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doris
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We were at a birthday party today, and our hostess said, 'So, are you ready for 4 children? You know that going from 3 to 4 children is the most difficult jump of them all, don't you?' First of all I laughed and thought she was teasing me... but she was serious!!! She has 4 children herself and didn't find the leap too difficult, but her gaps are much bigger. Apparently she heard this from other parents of 4.
I hadn't actually been worrying too much about this -- given that the gap between my older children is 20 months in each case, I'd been assuming that the 4 year gap would make things a breeze (relatively, of course). But am I being naive?? She's got me worried! (Just to add to all the other things I was worrying about already... I know she didn't mean to be unkind, btw!)
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CrunchyMom
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Dh's dad said 2 to 3 was hardest because then you were outnumbered. (They had 12 under 17)
His brother says that after 4 it is all the same, but I haven't heard him say anything particularly ominous about 4, just that any number over that didn't really make it that much harder (he has 10 under 20).
I would imagine the 4 year gap makes a big difference. Dh's parents had their first four in four years! I would imagine the spacing is significant in the perceptions of different families--not to mention the temperaments and order of the children.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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JodieLyn
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I've always found adding the odd number is the hard one.. and most people do find 2-3 the hardest.
for me then adding in 5 it sounded so big.. that I kept having to count the kids because it seemed like there should be more for that big number 
And my beautiful #7 has just thrown my whole world off.. I had systems that worked for the most part.. and it feels like I'm relearning how to get everything done again. But I figure since the odd numbers are the hard ones.. that adding #8 into it won't make that much difference.. and maybe with that "extra time" I'll be ready for the next curve ball after that if we get one. 
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amyable
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0-1 and 1-2 were MY hardest, adding the others were sometimes difficult but for non-baby related reasons (i.e. death in family, etc)
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dawn2006
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Elizabeth,
I have no practical advice but just wanted to throw my towel in with yours. Our fourth is due in Feb and there will be a 2 1/2 year gap between him and my youngest. That seems like a break for us!! I feel the most competent and relaxed that I've felt since my first was born and am now feeling apprehensive about how I'm going to go back to "the baby could cry and/or poop at any minute and you want me to give you guys breakfast?!?!"
I read some information this week that suggested giving yourself 6-12 months for things to resemble anything orderly again. Maybe this time around I can have the perspective I didn't have with my others, namely that "this too shall pass". But hopefully I won't wish for it to pass too quickly and I'll just keep repeating to myself "6-12 months, 6-12 months" and pray I don't develop a visible twitch while doing so! ROFL!
Good luck to you and ((hugs)). BTW, I'd always heard that anything more than 3 was the same.
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SuzanneG
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Going from 1-2 was the hardest for me.
Adding #4 was the easiest, maybe b/c there WAS that 2 year gap instead of 15 or 17 months .
I don't think you're being naive......it makes a big difference NOT to have a toddler AND a newborn to care for. (not that i would KNOW or anything )....but just throwing that out there.
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Maryan
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So far going from 3 - 4 was the easiest! I agree 0-1 was the hardest for me. Then 2 - 3 because of the no extra hands thing...
By 3 - 4, I had someone who could grab diapers, make pb&j sandwiches, etc.!! So I think your older kids will be a big help!!
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Maryan
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teachingmyown
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Well, I hate to say it, but 4 threw me for a loop! But... I think it has alot to do with spacing and your toddler's temperament. My kids were 8, 3.5 and just turning 2 when my 4th was born. She was a very easy baby, but my toddler was very difficult and it was a huge adjustment for me. Add to that the fact that it is my 4 yr olds who usually have the hardest time adjusting to a new baby, and things were just hard for a while.
You get through it, after the first few months, and then it isn't all that different.
I am sitting here wondering if #8 will be the one to really send my over the edge! Four was a walk in the park compared to seven. I am pretty convinced that anything over six is just nuts!
Don't worry. You have a good sized gap there like you said. Every family is different so it isn't particularly useful to look at other families' experiences.
You will do great! 
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Molly
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Alice R
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I thought 1 to 2 was the hardest.
3 to 4 was easy. At this point, it just becomes crowd control.
Every number is unique to the family and their lifestyle. No one can predict which number child will tip the scales. 
Blessings!
