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LLMom
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I am having a hard time with some food issues. 2 of my 7 are extremely picky eaters. I feel like I have become a short order cook. I sometimes wish I would have made them eat whatever I cooked when they were little but I didn't. With so many children, it seems easier just to make one meal and have everyone eat it but I always seem to have one who doesn't like what I make. So, I usually let that child have a peanut butter sandwich. Problem is, it is usually the 4 year old who can't make her own stuff. My dad constantly reminds me how I have failed in this area. He said they were made to eat whatever they were given and not fuss. Being CAtholic, I can see how this can be good (to learn to offer it up and eat it anyways) but how can you teach this to a child? I don't want food to be a fight. Also, what about individual preferences? I guess I don't know how to reconcil this. Another problem I am having is the amount of food some of them are consuming. Do you have any limits on nutritous food? I have one child who seems to eat when she is bored. I don't think it is a hunger issue. Another child would only drink milk if I let him and we all know how expensive it is. I put a limit on the number of cups of milk they can have a day. Do any of you do this? Do you allow them free reign of the kitchen, meaning they can get anything to eat (as long as its healthy) if they are hungry? sometimes I feel like the food police!
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Bookswithtea
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Hmmmmmmm...I am interested in other responses regarding the food police issue. I've been wondering the same thing myself, now that my kids are getting older. I don't want to be a control freak and give them an eating disorder, but I don't just allow free reign either, because they'd eat me out of house and home there would be nothing left for dinner, I am sure! I wonder, does that mean I am just not buying enough food for them all? They aren't going for junk. Ds, 12, would drink milk all day long, I am sure. I allow unrestricted access to fruits and veggies (well, berries are rationed so that everyone gets some) and we go through tons of apples and bananas, carrots and bagged lettuce (and the ranch dressing it all gets doused in). I give my 12 yr old ds the same amt of food I give his father when I make up dinner plates, now! Does a growing boy need MORE than his father??? The other thing they would eat all day long if I allowed it is bread snacks (whole grain crackers, wg pretzels, graham crackers, that sort of thing). I let them polish off one bag a day (Trader Joe's size, not huge, btw), all 4 of my eaters (Lord help me when my 5th starts eating table food!). Or I give them homemade bread or muffins or something like that, with milk and fruit. We don't allow unrestricted access to ice cream or soda and we don't have much of that in the house, either, so its not really an issue except when dh brings home soda to go along with pizza and the 12 yr old pesters constantly for it until the bottle is gone. :-)
Regarding the picky eater...my third child (now almost 6) is like this. When she was little, I just knew that with her, I was going to have to pick my battles, and this one was not worth fighting. As long as she eats good food, I don't usually force her to eat something she despises. After all, there are certain things I won't touch (oatmeal, for instance, makes me gag! blech!). I wonder sometimes if this particular child is a natural vegetarian. She eats very little meat. But she loves fruit and veggies and eats whole grain bread, dairy, and drinks good juices, milk and water. Its not like she is picky only for hot dogs and kool aid, kwim? I try to make meals that have at least 1 or 2 things on her plate that she will eat. I do leave her the choice of finishing or not. If she walks away from the table only having eaten half her dinner, I just don't say a word. Later, if she complains of hunger, she is offered a banana (only fruit with all 8 amino acids) and that usually suffices till the next morning. Sometimes I make a pb and j sandwich for her and don't even bother putting the meat on her plate (I know better than to serve her roast beef or hamburgers, for instance). Other times I ask her to at least try one bite, but I didn't start that till she was well over 4. She is willing to try, I think, because I haven't pushed it with her for the first years of her life.
I would not consider this a failure on your part, btw, no matter what Grandpa thinks. Thats why they are the grandparents and you are the parent...you get to make those decisions now. :-) And this is certainly not an issue that is going to produce an adult with real problems. There's plenty of room for different parenting methods in this area, I think.
