICU for a week or so and my DD was so tiny it was difficult to keep her awake and the effort of nursing was often too much for her. I supplemented in the beginning, but kept offering the breast and thankfully they both became pretty much exclusive nursers and I ended up nursing them longer than my older two! The key is to be prepared to make adjustments. Flexiblity is a virtue!
Funny story: I have b/g twins and people had given me several sweet pink and blue jammies and gowns. For several nights I was vigilent about putting DD (my first DD!)in pink ones and DS in blue, but it didn't take too long until they were just going in whatever was clean! In the mornings I would correct it if I could (esp. if visitors were coming!) Before twins, I would never have ever considered putting a DS in a pink gown or jammies!
Also, we were not(and are still not) hard core schedule-y folks, but I did try to keep a routine where if one woke to nurse I would wake the other as well. I would try to nap them at the same times etc.. I think that was a life saver. She will need time for her other child and that routine will be so important to allowing that to happen.
Mothering twins is such a special gift from God. Congratulations to you both!
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Tracy
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Angel
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One of my three year old twins is playing "science doctor" and attempting to "fix" me with a pair of pliers right now, so I'm going to apologize beforehand for anything that sounds especially incoherent!
Anyway, I'm just going to second what everyone else has said, pretty much. I think your daughter is going to need one of those strollers that can handle two babies and a toddler altogether; my toddler was 2.5 yo when my twins were born, so he just walked beside the stroller, but *argh*! That was not always the best solution.
My twins slept in their car seats because they had some reflux. The car seats were invaluable in the house, though, because I would sit them down in their seats to feed them both at the same time. I had wanted so badly to nurse them, but it didn't end up that way. So I have to say that the MOST essential thing, I found, was not anything I bought, but just an attitude -- basically, that it was all about survival. I really had to work on myself, too, because my natural inclination is to think I can do everything myself, and it was hard to accept help from people. But with three that young, you really, really need to accept any and all offers of help. Food is great, clothes are great ( you will probably need more than you think), help with the LAUNDRY is wonderful!!!
And just expect life to be really chaotic. For many years.
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Angela
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Tonya
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I am a little late posting this but I wanted to chime in! Having twins is one of the most wonderful blessings a family can have. I can say that now because my twins are nine years old! Please tell your daughter to be gentle with herself, both emotionally and physically. My biggest help when I had my twins was a friend who had had twins herself. No one can really understand what you are going through except another mother of twins. I had always thought that I was a person who was very organized and efficient. I needed to be humbled and I was! Chaos reigns when you have twins and other small children. It is hard to discipline the toddler when you are trying to tandem nurse twins. But this phase passes so quickly (and due to lack of sleep you don't remember much!) The joy that my twins boys give us is incredible. They are each other's best friends and confidants. There isn't a day that I do not thank God for them (they are our youngest children).
I guess that I am trying to say that having twins is hard. Your daughter will have difficult days. Don't let her get down on herself when that happens. It does get better. Much, much better!
Tonya
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MarilynW
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Tonya wrote:
Having twins is one of the most wonderful blessings a family can have. I can say that now because my twins are nine years old! The joy that my twins boys give us is incredible. They are each other's best friends and confidants. There isn't a day that I do not thank God for them.
I guess that I am trying to say that having twins is hard. Your daughter will have difficult days. Don't let her get down on herself when that happens. It does get better. Much, much better!
Tonya |
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Tonya - I could have written all of the above - I too have 9 year old twin boys!
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Marilyn
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Servant2theKing
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Thank you all so much for the continuing encouragement and words of wisdom. We found a double stroller for her the other day (an Evenflo Snap n Go, the kind that holds car seats), and a used crib that matches the one they already have. St. Anthony has been very helpful! She found an infant car seat that matches the one they already have. We were able to purchase six books on twins from our library bookstore and my daughter was able to request numerous books on twins from their library.
The advice about being flexible and going with the flow is already coming into play as the 3-D ultrasound they had her scheduled for last week never happened and she made an hour long trip for nothing. Thankfully, our daughter is pretty even-tempered and simply took it in stride, trusting that perhaps the Lord was protecting them all from a negative experience.
Considering much of what has been shared here we have decided to have one of our teenage children stay with our daughter's family during the final part of her pregnancy, so she will have extra help, round the clock if needed. Our daughter helped care for her much younger siblings during their early years and now they are being blessed with the opportunity to help her...it's beautiful how God allows family love to go full circle.
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onemoretracy
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Servant2theKing wrote:
| Our daughter helped care for her much younger siblings during their early years and now they are being blessed with the opportunity to help her...it's beautiful how God allows family love to go full circle. |
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Gosh, this makes me teary eyed. How beautiful! I know that will be such a help to her and her husband.
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Tracy
DH Lee
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DS Ryan-9
DS Luke-6
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DD Mary Clare-3
DD Sara (Dec.6 '08)
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Topic: Survival Tips for newborn Twins with 15mo
