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Mackfam
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| Posted: Aug 12 2008 at 12:54pm | IP Logged
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I've been pondering this a lot lately, and wondering about your thoughts on it...
Homeschooling affords so many wonderful opportunities to learn in the context of real life and so much flexibility to seek those opportunities. But, how do you discern and then achieve balance between the time that needs to be intimate and just your family and the time that is spent outside the home?
There are opportunities to foster talents, seek more focused individual learning with someone who specializes in a certain task or has a certain ability, a class, a sport, an activity. And, today, society is soooooo activity driven. And then, there are the doctor's appointments, trips to the library, grocery store, etc.
Temperaments play a part, certainly. Whether it is our children's temperaments or ours.
In Hearth and Home Karey Swan says,
Quote:
| "Some mothers have responsibilities that take them away from home everyday, but for most of us, daily trips are really unnecessary and can be a serious distraction. I've learned to keep lists and consolidate our trips, I find that I need to remain home for long stretches of time in order to get beyond the maintenance part of homemaking (stuff like cleaning, laundry, and ironing). If I don't stay home, I miss the creative part of homemaking, which for me is needlework, crafting a dried flower wreath, training a young heart, or giving hospitality to a tired friend. Without these I'd go crazy and burnout would become a serious threat." |
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I find that this is where I am more and more, wanting to be home to be more creative, more focused, more able to serve my family.
So, how do you balance it? And, for the million dollar question...how do you larger families balance it when there are multiple children with a spectrum of interests and talents?
 Can't wait to see the different ways you all handle this!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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MarilynW
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The "eternal question" Jen - how many activities?!!! Looking forward to reading all the replies. I will try and formulate my ideas before I post.
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Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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Kristie 4
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So far (and our oldest is only 13) we have tried to look at
1. What areas they are passionate about- for my dd11 this has been her ballet (she dropped Irish this year as both classes were doubling their time committment. She felt she would be too busy  and I applaud her).
2.What activities can we double or triple (or more) up on ie. swimming here fits that bill!!
3.Whether the activities feed us or starve us (looking at the big picture here- driving around can always be a stretch so we look at the input/output equation) and whether they work with the flow of our life (instead of going against it).
4. Try not to listen to hard on the conversations alot of the ps and hs moms have about their kids activities 
I get tired just listening!!
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Kristie in Canada
Mom to 3 boys and one spunky princess!!
A Walk in the Woods
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SuzanneG
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We did our first lessons this summer....swimming lessons. BLAH. I have to say....I certainly was NOT at my best.  In fact, it is/was horrible.  Believe me....it was not MY idea.  I hate the rush, the running around, the forgetting, the prep, the planning, the eating before/after, etc. It's just too much with too many little kids who do the best they can to get ready on their own....but they're still young. It made me never want to sign up for anything ever again.
Anyway....not really anything anyone wanted to hear, but looking forward to hearing more about how you go about making these decisions.
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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Bridget
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They can do extra stuff when they can drive themselves. No, not really.
We did a lot of crazy running around for extra activities when I only had littles. Whatever possessed me?
With a more experienced friend's help, I arrived at this.
- Nothing that interferes with family meals.
- Nothing that interferes with family devotions.
- Nothing that interefers with regular, daily schoolwork.
- Nothing that is not easy to leave the little kids at home with another older kid to babysit, or it must be easy to take them all, as in outside, at a park.
ETA: That last point was poorly worded, but you know what I mean.
Even with that criteria, we have a lot of activities and social invitations. But this keeps it doable.
I realize there will be exceptions as we get older teens who can drive themselves and make their own decisions.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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MarieC
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| Posted: Aug 13 2008 at 8:58am | IP Logged
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Does anyone ever feel like they're better when they're busy? I feel like all around me people want to cocoon at home, which in theory sounds great, but in actual practice makes me cranky. I feel like an even odder duck than usual.
