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onemoretracy
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My boys are 9,8 and 5. We have an ongoing problem with rowdiness inside the house. I know they need exercise etc...but I need help in having them get all of that energy out only outside!
I am hoping someone with mor experience can help me with some reasonable guidelines and strategies for dealing with this. They play outside almost every afternoon, but the rowdiness continues into dinner time etc... It can make chore time a nightmare. It can also be a problem during schooltime  My patience is so thin right now. Help!
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Tracy
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Cindy Mac
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Tracy -
I don't have any advice for you but am saying a little prayer for your peace. I'm also going to watch this thread since my little guys (4,3) can run me ragged with the rowdiness as well.
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Tami
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Tracy, it could be a combination of 2 things: lots of energy and just needing more training. Oh, and lots of testosterone! 
I'd make sure they're outside more than once each day. I remember hearing early on in my hs'ing days that in Japanese schools learning time was broken up with 20 minutes periods of physical activity. It was mentioned in the context of why the learning seemed so much more accelerated than for students in this country. But I also think it's just good common sense!
I'd suggest sending them outside more often, with at least one of those times being for a long stretch.
I also make a distinction between indoor and outdoor behaviour, just like with voices!  When my boys were all young, I'd remind them over and over that 'that behaviour' - running, bouncing the basketball against the 2nd floor wall (from the first floor landing!  ), jumping over banisters, etc., was for OUTSIDE!
Did I mention that I call my living room "Little Falujah?" 
As mothers, we really are up against their natural instincts, but they need us to help soften those rough spots. I tell myself all the time that one day their wives will appreciate all I'm doing for them. And my boys are old enough to understand that I don't want to feel like I'm living in a frat house! LOL
Even now, I have to tell them "Take it outside, please" when they get going in here, and one of them is 16!
Try to be patient with yourself, and them. It does take time. It's times like this when I say, "Boys. Gotta love 'em!"
ETA: I accidentally hit 'post' before I was finished, so came back and completed what I was saying.
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Tami
When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become. (Nouwen)
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lapazfarm
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I have a few strategies I use. They don't always work, but sometimes they'll do when just sending them outside isn't an option.
Strategy 1: Divide and conquer: get each of them into a separate area doing a separate thing so they do not feed off of each other. (ex: one in bedroom with legos, one in the bath, another in the living room with train set or a coloring book.) They can rotate when bored or you can set a timer and they switch automatically.
Strategy 2: Diversion tactics. Get out the playdoh or the paints or the rice bucket and let them have at it. It is still big fun, and a big mess, but not so noisy.
Strategy 3: Channel that energy for good rather than evil.Get out the window-washing, floor-sweeping, wood polishing, and vacuuming supplies and let them go to it. Don't worry about supervising that the job is done properly. Your goal isn't cleanliness, it is Godliness (or at least a bit of peace and quiet).
Strategy 4: Roll with it. Get out the rhythm instruments-drums, bells, triangles, shakers, or just pots and pans, put on some music and let them go to town. It'll be loud, but they will have smiles on their faces and wear themselves out.
Strategy 5: Boot camp. Dress them up in fatigues and have the oldest child lead a solid round of calisthenics. Nothing like 50 jumping jacks, running in place, and a dozen push ups to get the wiggles out!
Hope that helps.
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Barbara C.
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I wish I knew what to tell you. My girls get pretty rowdy sometimes, too. They want to alternate between wrestling and gymnastics. Sometimes we have some very dangerous ballroom dancing going on (usually during Dancing with the Stars). The older one usually instigates it and then drags the younger one around. The younger one is a pretty tough little thing with as much as she happily endures. I really had to put my foot down about the jumping and tumbling on and off the furniture.
And if their daddy is involved things sometimes get really out of control. I know it's just a matter of time before my hanging light in the foyer is broken by a punted football or a line-drive with the little foam baseball. And they both love to tackle him and each other as they pass the football.
My only suggestion, besides what someone else said about giving them an extra play period outside during the day, is maybe follow their outside time with a quieter inside activity: snack time, read aloud time, television, or break times in different rooms. And if they are unable to control their rowdiness within set limits then I would separate them.
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stefoodie
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Just wanted to drop in here and give you my sympathies  I'm the mom of boys ages 11 and 8 (plus 2 girls) -- and ARGH, the rowdiness sometimes makes me want to tear my hair out. And then the rare times when they're not rowdy I worry that they're too girlish. Sometimes I think I'm not cut out to be the mom of boys, but obviously God knows better --
what helps me: thinking that 10 years from now, they may not be as rowdy as they are today, and I'm SURE to miss it! (My brothers were rowdy too and you wouldn't know it the way they are now all grown up.)
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onemoretracy
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Ooh thanks for the good ideas!
Steph, I was raised in a very feminine environment so here I am with these 3 rowdy boys in complete bewilderment. My husband acts like one of them from time to time too!