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Bridget
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Whatever number tips the scales, and they will tip, either from a new baby or some other family situation, they WILL balance again. We so can't control those things, better to look forward with joy and courage. There is joy and happiness in the midst of anything.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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hopalenik
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Hi,
Going from 1 to 3 was the hardest for us. Adding numbers 4 and 5 were a piece of Cake. But for singlet births I always heard 2-3 was the worst or 1-2. Good luck.
Holly
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vmalott
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DH and I agree that going from 2-3 was the biggest adjustment for us...might have been the ages of the two older kids (4 and 2.5). I'm anticipating a bit of difficulty with going from 6-7, mainly because the 3yo has been "the baby" for such a looooong time compared to the other kids!
Valerie
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asplendidtime
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I have soon-to-be eight kids my oldest just turned nine! And I thought that having my fourth was the easiest to add on! Really!!! 
One was hard because I lost my independence, two was difficult because I felt I had to learn to divide attention, and I had two in diapers! Three was hard because now dh and I were outnumbered, and I was madly trying to get my first two out of diapers so I didn't have three in diapers! But I did anyways!
And when I had my fourth my oldest was 3 1/2, he was potty trained and so was my second child, I thought "hey, I can do this Mommy thing"! By the fourth, I was really experienced at pregnancy, didn't feel intimidated with dividing my attention, had three labours/births under my belt, had all of the gear.... It was the best to that date!
Ask me next time about the fifth...
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Michaela
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hopalenik wrote:
| Going from 1 to 3 was the hardest for us. Adding numbers 4 and 5 were a piece of Cake. But for singlet births I always heard 2-3 was the worst or 1-2. Good luck. |
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Same for us. Going from 1 to 3 almost did me in.
3 to 4 has been such a joy.
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Stephanie_Q
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0-1 was not too crazy for me, but I was still working full time.
1-2 with a transition from stay-at-home-dad to stay-at-home-mom was the hardest for me...
2-3 was also pretty difficult, because I realized that I only had 2 arms!
3-4 was easy because I'd already learned how to divide my attention and respond to the biggest "emergency" when everyone is screaming at once...:)
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Barbara C.
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Now you all are scaring me as I go from two to three!
One was the hardest for me. It was such an adjustment. Plus, she has always had a very intense temperament. One to two wasn't too bad, but thankfully, my second baby has been much less demanding. Plus, our circumstances (financially and housing-wise) made things easier.
I am worried about what will happen with number 3. For all of my oldest daughter's intensity and issues, she has never ever been jealous of her baby sister. (Not that they don't argue occasionally.) However, my younger daughter, even though she is less demanding, has already shown more signs of possessiveness of me. She will also be six months younger (2 1/2) than my older daughter was when becoming a big sister.
I think everybody's temperaments and your environmental situation can have the biggest say in how difficult it is to integrated a new baby. Of course, that's opinion in my very limited experience.
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Rachel May
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Bridget wrote:
| Whatever number tips the scales, and they will tip, either from a new baby or some other family situation, they WILL balance again. We so can't control those things, better to look forward with joy and courage. There is joy and happiness in the midst of anything. |
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Good point Briget!
I met and loved James' godparents when his godfather said, "Your having #4?! #4 is the BEST!" And he was right. So was 1, 2, 3, 5, and 6.
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Erin
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2 and 3 children were my hardest, four was far easier for me, my oldest by then was 6. The thing about four is the washing, I did find that was more constant. With four children I HAD to wash daily.
Barbara C wrote:
Now you all are scaring me as I go from two to three!
One was the hardest for me. It was such an adjustment. Plus, she has always had a very intense temperament. One to two wasn't too bad, but thankfully, my second baby has been much less demanding. Plus, our circumstances (financially and housing-wise) made things easier. |
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Now Barbara, don't be scared, maybe YOUR hardest years are done. For ME number 2 and 3 were the hardest because of their health issues, one had bleeding eczema and the other had reflux/colic plus dh was working long, long hours, and my oldest was only 5. The issues surrounding each birth really contribute to how we cope.
My memories of my 4th are amongst my happiest, he was a winter baby and we spent all winter snuggled on the lounge under a doona reading Peter Rabbit  and after his screaming brother it seemed to me that he was such a HAPPY baby
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Angie Mc
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Barbara C. wrote:
One was the hardest for me. It was such an adjustment. Plus, she has always had a very intense temperament. One to two wasn't too bad, but thankfully, my second baby has been much less demanding.
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For me, becoming a mother was the big transition.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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marianne
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Adding #4 was the easist for me. #3 was the hardest.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Going from 3 to 4 children
