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doris
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I've finally got round to sorting out the children's summer clothes, and discovered that I must have had a change of heart in between last summer and this. Some of the clothes I put away now seem immodest.
So -- what are your 'rules' for children's clothes? I suppose I let some styles by which I wouldn't wear myself but which I thought were ok for children -- I'm thinking of spaghetti straps, short shorts for girls, short skirts. As my dd is now 7 I'm thinking that she's no longer 'little' and sooner or later will be 'big' and I really, really won't want her wearing that sort of stuff -- if that makes any sense.
Also -- if anyone else has had a change of heart -- how have you handled it? Do you address it head-on, or just quietly change the selection of clothes?
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teachingmyown
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My oldest dd is 12. In past years, she has been allowed to wear bermuda shorts, no skirts at or above the knees, tank tops with wide straps and not clingy. This year she has developed into a young woman, so we will review each item piece by piece. She is on board with our opinions for the most part.
My other girls only wear dresses (8,6,4 and 2). Everything is below the knee and they wear bike shorts with them. They do wear "tank top" dresses as they call them. But NO spaghetti straps or bare backs.
I got the younger girls cute rash guards and skirted bathing suit bottoms this year. I am SO pleased with them! They can play in and out of the pool comfortably. My oldest is wearing one of my old suits. Not as modest as I would like, but it does have a skirt to the front and the neckline is pretty high. I may get her a rash guard for when we swim elsewhere. She won't like that.
The hardest thing is that our other Catholic friends are not on the same page with this. They wear tank tops and shorty shorts and most wear pretty typical bathing suits. Nothing horrible, but not our standard.
I have come to these standards as the girls have grown. If something doesn't fit in, it goes. I admit that there have been some cute things that I didn't want to part with. But I needed to stick with the standards we set.
Good luck!
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juststartn
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A combination of both. I've replaced some things as I came across them...and then just made sure not to buy anything that crossed that line.
As far as what I have said "head on"...well, my dds are usually with me when we go shopping. I make small comments here and there. They know that, for instance, we don't do skirts (or anything else) above the knee. I don't do tank tops...bikini bathing suits, etc (the girls generally get racing styles).
But that's just me. There's more to it than that, of course, but ykwim.
Rachel
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guitarnan
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We like to get multi-piece bathing suits (rash guard, coverup, etc.). My dd is an Irish step dancer (very aerobic) and we do let her wear tank tops for dance class so she can stay cool. Her shorts are probably the longest shorts at her Irish dance school (one pair was my ds's gym shorts!). It's a tough call, because she tends to overheat. In a dance studio (girls) I am OK with that. Church, street wear, etc., not so much.
Our biggest arguments come with tops, not shorts and skirts. All dd's shorter skirts are skorts, and she likes the long skirts I prefer, so that is OK. She loves the idea of halter tops, etc., but I normally just point out that she can't wear that stuff at Mass, so why buy it. This year we have tried hard to cut back on clothing expenditures (to pay for ds's backpacking gear and dd's Irish dance school dress...long sleeves and high neck!), so I've already told her that I am not paying for summer shirts this year. She's set up.
Now, we live in a humid, hot state, and so I am probably more lenient than someone in, say, Wisconsin might be. (Especially since my summer thermostat will be set to 80 degrees, because I am Total Scrooge Mom.) I do think that climate plays a part in these choices. 
Great topic. I'm looking forward to reading everyone's thoughts!
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MarieC
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We have standards much like those described above. Our rule for shorts is they have to be as long or longer than where their fingers touch on their legs. We allow tank tops but not spaghetti straps and shoulders must be covered for Mass. Just about every church we frequent has AC so they just wear a sweater over sleeveless dresses (it's hard to find dressy dresses with sleeves).
Bathing suits are always one piece...often racing style. This year I have rash guards for 2 of the 3 girls (still looking for one more!).
Good luck...it isn't always easy to find the right stuff, but it is out there. We've gotten more conservative as the oldest has gotten older (the girls are 10, nearly 8 and 6). They understand the guidelines and if anything are more likely than I am to follow them!  Two of my girls are very tuned in to modesty issues.
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Molly Smith
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teachingmyown wrote:
| My oldest dd is 12. In past years, she has been allowed to wear bermuda shorts, no skirts at or above the knees, tank tops with wide straps and not clingy. This year she has developed into a young woman, so we will review each item piece by piece. She is on board with our opinions for the most part. |
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This is exactly what happened here. Must be something about turning 12--suddenly she has a young woman's body! Aside from riding lessons, mucking stalls and Irish Dance (all hot activities where we allow tank tops, NOT camis), the style on top is the short sleeve tunic t-shirts. Any tanks/camis are worn under these t's are to have an extra show of color at the bottom of the shirt. On the bottom she wears mostly bermudas, capris, jeans and the occasional skirt. She has two tankini swim suits--one racer style from Costco that I love! The other is a more pretty one from the mall, but still modest IMO. (My big pet peeve is the girls in camisoles--worn alone, not under the tunics--especially at mass!)