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Leonie
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Personally, I don't make my boys eat the meal if its something they don't like. I have my strong likes and dislikes, too, and I'd hate it if I was made to eat liver or tripe!  There are many other things in life to offer up, imo.
If someone doesn't want to eat the meal prepared, perhaps they'd like to eat part of the meal? For example when I make anything with tuna or macaroni cheese, I usually do some hot savoury muffins or scones or bread as sides . I know a few here don't like tuna or mac cheese so they have the hot breads and fruit/veges/cheese.
Or, there are always leftovers to heat up in the microwave ( my youngest learned to count in tens that way!) , sandwiches to make ( little ones help make this while we are waiting for the last five minutes of dinner to cook or older ones do this themselves or for a younger) or do something quick together, like eggs or baked beans or yogurt and fruit and cereal.
I don't feel like I am a short order cook. I feel like I am honouring my dc, just like I honour my dh, as people with individual tastes and likes and dislikes.
My second son ( now 22) was a VERY picky eater as a child. There were about six things he would eat.  Now, he eats most eveything and is a very adventurous eater - ate crocodile at a restuartant at the weekend! 
Honouring his eating likes and dislikes as a child did not mean that he grew to become a fussy adult. The reverse is true.
I also just ask people to check with me before grabbing the last milk/apple/whatever - it may be that I am keeping that for a meal . Everyone sees the sense in this - just check with mum before you grab that sanck - as everyone knows we need to consider all who live here. Little ones learn to absorb this principle. And then we compromise - that's the last of the milk and I can't get to the shop till tomorrow. How abut having some juice instead? That kind of thing...So, I don't feel like the police  as I don't have rules *but there is the principle of considering others and of checking in...
Just one idea - I am sure there are varying opinions on this, but wanted to share my experience.
Leonie in Sydney
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ALmom
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Lisa,
I'm looking forward to other responses here as I don't mind some fresh ideas as we begin our new year. In the meantime, I can pass on a few things that work for us.
I have tried to expect everyone to eat what is on their plate - either very small sampling of everything or if they are old enough, they serve their own quantities. We slipped with our 5 yo as we were having some spicy food and I got in the habit of making PBJ which he then began to expect whenever dinner wasn't his favorite item and I began to feel like a short order cook.
We transitioned away from this by letting the child know that we would make dinner and everyone would eat what was served. I asked, at that time, for food likes and dislikes and try to keep this in mind when preparing meals. If I am serving a main dish that is a child's yuk food, then I try to make sure that there are plenty of sides that the child likes. Then, the child only has to taste something (one small spoonful on the plate) but can request seconds from any of the foods he wants. Children's tastes do change and the food they thought was disgusting may become a favorite in a year. I try not to serve one child's yuk food too many times in a week.
I do make allowances for spiciness - ie if we have chili, it is not any trouble to pull out browned meat prior to adding chili spices. I set it aside in a bowl and then there is a choice which I give at the table. But it is set on the table with the meal and part of the meal. I simply don't make younger children taste spicy food.
As for food quantities, we are notoriously big eaters and I do not restrict quantities of healthy food. Perhaps there are ideas in training self-control, but I would have to develop more of it myself first. With a larger family some of that happens naturally as reminders are given that a sibling might also want seconds, etc. The exception to this is the child who will fill up on bread and not eat anything else - then we request that other things be eaten before seconds. We have also resorted to quietly hiding butter, shredded cheese or other favorites that the child eats to excess while ignoring other things on his plate. We have found this child eating salad by dousing the lettuce with salad dressing, licking the salad dressing off the lettuce and then wanting more dressing. In this case, we place a tiny bit more dressing on the lettuce while announcing that this is the last they are allowed, and then quietly having an older child put the dressing away. We probably should be training in more self-control, but haven't come up with a way that also maintains peace at the table. There may have to be a plan B if the child does not develop some as he gets older, right now he is 2. I'll be looking at other people's posts for ideas.