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Marie
mom to 6
dds-98, 00, 02 and 09 & dss-03 and 06
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monique
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I used to be like Marie. I liked to get out but the more kids I have the more I just want to be at home. With this last baby I have had a very strong desire not to leave. (I've even wondered if I was depressed.) I get tired running around dropping kids off and picking them up. I get overwhelmed when I get back home and have a hard time adjusting to being back home again. It is hard to shift gears especially when you only run out for a short period of time and then have to come back home and cook supper, then run back out to pick someone up. Then getting everyone in and out of the car- ugh!
What has helped me is that when I was pregnant with number 5 my husband started doing a lot of the dropping off and picking up. I physically couldn't do it anymore. So whenever he is here now he helps me. That way I can be at home and taking care of it (supper, dishes, laundry or whatever) and he uses his fuel efficient car to do the errands.
We also do a lot of our grocery shopping in a town about 45 miles from here and so my husband also does that for me and then we don't all have to go. It really shoots a whole day pretty much to have to drive over there, shop, and then drive home.
I agree that combining errands is a great way to keep a balance. Have one day of the week that you run all errands. I'm still working on creating that aspect! LOL The other thing I think has helped me is just doing the planning that I have learned from all of you! If I know what I'm having for supper then I don't have to use brain cells to figure that out when I'm running out to take kids to activities. I can also do any prep work ahead of time and then I know how long I will need to cook, etc. Also if we have a schedule then I know what I'm suppose to be doing at a certain time and can jump in and start doing that when we get home.
My daughter is also old enough that I can leave her at home with one or two children especially when I'm only gone for 5-15 minutes to drop someone off. Sometimes when we are really busy my kids started getting really cranky when we were in and out of the car so much.
I find that having the kids being at activities longer helps also. Like my son now goes to gymnastics for two hours instead of one and that gives me more time to come home and actually accomplish something rather then just having one hour in between pick ups and drop offs. Of course, that is not always possible. The other thing I do is try and plan my errands while they are at activities so we don't go home. We stay in the car running errands during that time.
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Monique
mom to 5
Raising Saints
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Erin
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We have stated only one activity per child per season. And actively encouraged them to all pick the same one ie. swimming in the summer and soccer in the winter.
I have to admit swimming is difficult as I stay and watch and have to chase the baby/toddler. But the instructors have been very good about accommodating me and having all lessons on the same day/time as squad training. (Having the largest family participating gives me power ) We don't get home till tea-time so it is a sacrifice but I feel very important for us as we have two dams on our property. This summer the dc are talking about doing something different, maybe tennis or gymnastics.
Soccer is their passion, training usually falls on one to two days a week (this year I was soo lucky and they all (5dc)trained on the same day!!) and the games are on Saturday, usually in the same place. However it really looks like dd6 is not interested in soccer so I'm going to have to break my rule and let her do something different. Next week she starts tap dancing and her big brother(9) wants to do it too, they'll be in the same class and dd4 can tag along. The teacher is relaxed that way, there will only be 4 in the class.
When the children did piano the teacher came here.
I limit our day outs to once or twice through the week. And in the summer we leave weekends free. So if it can't be fit into those two days they have to re-choose. We live only 13km from town, not too far but it is a consideration. But mostly the dc as well as I know that we can't handle too much stimulation.
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
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melanie
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Oh, I have just been pondering these things. Our homeschool group is so active and there's a lot of pressure to participate more sometimes. Honestly, I am happiest the more we are at home. My kids, however, love to go. Even my 3yo wakes up and says, "Where are we going?" each morning. :) We also have the gas issue in that *nothing* is close to us. We don't live in the country, but in a smaller town, and everything seems to be in the bigger towns. I am trying to just have one regular day out a week, but it's all day. My oldest is starting Irish dance classes on Tuesday mornings, and our homeschool co-op classes are that day too, so I think we will combine all that with a library trip and just be gone all day. We did something similar last year. It makes for a long and crazy day, but I feel like I get all my running around done and fill the kids' social tanks and can relax for the rest of the week. :) Otherwise, we will leave for the occassional unbeatable field trip, sometimes for Friday afternoon park day if it is at a park close by, or to meet with our much smaller and less busy Catholic homeschool group...that usually adds another afternoon out a week. That's going to be enough. My 8yo has therapy for two hours on Monday mornings (though dh often takes him), and my 11yo goes to our church on Wednesday evenings for PSR/choir practice (the church is very close by, thankfully). I also have a newborn baby this year. So that is quite enough. :)
Other than gas and all, one of my big issues as the baby gets older will be naps. Our homeschool groups always schedule stuff during naptime. Right now she is only 2 months old and naps on the go easily enough, but that will change soon....
