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Pamin OZ
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 4:25am | IP Logged
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Having another little one has me thinking about what we do with babies again. I don't want to start a methods war because I know this is an area people can feel strongly about but I always like to know what real life experienced mothers have done and what they think.
You know how mothercraft nurses and other baby "experts" say to put babies down to sleep on their own- well, what do you experienced mothers do- especially when they are still tiny? Do you cuddle them off at first? Do you go with the flow or try to mold them? And for how long- age wise?
Pam
ds almost 14
ds almost 11 (and birthday presents not bought yet! Aaargh!)
dd almost 2
dd just four weeks
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 8:07am | IP Logged
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I do whatever works. It kind of depends on the temperament of the child, the circumstances of our life at the time, and how to ensure that I can get my sleep. If momma don't get enough sleep everyone suffers around here.
My first would always fall asleep while nursing. Always. And the instant you would try to lay her down in the bassinet she would wake up fussing. We were also living in an apartment where the bedroom was freezing in winter (when she was born), so she and I spent her first several months sleeping on the couch together. And her temperament was that she did not want to sleep alone. I tried to get her to "cry it out" but instead of crying it out she would get more ticked off and it would take an hour to calm her down after you finally gave up. She also hated the playpen. Sometimes she would consent to her bouncy seat and fall asleep with the vibrations on. She stayed in the bed with us until she was four. She would also wake up the second you left her side.
By the time the second one came along, I understood about my sleep needs (I have a hard time getting back to sleep if I have to get up out of bed), and I wanted to be prepared in case my second was like the first. So since the older one was still in the bed with us, I bought a twin bed and put it against the wall with our queen set pushed against the twin. For the first three or four months the baby and I slept on the twin set (then we used the twin set to segue older daughter out to her own bed and room).
I really tried with the second to pat her back when she woke before immediately nursing her to see if she just needed comfort to get back to sleep. She would also sometimes be content during the day in the bassinet in the other room and her bouncy seat. She didn't love the playpen but she handled it better. Thankfully, once she is a sleep she will usually stay asleep even if I leave. She just turned 2 and is still in the bed with us. Sometimes she will drift off on her own but usually she wants to cuddle up with her head against my chest before falling asleep.
We have another baby on the way in early May. My goal is to have younger daughter into the other room with her big sister before she turns three. In the next few months I hope to work with her on falling asleep without me. I figure a lot will depend on how her level of understanding develops. With any luck she'll be transitioned before the baby comes, but if not we'll do it afterwards. I plan to work with her but I don't want to push it too much if it will compromise her ability to sleep reasonably well. In other words I don't want to fight with her for an hour to get her to sleep by herself.
I'm not as experienced as some of the mothers on the board, but those have been my experiences. I start by trying to go with the flow and mold them where their temperament and circumstances allow. And especially when they're little I try to give them as much cuddles as they need.
Sometimes I think the "experts" talk in "ideals" but every family's reality is different. I really believe that each family has to figure out what works for them. I think how baby sleep effectively is handled depends a lot on the sleep patterns and needs of each parent and the temperament of the child.
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mimmyof5
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 8:45am | IP Logged
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With my first one I was still working  and felt very intimidated by all the advice I received  and consequently didn't listen to my heart. She had her own crib in her own room. She was unhappy, I was unhappy, my dh was unhappy. She cried so much. It still breaks my heart to think about it.
I long ago quit working. It took me a little longer to quit listening to others but finally I started listening to what my mothering instincts told me. For me that was to cuddle, cuddle and cuddle some more; to have a family bed; and to nurse until they were ready to wean. (One was almost 4.) Mom was happy, babies were happy and dh was happy. More importantly, we were content and peaceful.
The best advice I could ever give would be to listen to your heart, listen to that little one (they tell us what they need if we listen closely) and to your husband. If you're feeling a lot of unrest and angst, I would do something different.
Our lifestyle certainly wouldn't fit for a lot of families, yet the more stringent or structured lifestyle didn't fit us. I have a friend with 9 children who says after 6 weeks she has never gotten up to tend a baby! Their children are never in bed with them, and I don't recall her nursing beyond maybe six months or so. But her children are happy, well adjusted and delight to be around. I don't believe there is one right answer in this area. Except that I do believe cuddling is of the utmost importance for both mom and baby!
 Plus it allowed me time to sit, put my feet up and read to the kids.
Janet
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Stephanie_Q
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 12:23pm | IP Logged
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Every baby, mother, and father are definitely going to handle this differently. Here is how it's worked out for us:
TINY babies: My first did not like to be cuddled at all. She was sleeping 6 hours through the night by 6 weeks. She was just fine (and preferred?) sleeping in her own crib. My second needed to nurse every two hours all through the day and the night. I gave up on the idea of putting her in a crib because I was so tired, so she slept with me until she started sleeping longer, around 9 months. My 3rd slept with us for about a year. My 4th is 10months and is still sleeping with us.
As #2 and #3 got older, I nursed them to sleep and put them down in a crib in our room and they slept that way until they woke up to nurse again, then stayed in bed for the rest of the night. That moved towards nursing them once during the night then putting them back in their crib, and eventually they didn't even get up to nurse anymore and slept all night in their crib. This was my experience by trying to "go with the flow" and "encouraging" them to sleep on their own a little bit. We'll see how things go with #4...
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SallyT
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 11:40pm | IP Logged
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We have had babies in and out of our bed. Our fourth and last (now almost 4) is the only one who did not spend significant time in our bed as a tiny baby - she's just making up for it now. She was a steady sleeper from the get-go, probably because she spent the first week of her life in the newborn ICU (Group B Strep) and was already on a feeding schedule. I just nursed a LOT in the daytime (she was on a 3-hour schedule from the hospital, so I made sure we nursed at least that often all day) and she just naturally stretched out more at night. She slept in a Moses basket in our room -- all babies have been in our room, if not in our bed.
