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Michaela
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Would anyone who has been there already, help me understand my oldest son?
He will be 12 on Monday.
This child has started crying so much. I don't understand it. If I was dealing with my daughters, when they are older, I would understand because I've been there.
Are boys overly emotional at the beginning stages of puberty? Crying is an understatement. His siblings can upset him and he storms off in tears. My DH is having a problem with it....I guess because of the way it looks (the stomping off and tears). DH said he doesn't remember his brothers or himself going through this. I don't like it either, but I'm trying to be understanding. DS is our oldest so we don't have anyone else to base our opinions of this age/stage on.
Is it a normal stage of puberty in boys?
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teachingmyown
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My oldest ds didn't behave like this. He just got mean at this age. My ds 10 (almost 11) has been reacting like this a lot lately. We have been having the same issues and feelings about his behavior.
Now to figure out how to "fix it"! 
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JodieLyn
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I am not there (yet!!) but I had some friends who have btdt. And I saved some things they have said..
Paraphrasing..
Yes the hormone changes can make them want to "yell or cry or kick things."
They have suggested that these feelings are there for a reason.. to give them the energy and desire "to work HARD...no more little boy work." that "God gave men these hormones and feelings to help them work hard to provide for their families and to be ready and prepared to defend their families if they need to."
And so their biggest suggestion was to provide the boys with hard physical work they can do.. productive work. Just "play" usually isn't that hard, pushing yourself type of work, but sports can be, running or push ups or sit ups can be done most anywhere and can be "hard work", yard work, scrubbing things, moving things.. doing things that leave them physically tired.
My oldest son is 10 and while I don't think we've really hit this just yet.. there are hints of it and I think that the hard work theory does work.. though perhaps it's twofold.. he's physically tired AND he's been given a "man job".
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KerryK
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My oldest will turn 12 in a couple of months. We've seen a lot of moodiness, sudden mood changes, snippy comments, complaining.... We use the "work with Dad" solution often. He initially doesn't want to do it, but it literally always helps his mood by giving him an outlet for his energy AND giving him some "man" time with DH.
I suspect for some it's tears and for others it's "attitude!"
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Vanna
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My oldest is almost 13 and we get the tears. I think different kids will react differently to the hormonal changes. I think my ds has a tendency toward the tears rather than anger or agressiveness because he is a more sensitive kid. Always has been.
I also notice that giving him a lot of "manly" stuff to do helps. He especially loves yard work, car upkeep and home maintenance with dad.
Michaela, I would say that he probably stomps off because he is also embarrassed by his outburst but doesn't know how to stop it.
I think it will just be a stage we have to muddle through. Prayers for us all. LOL
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PDyer
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Vanna wrote:
| My oldest is almost 13 and we get the tears. I think different kids will react differently to the hormonal changes. I think my ds has a tendency toward the tears rather than anger or agressiveness because he is a more sensitive kid. Always has been. |
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My son too, at a bit over twelve. I notice also he is particularly prone to tears when he's tired or overstimulated (he's an introvert). It's a process, I can see that already...
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crusermom
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One of my boys has had a particularly tough time. My husband relates how painful this time in his life was. Funny, I don't remember it being like that with my brothers - but maybe they were just really good at hiding it.
Sleep and healthy eating habits are important. My son likes to sneak the cokes and energy drinks when he is out. Then he can't sleep, then he is a basket case. Also, good friends. My son had one "friend who was a girl" from our parish - a homeschooler - who was very dark. I had to really limit their time together.
Most of all, I just give as much of my time as possible. It takes him about an hour to open up, so just a how is it going doesn't work. Sometimes there are things that are really bothering them and they are too embarrassed to bring them up.
I will keep him in my prayers.
Mary
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LisaR
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teachingmyown wrote:
| My oldest ds didn't behave like this. He just got mean at this age. |
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ditto, and now I have a 12 y/o son heading down the same path.
football and wrestling is working wonders for them both.
wow, are they ever exhausted after practicing up to 6 days a week.
it is interesting, because then in the spring (their "time off" from an aggressive like sport) we notice more moodiness...
dh gives them lots of outdoor chores, pushups, they lift weights together, etc....
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PDyer
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LisaR wrote:
| it is interesting, because then in the spring (their "time off" from an aggressive like sport) we notice more moodiness... |
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I notice a lot more moodiness when Matthew isn't swimming regularly.
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KC in TX
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Ugh! Can I just say this is a phase I'm not looking forward to? I can see it sprouting a bit in my oldest. His autism makes dealing with things so hard but I know that the hard, heavy work you all are championing will most likely work. I'm going to have to put up that chin up bar soon.
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nissag
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We got a combination of tears (mostly) and nastiness (occasionally). Physical work helped him, as well as giving him a responsibility that was exclusively his (feeding a turning out of the critters).