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Melanie
homeschooling Maria (13yo), Kain (10yo), Jack (5yo), Tess (2yo), and our newest blessing, Henry Robert, born 4/23!
slightlycrunchycatholic.blogspot.com
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Aug 15 2008 at 10:06am | IP Logged
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Your responses have been helpful to consider.
I'm a homebody at heart. And the kids love being home, too - thankfully. Only our oldest has an activity outside the home right now - she loves horseback riding lessons!  But, my 7yo wants to play soccer or baseball, and my life has been an unsettling mess of doctors appointments lately - add that to pediatrician visits, visits to help inlaws, the ever necessary grocery store...I think I'm whining more than anything here. Sorry. We do the carschool thing, it's something anyway. But...
I think I'm looking for simplicity more than anything else - and that balance. I'm content with our plans, and discerning these decisions through my husband affords me a great deal of peace. I was just wondering how you all did it.
Can you talk some about how you nurture that interior peace and domestic spirit if life is demanding/asking you to be on the run more than in the home?
And what do you do about the day after? The errand hang-over. It takes me a day to unpack the car, put away the water bottles that somehow multiplied everywhere, to reign in the children from a frantic state of whipped up energy, and steer us back to a quiet rhythm in the home...just in time to head out again.
Anybody?
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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melanie
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| Posted: Aug 15 2008 at 11:05am | IP Logged
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I like what you said about errand hangover. :)That's funny, because I feel that too and now I have a name for it! I don't have much advice, except that I try to empty out the car and put stuff away that same day (much to dh's irritation)....I figure I'm already beat for that day, and getting it done will help the "errand hangover" the next day. It helps if you have older kids you can make help with this. :)
There are also certain times of the day I am far less likely to schedule stuff. I try to protect naptime whenever possible. And I almost never do things in the evenings. The excepts to that would be my daughter's Wednesday night stuff, which for me isn't a lot of effort, I just have to drive her two miles up the road, and when they play soccer for 10 weeks in the spring...practices are in the evening.
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Melanie
homeschooling Maria (13yo), Kain (10yo), Jack (5yo), Tess (2yo), and our newest blessing, Henry Robert, born 4/23!
slightlycrunchycatholic.blogspot.com
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JodieLyn
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First a few caveats
We're in a small town.. the furthest thing from our house is the library and we can still get there in a 6 minutes drive a good portion of anything is within a couple miles (otherwise known as walking distance).
There's very very few opportunites for much in the way of activities.
We meet with a homeschool group once a month and CCD once a week on Monday evenings.
We do active sports.. all of the kids old enough to follow directions are involved. Each one really only runs for about 6-8 weeks.
we do swimming (summer) and soccer(fall) and lacrosse(spring).. though there are "pick up games" on the weekends for lacrosse as long as the weather is good. which reminds me.. I need to call about that.. I forget the time it starts.
yes it is a lot of work.. soccer is actually the worst because the fields while close together aren't right next to each other either.
BUT it actually works better for me than trying to keep my highly energetic kids active without the organized sports. Plus, at least my older boy (and I imagine it wouldn't be different for the rest of the boys and some of the girls) were getting pretty dare devil on their bikes and such running around here. The sports take into account safety and have supervision and they help use up some of that energy.
And having that energetic outlet actually makes things better even considering the running around. It's definately a juggling act. But since most of the time we're either together as a family at the same location or at least doing the same activity at the same time in close but not quite the same location things like dinners and such can easily be worked around the activities so they're not lost.
Swimming is everyone at the same location but swimming at different times depending on ability.
