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DeAnn M
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| Posted: Sept 12 2008 at 4:13pm | IP Logged
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First of all, I know that this is a pride issue for me but I would just like to hear how some of you guys handle these situations.
I just had baby #6...he's 6 weeks old. The others are 10, 8, 5, 4, and 2. My 8-year-old's soccer coach is a very nice guy. He's the pastor of a Lutheran church here in town and has been Jake's coach for 3 years now.
My husband is helping out with coaching this year but also travels at least once every other week. Coach came up to me after practice one day and said, "Hey, I know you have your hands full so if you ever need help when Julian's out of town, I'd be happy to bring Jacob, or take him home from practices or games."
Part of me wants to jump at every offer for help I get but part of me...I suppose it's the prideful part... wants people to see that just because I have 6 kids does not mean that I am completely incapable, nor do I want people's sympathy for the, "burden" of having so many children.
Frankly, I am really bad at returning phone calls and e-mails...often because I know that as soon as I get on the phone everyone will need something and start screaming and when everyone is sleeping, the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone. I don't need to explain this to you guys. I"m sure most of you feel the same way. Because I am so bad, I am always apologizing for not returning a phone call right away. After the apology I usually get a kind but sort of biting response about how she totally understands and doesn't know how I have time to do anything with all of these kids. (Often times it's my mother who is not Catholic) Honestly, I'm working on it but I am not all of a sudden going to drop what I'm doing and answer the phone every time, nor am I going to just immediately be call everyone back within a perfect amount of time. That's just not the answer, although I know I need improve in this area.
Please forgive my ramblings but I hope you understand what I'm trying to say/ask.
How do you respond, in a pro-life/pro-large family way to such offers for help?
Also, how do you respond to:
Me: "I'm sorry it took me a while to get back to you."
Other person: "Oh that's O.K. I KNOW how hard it is for you to do anything with all of those kids."
Thanks for your responses. It's O.K. to tell me to get over myself, too. 
DeAnn
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Bridget
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| Posted: Sept 12 2008 at 4:23pm | IP Logged
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When someone offers help, respond by being truly appreciative. Heck, parents of one or two are grateful for carpooling help! Just say, 'That is so kind of you, I may take you up on it!' Then if you do need the help be sure to offer gas money. (or a batch of anything freshly baked goes over well with coaches  )
When you don't get back to someone in a timely manner, don't apologize, just be happy to talk to them and take care of whatever business you have with them. Be positive and cheerful! People generally respond well to an upbeat attitude.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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folklaur
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| Posted: Sept 12 2008 at 4:31pm | IP Logged
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Re: offer of help. Take them up on it if you need to. I had to last year quite often, while Davin was here in NV and I was in AZ - and I only have three kids. And, it is good for your kids to see that sometimes you need help too, that you can't do everything. It helps them see that it is good to be both the "offer-er" and "receiver."
Phone: I would just say, "got your message!" and not really apologize. I don't even turn my phone on in the AM anymore. Too distracting. Also, be sure not to read too much into their comments (especially hard when it is your Mom, I know) and also choose to be blissfully ignorant of any cutting remark they may make.
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LisaR
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| Posted: Sept 12 2008 at 4:43pm | IP Logged
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The only way my 9 y/o is able to play Club Travel soccer is because we rely heavily on others help. He is such a driven kid, and has played since he was five. We knew that we alone could not get him to everywhere he needed to be, with my dh working out of town on weekends, and me with at least 3 other kids activities.
Elizabeth Foss was my original insiration and encourager to find a few families Icould trust and give it a try.
to be honest, it has now given me the "courage" to simply ask people when I need help, (without explanation of how many kids I have, how busy we are, etc) and also to remember to offer to help carpool when I can.
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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chrisv664
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| Posted: Sept 12 2008 at 4:50pm | IP Logged
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I'm with Bridget and Laura.
If I may share an insight I had that helped me years back.. when my oldest was in elementary school and I had three littles at home she had a best friend who was one of two children.. younger brother by four years. What helped me accept the offers to bring my dd to the movies and out to lunch and bowling was: #1 she wasn't getting these things from me... I wasn't in the position to, so I was grateful she was getting to have experiences I couldn't provide.
And #2 is more important.. I felt that her friend was starving for the life we had.. lots of kids, noise, and a mom who wasn't breathing down their necks when she came over to play...She had many other people to worry about  ! Since then, I've always felt that when I need help from someone whose hands are "less full" than mine, I know there is something I have that they may be lacking and I can provide.. whether it is companionship for their lonely child among my own children, or something I've had the time to bake since I am at home, or just a listening ear when they need it.
Accepting some carpooling help is sensible. But if you still feel funny about it try and reciprocate in some way.
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Chris
Loving Wife of Dan and Mom to Kate, Jessica, Ben,
Rebecca, Thomas and Hannah
Burning The Candle At Both Ends
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Sept 12 2008 at 6:02pm | IP Logged
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I've been known to say.. "oh the kids are fine.. it's everything else that gets in the way" with a friendly laugh.
I've known the coaches and such around here are very helpful to anyone so I never feel like I'm being singled out as "needing help because of all those kids".. and I also extend that hand to others.. I have a 15 pass. van. I just suggested to my son's den leader at cub scouts that the 10 boys plus 5 adults would fit in my van and it could save a good bit in gas money for taking them on hikes and such.
And I think it's very sweet of the coach to offer. Do notice that he offers for when your dh is out of town.. and I don't know anyone who can't use the occational hand when their dh/dw are away.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Willa
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| Posted: Sept 13 2008 at 10:32am | IP Logged
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DeAnn, you put into words a very real situation. So many times people have excused me/dismissed me with "you have your hands so full," like it's a zoo around here.
It seems hard for a mom to accept help when she is worried it will only confirm peoples' suspicion that she is overwhelmed.
I usually did not ask for help and I tried not to *seem* needy but if help were offered that was really helpful -- transportation might be one thing -- I tried to accept it gratefully. After all, our faith teaches us that accepting help is no shame, and that it gives the helper a chance to do a work of mercy which in turn blesses that person.
Bridget's advice to accept cheerfully and be ready to pass on the blessing when you have a chance, seems great to me! A friend and I were just talking recently about how wise older people in each of our lives did significant favors to us and then told us that someday we would be able to do the same for someone else. It has turned out to be true.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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mary theresa
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| Posted: Sept 13 2008 at 2:31pm | IP Logged
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Willa wrote:
So many times people have excused me/dismissed me with "you have your hands so full," like it's a zoo around here.
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Gosh, I get this and I "only" have 2 kids. 
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Mary Theresa
mother to 3 little girls --March '06, Dec '07 and Jan '10
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: What Do You Do in These Situations?
