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LucyP
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| Posted: Jan 30 2008 at 4:04am | IP Logged
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Or get her back to sleep?
Our dd (9.5 months) has a charming habit of waking up at around 4am and then staying awake grizzling, grunting, "talking" to herself, hitting the cot bars, flailing her limbs around...The other day she was awake from 1am-5am, dozed for half an hour and then was up again until I gave in and got up. She is teething, but she is so difficult to comfort. She is adopted and came to us at 6 months, so is likely not fully attached yet - she won't calm with a cuddle (we co-sleep with her in a sort of co-sleeper arangement attached to the bed), and she won't take a pacificer (which was Mum's suggestion). She will drink formula, but if we allow her she will guzzle 3 full bottles overnight, and I don't want to train her body to expect to lie awake all night feeding.
Our plan is to completely abolish her morning nap (which she has pretty much abandoned on her own) and limit the afternoon to one hour or so, and put her to bed half an hour later and see if the exhaustion helps her sleep through. Would that work?
Could she be that hungry that she has to keep waking up and feeding?
I am at a loss and wholly exhausted. Moving her back to her own room to cry it out isn't an option for us, but I feel like I may need that soon myself!
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SusanJ
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I've heard from many moms and have seen to some degree in our family that "sleep begets sleep". Meaning: don't exhaust her during the day because it will backfire at night. This stops working at some point (with 3yos, for example) but it's something to consider.
Susan
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CrunchyMom
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There is a study/book out called "Sleepless in America." I haven't read it myself, but it does confirm the sleep begets sleep scenario. It isn't just something mother's have "observed." It is true that children will sleep less and more restlessly when overtired.
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JSchaaf
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We brought our adopted son home at 13 months (he's been home 3 months now). When we first got home we tried co-sleeping...it was the same as you describe. He did not sleep well and was up quite a bit in the night. Finally I put him in his crib in his own room. He settled down to sleep and slept 9 hours. No need to cry it out. No real advice for you, just wanted to share my experience!
Jennifer
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LucyP
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| Posted: Jan 30 2008 at 8:42am | IP Logged
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Hmmm, I don't know what to do!
Jennifer, she was in her room, but when there her sleep was as light and disorganised as in our room - the difference is now I guess we know about it each and every night! And, the trigger for bringing her in with us again was that she would scream and scream with no sign of abating - which we figured was anxiety as she would not scream until I left the room. That has stopped now she is in with her brother in our room at bedtime and knows we will be there too later.
Lindsay and Susan, I just wonder how much sleep to allow her. Maybe this is my sancification opportunity :o)
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Lara Sauer
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I really have no recommendations on how to get her to sleep better. There are all kinds of theories out there, but I think whatever you do, must proceed from your heart, as you will have to feel comfortable with whatever decision that you make. My own children, (I have 7, although non by adoption) range in age anywhere from 14 months to 20month before they sleep a full night. Sometimes I am up nursing them every 3-4 hours. I usually co-sleep with them until they start waking me up with their elbows and knees! 
I would like to recommend one thing, however, that has helped me with this time of their life, which I would like to remind you, is really of such short duration. A very sweet older friend of mine, who was a mother of many, told me to pray for the virtues of chastity and purity to grow in my child each time that they awakened me at night. Having something like this to offer up the constant interruptions in my sleep was very helpful. I really think it helped me to grow in charity for my littles one.
So perhaps what you could do would be to find a length of time that you are comfortable allowing her to try and self sooth and fall back to sleep, and during that time, pray the Rosary for her, asking our Gentle Mother to help your darling fall asleep. If a whole rosary is too long, then start with a decade. If at the end she is still crying, then she must need some physical reassurance from you.
One other thing that really must be added, however, is that you need to find some time to catch up on the sleep that you are missing, even if it is only in 15 minute snatches, here and there. You can not take good care of your little darling if you are not taking good care of yourself!
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Dawnie
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Lucy,
I understand your concern about giving her several bottles of formula at night. What about plain water in a bottle? Perhaps she is thirsty?
Just throwing out ideas....
Dawn
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Lara Sauer
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| Posted: Jan 30 2008 at 9:38am | IP Logged
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Dear Lucy,
There are all kinds of theories out there on how to get your little one to sleep through the night, but I think whatever you do, must proceed from your heart, as you will have to feel comfortable with whatever decision that you make. My own children, (I have 7, although none by adoption) range in age anywhere from 14 months to 20 months before they sleep a full night. Sometimes I am up nursing them every 3-4 hours. I usually co-sleep with them until they start waking me up with their elbows and knees!
I would like to recommend one thing that has helped me with this time of their life, which I would like to remind you, is really of such short duration. A very sweet older friend of mine, who was a mother of many, told me to pray for the virtues of chastity and purity to grow in my child each time that they awakened me at night. Having something like this to offer up the constant interruptions in my sleep was very helpful. I really think it helped me to grow in charity for my littles one. Now that I am nearing the end of my child bearing years, I find that those hours in the middle of the night don't frustrate me nearly as much as they used to, because I know it won't be long before I won't have that sweet warmth of a baby's cheek pressing closely to mine. I am really learning to appreciate those quiet minutes when there is no one else but me and my baby.
Perhaps what you could do would be to find a length of time that you are comfortable allowing her to try and self soothe and fall back to sleep on her own, and during that time, pray the Rosary for her, asking our Gentle Mother to help your darling fall asleep. If a whole rosary is too long, then start with a decade. If at the end she is still crying, then she must need some physical reassurance from you.
One other thing that really must be added, however, is that you need to find some time to catch up on the sleep that you are missing, even if it is only in 15 minute snatches, here and there. You can not take good care of your little darling if you are not taking good care of yourself! My husband is very good at keeping the house quiet on a Sunday afternoon so that I can sleep for a few hours!