Soccer is at the same times, only Mon-Thurs so weekends are totally free (parks and rec local only)
lacrosse is the whole family at the same time.. it's a club function so my dh can play as well when he has time. And I help ALOT with the younger kids team. So we're all involved in it.. my 3 youngest aren't but when it's difficult my sister will take them (and I take at least one of her 2 boys to lacrosse) and they love the couple of days they get to spend 1.5 hrs with their Auntie.. not sure how to work it this year if the baby will be ready to stay with her or if I'll be wearing him.
Winter though is MY time.. there's so much to do for the kids between sledding and snow shoeing and shoveling snow and chopping and moving fire wood.. plus the cold they get tired faster. So we don't do extra outside activities then and I can "hibernate" a bit
Oh and all the activities work around school hours.. in the summer it's my mornings that are taken by swimming.. but the rest of the year it's evenings after an early dinner (or before a late dinner.. yay crockpot)
So I still have large chunks of time when we're at home.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Aug 18 2008 at 12:35am | IP Logged
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I remember reading somewhere about questions to ask yourself when considering activities, etc.:
What purpose is this activity serving? Fun? Developing a gift? A child who “needs” a boost? Friends? Charity? Virtue development? Social needs? Cultural?
Can the beginnings/basics of this activity/talent/lesson be done on their own or at home with a sibling or with mom and dad? ie: basic piano lessons, basics of soccer, baseball, ballet, etc.
A couple of times, dd has expressed interest in ballet or gymnastics, so I get a few videos and we check out books, even asking the older kids or adults in the neighborhood to give a few “lessons.” Eventually, she decided that wasn’t really that “fun” and she didn’t want lessons. Thank goodness I never ran around for that one!
Do the activities and a certain amount of scheduling help me to be more efficient? Or is it a time-real-estate-hog, hindering the basic functions of the household and family?
Just because you start something and are committed to it, doesn’t mean it has to be continuous forever. My parents declared a “no-piano” year for all of us when we were all in jr and sr high. That year, we all had so much fun playing our own picks, composing and making up our own shows. And, my mom was relieved to have a break!
Mackfam wrote:
Can you talk some about how you nurture that interior peace and domestic spirit if life is demanding/asking you to be on the run more than in the home?
And what do you do about the day after? The errand hang-over. It takes me a day to unpack the car, put away the water bottles that somehow multiplied everywhere, to reign in the children from a frantic state of whipped up energy, and steer us back to a quiet rhythm in the home...just in time to head out again. |
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My big thing is always.....WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO NAP? and WHAT ARE WE GOING TO EAT?
REally, it's the cooking and feeding everyone that I can't keep up with when we're on the go all the time, so if i protect naptime and keep meals VERY simple, then we do much better. On swimming days, the kids eat eat oatmeal for dinner and dh and I eat later. But, my kids are young....I can get away with that. What about when they're older?
Also, if I pick ONE thing/day to accomplish on top of "maintenance" things....I feel better.
Errand hang-over is awful! (love that it has a name now ). I think this is like the question of "How do you start your day?" I decide ahead of time what sounds good to get everyone together and "back down". For us, it's........
**a bunch of good picture books
**everyone sitting around the table drawing and chatting
**a walk outside
I know i have to do one of those three things during the hang-over time or it's BAAAADDD! 
We have a list titled: "When We Arrive Home....." Everyone has something that they have to do when we get home, so I don't spend an hour cleaning up and doing everything. Even so....it's hectic and crazy and complete lunacy .
Mackfam wrote:
In Hearth and Home Karey Swan says,
Quote:
| I find that I need to remain home for long stretches of time in order to get beyond the maintenance part of homemaking (stuff like cleaning, laundry, and ironing). If I don't stay home, I miss the creative part of homemaking, which for me is needlework, crafting a dried flower wreath, training a young heart, or giving hospitality to a tired friend. Without these I'd go crazy and burnout would become a serious threat." |
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When I am not in survival-mode this is very true for me. I asked my mom a couple months ago, "Why am I doing and thinking about THIS (the "this" was definitely a non-essential)???? I should be sweeping the floor!" She agreed, of course, that the floor should be swept, but that we all need a bit of something fun, creative and "extra" or it does lead to frustration and burnout.
