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Leocea
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| Posted: May 23 2008 at 8:40pm | IP Logged
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Ladies, I am looking for some major reassurance re: God's will for our family.
I have four children, a 14yob, 9yog, 5yog and 2 yog. I have lost one baby at 5w6d in 2005 and one two days ago at 11w6d. I am obviously still recovering from this last m/c. I have not really cried yet, but am starting to feel sad instead of the fear of physical syptoms.
The dr feels that my recovery is good, and I will most likely not need a D&C if everything continues to go well. I felt God so strongly during this m/c, it was incredible how things worked out, He was there at every turn.
I am just not sure how to face more babies one day. I so long for another or more, and so does my dh.
What comforted you at this time? Have any of you had more than one loss and gone on to have successful pregnancies later? It is almost surreal to me right now, and I don't have fear of it happening again, but will this last?
Looking back, we see so much that should have clued us in. It took two early utrasounds to see a heartbeat, which was then on the slow side when we did see it. It was within normal, but around 120's instead of 150's or 160's. Then, I stopped feeling sick around 9 weeks, and had a complete emotional breakdown on Mother's Day, crying for 6 hours or so. We think that this may have been a hormonal shift of some kind. My mother was diagnosed with terminal liver disease during this time, and my grandfather also died, so we have been dealing with tons of stuff.
I alwasy said I would want to know, but I am glad that I didn't, and had this time with my baby.
I am now rambling, I guess. I don't post a lot, but this forum has greatly blessed me! Please share if you could, any thoughts or experiences that you think could help. Giving our fertility to God means we accept what He gives us in return, but this is hard.
December is going to be so hard! We were already planning on having the baby in our Christmas card, and staying home to enjoy the baby.
My older kids are so hurt, and my dh is struggling with this as well. I almost pray for another as soon as possible, to give us hope and something new to look forward to. I fear that it could happen again, and then we will all feel even worse.
Would it even be worse, though, or just as bad as this again?
In Christ,
Leocea
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Caroline
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| Posted: May 23 2008 at 9:08pm | IP Logged
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Oh, Leocea!  I am very sorry for your loss. I have two boys, 4 and 17 months and have had two miscarriages. My second miscarriage was on May 1st. I was 20 weeks, but the baby had died about a month earlier.
I try not to think too much about the future because I really can get myself all wound up. At this point, my thought is this: I have two wonderful sons and we are blessed to have them. I know my heart will ache for more, but I have to focus on the gifts I have and not long for those that may not come.
I hope someone else can be more helpful. I will pray for your physical and emotional healing.
__________________
Devoted Wife to  and Mama to three beautiful boys and another little boy due in September , and two beautiful souls in heaven
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Anne
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| Posted: May 23 2008 at 9:36pm | IP Logged
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Leocea,
I am so sorry for your loss. I too have hd 2 m/c one was complete. The other was much more difficult because I had to have the DNC.
My greatest comfort in all of this tragedy was having my lovely daughter just about 1yo to get me through the tough times. I just held her and rocked her constantly. We cryed together many times also.
As for more children, well, 3 months after the 2nd consective miscarriage I got pregnant once again and we were very worried the same fate may occur. As it turns out God gave me a MIRACLE. I was pregnant with twins and carried them to almost 37 weeks. They are 9yo now  . I also had a son 17 months later  .
I hope you find comfort soon. Emotions can be slow to come and one day the flood gates open. I will be praying for you and your family. May the Holy Spirit watch over you during this time. God Bless.
__________________
Anne in TN
WIFE to Brett (91)
MOM to Rebecca(97), Catherine (99), Grace (99), Stephen (00) & 2 Angels in Heaven.
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Mackfam
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| Posted: May 23 2008 at 9:53pm | IP Logged
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Leocea,
There are so many on these boards that have suffered loss like this, and I find so much comfort just being with them and having so much dignity heaped on our little ones praying for us in heaven.
I found great comfort in mothering my other children when I was missing a little one that God had called home so quickly. It was a tremendous comfort to put those mommy feelings somewhere and to wrap my mommy arms around my children. It helped them as well, as they were quite sad.
There was a necessary time of quiet for all of us. My feelings were quite raw, and it seemed so hard to move forward. When dh goes back to work, and life moves on, it was always so painful - I felt I was still left holding the Cross. There is grace in that Cross though, Leocea! Cling hard to it, and know that you stand next to the Blessed Virgin right at the foot of the Cross as you both give back to God your beloved children. I grew in a deep devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows through the loss of my children.
I did go on to have more children. I lost one little boy at 36 weeks - it was a tragic loss (a long story) but we knew we were going to lose him from about 16 weeks pregnant - so that pregnancy was the most painful, but the most grace filled. It was total gift to carry and love that child for the short time we had him.
Subsequent pregnancies are always scary. I do wonder "what if.." I don't think that ever goes away. But, when I am tempted to wonder (and I know that is wrong because our dear Lord admonished us not to worry ever, but to pray always) I turn it into a prayer asking my sweet children in heaven to intercede for their new brother or sister, and me.
Our second loss was just as painful, but an early (7 week) miscarriage.
Allow yourself to be sad and mourn the loss. Be with your other children - be present to them - they're hurting too. Husbands, I have found, mourn differently than we do, but they hurt deeply. Place yourself at the foot of the Cross and offer your FIAT with our Lady. I promise you she will bring you immeasurable graces through your precious child. I am going to Our Lady of Sorrows right now asking her to intercede for you and bring you comfort. I am also seeking the intercession of your precious saint to comfort his sweet mommy!
God's sweet mercy and peace be yours, Leocea. I am praying.
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: May 24 2008 at 4:48am | IP Logged
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Dear Leocea,
I wish I could hug you in person. I know the heartache of a miscarriage. We've had 3. One thing that has always been a comfort to me is knowing that Jesus and Mary hold my little ones in their arms. I have a prayer /quote from Mother Angelica which I just love. It has brought me great comfort and I keep it to pass on to others that are going through the difficulty of a miscarriage. It is written as a message to us from God.
"You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angesls singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty - he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in the Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents' merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth."
__________________
Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: May 24 2008 at 5:54am | IP Logged
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Dear Leocea,
I'm so sorry for your losses. And I do understand. I wanted to take a moment to offer you a bouquet of thoughts and meditations on sorrow gathered by some of the women here. I pray you find some words of comfort at Our Mother's Garden of Sorrow. The idea for the garden was conceived by Angie after she suffered a miscarriage. You are in my prayers.
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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chicken lady
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| Posted: May 24 2008 at 8:41am | IP Logged
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Dear Leocea,
I am very sorry for your pain and your loss. Please be assured of my prayers.
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Leocea
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| Posted: May 27 2008 at 4:44pm | IP Logged
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Thank you so much for your loving posts!
Elizabeth, I will ask my baby's intercession for your baby, their souls are the same age. :-)
In Christ,
Leocea
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Need reasurrance re: m/c
