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Matilda
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| Posted: Jan 22 2008 at 9:34am | IP Logged
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Right now, I have a 3 1/2 year old boy who is having a very hard time understanding/accepting that it is his 10 year old brother's birthday and not his! Rather than enjoying the party, he is moping and sad and looking at the decorations and crying that it isn't HIS birthday. He keeps insisting that HE is going to open the presents, HE is going to blow out the candles, etc...
Any advice on how to make this easier for him. My oldest son chose a "knights theme" which we thought the youngest would really get into, but right now he is just a grumpy-puss whenever we mention that it is Zane's birthday, not his but that he is welcome to join the family party and have fun with us.
Help!
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Let me just add that this is not like him. Yes, we have been working on the concept of sharing and he has had some minor struggles with the concept, but for the most part, he is very willing to take turns. I guess the coolness factor of a birthday is too much for him today.
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Charlotte (Matilda)
Mom to four (11 , 10 , 9 & 5 ) an even split for now
with bookend boys and a double girl sandwich
Waltzing Matilda
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mavmama
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| Posted: Jan 22 2008 at 10:57am | IP Logged
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We have a lot of this at birthday time, too. I think it is becasue the twins' birthday is the first one in the group, and the others never did understand why the girls both got to have a birthday, when they (the boys) had to wait and have theirs one at a time.
We talk a lot about sharing and being happy for the others in the days preceeding. Not much help, am I? But I do commiserate with you!
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Liz
Blessed by 4 wonders
dd11, dd911, ds9, ds8
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Matilda
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| Posted: Jan 22 2008 at 11:11am | IP Logged
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Thanks Liz!
I was starting to wonder if I was the only one. Empathy helps!
I removed him from the rest of the kids for a while and let him sit and think about how sad it would be to not get to have fun with them. My oldest son is being a trooper and letting the youngest help unwrap a gift or two and giving him a turn with the new toy (a rubber band airplane). That plus the time out seems to have helped a little. I know, however, that our schedule will make it necessary to skip naptime today and I am not looking forward to his attitude come this evening! (Thank goodness he slept late this morning!)
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Charlotte (Matilda)
Mom to four (11, 10, 9 & 5) an even split for now
with bookend boys and a double girl sandwich
Waltzing Matilda
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CAgirl4God
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| Posted: Jan 22 2008 at 11:43am | IP Logged
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I think that at three, no matter how hard we try and how good of a job we do, it is just hard for a toddler to understand the concept of 'sharing' (no matter what that sharing is about).
all the focus is one someone other than our little ones, AND they get presents! lol no fair they cry.
Judy has done this a couple of times esp since Christmas.
a nice present came in the mail from dh for our anniversary.. Judy thought it was for her LOL. and did throw a bit of a fit.
one thing that helps her, if it is possible, is that we let her 'help' the person open the present (s). and throw away the wrapping etc...
and then as soon afterwards as possible get her tohelp pass out cake or something... lol.
I think it is mostly a stage they are going to go through though. and as they get older they can better understand sharing etc...
Prayers
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folklaur
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| Posted: Jan 22 2008 at 12:14pm | IP Logged
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My oldest child's is Oct 13th, my middle child's is Oct 10th -- but my youngest child's birthday is in JUNE. October is a very hard month for her! 
Yes, like was mentioned, we let her help in ways that she can - throwing away wrappings, help handing out the cake, etc.
Sometimes they just have to learn that they need to share the spotlight - very hard, especially for the youngest!
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mom3aut1not
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| Posted: Jan 22 2008 at 7:22pm | IP Logged
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Matilda,
I must be a softie. I instituted "Other Birthday Presents." Each OBDP would be a very inexpensive albeit carefully chosen item given to a sibling of the birthday child. This mollified one particular child (who later turned out to have a mood disorder). As they grew older (and I explained why I had done it), we just stopped doing it. I think they grew to regard it as something babyish. My little guy who is so much younger than his siblings has not really made a fuss.
In Christ,
Deborah
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Mary G
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| Posted: Jan 22 2008 at 8:02pm | IP Logged
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OK, we have this problem around here ... we just had Christmas but then Thomas' birthday was on Friday and boy are Maggie (whose birthday is March 1, when she'll be 8) and JP (whose birthday is Nov 24, when he'll be 6) are just not understanding either! I think it's the nearness to Christmas -- when EVERYONE gets something -- that is throwing them off.
Definitely a pain and no suggestions on how to help ... but it doesn't get easier the older they get!
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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Matilda
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| Posted: Jan 22 2008 at 8:13pm | IP Logged
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Well, we spent the rest of the day working on a compromise. He called today his half birthday and did get to help open presents, blow out candles and got a little treat of his own. My oldest was having such a great day that he didn't mind sharing a little bit of it. It might not have worked if he was younger. Thanks for the help!
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Charlotte (Matilda)
Mom to four (11, 10, 9 & 5) an even split for now
with bookend boys and a double girl sandwich
Waltzing Matilda
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mavmama
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| Posted: Jan 22 2008 at 9:29pm | IP Logged
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So glad it turned out alright 
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Liz
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dd11, dd911, ds9, ds8
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Jan 22 2008 at 10:22pm | IP Logged
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I used to take my dc aside a few days before the sibling's birthday and explain what would happen, how the other child would get presents, etc. I did this several days in a row. It doesn't make things totally perfect, but even young children can understand simple explanations. I've used this technique for long trips, unusual events (weddings!), etc. and it has been quite successful.
Also, as your children grow older, you can give them important jobs, such as helping to make the other child's cake, which will make them feel special and essential to the success of the day. When they see the other children doing this for them, year after year, it will reinforce the concept of family celebrations.
Lots of hugs help, too! I'm sure you figured that one out already!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: It’s-not -MY-birthday syndrome?