I need some more guidelines on what is 'normal' acceptable boy behavior and what is inappropriate rowdiness. I wonder if my standards are too strict or too lenient. It is hard even to discern this with my husband, bc we were raised so differently. His was a very, very permissive household with no girls and mine was more strict, but very feminine.
I struggle between wanting to give my boys the freedom for their boyness and also wanting them to have appropriate behavior. Lee and I need some help and guidance on determining exactly what 'appropriate behavior' is.
The good news is that when they are at other people's homes or out in public, like at Mass, we recieve lots of compliments on their behavior and their character in general. The bad news is that at home the rowdiness etc...wears on me and I probably don't appreciate their efforts enough when they do make them either.
The past two days I have used outside time more, using it not only for free play when everything else is done, but to break up the day. It definately seems to be helping.
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Tracy
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JodieLyn
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Directed physical activity will tire them out better than just pushing them out the door. Try having them run laps around the yard.. for the first 10 minutes they're outside.. then let them just play.. sometimes "just play" isn't going to run out the energy.
Also.. give them a warning when it's time to come in.. so that they'll have time to "finish up" outside.
Then when they come in.. I would seperate them (different chairs?) and remind them that they're inside and the general rules (no rough housing, quiet voices, no running)
Of course I was the one snagging the little boys running in circles at my ILs house this Thanksgiving and tossing them out the back door. I was getting "we had boys, they're ok" ummm no they're not.. people can't see them and they're strong enough to knock down their great grandmother if not some of the younger adults too.. I just said.. they're old enough to go outside to run or not to run inside.
I don't quash their natural inclinations so much as I try and direct them or funnel them into appropriate locations..
For instance I don't mind the inside roughhousing.. especially with daddy.. and I'll join in on the wild dance parties but when it's time to stop it's time to stop and they'll be "funneled" into their rooms as a location they can continue in if they're not calming down in the main part of the house.
NO ball throwing of any kind in the house. I keep the lower levels fairly bomb proof but I live here too and I have some pretties on high shelves and they can learn to respect that.
But really some directed physical activity will seriously help with the calming down when they come in. I might even have them do some running when they first go out.. and then again before bringing them in.. so that they'll be huffing and puffing and ready for a bit of a rest which helps the transition even if it doesn't last very long.
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onemoretracy
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Thanks Jodie for your insight. We live on a great cul-de-sac so I have made use of the 'track' right outside of our front door on occasion, but I need to do it with more regularity. I love the idea of a couple of laps again right before they come in.
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JodieLyn
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Tracy.. we're on a dead end street.. and near the inlet.. so I've used it more than once myself and send the kids to run to the end and back
I've even done it just because they were so squirrely they couldn't get focused on the task at hand.. one run down and back and they were much better. (even my girls enjoy this)
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hereinantwerp
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sorry but I just feel like posting--
hahahaha
ROFLOL
and etc. . . .
Ok, Dad marches the kids to the park first thing for "PE" before school. I'm sure it helps. It MUST help. But I feel in despair over a solution to this particular problem!
We do alternate school with activity. "Go play with the dog", "go find xyz upstairs or in the backyard," "stop and do 30 jumping jacks," etc. I try to alternate subjects for my 8 year old wiggler, between active and passive (eg. throwing a ball and reciting math facts, then "get yourself a snack", then reading, then drawing, then our "active" french tape, then a math practice page, then violin practice . . .)
and part of it is just keeping the boys away from each other at certain times. when they are driving me nuts, sometimes I decide they just have to be in separate rooms and not communicate with each other in any way, and that keeps me sane. Sometimes it calms them down, too. I think sometimes they need that space from each other!
What I'm working on now is lunch, which tends to be absolute wild jabbering. Does it always have to be--either WILDNESS, or enforced silence?? I don't know!! I'm glad they have a good time together, but . . . . . !
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Kristie 4
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At lunchtime, or at meals when Dad isn't home (especially at dinner) if I feel that any more table rowdiness will be the straw that crushes the camel's back, I pull out a book and read. Something that will engage the whole bunch, like a good historical picture book or a poetry anthology.
As for the outside, I have to go on more walks with my crew. My knitting has been a wee bit too tempting lately and kept me housebound.... We are right smack in the middle of the city after having lived in the rainforest on an island, so my kids dearly miss large amounts of open space. Our neighbourhood isn't safe for them to walk in on their own so I know I need to make it more of a priority to get out with them to get some of those crazies out!
However... it is -36 here right now with the wind chill. So some of my ideas to get the crazies out of my bunch (3 boys and 1 girl who matches the three put together!)
-small exercise trampoline
-skipping ropes and skip it set up in the basement
-wrestling with Dad when he gets home
-hide and seek
-chores
Thank you for this thread... lately I (blush) have been doing a little too much scolding and not enough giving them ways to relieve some of that energy!
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BrendaPeter
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Thank God for our basement! We just bought wrestling mats. They were pretty expensive, but why didn't we do that sooner? The punching bag is next...