Our family policy for beverages has always been - water only with all meals. It simplifies setting the table, minimizes the number of glasses used and means we don't spend hours figuring out who wants what to drink. We have an exception for Sunday breakfast after Mass as we have orange juice and will allow milk with the meal at that time if it is requested.
Our children get most of their milk as a snack or as part of weekday breakfast (cereal) when they drink the milk in the cereal bowl after eating all the cereal. A glass of milk as a snack is a quick protein, easy to fix with minimum mess so it is preferable to me than a number of other things that require much more prep and clean-up. Most of our children are not big milk drinkers - it is common for Asians to be somewhat lactose intolerant. So this is mostly desired by the younger children and given on request.
Our biggest problem is the independence. Our 3 yo thinks he can serve himself and opens the pantry, drags the chair over, helps himself to whatever is on the shelves and tries to prepare it all himself which sometimes means we find milk and cereal all over the floor or he leaves a raisin trail all over (despite the rule of eating only at the kitchen table or outside). Raisins do not agree with him and we tend to hide the raisins on a high shelf (he still gets to it) and out of sight as much as possible. We do this with any other items that we particularly don't want him into - like nuts.
We have tried the novel idea of putting together school snacks for mid-morning and afternoon in the hopes that we can avoid all day long mess in the kitchen. So far it helps some, but has not been a complete solution. I wish, sometimes, that I had been stricter about nonone in the kitchen but mom and a chosen helper of the day - as I find messes all day long and no idea which child did food prep without clean-up. Of course, if we had done this, perhaps the 17 yo would not now be cooking dinners for the whole family (very good balanced ones too and a real help to me) and perhaps the 8 yo would not be so thrilled with making scrambled and fried eggs (he is often the breakfast preparer in our house).
Janet
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Donna
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Leonie wrote:
| Personally, I don't make my boys eat the meal if its something they don't like. I have my strong likes and dislikes, too, and I'd hate it if I was made to eat liver or tripe! |
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Oh, Leonie....I thought I was the only person on the planet who has ever heard the word "tripe"  . When I was growing up we had to eat whatever was put on the table...and tripe seemed to be there quite frequently. (Actually, it was probably only once or twice a year but seemed like every other night !!!) I remember sitting at the table for hours...long after everyone else left because I just couldn't eat that stuff.
We require our kids to at least try something new. Most times they end up liking the new food and finish it up. If they don't like it, we don't push. At least they tried it.
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mrsgranola
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Okay, is tripe the same at "chitterlings" in the South?
JoAnna, who hates cooked cabbage to this day that I was MADE to eat as a child.... 
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MacBeth
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Donna wrote:
Oh, Leonie....I thought I was the only person on the planet who has ever heard the word "tripe" |
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Don loves tripe, and will even order it in a restaurant. We uesd to get big bins of it frozen to feed the dogs when my parents had a kennel, and I must say, I preffered the animal grade tripe (at least the smell of it) to the restaurant stuff.
My grandmother prefered pepperpot soup to all others 'til the day she died. The main ingredient? Tripe.
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MaryM
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mrsgranola wrote:
| Okay, is tripe the same at "chitterlings" in the South? |
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Well, very close to each other in the animal digestive tract but not exactly the same. Tripe is stomach (usually refers to beef) and my understanding is that chitterlings are intestines (pork). My mom loves menudo which is a stew made with tripe. She couldn't ever get any of us to eat it though.
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Tina P.
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My mom made us eat cow udder once. I felt as though I was chewing a piece of rubber. That one, thankfully, was a one-time-only meal. I still don't mind pigs' knuckles in spaghetti sauce (but I never get it since Gus won't hear of it!). I have one *really* finicky eater. The others have things about which they are finicky, but eat most everything other than those few things.
The finicky one won't drink milk or eat cheese most of the time (unless it's melted in a tortilla). He's not even much of a fan of broccoli, though he'll eat a few spears. He's a difficult one to get to digest calcium. We circumvent sometimes by offering Ovaltine in milk. I know it's not the healthiest, but it does have vitamins and minerals that other chocolate milks can't boast. And he gets calcium. Sometimes, even though he's the skinniest of our children, he has to fix himself something and clean up after it or he just goes hungry.
