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12stars
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| Posted: Aug 12 2008 at 7:24pm | IP Logged
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Obviously that question can be answered with a yes by most of you. But do you have to really budget?
I am feeling the pressure from my DH, that he is not happy with our finances  and he keeps hinting to me that I should work. On top of homeschooling. He is very supportive and helps around the house a lot. But it is just becoming overwhelming with all this pressure.
I feel as though we make ends meet, and that's it. He is just usd o having some spending money.
I tell him this is Gods way of refining us. 
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Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
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momwats8
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We barely make it each month and some months we have to cut out on food and gas expenses to make our budget. Since DH only gets paid once a month and commissions won't porbably be coming in until the first of the year we use the envelope system. When he gets paid I go to the bank and get out the bulk of his check and put it into envelopes. Each one is marked by how much needs to go into it per month ie $xx.xx for Tithe . I take money out of the envelope and put it back into the bank as the bill needs to be paid. Gas, tithe, food etc are paid by cash. When it is gone then it is gone....
Over the years we have found this to be our best way to manage our money.
I stress and wish I could work at times, but knowing that I am pregnant and have 8 dc already it is impossible.
I will be praying for you all.
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Mary- Wife to Mike and Mother to Austin(92), Mikey(95), R.J.(97), Benedict(98), Kolbe(00), Ignatius(02), Christian(03), Margaret(05),&4 angels in heaven
http://www.momwats8.blogspot.com
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LisaD
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We can afford for me to stay home, but only because we live in a rental house instead of buying (in So. CA), dh drives a reaaaaaaly old car, and our van is paid off. My kids are all pretty young still, so that keeps our food budget down. I know that will certainly change as the boys get bigger and hungrier! I never imagined that I'd be almost 43 years old and we'd still not own our own home, but it has been worth the sacrifice to be able to stay home full time.
However, I have friends who do homeschool and work, and it is not easy. One friend taught esl at an adult school at night until she had her fifth baby. Now things are very tight for them, but they manage. Also, she uses K12, so she didn't have to spend as much time planning. The other friend is a realtor, so her hours are more flexible, but it cuts into a lot of weekend time.
I understand the stress...it is not cheap to live in So. CA, and what is considered a great salary in many other places in the US is often just enough to get by here.
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folklaur
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My Mom always used the envelope system. I used to, and when I did, I was a better steward of our money - it is just so inconvenient to go to the bank all the time!
This is the very first year where my dh will NOT have to work three to four extra jobs. He wants me to be home, and keep that running, and so he has always worked extra so I wouldn't have to go to work. (I think he might also realize that sometimes it is easier to go and and work than to stay at home with 'these people' -forgive me, I am having a rough week!)
But no, in reality, until this year we couldn't really afford it - but we did it anyway. We have one car, it is paid off, and it is not like we eat at fancy restaurants or anything  I feel like we are spluring and living it up when we go to Trader Joes! But savings, retirement, 401K? We have none of that.
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juststartn
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Well, we did okay until DH retired from the Army. Now we are stretched beyond stretched. The VA decision will be a BIIIIIGGG deal (which is why we are SO waiting on it). It could raise our monthly income by DOUBLE, depending on what percentage they decide DH qualifies for. Since we are so completely stretched financially right now, I have considered getting a PT job at either the close grocery store, or the Family Dollar. But with DH's work hours, we can't--he has to sleep during the day, when I would need to be working. Its hard. And, of course, now being pregnant again, well, that complicates matters.
We're going to have to buy a new vehicle (tax refund equals down payment) next spring, and that is already a concern. At least we've not gotten used to not having a car payment, sigh.
But we're hanging in, hoping for the best from the VA. Til it comes, well, we're hanging in there, just barely.
Rachel
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12stars
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Living in California is so expensive I hear. I have never lived anywhere else and my DH would not think of it.
I see all the blessings we have, sometimes it is hard, but it so worth it to me I don't like to complain. On the other hand I know this is tremendous pressure on my DH. So I try to do as much hair in my garage when I can. Even this is stressful sometimes. Juggling people in and out  I know everybody so I can accommodate them.
I am doing a charter this year my DH would flip if I decided to become independent. They can buy most anything. Anything with religion I have bought and this adds up quickly I don't know how anybody can do it with a lot of children. I hate going to the library.
Same here Dh works nights and we just bought a van because the other was ready to clunk out. 
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Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
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momwats8
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Laura - I hear you on running to the bank - it is a draw back of the envelope system.
We have had to use that system in order to stay on top of things because we both tend to be spenders and our budget is just so tight right now. It is funny how it seems easier to spend the money when we say "Just use the card" - meaning the debit/credit card that is attached to our account. We seem to fly through money when using it. When I have to take the money out of the envelope and either put it in the bank to cover a bill or hand it over in cash I (and dh) seem to be more conscious of where it is going.