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Aug 18 2008 at 7:14am | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
I'm a homebody at heart. And the kids love being home, too - thankfully. |
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Ah, me too. And the last three of my five seem to prefer being home too.
I wrote about my phobia dilemma just yesterday.
Mackfam wrote:
I think I'm looking for simplicity more than anything else - Can you talk some about how you nurture that interior peace and domestic spirit if life is demanding/asking you to be on the run more than in the home?
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This is what I'd like to read more of too. I'm focused on environment this year, thinking that it contributes to my interior peace and domestic spirit.
What a wonderful thread.
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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MarilynW
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I have been wanting to post to this thread for days. This is a subject I think about a lot. Finally - I did a blog post today:
The debate on outside activities and socialization
Warning - it is long!!
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Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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pipandpuddy
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All of my children (six still of school age--5 to 16; three are grown) enjoy and prefer to stay at home. I have never enrolled any of them in sports. The only activity that I will be doing with my younger five is Little Flowers/Blue Knights. It will be one afternoon a month. All of my children have developed interests at home (landscaping, animal husbandry, gardening, reading, woodworking, model railroading, art, hand crafts, etc.). They also play daily with the children in the neigborhood (who always come to our house and yard because there is always something interesting going on). When I started homeschooling 15 years ago, outside activities were very rare. Nowadays, homeschoolers for the most part (at least where I live) are basically car schoolers. Sadly, most of these children have very little free time to just enjoy life and the members of their own families. My fondest memories as a child are of the large amounts of free time spent at home playing outside and just lying around thinking, and I always wanted to provide my chidren with the same. A great book to read that explores this is How Tom Beat Captain Najork and His Seven Hired Sportsmen by Russell Hoban. Karen
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Aug 18 2008 at 10:27pm | IP Logged
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I thoroughly enjoyed both your posts, Marilyn and Cay!
Here's what I am taking more and more to my prayer life and my groanings to the Holy Spirit in between loads of laundry...
...if there is worth in some activities outside the home (and I believe there is - all things in moderation - we are not a cloistered family), and
...if those activities are in balance with individual family plans (like the ones we all eventually land on...no errands/sports/activities during naptime, family mealtime, etc),
...then it is up to me to cultivate an interior disposition that is docile and open to being outside the home so that the experience doesn't spiral into an occasion of sin for every member of my family hurtling down the highway in our little minivan.
And almost as important, I need to steel myself when we get home for cheerful resetting in order to avoid the whopping headache that follows the errand hang-over.
Over the weekend I practiced a couple of things in the practical realm and came to a startling realization - a sort of a DUH! moment. I tend to be very organized and think through the planning for a trip out very well - meals packed, water available, diapers, books, books on cd, changes of clothes, plenty of wipes...but the getting home resulted in a heap of stuff that ended up being dumped on my kitchen floor, table and counters. The van explodes its contents and the effect is suffocating to me. I can't work in disorder. So, the day has been long, the children are worn out, and now my minivan has vomited all over my kitchen and the results are everywhere...with the end result being overall funk!  Back to mayhem in the house. I can't cook if the counters and table are covered, and if I can't cook dinner and anchor the day I can't recover any of the remains of the day. I can't keep up with the putting away, making dinner, cuddling car-seat-frustrated infants, wipe little rears, and tend to a million other needs as soon as we walk in the door. I just can't.