Thankfully, most of my kids love my easiest recipes (spaghetti, oven-baked chicken, and chili for instance). I don't know what I would do if they wanted exotic recipes!
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stefoodie
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tripe is the stomach lining of the cow, pig or sheep but most recipes call for beef tripe. there are several kinds and honeycomb tripe is the best (it's finer and more kid-friendly in my opinion), but none of my kids like tripe unless it's cut into teeny weeny pieces -- so i cook it only a few times a year and mix it with other things -- we have this Spanish-Filipino dish called " "callos" -- it's basically a tomato-based stew with onions, garlic, the cut up tripe, + garbanzos (chickpeas) and cut-up Spanish chorizo. I also have some yummy-looking Italian recipes using tripe but I haven't tried them.
chitterlings/chitlins are the intestines of young pigs. they are very popular in the South (US) but they are used in other cuisines as well.
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Tina P.
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Um...are tripe and chitlins healthy? Just wondering...
Tina
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JennGM
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Growing up we had to eat what was served, or leave the dinner table hungry. No short-order cooks lived in my house. But getting married has opened my eyes to the fact that my mother really didn't serve up many meals that were hard for children to eat....she herself was picky so our range of food choices wasn't too varied. I myself only had one meal that just was so hard to swallow -- she called it "Meat and Rice"...it also might be called "Dirty Rice". You soften onions, brown ground beef and add cream of mushroom soup and mix with rice. To this day I can't stand the smell or taste of it. It's bland, but something about it is unpalatable for me.
Just rambling...this thread made me think back to family meals growing up.
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Anne McD
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I hope no one minds that I'm bumping this up.
My four year old is the pickiest eater, and having lived on gluten before finding out that he's gluten intol a couple of years ago, he's also thin. He seems to change his mind on a daily basis as to what he will and will not bring to his mouth. It is a very rare night that he actually eats his dinner. The crazy thing is, he'll eat broccoli, but not the chicken or rice. His latest thing is that he'll eat all the pancakes, muffins and french toast I can make, but really, can a small man live on gluten free bread alone? ( though I do make them as healthy as possible, w/organic pumpkin puree, flaxseed meal hidden in the batter, etc.)
I guess what I'm looking for is more stories like Leonie's -- did any one HAVE a very picky eater that your more or less catered to, and s/he grew out of it? I just want this child to eat!
I'm also afraid that if I make different foods for him, my six year old, who eats well, will start asking for different foods at dinner (in the past few months he's been turning his nose up to more and more selections), feeling 'left out' b/c his brother is getting special treatment.
Thanks!!!!
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Lara Sauer
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Children need to be taught to eat the same way that we teach them to read or write.
My second son was what some would call a very picky eater as an infant. He would spit out whatever we put into his mouth. For most children, I think it is a sensory integration issue, and not an issue of flavor. With my son, I would place very small amounts of food on his plate that he had to eat. When he could eat one pea without assistance, I would add one more pea. When he could do two, then I would add one more.
I really don't know why so many parents of our generation have such an issue with this area of our children's education. A child at this stage of his life has no idea what food is good for him or what food is unhealthy. I have been told by others that I am a good cook, so I know that what I am putting in front of my children is "good" food. I firmly believe that a child needs guidance in this area. If you know that what you are serving is healthy, then you should have no qualms about making sure that your child learns to eat his food. Hunger is a very powerful motivator. I would say, however, that I have a very wonderful ally in my husband. He teaches our children to appreciate not only the food that is before them, but also the hard work that went into preparing it.