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Mary- Wife to Mike and Mother to Austin(92), Mikey(95), R.J.(97), Benedict(98), Kolbe(00), Ignatius(02), Christian(03), Margaret(05),&4 angels in heaven
http://www.momwats8.blogspot.com
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JodieLyn
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we can't afford for me to not be at home.. 3 3 and under at the start of the school year means that I'd have to pay someone.. and especially here in this town.. I couldn't make enough to cover just that cost.
Would it be possible for you to do some sort of something from the home? maybe something you could do a couple hours a day or so? after school care for someone (if it hasn't changed.. in CA you don't have to be licensed if you only have children from one family being watched).. or some sort of computer work you can do at home? not sure.. I can barely manage with the things I have myself so haven't looked into bringing in more money.. I just try and slow the outgo.
And it's not my dh's salary being huge.. but we're in a fairly low cost of living area.. but even then.. most people who know dh's pay and find out about our 8 kids first thing seem to ask.. how can you do that. 
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Mary G
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It really depends on what you mean by "afford" ....
By American standards -- no. We have one car (dh walks to work and my teen daughter doesn't drive yet -- insurance is too expensive), don't go on big vacations, are currently leasing as we haven't sold the house in Denver yet (and looks like we'll be taking a BIG hit on that), kids and adults don't have a ton of clothes, etc.
That all said, WE think we're very well-off and fortunate that I can stay home. I do pick up some $ here and there with my knitting designs (one is in the Fall Issue of Cast On! -- "32") and talks, but not nearly what I could make working in the private sector ... or even teaching full time.
It's a case of priorities and what's really important for your family. I read this book, Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow right after my first husband died ... and I had two little ones at home ... it made me realize that even the "egg and butter money" I get from the knitting is worth it when I can be home with the kiddoes!
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MaryG
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my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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SusanJ
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We just moved from Washington, DC which usually ranks among the top three most expensive places to live to Minnesota so we're feeling pretty good right now--paying almost half the rent we were for half again as much space, for example.
I think we're going to be fine this year but we expected to be broke in the month of August, and we are. I'm pretty sure that is going to improve. But we're saving for an uninsured birth, a car to fit our growing family, maybe a house someday, and dh's student loans will kick in next spring. I have a couple of part-time things I do to bring in the money for all that and let us save towards a house someday--I hope.
Dh is very opposed to budgeting. I used to fight him on this but I finally gave up because our finances always seem to work out.
Susan
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SallyT
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Well, we've just done it, whether we could afford it or not. It's often meant just scraping by and/or relying on help from family, who have been very generous to us (and this has required a major swallowing of pride on our parts, which has been rather good for us than otherwise). We don't have car notes, just two old cars that we paid cash for and until we moved had our next-door neighbor work on, at a great discount. I am trying not to drive our big van any more than is necessary -- to Mass, to the grocery store, and that's about it for right now.
We'd be in better shape than we've ever been, now that my husband has a fulltime teaching job, but at the moment we've got two house notes . . . sigh. Trying to decide how big a hit we want to take, selling our old house in Memphis, or whether we want to rent it out and try to ride out the economy for a few more years, to avoid losing everything we put into it. But for the time being we'll get by. Even when we haven't been sure we would get by, it's never seemed like the right answer for me to go out to work: young children=paying for child care=paying out more than I would bring in, never mind gas, work clothes, the expense of convenience foods and eating out, etc. So we've always tried to "make" money by saving it.
I have done things from home, too -- freelance writing, which pays well when I do it, plus after-school child-care for a friend, plus selling Usborne books, plus reselling books on Amazon and doing sponsored links on my blogs . . .even those tiny drips in the bucket added up last year to more Christmas budget, for example. This year I'm going to be writing for a new Catholic radio station getting underway in Memphis -- alas, this year everyone's working pro bono, but the friends who are putting it together hope to be able to pay people next year . . . doesn't really help our budget this year, but our financial advisor always says, "Invest for the long term . . . "
Anyway, if you can think of ways to turn whatever resources you have into cash, that's a way to help bolster your budget a little.
Sally
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Red Cardigan
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12stars wrote:
I am feeling the pressure from my DH, that he is not happy with our finances and he keeps hinting to me that I should work. On top of homeschooling. He is very supportive and helps around the house a lot. But it is just becoming overwhelming with all this pressure.
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I always say I couldn't afford *not* to stay home. And we've only been blessed with three children.
Perhaps you could sit down with DH and discuss how much it would cost for you to work outside the home. (If he thinks you could work from home with five dc including a baby, then that's another issue!). You would need transportation (which you may already have), gas money to get to and from work, childcare for the hours you were gone, esp. for the littles, some work clothes that would have to be "nicer" than a SAHM wardrobe (probably, unless your secret passion is to be an auto mechanic! ), convenience foods for the time when you couldn't cook, possibly including some restaurant meals, and if you were somehow supposed to continue homeschooling while doing this you'd need the help of a tutor or teacher's aide to keep up with the grading, the assignments, etc. because you'd lose all of your "planning" time.