Another suggestion I would make is to ensure the boys are getting enough protein and calories. Their requirements jump as they hit puberty. Low blood sugar and hunger have been a big factor in troublesome behaviour. Their bones and muscles are also growing rapidly and need to be fed - and could also cause some discomfort and pain. That's sure to make anyone grumpy.
It is also an opportunity for us to grow and mature as we learn how to deal patiently with this very alien being that once was our baby. It's difficult and not a lot of fun, but unavoidable. And so I suppose we ought to at least try to be cheerful (she says while holding a handful of her own hair and grimacing).
Blessings,
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Martha
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my 13 yr old son is doing this.
he's tears aren't really whining cryingtears as much as tears of angry frustration.
things that bothered him before like an annoying little brother or not understanding the math problem would have made him a bit sour, but he'd have gotten over it fairly quickly.
now he puts his hands to his head and cries angrily.
yes, lots more physical activity and more responsiblity seems to be helping. he had been asking to make some money and we'd been less than thrilled with the idea, but he's really taken to it - gives him a strong sense of pride I suppose. And he spends several hours a days outside doing either long physical activity like biking or hard physical labor like tree trimming or digging post holes. the harder the work the more he seems to enjoy it and find peace in it.  I on the other hand feel terrible. It seems like such hard work for a kid, but dh has noted I shouldn't call him a kid anymore either. At least no in front of him.
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LisaR
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lots of protein/whole fruits and veggies really are a must. My 15 y/o and or 12 y/o often eat 32 oz each of Dannon plain yogurt in a day!, chicken breasts or a few scrambled eggs for snacks, etc.
I try to always have a high protein breakfast, and they also take Carlson's Cod Liver oil (lemon flavor) every day.
It IS very expensive to feed big and active boys, but I feel like it is worth it. they eat big whole carrots and sticks of celery too and those are cheap!!
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LisaR
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KC in TX wrote:
| I'm going to have to put up that chin up bar soon. |
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ours is in our Master bedroom doorway, and that is often how we wake up in the morning, with a boy or two taking turns on the chin up bar, and chatting with us about the day's plans...
I DO think my oldest has some sensory issues, and pushups (dh taught all the boys at an early age how to do one properly) never fail, even at age 15, to "ground" him...
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
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JodieLyn
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You know what's the weirdest thing about this whole having a boy big enough to do (and needs to do) hard work.. I'm having to give up the things I grew upp doing.. I ask him to do things rather than just do it myself. I grew up without brothers and with my grammy in the house so we'd do things like take over any "heavy" job that grammy might attempt.. taking out trash for instance. And my dh is a firefighter so often gone.. and now after so many years I have someone here who wants and needs to take over those jobs 
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Michaela
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I took your advise and had him mow the lawn today. He was beaming from being given the responsibility for the first time. We had noticably less tears and frustration.
My brother called while ds was mowing the lawn and I shared what has been going on. He told me that he had forgotten all about it, but he did the same thing. He reminded me of the times he would get so upset during games of kickball and just leave in tears with the ball. It felt so good to hear from you and my brother that it really is normal. Plus, I have the benefit of knowing my brother turned out just fine.
This isn't going to be a fun stage, but we'll get through it.  Since he is the oldest...this is all new territory for us.
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Michaela
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I wanted to add that it really reassured my ds this evening when I told him that his uncle went through the same thing.
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Bookswithtea
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Just wanted to reiterate the importance of physical work. My ds is 15 now, and I think I posted here when he was 12 because he just seemed so, well...not normal to me! I've since discovered all of this stuff...tears, or angry outbursts etc...are normal.
Keeping the protein high is also critical. I basically changed our entire way of eating to a higher protein diet and it really makes a difference.
Lisa, that's a lot of yogurt...and I thought we were going through a lot!
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Teakafrog
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Great thread! We're dealing with it too. Our DS just turned 12, and his problem is the anger. Once in a while he gets so mad he cries, but you can tell it's all anger.
The best thing we've found is consistency in discipline. DH really comes down on him when he gets that way, explaining that it was his choices that got him into the situation that he is angry about (ie, chose to not do homework, so got in trouble). DH doesn't let him take out his anger on any of us, for which I am thankful. He's almost as tall as me now, and all his years of karate make for one strong kid!
We're also upping the chores and responsibility, which seems to help some. We also explain often that as soon as we see responsible behavior from him, the sooner he will get more privileges.
And Dr. Ray is our hero. We fall back on the blackouts and essays whenever he gets bad, and that seems to put him back on track for awhile.
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D. Marie
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I agree with all the posts above, physical exercise and responsibility. My 11 y.o. is doing the same. My husband also says he reacted differenty, in the mean way. I think it has to do alot with personalities as well. My son is typically sensitive as it is, so the hormones just make it worse. When I notice he is starting to break down, I will excuse him to take a moment to calm down. Then we talk about control. It hasn't gotten any better, per se, but at least he isn't crying in front of anyone and storming off. He just walks off to find a quiet place to let it out. Best of luck!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Emotions of Boys in Puberty
