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Medieval Mama
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| Posted: Dec 21 2007 at 6:39am | IP Logged
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Lately I've been going to bed at night feeling as if I haven't spent enough time with my children. Then my brain says, "That's ridiculous, you've spent all day every day with them since they were born!"
I know I just need to spend more quality time with each one of them, but there's so little time.
I was wondering if it's possible to spend quality time with a child while actually getting something done. Is it quality time when we're cleaning up the house if there's happy music playing and I'm not frowning or yelling? Or do I have to "play" with them on their own terms?
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Robynn
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Dec 21 2007 at 6:55am | IP Logged
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Robynn,
I'm not sure how old your children are, but I do know that my daughter (9) LOVES to cook with me. At first, when she was younger, it made all the cooking take twice as long, but now she can chop veggies (we're still working on aiming potato peels toward the sink or trash bin instead of floor), bake cookies (except for mixing the stiff dough; I help with that), etc. and she is addicted to the Food Channel. This year she has helped with all the Christmas baking, which is great.
So, yes, I think quality time includes getting the daily tasks done. It is important to teach children how to maintain a home and yard, how to do some simple cooking, how to mend clothes, stuff like that - these are life skills they will need later on.
When I trained to become a home daycare provider, I learned that even toddlers can be given small tasks to do (take silverware to sink, wipe table, pour milk from a child-sized pitcher), and I learned by observing the children that they really enjoyed being able to do these things for themselves. I think it's perfectly fine to expect children to help - and, given the appropriate circumstances, they tend to like the sense of accomplishment they gain after the job is done.
I used to get frustrated that some of these experiences (cleaning rooms, for one) took longer if I did them with the children, but I've learned over time to plan a longer time period for these jobs and to have the children help me anyway. I find I yell less if I allow enough time for the job and if we break it up into smaller tasks ("Today, we're going to clean out under your bed. Tomorrow we can worry about picking up the stuffed animals.").
I also read aloud to my dc every school day (note that they are able to read to themselves, too), and we've shared everything from Jan Brett picture books to the Chronicles of Narnia this way. (Latest read: Project Mulberry by Linda Sue Park) I consider this reading wonderful quality time.
I hope this helps!
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Bridget
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| Posted: Dec 21 2007 at 7:43am | IP Logged
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What Nancy said. When times move too fast and we are super busy, like now, the children spend time cooking and cleaning with me. And we prioritize reading aloud.
Also the family rosary at night is prime snuggle, discussion time. It's important on so many levels. It seems to give our children a sense of order and security in spite of chaos. (Though chaos is often big fun.)
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Natalia
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| Posted: Dec 21 2007 at 8:47am | IP Logged
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It seems to me that when I feel that I haven't had quality time with my children, it is because I have been with him but I HAVEN"T BEEN with them. My mind hasn't been there, just my body. This happens to me a lot when I have a million things to do,like during Christmas.
This year I decided that it doesn't matter what, we will have some time in which I would put "my to do list" t o rest and we will spend it together. So every day we have prayed together and the prayer time has been followed by some time of reading aloud- Christmas picture books, Christmas legends, fairy tales... It has been a glorious time but, it took commitment on my part to make it
happen.
And today, we will spend some quality time cleaning the house. It needs it badly. So as you said, we will play happy music and work in a room at a time.
Natalia
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Quality time when there is no time?
