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marianne
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| Posted: Dec 31 2007 at 10:11pm | IP Logged
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I am losing patience with the constant messes. I make my kids pick up after themselves, they have morning and evening chores, plus usually at some point during the day, I call for a clean up time. We clean up our school room at the end of school. However, my house is constantly messy looking!
I feel like all day long I'm picking up, bending over, picking up, putting away, throwing a scrap of this or that away, tidying, ect...then about 4pm, I give up until after dinner when I can tell the kids to start doing their chores and we can start moving toward bedtime. When I get them to bed and do the final "tidy", I just want to sit down with a glass of wine and look at it.
I guess my question is- how do I get used to a lived in look? It's not usually dirty, but messy, with books, crayons, toys, random things like spoons, hair things, a sock from out of nowhere... The constant mess stresses me out and makes me very crabby! I hide it, but I feel like all day I'm looking forward to 10pm when I can have a tidy house, instead of living in the moment with my busy, messy family. 
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SallyT
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| Posted: Dec 31 2007 at 10:21pm | IP Logged
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I can relate, Marianne -- my family is smaller (only 4 kids), but our house is small, with one common living area which right now is even more crowded with Christmas. I love it, but feeling that I'm stepping over STUFF all day makes me crazy. And I'm not always that good at hiding my crabbiness, either.
I'm trying to take deep breaths and get over it, but I'm also trying to train the kids -- not to avoid making natural messes, but to pick up one thing before going on to another, and especially to pick up clothes. That's my real pet peeve -- I can deal with evidence of learning and playing better than I can deal with evidence of someone's stripping off several layers in my living room. I figure that if I can get them to put away the socks, shoes, coats, and so forth, then that will be that much less clutter in one space, and I won't be so frazzed by the other stuff.
Wish I had some actual advice, because this is one of my weaknesses, too. Oh, how I love a tidy house late at night -- I think of it as putting the house to bed, and I love to sit and watch it sleep. The glass of wine is not bad, either, when I can get it!
Sally
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10 Bright Stars
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| Posted: Dec 31 2007 at 11:17pm | IP Logged
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I can completely relate to what you are talking about. I am a mom of 8 children and I am always trying to figure out a new solution to the mess. I keep thinking if I just figure out the magic formula, things will be kept in their proper place. My husband and I were just talking about this very subject earlier this evening. I was out at the grocery store and he had the kids clean up a bit since we had just gotten home from vacation. Then, he had them tidy up again, and then again! He was surprised that he kept having them clean up and in the course of time that I was out at the store, it kept getting messy again. He thought that we had to come up with a room for them all to just play in or keep their toys in etc., or we would just have to clean up before breakfast and after dinner and get used to what happened in between. To be honest, I don't have a solution! I keep trying to find one since I seem to feel very unnerved with a messy environment. It makes me feel nervous and as if I am on a whirl-a-gig at an amusement park. I get stressed feeling and wonder why I can't "keep up".
One thing that has helped around here is to realize that I cannot do it all. You HAVE to train the children to help you. I have various jobs that all children, down to the four year old, are expected to do right after breakfast each day. We call them "60-6's". Don't ask me why. My husband likes to make up strange names for things. Anyway, after breakfast I say, "Everyone get doing your 60'6's" and they immediately know what that means. Now, they don't always do them cheerfully, and the jobs must be checked. My MIL always says, "An unchecked job is a job undone!!" So, I have to remind them to put towels in the guest bathroom, or prod them to get going, but many hands make light work.
My husband keeps telling me to be a manager and not the doer. This is hard for me because #1 I like things done my way. #2. I came from a family where Mom did all the work because..she liked things done her way. #3 It is sometimes less annoying to just do it yourself rather than deal with discipline issues or fighting, BUT, he is right. I cannot run a household by scrubbing a little area here and there while the whole house is on fire!!! So, I think about the fast food joints that I have seen where the manager is running around like a chicken with his head cut off, with a huge line. There are numerous teen-age kids just standing around or being inefficient in their work. Then, to contrast that spectacle, you have the well-run establishment where the manager is MANAGING and delegating and using his brain as opposed to his hands to get numerous tasks done at once instead of one task done. Difficult to get used to if you want to do it the other way? Yes. Frought with obstacles from the underlings? Yes. BUT, in the long run, much more effective and efficient. Plus, you are equiping them with the skills to run their own home one day. Sacrifice yours for them.