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almamater
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My cousin has five boys, ages 9 down to 2. I noticed when I visiting a couple of months ago that there was a rule that one boy could not just spontaneously instigate a wrestling match. He had to ask his brother first. Conversation went like this:
M (grinning): R, do you want to wrestle?
R (half-smiling): No.
M: Are you suuuure you don't want to wrestle?
R: (Long Pause. Takes off glasses.) Okay.
And then they were off. I could see the wisdom here...presumably several incidents of unexpected sacks and injuries had occured in the past. It was a matter of respect and safety. Rowdy household, nonetheless, but with pretty strict boundaries.
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Willa
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lapazfarm wrote:
| I have a few strategies I use. They don't always work, |
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I think that is Strategy #6. Learn to go with it if nothing else is working! Anyway, I like all the suggestions everyone is sharing. My boys start quarreling if they don't get rid of their excess energy. They are doing it now, in fact ....
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ALmom
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We have lots of energy here with 4 boys from 13 to 5. Lots of great ideas - only 2 from me to add:
chin up bars (great for indoor energy expenditure and boys tend to compete to see who can get more and keep going and going and going to try and outdo the other. It is a lifesaver when we've had bad weather for days on end).
All the children know that mom sometimes just has to say - "All right guys, mom needs some peace and quiet" and that this means quiet and peaceful play (or if it is at meals, more normal conversational tone). Usually the youngest will follow the oldest's lead so as long as they enlist the 5 yo, they can all settle on a dime. We do also have those character trait cards for CHC to work on - we are currently on "I give everyone a chance to speak and do not interrupt." We are working on that one and seems like the whole family as found a real challenge. It will take us longer than the week CHC alots for this one.
We do not allow the more exuberant stuff inside when there is anyone outside the family - some sort of domino effect happens and not everyone can turn off the energy as quickly as we can maintain in our home by ourselves on a normal basis. Garage is always useful with a basketball hoop inside.
What drives me nuts is the one upmanship that goes on - good naturedly but still annoying to me after a while. It happens especially in the car as they have imaginary battles - my (name of sme specific aircraft) has .... and the next one says but mine has and it did thus and so to ... ON and on and on. The volume tends to go up with each new addition to the arsenal - gee I know how the arms race started.
I declare a cease fire at some point. I also do this at home when I've had enough duplo grenades and air combat. I am, after all, the commander in chief (or at least his messenger)  .
We also sneak in exercises for developing cross patterning - the army creep is great for this and the entire crew races around the house in an army creep (behind sofas, etc.). Keeps everyone close to the floor though they do tend to like to see if they can creep over the tops of each other.
I will be the sole female in the house in a few years so guess I'd better find tolerable ways to Join in on the fun.
Edited to add - We do have one very, very essential rule as much of the wrestling and such games can start out as play and then one child gets frustrated or squished and it can quickly turn into something more - so the rule is that the game is allowed only if all parties involved are agreed, are having fun, etc. The first minute anyone says stop - whether it is the 5 yo or the 13 yo or anyone in between, then the game stops IMMEDIATELY. If they cannot follow that rule, then exuberant play is nixed for a while until they can. I also expect that if someone cries, folks not only stop right away but also check to see if the person is Okay.
Janet
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hsmom
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The CHC newsletter just addressed this issue:
" Do distinguish between ‘indoor voices and play’ and ‘outdoor voices and play.’ While whining or argumentativeness is accepted neither indoors nor out, children do need time to be rambunctious. Usually, rollicking exuberance is saved for the great outdoors, but if weather or other factors don’t cooperate, a specific time and place can be set aside for this type of play indoors. For example, turn on favorite music for ten minutes and let the children somersault, dance, crabwalk, or roll across the floor in a designated and safe space. When the music stops, that is the signal to return to ‘indoor voices’ and activity levels. [Offering a small snack at the table, or reading a short story with the little ones snuggled around, are good ways to ‘corral’ high spirits and transition between ‘exuberant’ and ‘calm’ times.]"
Have a blessed day, Valerie
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Martha
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6 boys in this house ages 3 to nearly 13.
I've given up. So has dh. We are only-ish children and have finally come to except that this insanity is actually normal.
I draw the line at hatefullness in manner or speech though. (Which my dh says is a silly woman notion because all men trash talk to some degree and the boys have to learn the man boundaries of appropriate trash talk??? ) But *I* hit the roof when I hear them speaking cruel words to each other. (Dh's opinion of cruel is more liberal than mine I guess?) We both have zero tolorance for physical meanness. iow, if the other person isn't laughing/smiling - then it's not playing anymore and better end that second "or else."
My 2 girls just take their tea party to the sidelines and watch from a safe distance in shock at the weirdness of the male mind.
I will say I've been known to make them run the stairs since we moved here. One lap run up and back down for each year of their life without stopping seems to make them too tired to knock anyone down for at least an hour or so.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Inside rowdy behavior