Sometimes a husband will think that you could work evenings and weekends while he "takes over," and yes, in very difficult financial circumstances that can work. But some of the costs, like clothes and extra gas money, still remain, while other "costs" like the lack of time to spend with each other and as a family will come up.
In any case, a realistic discussion of how much it would "cost" you to work might be helpful at this point.
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Vanna
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Well unfortunately I have to say no. We can't afford it.
We live VERY modestly. We don't have any extras (cell phones, newer cars, cable, etc). But making ends meet has gotten harder and harder.
So I start work at the end of the month. I'm grateful for the job I got (it pays well and the kids will be with my husband when I have to work) but my heart aches when I think of leaving my kids. I will be working 3 12 hour shifts (overnights). I'm glad I will only have to be gone 3 times a week but still, it hurts me.
My husband doesn't really want me to work but even he can no longer deny we need the extra money (he can't get a second job since he has to be on-call to work from his home computer whenever they need him).
I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I hope that you all can find a solution that will please everyone. Keep praying. ((hugs))
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Wife to K  Mommy to B (ds18) and G (ds8)
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stacykay
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Vanna, what kind of job did you get? It sounds like nursing?
We can barely afford to get by, and it is just getting more and more difficult each month. My dh is buying a business, and it will be paid off in Jan. 2009, but he isn't sure, even then, if we will be able to make it without my going back to work (as a nurse.) I would also have to take a refresher course before I could go back!
I am ashamed to say, I so don't want to go back to work. I don't know when I would work, even if it were nights, because dh works from at least 5a-9p during tax time (end of Jan. to mid-April) 6 days a week and part-time on Sundays. He thinks 13yods would be old enough to stay with the youngers (10, 6, and 4.) I completely disagree.
I am looking at more and more ways to cut expenses. But it is really hard. I haven't bought one thing for this school year. I am working hard at revamping our current materials and using the library and computer resources as much as possible.
If we had not gone the hs'ing route, I probably would still have worked, but only at night. But I don't know that we would be any financially better, as we would have gone Catholic schools k-12. I think the tuition would have eaten up the difference.
And Claudia, I do agree with the "refining!"  If for some reason we made way more money, I am not convinced we could have the detachment to "things" we currently do (and it still could be better! )
Maybe you could just outline your expenses for each month? Keep a notebook where you and dh write down every expenditure for a month- would he be willing to do that? I have read that it helps to show areas we sort of unconsciously spend without thinking about it and can help (much like dieting and food journals!)
The maybe you could find a little area to cut so dh wouldn't be so worried? And if you had to get a job, is there anything nearby that you could do when dh is home?
I will pray for you, Claudia, and everyone else!
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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Vanna
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Stacy,
Sigh. It's not something as worthwhile as nursing, unfortunately. It's an inventory job at a HUGE warehouse (Target).
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stacykay
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Vanna wrote:
Stacy,
Sigh. It's not something as worthwhile as nursing, unfortunately. It's an inventory job at a HUGE warehouse (Target). |
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At this point in my life, I might prefer this job! I had gotten so burned out from nursing. The physical and emotional stress, constant worry about managing all my patients and keeping them safe when always short-handed,... I truly dread going back, even though I loved it at one time.
Looking at the potential brighter side, would this give you a discount at Target? That is one store I simply cannot go into and trust myself to not overdo.
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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folklaur
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stacykay wrote:
| Looking at the potential brighter side, would this give you a discount at Target? |
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Oh, that's funny - that was my first thought too, "I wonder if she gets a Target discount?"
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Vanna
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| Posted: Aug 18 2008 at 9:21am | IP Logged
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LOL Yes, I get a 10% discount.
I do spend a lot of money there. I think they have the best clothes of all the discount stores.
I was really looking for a job that I could show up, do my job, then not think about it until my next shift. I think that's what I've got. PLUS, they pay really well so I hope I can do it. LOL I haven't worked in a long time so I'm a bit nervous.
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crusermom
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I keep thinking I should get my teens jobs at stores I shop at so we can get a discount. I know my mom (12 children) always wanted one kid working at sears. The others she wanted working at restaurants so we would get fed for free and get to take home leftover food. That was one way she stretched the budget.
Mary
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Barbara C.
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We afford to stay home, but like others have said it all comes down to priorities. We only have on vehicle, and our home isn't very fancy. There's lots of places we could still trim down if we absolutely had to, like cable television. Right now I'm really trying to cut our food costs even more.
I worked part-time at a movie theater last summer for a little extra money. I finally had to quit because of all the whining--from my husband.  I couldn't go back to work now with the new baby. I absolutely hate pumping milk; I believe it's up there with water torture. And I doubt any job I could get would cover the cost formula.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Can you afford to stay home?
