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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Nov 04 2005 at 6:07am | IP Logged
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My ds is not quite a teen - he's just 12 so I hope it is okay to ask this here. Our days have been rather unpeaceful this year because he is just about impossible to wake up in the morning! In the beginning of the year he and I talked and decided that the best time for us to work together is in the morning before the littles are awake or at least before they get "wound up". Well, this would be great in theory. The schedule works beautifully on paper. But, he wont get up!! Needless to say it is making me a little grumpy  in the morning. To add to the problem, when he does get up (whether that's on time or an hour later!!) he sits there like a zombie and it is obvious his brain is not functioning. I'm sure you can tell I'm quite frustrated with this. Anybody have any suggestions?
Becky
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Natalia
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| Posted: Nov 04 2005 at 6:52am | IP Logged
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I don't have any suggestions but I could've written your post, except that mine is a girl. At the beginning of the year we agree that she would set her alarm for 7:30 am. and that she would be ready to start school by 8:30. I thought one hour to make her bed, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth was more that enough. This arrangement was supposed to keep me from going into her room 20 times each morning to try to get her up. Well, it worked the first day  It is frustrating!!
What is your son bedtime? My dd is supposed to be in her room by 9:00 and lights out by 10:00. I have tried to get her to turn out her light earlier but the truth is that I can get her to turn out her light but I can't force her to go to sleep. My dh and I laugh because every night we can hear her going out of her room at least four time before she settles down.She is a night owl. I can't blame her. I am like that too.
All of that to say that I am looking forward to some ideas. Thanks for
posting Becky,
Natalia
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: Nov 04 2005 at 7:12am | IP Logged
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I first faced this problem about five years ago when we "adopted" a sixteen year old who was supposed to come to our house for school when he wasn't playing professional soccer. He got out of bed okay because he had to get to training, but he'd get home in the afternoon, graze through the kitchen and end up in the living room and fall asleep on the couch.  . At the time, I figured it was the physical strain of soccer...
Then, I had my own teenager. He played a lot of soccer too and he needed that power nap in the afternoon. With him, I remembered how hard it was for me to stay awake after lunch in high school. Though it didn't suit my schedule (I wanted to work with him when my little ones napped), I ended up letting him wake up in the morning when he wanted and nap when he needed. The only thing I insisted on was that he be in bed by 10. Now, he trains until 10 three nights a week, so even that has slid.
I can't get my 13 year old out of bed at all in the morning. As much as it's not me, I find myself working with him at night, after the littles are in bed. He's always been a night owl and now, he's sleeps HARD in the morning. When I complain about his late rising, he points out that Bobby and Michael took afternoon naps and that he never does that  .
Teenagers are growing the way toddlers grow. We don't think twice about a toddler who takes a hefty nap. IMO, teenagers need far more than 8 hours of sleep a night. I think it's a legitimate need for which we must plan. Unless we can get them in bed at eight o'clock every night  , we have to plan for a later morning or an afternoon nap. 
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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amiefriedl
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| Posted: Nov 04 2005 at 7:34am | IP Logged
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Becky,
I've also read that persons of the Melancholy temperament actually have a genuine need for more sleep. My ds is a melancholy and he has always been a hefty sleeper, even when he was a baby  . Of course, your sleeper may not be a melancholy, but I thought it worth a mention.
I also know a few other melancholy dominant adults and they admit they need lots more sleep than their spouses.
My choleric/sanguine dd4 actually sleeps 1-2 hours less a day than my ds7. Of course every couple of weeks she takes 3 hour powernap in the afternoon. HTH.
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Amie
Blessed with an awesome hubby and Mom of ds10, dd7, dd3 and dd 10months.
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Karen E.
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Yeah, I'm a melancholy, and I've always needed lots of sleep. My husband used to say (pre-children) that I was like a cat.