As for controlling quantity, I absolutely control how much my children eat. It is a very special treat for my children to get a whole apple, or a whole banana. I want my children to leave my house knowing what a healthy diet tastes like and looks like. I don't have time to be a short order cook, but as I tell the kids, eventually we will get back to one of their favorites as we go through the rotation of food! There are definitely set times when the kitchen is open and closed, and I take it as a sign of my children's respect for me when I am away from home at snack time and they actually call me to ask if they can have something to eat.
It is my opinion that we are raising adults, not children. I am so thankful as an adult that my parents made me eat whatever was given to me. Learning that lesson early in life made it possible for me to travel to different countries and try new things. It also made me a welcome guest in any home that I went to!
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Macmom
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I have soon be to NINE children, and I REFUSE to be a short-order cook. Sure, there are meals a cild dislikes, but chances are, the SIBLINGS like it. You eat it, or you go hungry. (We usually have desert, so if you don't eat dinner- the consequence is clear- you'll watch your brothers and sisters get the treat!) The best way to stop whining about food is two fold:
1) If you complain, I will give you more. And you WILL eat it.
2) If you don't eat it for dinner in the allotted time, I will wrap it up and you will see it for breakfast.
We have 3 meals and 2 or 3 snacks a day, at routine times. Breakfast is cereal or oatmeal (except Saturday is waffles, pancakes or crepes made by Dad). Mid-morning snack is yogurt, fruit, and/or toast or other grain-based item (pick and 2). Lunch is usually sandwiches- occasionally soup or leftovers. Afternoon snack is usually home-baked goods. Dinner is on a rotation of about 15 meals, with occasional forays into uncharted territory. Dessert is usually ice cream or home-baked goods and fruit. No eating unless it's with the family, at the right time. Every child has a weekly "baking day" where we bake cookies, or a cake, or scones, or even just cornbread together. Involving the child in the cooking process makes them want to eat and not fuss, I think. They are proud of their contribution to the meal!
Milk or juice is served at meals and snacks only. You can have milk with Ovaltine. (2 of my boys are lactose intolerant, o they get calcium-fortified OJ or soy milk) Soda is a rare treat, once a month for Sunday dinner. (Dh makes homemade pizza every Sunday!) Water at all other times.
Peace,
Macmom
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kristina
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Anne McD wrote:
I hope no one minds that I'm bumping this up.
My four year old is the pickiest eater, and having lived on gluten before finding out that he's gluten intol a couple of years ago, he's also thin. He seems to change his mind on a daily basis as to what he will and will not bring to his mouth. It is a very rare night that he actually eats his dinner. The crazy thing is, he'll eat broccoli, but not the chicken or rice. His latest thing is that he'll eat all the pancakes, muffins and french toast I can make, but really, can a small man live on gluten free bread alone? ( though I do make them as healthy as possible, w/organic pumpkin puree, flaxseed meal hidden in the batter, etc.)
I guess what I'm looking for is more stories like Leonie's -- did any one HAVE a very picky eater that your more or less catered to, and s/he grew out of it? I just want this child to eat!
I'm also afraid that if I make different foods for him, my six year old, who eats well, will start asking for different foods at dinner (in the past few months he's been turning his nose up to more and more selections), feeling 'left out' b/c his brother is getting special treatment.
Thanks!!!! |
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Hi Anne,
It is an extra cross that you must keep your son's diet gluten free and it sounds like you are doing a good job trying to provide a variety. Every family has different standards about what they will allow for a child's eating patterns and behaviors.
I have been reading some diet and nutrition books and articles lately. Nutritionists seem to concur that what matters is receiving necessary nutrition over several days. Everyone has an off day. Some people were born with allergies, an extra fussy palate and sometimes just have a willful or stubborn nature. If you are dealing with all three, then perhaps prioritizing good nutrition is most important. You mention that your son will eat broccoli. That is fantastic. Many children won't. Since he won't eat chicken, is it the texture? Is it just being picky or does it make him gag? Is there some other way he can have protein?