My 5yo and 1.5yo dds are still under the threshold on some things. They can wear the sundresses with pretty tie straps or halters and still look carefree and innocent. This might be the last summer of those for dd5, but we'll just not buy new ones next year.
The boys are a cinch, aren't they? The style for shorts now is so darn long! It's like the boy version of capris! All of my boys (10, 8 and 3) wear rash guards at the pool, by choice, because they look cool. Not to change the thread, but add to it: I'm curious to hear from moms of teen boys--what are the modesty issues with boys? I tend to focus on the girls, but I have boys coming up the pike too and will certainly be caught off guard!
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guitarnan
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My teen boy is blissfully unaware of style issues, but I'd think the biggest modesty issues with teen boys would be pants that sag down too far (droopy "waistline") and those annoying tank-style undershirts that are often worn as outerwear, exposing far too much of a young man's chest, tattoos, etc. I'm glad my ds isn't into those two fashion trends. (Or tattoos; he dislikes permanent alterations to the body.)
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marihalojen
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Nancy, I have to say I saw the coolest teen boys during Lent though. They were down here for a retreat from Stubenville and one of them had a rosary tattooed on his upper arm, nice change from the skulls, parrots and asian barbed-wire we usually see! 
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chicken lady
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I am with the other 2 Molly's, my soon to turn 12 yr old dd.... is WOW!.... growing up!
We follow no skirt above the knee, swim suits are rash guards and shorts, except for swim team times. No sleeveless, pretty much the standard Vatican dress code for mass.
I love what Padre Pio asked someone,"would you rather be hot now or later"?
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guitarnan
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LOL Molly! I'll have to remember that one. Padre Pio is one of my favorite saints.
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LisaR
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Molly Smith wrote:
| I'm curious to hear from moms of teen boys--what are the modesty issues with boys? I tend to focus on the girls, but I have boys coming up the pike too and will certainly be caught off guard! |
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we have noticed that girls get really touchy feely with our almost 15 y/o son. homeschooled or not, it makes no difference. he looks like a man- 5 11, handsome, etc, but is not comfortable at all with girls running their fingers through his hair, etc.
he has a few one liners that I've heard him say and it gets them to stop, but I can't think now, and he and dh (who would remember) are caving this weekend.
We taught the kids early on to change the channel during immodest commercials during sports on TV (about all the boys watch) and so that is now second nature to him, which I'm glad about.
I think with teen boys, it is more about guarding their vision and what is coming at them, kwim?? boys/men are VERY visual.
It is true- I don't have to think about clothing at all with my first 4!! yipee!!
but with Maria (who is super active, hmm wonder why ) we put bloomers or bike shorts or capris/leggings under all of her dresses from day one.
now at age 3 she is so used to it she won;t wear a dress without "Pants on"
I do have some tank style dresses for the summer, but no spaghetti straps or those halter dresses that seem so popular! there are sicko men out there who like seeing little girls in more "adult" type clothing.
She does not really have shorts for this summer, but she does wear capris, and pants, and even has a pair of jeans.
the shorts I had seen seemed to be really short shorts and since I don;t wear shorts I figured she did not need to either??
oh, and I got her a rash guard swim suit at Target, really inexpensive, modest, and cute!!
we did the same last year at Wal Mart!!
lisa, still learning
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LisaR
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chicken lady wrote:
I love what Padre Pio asked someone,"would you rather be hot now or later"? |
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ROTFL!!!!
I'm hanging on to this gem!!!
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Lisa
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juststartn
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I have a question, in case some of you ladies live in tick-prone rural areas...
How do you dress your dds modestly (around here, this means skirts) in summer, without worrying about the constant danger from tick bites? We had one bite my middle dd about a week ago, now, and while we don't believe she has Lyme disease (thank goodness), we have to be on the look out for symptoms of it and Rocky Mountain spotted fever, etc. I just don't know how to do it...We've got two acres just of yard (and they frequently go thru some of the other 8 to get to the two big man-made hills on the place--thru the pasture we're haying off later this summer). Despite telling them to "stay out of the long grass"...well, you can imagine how useful *that* is...
Help!
Rachel
Help!
Rachel
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marihalojen
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The recommended clothing to avoid ticks:
Loose jeans tucked into socks, long sleeved shirt, solid colors for ease of seeing the ticks. Loose undergarments, ticks and chiggers tend toward tight areas.