Some time ago, I bought 5 dollar-store laundry baskets, the little round ones - cheap, white. I keep them in my laundry room and during our afternoon tidy time, I hand them out and everyone goes around picking up with them. Just makes tidying easier when there is a basket to put stuff in. I put 2 of the baskets in the back of the minivan at the end of last week, and after every trip out of the home I hand a basket to the two older children. They load up the entire contents of the van into the baskets and the baskets then get set in the laundry room for emptying and putting away *after* we wind down from the day. Of course, groceries and perishables are put away immediately. But, this eliminated the explosion of stuff and contained it. I did learn that I need more than two baskets to unload my van for any trip longer than a trip down the driveway to the mailbox!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Paula in MN
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I agree with the idea of only scheduling "away from home" activities after our lessons, or on days without formal learning. But, I'm the only parent in the community education area that feels that way! Everything is scheduled smack dab in the mornings, two or three per week. I try to go through community ed because it is only 20 miles away and inexpensive. Another option is 45 miles away, more expensive, and then we would be gone all day.
This summer the kids were in swimming and softball. Swimming classes were every day for two weeks, and softball was two days a week for eight weeks. We were ALWAYS in the van driving. We listened to some great books, each child advanced to the next swimming level, and both are turning into wonderful softball players. Even though we drove back and forth together, we had no family time!
Like Jennifer, we are not a cloistered family, but how do you draw the line?
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Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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MarilynW
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Jen - I think all of you who live in "the country" have more problems with the driving issue than us city slickers and suburb folk. I do not like driving and being in the mini van a lot. My criteria for any activity is that it is not more than a 15 minute drive away - piano is 5 minutes, ballet used to be 5 (now 15), soccer - games and training are only 10 minutes away. You do not have that luxury. I would probably no activities if I had to drive for miles and miles!!
I think it is a struggle - we want to provide these opportunities for our children - but is it worth the toll? No real answer - I think praying for wisdom is the answer.
But then you folks with all that land and countryside have some real advantages - you can play outside and do much more nature wise than us with our fenced in back yard. Dh and I often discuss this - if we lived miles from anywhere, and our kids could roam about outside and climb trees, garden, fish, hunt, build forts etc - would outside activities ever be necessary?
__________________
Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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Angel
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| Posted: Aug 19 2008 at 7:58am | IP Logged
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Re: the driving issue... it is a big deal for us. Our nearest activities are 30 minutes away. Many are an hour. Sometimes I hear about homeschool gym programs, but then I have to stop and ask myself: is being in the car a total of 2 hours for a 45 minute gym class worth it? Especially since only half of my children will get anything out of the class, and all the little ones will have to be occupied doing something they don't want to do the entire time?
So I always have to weigh the big kids needs against the needs of the little ones. Does this need justify strapping the little ones into the van for a long period of time? Does it justify bringing them to an environment that is perhaps not meant for them and keeping them busy for x amount of time? Last year we did swimming lessons. It was a little over an hour of driving for a thirty minute private lesson for my 2 older kids. I was pregnant at the time with toddler twins. The bleachers to watch the pool were upstairs without elevator access. The woman at the front desk gave me all my directions while I sat there with my twins in strollers. So after she got done with her whole spiel I had to say, "But I can't take them out of their strollers because they will run everywhere. My kids are nervous around the water and I need to be in there with them, at least at first." The woman just gave me a blank stare.
It's stuff like this that really exhausts me. On the other hand, my kids need to know how to swim. And as my twins get older, I *know* they are going to need the physical outlets that organized sports provide.
I try, really hard, to limit outside activities to one day a week for most of the year. If I know that in certain seasons we'll be out for more than one day a week (such as summer soccer, which is 3 nights a week), I can compensate in other times of the year (winter).
I'd love to be able to preserve naptime all the time, but it's really better for us to schedule activities later in the afternoon so we can at least eat lunch at home. Because of our drive times, the little ones sleep in the car.
When we come home... I am not half as organized as you, Jen. But the kids are *supposed* to get everything they brought with them in the van, and any trash they produced while they were in there, and bring it all in the house to be put away or thrown away immiediately, by them. If there are groceries (but it makes more sense for my dh to do the grocery shopping on his way home from work, since he's in the town with the store), my two eldest bring them in and help put them away. Then, after this is done, we all go have some QUIET TIME to recollect ourselves -- or, if the weather is nice, we go outside.
After I have had a brief break, I can do whatever needs to be done. The next day, we start out on our regular routine again.
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Seeking balance
