4Real Forums: Two year old that hits

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Topic: Two year old that hits

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Becky Parker
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Joined: May 23 2005
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Posted: Oct 23 2005 at 6:50am \| IP Logged

It seems that with every child I've had something different to deal with in the area of discipline. It would be nice if they were all the same, then I wouldn't have to worry about dealing with all these different issues!

(Totally joking here!!)
My youngest just turned 2 this month. He is such a sweet baby...until he doesn't get his way! Then he has little temper tantrums which I can deal with (there nothing new!)

. However, he hits me when he is angry and I'm so shocked about it I don't know what to do!! None of my kids are perfect but this is the first one to hit his Mom! I usually just grab his hands and try to say "No" very sternly, but that only lasts for that particular upset. Next time, which is probably the same day, he'll do it all over again. Spanking him doesn't seem like it would work...I don't know what to do. It's hard (impossible) to reason with him and he isn't talking yet so I can't really discuss the issue with him. Actually, the fact that he isn't talking is part of the problem. Sometimes, when he wants something and I don't understand he gets so frustrated he hits. HELP!!!
Becky

Lissa
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Joined: Jan 28 2005
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Posted: Oct 23 2005 at 11:18am \| IP Logged

Becky, have you thought about teaching him some sign language to help with the communication part of the problem? You're right, it can be so intensely frustrating for a little one who can't get his message across. My 22-month-old is hard of hearing (moderate/severe hearing loss) but with hearing aids, he understands much of what we say--he just can't say it back to us. His only spoken words are "mama" and "more." If it weren't for sign language I don't know what I'd do! Even as it is, he sometimes gets frustrated because I don't pick up on what he's signing. But for your son, with no hearing loss complicating the issue, it seems like some simple everyday signs could be a huge help in easing his frustration while he's waiting for his mouth to catch up with his mind.

See if your library has the Signing Time videos. He'll adore them--they're so kid friendly and fun. (And I'll throw this in for the sake of any skeptical grandmas

who might worry that if you teach him to sign, he'll "never" talk--nowadays there is tons of research showing that sign language actually *increases* and *improves* verbal skills in hearing children rather than diminishing their speech skills.)

As for the hitting, when it does occur I guess I'd take the "inappropriate behavior gets the opposite of what it wants" approach and find a consistent, firm response to use every single time he does it--in my case, that would be plopping him unceremoniously in the playpen in our great room--I don't like to totally isolate a little one by sending him to bed, so I keep a small playpen in our main area for times when he needs to be "benched." It's like a little penalty box.

But it sounds like frustration is what's behind his hitting, so it may be that the problem fades away if you find a way to bridge the communication gap. Good luck!!

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Lissa

Bridget
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Joined: Feb 07 2005
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Posted: Oct 23 2005 at 12:38pm \| IP Logged

What I have done for this one is to catch their arm in mid-swing and hold it. Not hurting them, but holding it long enough that they are upset by the restricted movement. This seems to discourage them pretty quickly from making this a habit. The nice thing is that I can teach my older children to handle it this way too. I've seen them use this technique without missing a beat in their conversation or game.

As Lissa pointed out, they are pretty frustrated at this age. They want to be big kids but don't have the language or skills. The behavior has to be checked of course but understanding why it's happening goes a long way in keeping us from being upset by it.

Good thing toddlers are soooo darn cute!

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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Leonie
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Posted: Oct 23 2005 at 8:01pm \| IP Logged

My fifth son used to do this as a toddler. I used to just grab him in a warm bear hug and hold him on my lap - he usually needed to quiet down and this hug gave him space ( after the initial hitting and throwing himself around).

I think he hit out of frustration and, as he grew and was more able to do things and to verbalzie, the hitting stopped.

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Leonie in Sydney
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Becky Parker
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Joined: May 23 2005
Location: Michigan
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Posted: Oct 24 2005 at 5:41am \| IP Logged

Thanks everyone!! I really like all of your ideas. I'll try today to just stop his hand mid swing or wrap my arms around him when he has a fit. Maybe if I don't respond in any other way but that he will see that it doesn't pay to hit. It's interesting that you mention sign language Lissa. Last night we had some friends over that we hadn't seen in 6 years. One of them asked me what I thought of teaching little ones sign language. I didn't know what to think. I was a little hesitant, wondering if perhaps sign language would actually delay speech. It's good to hear that research has proven otherwise. It might work to ease his frustration until he can actually tell us what he wants.
Becky

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