You don't want to give them extra hiding places i.e. voluminous skirts and frills. Keep the grass short in the yard, buy guinea hens for yard birds, keep fence lines burnt off (we always used fire instead of chemicals, you might prefer round-up) any bushes or hedges around the house should be trimmed high. Mom used to put powered sulfer in her shoes. Tick checks every single night. No house pets that go outside.
We still got ticks, I contracted Lyme Disease and got the heck out of dodge and moved to the FL Keys, the rest of my family moved to Maui. Neither place is tick prone.
Good Luck with your ten acres, Rachel. Hope this helps.
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juststartn
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We're in the process of buying some guineas (I think).
The fence lines are pretty low, but we'll likely opt for burning too (over the chemicals).
Rachel
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I also have problems with some of the words/pictures on clothes that gifted to us or handed down. No words on the back of the pants - not for anyone no matter how young. Also, many of the slogans on girls' shirts are questionable. How could my MIL give my 7 yo a shirt that says "Lil Hottie" and think it was cute?????
Mary
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nissag
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Interesting thread. We have pretty simple rules - over the navel, above the cleavage, to the fingertips at least. We haven't had to address the spaghetti straps issue - no bare arms at Mass. Clothing can be shapely (tailored), but must be well-fitting. Tight, lowrise jeans are a no-no.
No character wear (Disney, etc.), and no nasty or suggestive language on shirts.
We really haven't had any issues - no one has ever asked to wear anything inappropriate. My nieces dress rather provocatively, and my own children appear to be utterly disgusted. My oldest daughter's (15) friends sometimes choose questionable outfits, but I don't get any indication that those styles interest her.
Thank goodness I haven't had to have that battle yet. I hope I never do.
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Red Cardigan
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Well, I do still let my girls wear sleeveless shirts (not spaghetti strap etc.) and longer-length shorts in the summer, but climate has a lot to do with it. The first year we lived here in Texas, Labor Day weekend temps were around 110, give or take 2 degrees. I know people say that pioneer women wore heavy skirts and layers of long-sleeved and ankle length underclothing back when there was no air conditioning, but I also know that pioneer women often died quite young, too, and death from heatstroke in these parts is still a possibility when temps climb into the triple digits for many of the poor who don't have working a/c.
Of course, for Mass my girls wear skirts and shirts with sleeves or a dress with sleeves; if the dress is sleeveless they have to wear a light sweater or shirt over it at least during Mass.
A consideration for those with young children: even back fifty years ago or more it was considered quite acceptable for children up to about age five or so to wear very light clothing in the summer--short pants for boys (who had to EARN the right to wear "big boy" slacks) and cap-sleeved or even sleeveless short dresses or backless playsuits (though not at Mass, of course) for tiny girls. These clothes weren't considered 'immodest' because our culture hadn't yet displayed the sickness of s*xualizing children at every turn--these were just 'baby outfits' and not at all a problem for the littles.
Even today, I would seriously consider the age of the child and the temperature outside when making decisions about appropriate clothing; while it's never a bad idea to think about modesty, it's also true that young children, even those of five or six, can overheat easily if they are dressed too warmly.
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LisaR
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Red Cardigan wrote:
Even today, I would seriously consider the age of the child and the temperature outside when making decisions about appropriate clothing; while it's never a bad idea to think about modesty, it's also true that young children, even those of five or six, can overheat easily if they are dressed too warmly.
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good point.
I buy only light colored clothes for the kids summer wardrobe, for the most part. we avoid Navy blue, black of course, and darker purples/pinks, browns, etc.
Maria's "pants" for under her summer dresses are white- white ribbed capris from hanna andersson, or white bloomers.
however, I stopped wearing shorts (even bermudas) and going sleeveless years ago, and don;t feel any warmer covered up a bit more?? maybe color of fabric/weight of fabric play a vital part as well??
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Red Cardigan
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Color and weight of fabric certainly do matter, Lisa. I grew up in Illinois, and I don't remember wearing sleeveless or shorts except in August as a child.
But here in TX it's a whole 'nother ball game! If you wear a lightweight, light colored skirt you have to put a slip under it to be modest, KWIM? And in temps above 95 that slip's gonna cling to you and cause--er--perspiration issues.
But if you do without the slip--well, I can't tell you how many times I've seen a woman who clearly thinks she's dressed modestly--but whose long light colored skirt is showing her legs and undergarments every time she gets into the light!! Even in church! I always assume she just doesn't know--and if you only look at yourself in a full-length mirror at home you may not realize how much you're revealing in the strong glare of the summer sun. 
So while I don't wear shorts myself, and really don't think women over 35 generally ought to wear them except around the house or at the beach not only for modesty issues but for issues of maturity (c'mon, how many of us have gorgeous knees after 30?) I don't mind my girls wearing them for outdoor play. They reveal less than a short skirt, are a lot less see-through than a long one, and don't require a wardrobe full of slips which are getting harder and harder to find.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Modesty for children