There aren't any food allergies in our family, but we do have seven different palates (including my husband and I). I wish I could embrace the "you eat what I serve, be thankful you have food to eat and stop being so fussy" idea. I do think that we are so blessed to have food at all and especially that there is so much to choose from. At the same time, though, I think a lot of our issues with food stem from my husband and I.
My husband and I were each raised with only one sibling while we were growing up and we were very pampered. In-so-many-ways. When we were out on our own, I think we both subconsciously expected our mother's to show up and cook for us and pick up after us! I have this odd little theory that our parents grew up in more challenging times (my mom was a child of the great depression), that they wanted to give us what they couldn't have. Also, it was easier to just serve us what we liked than be strict about eating. Forgive me if I sound critical of our mothers. It can be hard to convey they right tone in print. Both of our moms are very loving women who still like to take care of their children, even to this day.
Our dilemma has been that my husband will not eat cooked vegetables, no beans, no casseroles, nothing from the crockput (it's mushy.. he says) and no soup. Then there is me.. I was a vegetarian for much of my early adult life, until I was pregnant. I have come a long way with being eating meat, but some meats I am just not there with yet. I will say, though, that my husband has been better about trying things lately, especially in view of our children. He helps so much with the meal preparation that I am not going to go out of my way to serve a meal for all of us that he really doesn't like.
Then there is our children... we do have the "one no-thank-you-bite rule," but we have gotten the long stares and stubbornness at the dining table.
We have one child who eats whatever we serve as long as he gets dessert. (He is often motivated by rewards in all aspects of his life). If he does not like what we have, he will make himself pasta with fresh garlic (more nights than I care to count). I suppose one reason we allow this is that he is actually cooking for himself and not expecting us to make him something else. He is actually very helpful in the kitchen, often preparing lunch for all of his siblings.
The next child will eat beans, rice and pastas.. anything starchy, but not much else. If he had his way, he would eat dry cereal for every meal.
Our third son only likes meat and suffers through anything starch. He cannot stand mac'n cheese.
The last two children's appetites depends on how hungry they are. If they snack in the afternoon, dinner is a total bust.
We have wasted so much time on this frustrations that we have come to some compromises. We try to do a little something for everyone. Our staples are simple grilled meats or fish with steamed veggies. We have a few good pasta dishes which 6/7 of us eat (and our "meaty boy" will eat a tuna sandwich). Even if we don't all eat the same main meal, if we all eat the same side, such as tossed salad, I consider it an accomplishment. Sometimes I will make a good soup or chili and my husband will make hamburgers and then there are two choices. Those are the nights where our eldest will make his pasta and his brother will eat cereal.
Lately I have tried to focus on our health (and sanity). In the big picture, we try to make sure everyone has had a bit of fresh fruit during the day and some protein, too. We try to look at everyone's good nutrition over a few days. For example, I try to buy a couple of avocados each week and at least the younger three gobble them up plain or enjoy with chips as guacamole. Our children may turn their nose up at pot roast, but they will clean a platter full of hummus and veggies (which in the long term is a much healthier food choice). I have been making sure they all have organic yogurt and natural peanut butter often, too. Just because we are all not enjoying the same dinner together, does not mean that we are not eating healthy.
Anne McD wrote:
I guess what I'm looking for is more stories like Leonie's -- did any one HAVE a very picky eater that your more or less catered to, and s/he grew out of it? I just want this child to eat!
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I think I didn't give you any good examples of growing out of this fussiness. But again, you are already having to limit your child's diet with the gluten-free foods.
Leonie's post above did sort of answer your question.. even though she answered it two years ago  . I think her entire post is timeless anyway. Since I have read her posts and her blog, she seems to be a very wise and loving mother.
Leonie wrote:
I don't feel like I am a short order cook. I feel like I am honouring my dc, just like I honour my dh, as people with individual tastes and likes and dislikes.
My second son ( now 22) was a VERY picky eater as a child. There were about six things he would eat. Now, he eats most eveything and is a very adventurous eater - ate crocodile at a restuartant at the weekend!