Recently, I was 'down-loading" to my husband about how I could just not see how one mom was supposed to DO all of this!!! It just seemed (seems) like too much for one person to do. He sort of shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something empathetic with a heavy dose of, "dont' expect ME to do housework" kind of look and I saw the whole chat as a dead end. Much to my surprise, he came home quite energized and excited and exclaimed that he had been thinking about it at work and realized that one of his major talents was to organize programs in "crisis" and to get people who didn't want to work to work. So, he thought he would come up with an attack plan for "doing the dishes" for the kids and various other jobs and then get my oldest son to help with the laundry. I was very surprised at this turn of events and thought that God HAD indeed heard my prayers. Then, he asked me to get some paper to "take notes" as he proceeded to come up with his plan for the dishes on the fly. I sort of chuckled to myself as he ordered the kids to do this and that thinking that some of his timing was totally off and some of the ideas ridiculous or just plain wrong. BUT, I kept my mouth shut and just wrote it down, feeling quite desperate after all. He kept helping them out each day over the course of a week till they got it down to a science and low and behold, my kitchen is clean!!!!!!!!!!! Not perfect, but the jobs are done.
Sometimes it takes a fresh perspective. If you have someone willing to help train them, then ask them. My husband is a great delegator and comes from a long line of delegators. He doesn't mind doing that, but he does mind physically cleaning stuff. I hate delegating and don't mind cleaning, so it is great to have him help in the training process and the kids like that dad is involved. If your husband won't do this, then pray for a fresh perspective. Do you keep doing the same thing and expecting different results? Maybe come up with designated areas for things, get rid of uneccesary items, try to keep laundry IN the room where it is coming from instead of dumping it all in the laundry room. This really helped me. NO laundry comes out of the kids rooms until THEIR particular laundry day. Then, it is brought out, washed, dried and then put in a plastic tote labled with the child's name. It is NOT folded since they rumage through their drawers and unfold it anyway. Then, we take the tote into their room and put the clothes away. Wet clothes can be washed on any day, but again, are placed in a tote marked "kitchen" or "bathroom". This has cut down on the problem of separating so many children's clothes since they all have their own laundry hamper in the room and their own laundry room tote.
Keeping little ones occupied in the same room you do school in has helped us a lot. I used to do school with the bigger kids in the school room and then the little ones would have the run of the house. This led to numerous messes and problems. If you keep them right with you in the same room, and have things there to occupy them, then only one room gets destroyed. But, it will get destroyed from my experience. 
And, in keeping with a spiritual outlook..This too shall pass. I try to tell myself that THIS is the future that I always think is over the horizen. It is NOW not tomorrow, for tomorrow my house will be empty, clean and quiet. I will miss all those lovely little hand prints on my mostly glass back door. I will miss all the dirty clothes, muddy from fun with dad out back. I will miss all the plates that have been filled with meals my eldest son trys to make and soon I will be all alone, wishing someone were calling my name to interrupt my work. THIS is our vocation. THIS is our monastic life. Just like Mother Theresa we are called to see Jesus in the kids who are bickering, the clothes left on the staircase, (or in the face of the kid who LEFT them there. ) So, when it seems as if you can't stand it anymore, think about how fast it is all flying by. This has actually been freaking me out a bit lately. My eldest is turning 13 in a few days and will be GONE soon. GONE. Gone off to do his own thing, live his own life. No longer here to holler at his brothers and sisters, say witty things, be loud as heck but beautiful with his wisdom and curiosty. So, it will never be perfect. It will always be a little "on the edge". You will never find the "right" soultion, but will eventually find peace within yourself to deal with it all. Once the kids get older, it can't help but get better but we exchange the neat house for the babies all grown up. So, it is a trade off and I have to remind myself of that when I am embarrased when my Mom shows up and the breakfast dishes are on the table, the family room hasn't been "60-6"ed yet and I look a but rumpled. I have to think that THIS is my vocation, my path to heaven, and all of the mess is just dust compared to all the little blessings that I have now. In fact, she is coming over here FOR love! She always says that. (Since all of my girls maul her with affection and kisses.)Sometimes we have to check our pride.
Anyway, meant to be a pep-talk and a "keep it in perspective" thought. This too shall pass, and before we want it too. So, try to figure out what you can adjust and for the rest, just hold on right and enjoy the ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was amazed on our trip (to Florida) how many people seemed truly blessed to have just seen our family. One lady had two boys and kept wanting to hold my baby and seemed truly sad when she had to give her back to me!!!! Another man in line at a caribbean chicken place kept talking about my family, not knowing it was my family, and about how beautiful he thought all 6 of them were. Then, I pointed to the 2 older boys behind me and said, "7,8". He said, They are YOURS!!!? Then he proceeded to show me his new nephew that was born two days ago in Cuba on his cell phone etc. We are SO blessed, just not by the world's standards. I sometimes judge my house by what the world demands. Nicky neat, clean, cooki-cutter and EMPTY. In our home there is LIFE. LIFE! Just tell yourself that, and I will do the same, whenever the messes start to get to us. "Lord, thank you for this mess, for this reminder that there is precious life within my walls."
God bless!!!!!!
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Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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marianne
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| Posted: Jan 01 2008 at 7:46am | IP Logged
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Kim,
Oh my goodness, thank you for your thoughtful reply! It is just what I needed - I appreciate all of your reminders and advice.
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Topic: Large homeschooling family=constant mess
