4Real Forums: adult, dependent children

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Topic: adult, dependent children

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LLMom
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Joined: Feb 19 2005
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Posts: 995

Posted: Oct 09 2008 at 5:08pm \| IP Logged

Can we discuss how to treat your adult, dependent (i.e. still living at home, being supported) children? Do you have certain rules or expectations? Such as letting you know what time they will be home, going to Mass, etc?

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Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
homeschooling ideas

joann10
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Joined: Feb 10 2007
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Posts: 3493

Posted: Oct 09 2008 at 9:06pm \| IP Logged

I have two adult kids living at home, but they both have full time jobs. They both are required to help support the family. My oldest pays the monthly car insurance bill. The next oldest gives us $50.00 a week for gas for the 15 passenger van-they both also maintain their own cars. I used to have them pay a little money to me weekly for groceries and such, but with our budget getting tighter and tighter it works much better to have them pay for specific things.

They are expected to follow "house rules". They always let me know where they are and about what time they will be home--even if it is at 3a.m.

They are certainly expected to attend Mass, not necessarily with us, but according to their own schedules.

This has been working for these two kids for the past few years. My newest "adult" has decided to spread his wings and lives in a nearby city--nearer to his girlfriend. He is supporting himself. He does always meet us at church and then spends Sundays with us and usually one other evening a week.

chrisv664
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Joined: Feb 22 2005
Location: New York
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Posts: 324

Posted: Oct 10 2008 at 7:45am \| IP Logged

I have two daughters, 18yo and 20yo, attending college full-time and living home. They don't pay rent, but they cover their own car repairs, gas, clothing and entetainment expenses. Occasionally, I give someone gas $, but not too often. I view having them live here as our contribution to their college expenses...in other words, they don't have to take out bigger loans to pay room and board at school.
As far as rules go... I expect common courtesy, such as letting us know where they are going, and when they will be home, and whether they will be home for dinner. They both help with babysitting the younger siblings if needed. Mass is required, although our oldest dd sometimes gives us a hard time. I feel it is important for the younger siblings to see that going to Mass does not become optional at a certain age. Our house rules, such as boyfriends are only allowed in public areas of the house and those types of rules still apply, for sure.

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Chris
Loving Wife of Dan and Mom to Kate, Jessica, Ben,
Rebecca, Thomas and Hannah
Burning The Candle At Both Ends

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