I have a just-turned 12 yo and she definitely needs lots of sleep and can be pretty hard to rouse in the morning. She's never been a morning person, and I'm also a night owl by nature, but with a little one who wakes up early, and having gotten into the habit of having early-morning prayer time with my husband before he leaves for work, I seem to lose out on both ends. 
Last year, I got the older girls up at 7:30 each day. This year, I'm being a bit more flexible, unless we have to be out of the house by a certain time in the morning. One of the beauties of homeschooling is being able to adapt our schedules to these kinds of things! I agree with Elizabeth that teens need tons more than 8 hours ... I think we have a nation of sleep-deprived teens ....
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Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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Bookswithtea
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I watched a pbs special on preteens/teens about a year ago. It was all about how they develop, both socially and physically. I wish I could remember the name of it, now. Rats.
Anyway, the thing that struck dh and I the most about it is that preteens and teens are growing at a tremendous rate and that their inability to get up in the morning is biological, not laziness. They even suggested in the show that traditional schooling does not do the kids a service by starting hard subjects first thing in the morning.
They commented that being a "night owl" was very common and that these kids can sometimes come alive in the late afternoon/early evening. I've noticed that my ds, 12, used to pop out of bed cheerfully but now does the groggy/grumpy thing. And lately, in an attempt to have more free time, he has been doing his schoolwork in the early evening (ending about 8:30pm).
This does NOT work well for me, as I like to feel that there is nothing schoolish I have to think about after about 2pm. But I'm really thinking about how I can work with his natural routine a bit more.
The more grumpy part of me thinks, "In the real world, he'll have to get up early, so he might as well get used to it." But more merciful mommy part of me remembers that when he hits that Real World, he won't be growing at the rate he is right now.
I dunno what the answer is, but I feel your pain!
~Books
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momwise
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| Posted: Nov 04 2005 at 6:27pm | IP Logged
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Bookswithtea wrote:
| And lately, in an attempt to have more free time, he has been doing his schoolwork in the early evening (ending about 8:30pm). |
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This is a great idea. I have been so stuck in the mold of starting school by 9 and finishing around 3 that I hadn't even given it any thought. This is a great time for my 13 yo to do his schoolwork!
Bookswithtea wrote:
| The more grumpy part of me thinks, "In the real world, he'll have to get up early, so he might as well get used to it." |
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This is just what I was thinking. Maybe I'll encourage his more creative side to come out after the kids are in bed and lighten up on the morning schedule....[/QUOTE]
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"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: Nov 04 2005 at 6:43pm | IP Logged
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***Maybe I'll encourage his more creative side to come out after the kids are in bed and lighten up on the morning schedule.***
Ds and I made a deal...he can save any schoolwork for the evening that doesn't require me to be a teacher. Some stuff he does and I check it in the morning, and some of it is stuff he just does on his own without supervision (memorywork, reading, etc).
Anything that requires me to be involved though, has to be done while I'm on duty as a teacher. I just can't be available to teach in the evenings or I will be even grumpier than he is! LOL
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Leonie
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I agree - teens just need more sleep.
Personally, I think a number of teens who get up early to travel to school and then stay up late doing homework are actually sleep deprived. And this shows in less than stellar behaviour.
I am thankful that my teens are not in that routine.
That said, I have an agreement with our sixteen year old - if we do not have to be up early for an outing, I will wake him up at 8.00 a.m. on weekdays. This means he gets up later than the rest of us.
I found that my older three sons needed the later weekday mornings . But now they are past the heavy growth stage, they *do* all get up at 7.00 a.m. on weekdays, in time for work and university.
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Nov 05 2005 at 6:24am | IP Logged
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Thanks for the replies everyone. This has given me more to think about. I guess I need to change things a bit. It's no use forcing him to wake up when he isn't coherant (spelling?) anyway. I'm thinking that maybe I'll have to re-institute quiet time for the littles. We kind of let this go this year, but that would allow some time in the afternoon for me to work with ds.
You are all so helpful!
Becky
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: How do you wake them up?