To me, WHERE they slept was never as important a question as HOW we were all going to get sleep. For the first two, that was "sleeping in our bed." For our 3rd, this stopped working -- we were living in England, we came back to the US for his baptism, and when we went back to England, his sleep schedule was shot, and in bed with me, all he would do was nurse all night, so that neither of us slept. He was about 5 months at the time, and I did finally, after some weeks of this, deliberately move him to the crib and let him cry -- which of course was excruciating for all -- because there was just no other way to get him back on track, and I was desperate. The older two would have cuddled up and gone to sleep, but he seemed to find the close contact stimulating rather than soothing. That was also when I started deliberately nursing on more of a schedule in the daytime, rather than simply "demand-snacking," so that at night, I knew that he wasn't hungry and trying to make up for sketchy feeding in the daytime. That worked for him, but I never would have tried it had he not been the kind of wound-up personality he was, and is.
Trial and error, that's been my method . . .
Sally
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vmalott
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| Posted: Oct 23 2007 at 8:28am | IP Logged
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All of mine have been "cuddled off" to sleep, whether it was time for a nap during the day or for nighttime sleeping. Some, when they were tiny, were harder to put down after that cuddle time. Usually at night, though, I could transfer the cuddled baby to the bassinette by the bed so I could have some time w/DH without the baby connected to me. 
Then, once the baby would wake, I'd take him or her into bed to nurse again and sleep the night in the crook of my arm or sometimes on my chest. That's pretty much how all of us have managed to stay fairly well-rested in the early days.
Valerie
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Pamin OZ
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| Posted: Oct 23 2007 at 10:32pm | IP Logged
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Thanks for the range of experiences.
I suspect that their maturity has as much to do with it as what we do with them- they sleep better when they sleep better. I know that is a gross generalisation but I only have a little time on here before someone wakes up!
Pam
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graciefaith
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| Posted: Oct 24 2007 at 1:49am | IP Logged
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I have a newborn right now. I've read the No Cry Sleep Solution. I try to put her down awake but she's knocked out after bf'ing. Sometimes i do put her down awake and she does fine and falls asleep on her own. I suspect as the weeks go by, i can put her down awake more often.
With my first 2, i slept with them or cuddled/breastfed them to sleep as babies. When they got into their own bed, i slept with them. It was just easier that way. In fact, they're 5yo and 6yo and we still sleep with them at bedtime most nights. We enjoy that though. Dh loves it. He knows they're only this small once so why not create long lasting, loving memories. They dont co sleep with us but they do jump in bed at about 6:30am every morning. It was much earlier when they were younger too. Dh usually gets kicked out of bed and goes to their room(they have a king size bed too) b/c they want to sleep with me and there's just little room when dh is in bed with us. lol
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Dawnie
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| Posted: Oct 24 2007 at 4:59pm | IP Logged
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I nurse them to sleep, either in the recliner, or lying down in bed.
My 4th baby did fall asleep on her own when I put her down in her crib. She's the only one of my babies who has done that. There were several times I laid her in her crib to go use the bathroom or something, and then I came back to find her asleep!  I was thinking, "What's wrong with this kid??"
Dawn
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dollylima
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| Posted: Oct 27 2007 at 12:55am | IP Logged
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I also nursed my son to sleep, which was why we ended up co-sleeping as long as he nursed. This was the best way for ME to get a good night's sleep. I would just wake up when he began to stir, set him up for his meal, and we would both end up falling asleep that way. The side-lying position was great for this, because then the next time he woke up, I would just pick him up and roll over with him in both hands and plop him down on the other side to nurse again.
Once he stopped nursing, I began laying with him after our story at bedtime until he fell asleep. As he got bigger, I began laying with him for a set amount of time and getting up to leave even if he was still awake. Now we read at bedtime and I sometimes lay with him and sometimes I don't.
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CAgirl4God
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| Posted: Oct 31 2007 at 8:10am | IP Logged
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I do whatever works. It kind of depends on the temperament of the child, the circumstances of our life at the time, and how to ensure that I can get my sleep.
I agree.
with my last, she slept with me until she was sleeping through the night ( about 3 months) then slept next to our bed for a few more months. then moved in with the girls.
this is what worked and I was rarely sleep deprived...
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Erin
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Pam
How are things going?
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Pamin OZ
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| Posted: Nov 01 2007 at 4:39am | IP Logged
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Erin,
Things are going pretty well. I think Rachel is pretty easy (touching wood madly as I type that! This is when I realise how superstitious I am!).
If I make sure she doesn't get overtired things go pretty well most days. And if I remember that every day will be different I am pretty able to keep perspective- good days I don't let myself get my hopes up and think every day will be as productive and bad days I know there is a good chance the next day will be better.
I borrowed a baby hammock from a friend which is proving wonderful. (We had one for our first but lent it out and lost it long ago...) I am trying to find a balance between giving Rachel the cuddles and gentleness she needs as a little baby and trying to foster some "independent sleeping skills" which will be a great boon to our family life.
She doesn't like to feed off to sleep so I have had to figure something out.
So far I am giving her cuddles until she is sleepy or asleep and then putting her in the hammock. (I don't care about her falling asleep in my arms at this stage. She's only this little for such a short time.) I figure it will be a good investment for her to think bed is a nice place to be. If she grumbles a bit (which for her is a pretty fierce sounding yell!) then I play it by ear but mostly she goes to sleep pretty quickly after a short protest if at all.
There she goes,
so off I go.
Pam
PS I move her into my bed at night because that's the way I get the most sleep.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Tiny babies and sleep- what do you do?
