4Real Forums: regression and how to help ds

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Mothering and Family Life
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Topic: regression and how to help ds

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LucyP
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Posted: Sept 02 2007 at 3:26pm \| IP Logged

Our son is 3 1/2 and is, conciously, very excited and happy about the arrival of his new adopted sister in 6 weeks time, God willing.

But he is acting out his feelings big time. Already. He is having times when he says he can't talk, wanting to be in the baby carrier, trying to nurse (which is a whole other issue in itself - how not to make him feel bad and gently distract him because it feels uncomfortable for me as I have never nursed a baby and to me my breasts are primarily sexual) - he is crying over everything, pushing me away and clinging to me at the same time, and wanting bottles, nappies, dummies...

We are being calm, letting him express himself and following his lead - his regression times are not lasting long at any one time but he will do it several times a day. Lots of what I sense to be grief and anger issues dating back to his own adoption are coming up.

But I am also discerning a lot of willful testing and "will flexing" woven in among the genuine torment and confusion.

And we still have six weeks to go before we even meet our daughter.

Has anyone got experience of this process - adopting a second child?

mavmama
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Joined: Nov 01 2006
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Posted: Sept 02 2007 at 4:03pm \| IP Logged

We found it to work best when we just let them do it. For every incident that they would regress and we let them, a lot of ground was gained in learning that we could love them "even when they are not babies." We actually repeated that, verbatim, over and over. They just needed to hear it, and the phase passed. I know it can be frustrating, but hang in there if you can. God Bless you!

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Liz
Blessed by 4 wonders
dd11, dd911, ds9, ds8

LucyP
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Posted: Sept 04 2007 at 11:12am \| IP Logged

Yes, I have a sort of chant I whisper at bedtime and snuggle time with kisses as punctuation about how I love him all the time, big, little, happy, sad, good behaviour, naughty behaviour. I think it helps a little.

I suppose I am thrown by his determination to be breast fed! Our former neighbour was a nursing activist and would nurse anywhere anytime, and through that ds learnt that a good mummy gives milk to her babies, and while he knows that he was bottle fed and that's ok and that his sister will be bottle fed and that's ok, he seems to think he should be nursed to show he is the best-loved baby in the family.

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