God Bless. You will be in my prayers!
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CrunchyMom
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Dawnie wrote:
Lucy,
I understand your concern about giving her several bottles of formula at night. What about plain water in a bottle? Perhaps she is thirsty?
Just throwing out ideas....
Dawn |
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Yes! My boys have always woken up thirsty--one of the biggest motivations in nursing at night, imo. My three year old STILL goes to bed with a sippy of water, and if he doesn't, he wakes us up to go get him water in the night. I finally discovered with my second the thirst factor and the fact that my supply goes down at night--and I keep a sippy for him, too, because sometimes, even when he wants to nurse, the sippy makes him nurse down faster after a few slugs to quench his thirst.
Plus, at 9 mos, they might still need some milk at night. Maybe not 3 bottles, but she could be hungry, too.
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mary theresa
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SusanJ wrote:
I've heard from many moms and have seen to some degree in our family that "sleep begets sleep". Meaning: don't exhaust her during the day because it will backfire at night.
Susan |
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I have heard this too: "The more they sleep, the more they can sleep." if you know what I mean 
I have heard also that alot of activity or noise or overstimulation, or changes in routine or stress during the day makes it harder for a baby to sleep at night. Peaceful days = peaceful nights.
I feel your pain though as I am kept up every night till 12 or 1 by my 1-month old who WILL NOT settle at night, OR nap in a way that coincides with my toddler napping during the day so that I can.
Different, I know, but I understand sleepless nights are SO awful! I TRY to offer it up for all the sins being committed during those hours, (which is something I've heard) . . . but really mostly, I just feel like running miles away sometimes!
I will say a prayer for you!
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JodieLyn
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Well all of my babies have still needed to eat during the night.. not constantly, but SIX hours is the medical definition of sleeping through the night. And by this age they'd sleep close to that but would wake and need to eat. Now I breastfed them so that will make some difference. But I would think a small "snack" is probably not out of line.. especially if it means that she'll go back to sleep without the hours of playing around. Also, if she's going through a growth spurt.. that can mean she needs to eat more than she was just recently as well.
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mellyrose
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Lydia (9 months yesterday) sleeps from around 11PM to 5AM, nurses for 1/2 hour or so and then goes back to sleep until 8 or 9. I'm not sure when your little one goes to sleep for the night, but 6 hours straight is considered sleeping through. Maybe a bottle at 4AM would help her sleep a few more hours?
I know Lydia is hungry, and isn't 9 months the start of another growth spurt time as well? She has been nursing as much as ever (6-8 times/day), in addition to eating solids 2 or 3 time a day.
Good Luck! I know how difficult it is to be tired!
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doris
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You've had some great suggestions, Lucy. Just a couple of thoughts of my own. Is she hot/cold? Mine were all in sleeping bags (the baby sort that you zip them into) and they slept really well in there -- so cosy. Is your room nice and dark? Black-out blinds made all the difference to my lot.
On the dummy front -- if you want to give it another try, you may find that a different brand does the trick. My eldest dd would never take a dummy. Ds didn't, either, until I randomly tried another brand. (I'm not instinctively very keen on dummies but sometimes you just have to survive!)
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SallyT
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Black-out blinds are a great idea -- they do help children not to wake up quite so early.
I don't know when her last feeding is at night, but if you'd like her to stretch out a little more in the morning, you might consider waking her for a bottle at 11 or so. Then if she wakes and seems to want something (real fussing as opposed to just grunting and moving about), try a little water.
If she's just grizzling a bit and moving, rather than really crying, you might just give her a pat or stroke her head to let her know you're there, then say a prayer for her (as Lara says), and try to tune her out for a bit. She might resettle on her own without coming to a full cry which you would need to respond to. Sometimes all we accomplish by responding to the "eh-eh-eh," rustle-rustle-rustle that babies do is to wake them up fully, so that it is that much harder for them to fall asleep again.
That is a restless age, anyway, and I sympathize. Often, aside from teething, they're at least thinking about pulling up, if not actually doing it; their little bodies are set on "grow and go," and that makes it hard for them to stay settled. Often there's not much you can do about that, except to be attentive to any real need, and to be lovingly there.
My thoughts, anyway . . .
Sally
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Barbara C.
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Here is just my 2 cents, and I should warn you that I just finished reading "Our Babies, Our Selves" so my head is swimming with what I absorbed. I also have no experience with adoption.
Just from my experience, I have had times where my kids (at various ages) would just wake up in the middle of the night and not drift back easily. I've kind of learned that it is sometimes best for me to go ahead and get up if they won't drift back off after a half hour. I try to keep the lights low, and I might give them something to drink and try to rest on the couch. Often within an hour of this, they are ready to go back to bed.
And something I absorbed from the book was that Americans and Western Europeans carry and interact with their babies significantly less than most other cultures. This can result in baby and mother being less in tune with each other on a physiological level. So I don't know if there is anyway that you can carry her around and keep her on you more. It might help her get more in tune with your heart, breathing, and life rhythms, and thus may make it easier for her to be soothed by cuddling at night. You are already attuned to her, but maybe she can learn to become more attuned to you.
I wish you luck, because I am one mama that NEEDS her sleep.
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Lisa R
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Oh, I wish I had some advice for you (and me ). Hannah came home 15 months ago (adopted at 20 months) and still doesn't sleep through the night!  She is having her tonsils removed this Friday morning  and we've discovered she has some sleep apnea. I'm so praying that is our problem.
We are traveling to adopt another little girl in late March who will be 17 months old. I'm praying she is a better sleeper!
I so understand where you're coming from.  I'll pray for you.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: How do you stop baby waking up?
