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Basia
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| Posted: Sept 15 2008 at 6:36pm | IP Logged
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Hi,
I have just recently found out that I am pregnant again. I have a 10 month old baby boy so, when the next baby arrives my son will be around 18 months old. I was wondering if I could get some advice on how to prepare for having two under two. How can I prepare my son for the next baby to minimize jelousy, and how do I organize myself so I can manage on a day to day basis once the baby is here. Thanks!
Basia :)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Sept 15 2008 at 7:14pm | IP Logged
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Honestly, my closest together have the least problems with jealousy..
I also don't push such a young one out of being a baby. We don't do "now you have to be the big brother" or anything else along those lines.. but I still call the older child my baby until they object (and they all do  and we talka bout how lucky we are to have TWO babies.. a new baby and the older baby.. Small ones love babies.. and the baby itself is the best gift.. so I don't bother with that whole.. you have to give the older sibling a gift when the baby comes home and such like you have to buy their acceptance of the baby.
The big thing is usually protecting the baby from the older sibling that isn't old enough to have any sense  We got a nice solid wood LOW cradle here because other wise I know I'd find the toddler pulling on or climbing up into a higher one or a bassinett or anything anyway.. and this cradle can hold *my* weight so if an older child crawls in.. nothing is going to break and they're not going to tip it over either.
I would work a lot of teaching gentle touch before the baby is there that way when you show the baby you can direct the toddler with "gentle touch" and they'll already know what you mean.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Sept 15 2008 at 11:36pm | IP Logged
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ditto what Jodie said.
My first two were 17 mo apart and second two were 15 months apart. With each, the fifth-tenth days, they were more whiny than usual....but after that, they're too young to be jealous.
It's more the challenge of having two "babies" and what that means logistically.
We did lots of practicing with the gentle touch thing too. Using the same phrases over and over.
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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Rachel May
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| Posted: Sept 16 2008 at 6:17am | IP Logged
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What they said. 
I would also say have enough basic equipment. I have 2 changing tables, a good single and a good double stroller
plus something to wear small babies on the front and bigger ones on the back (not at the same time)...the splurge is the double jogger. At one point we had 3 cribs and 2 pack and plays. We don't have lots of fun baby extras, but we do fine with reliable basics. We are still using some things we bought with the twins.
Congratulations!
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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RamFam
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| Posted: Sept 16 2008 at 12:29pm | IP Logged
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In anticipation of having two boys 16 months apart, I planned for the worst. When I finally had baby none of the things I had been worrying about even came into play. So I was stressed out over nothing. In fact the love and joy multiplied! But we did invest in a couple of double strollers and baby carriers and we tried to baby both babies appropriately.
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Leah
RamFaminNOVA
Tom ^i^, Kyle (my Marine), Adeline '00, Wyatt '05, Isaac '07 Philip '08,Michael '10, and John Xavier Feb '13
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Basia
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| Posted: Sept 16 2008 at 6:21pm | IP Logged
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Thanks for the suggestions. I will definetly begin preparing this baby by teaching him the gentle concept. I guess I am worried about the logistics of having two under two. We have already invested in a pram for two children. We knew we would be having more than one child. Also, I have a baby sling for the first few months, and then I am going to be using the Baby Bjorn sling. My biggest concerns are things such as occupying the toddler while I am breastfeeding the baby and other general day to day tasks.
Basia
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mary theresa
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| Posted: Sept 22 2008 at 9:24am | IP Logged
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Hi Basia!
I had my second when my first was 21 mos, so very similar to you. It's rough. Sometimes very rough. It still is and they are 2.5 and nine months now. But it's a beautiful and fun time, nonetheless. I will share what things worked for me.
Like you and others said, A SLING! Seriously. I can shop with baby in the sling, take two to Mass with a sling, tide over a fussy baby in the sling, AND she sleeps in it!
Ideas on things that can occupy a toddler while you are breastfeeding a newborn:
Theseflashcards
Songs
Books (buy new ones and bring them out when the baby comes)
New toys that he hasn't seen before.
You can have the toddler sit next to you and talk about the books/flashcards, or sing to the baby.
Sometimes my toddler comes, sits in her rocking chair with her bear or doll and a blanket and "nurses" too.
Minimizing jealousy:
My daughter wasn't really jealous exactly, just really weepy. My mother-in-law gave me the great advice not to just try and give the older child some individual mommy time, though that is important, but try to really express to them that they are needed, by having them help you as much as you can stand it -- bringing diapers, wiping the baby's spit up, holding baby wipes and thanking them profusely/ giving lots of positive attention when they are helpful and gentle. If they start acting up alot, focus MORE on the the good moments. negative attention is still attention when that is what they are trying for, you know what I mean?
Maybe this is not you, so you can take it or leave it, but schedules save my sanity!
With two it is harder to keep to one and it takes longer to figure one out. But after I finally found one, I stick to it as much as I can. It helps ground me and the girls in what comes next, it has a calming influence and I really see the difference in all of our moods without a predictable schedule.
I don't know what your views on bedtimes are, but mine go down at 7pm. And babys can be gotten on a 7 pm bed time schedule by 2 or 3 mos, even if they are nursing at night (which of course I do). I didn't believe it till I tried it. But I am so grateful for this early bedtime now. Seriously, this really helps our marriage that we have these evenings together. Couple time is even harder with two than with one.
An easy meal idea for after the baby comes:
Fried Chicken
425 oven
melt 1 stick of butter in 9X13 pan
Add following to a baggie:
1/2 c of flour
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp of salt
1/4 tsp of pepper
Shake to mix.
Add boned pieces of chicken (however much your family eats) Shake to coat.
Place skin side down in melted butter.
Bake 30 min, then turn and bake 30 min more.
This is the easiest thing ever!
And freeze as many meals as you can! You'll want them well into the 3rd month
Oh, yeah, and the dinner rush with two:
A sling. Happy music. A baby gate. A movie!! A car seat carrier or something in which you can set the baby STRAPPED IN in your direct eyesight. A husband. Patience and a cool head. Mix and match as necessary.
Someone asked me once if there were things I wish I had done differently.
I wish I felt like I had really enjoyed the newborn time and really given my newborn an equal amount of focused attention that I gave my toddler, even though they can't ask for it and the toddler is badgering it out of me! Just holding the baby and doing other things isn't attention. I find that can be a danger for me with the sling. I can think I am giving her attention by having her in the sling . . . you know?
Congratulations and God bless you!
__________________
Mary Theresa
mother to 3 little girls --March '06, Dec '07 and Jan '10
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Preparing for Two under Two