Honouring his eating likes and dislikes as a child did not mean that he grew to become a fussy adult. The reverse is true.
Leonie in Sydney |
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Anne McD wrote:
I'm also afraid that if I make different foods for him, my six year old, who eats well, will start asking for different foods at dinner (in the past few months he's been turning his nose up to more and more selections), feeling 'left out' b/c his brother is getting special treatment.
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It could be that your six year old is just getting fussier. Our kids sometimes went through a fussier period around that age, that turned out to be "just a phase." For example, our third son(7), who only likes meat, recently informed us that he no longer liked meat and would not be eating it. He only wanted fish. Later in the week, after a snack-free afternoon, he gobbled up the meat served for dinner and "forgot" about his recent protest. I think his issue was recognizing the animals where the meat came from and it affected him. We did not make a big deal of it and it ended up just being a brief phase.
Anne, I don't think I've really offered you advice as much as commiserated with you. I do hope that you can get your children to eat well, too.
Blessings to you and your dear ones,
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kristina
yesterthoughts
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folklaur
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My ds9 is picky, picky, picky. Before, I had always been of the opinion that the kids would eat what I make -- and then I had a child with Asperger's, that has a severe sensory integration disorder aspect to it. I guess it could seem like I cater to him food wise, making something extra or different, but it isn't his fault his gag reflex is what it is. He isn't being defiant, though it can look like that, I guess.
Plus, well...I hope I say this right...I would never serve my husband something I knew he didn't like. He HATES brussel sprouts, even though they are good for him. But he HATES them. Why is his dislike of a food "more valid" than my child's? Why would I serve my child something I knew he didn't like, when it is just as easy to make a PBJ or something similar if I know he won't like dinner? To build character? I think there are better ways to do that. (I happen to LOVE brussel sprouts. If I decide to make them, I will make an additional veggie, since I know Dh hates them. I will do the same for my children.....)
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Tina P.
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kristina wrote:
I have been reading some diet and nutrition books and articles lately. Nutritionists seem to concur that what matters is receiving necessary nutrition over several days. Everyone has an off day. Some people were born with allergies, an extra fussy palate and sometimes just have a willful or stubborn nature. If you are dealing with all three, then perhaps prioritizing good nutrition is most important.
It could be that your six year old is just getting fussier. Our kids sometimes went through a fussier period around that age, that turned out to be "just a phase."
Anne, I don't think I've really offered you advice as much as commiserated with you. I do hope that you can get your children to eat well, too.
Blessings to you and your dear ones,
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On the contrary Kristina, I think you offered lots of food for thought (pardon the pun) in a most respectful way to all concerned. Thank you!
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
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Barbara C.
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We have food issues here, too. And I think so much of our kids issues come from their parents, like someone else mentioned.
My mom grew up cooking everything from scratch, and starting at about age 5 she was expected to make dinner for her family. We're talking Southern country cooking with lots of salt and lard. My dad was city-bred and prefers canned biscuits to scratch. Especially after my mom went back to work, they did more and more processed foods. I was raised on Hamburger Helper and Campbell soup.
My husband was a good healthy eater of fresh vegetables straight from the farm to the pot to the plate. Then his dad died when he was five. After that his Mom basically let him pick when and what he wanted to eat. They had no set family meal times at the table and he developed a dislike for vegetables (probably influenced by peers and never discouraged by his mother).
So now, my husband eats at erratic times. He goes hours longer than I could without eating and then eats a lot. He prefers fast food, and he doesn't even want to be in the same room with a vegetable. He also prefers to eat in front of the television, computer, or newspaper. As a result the kids and I eat dinner on our own most of the time.
I have tried going organic and healthier, but it has always tasted so awful to me that I couldn't bring myself to make it. Plus, I'm not a very good cook to begin with. So we do hamburger helper, boxed au gratin potatoes (although I do throw in some frozen vegetables), and such.
The only set meal time we have every day is dinner. I've tried setting other snack and meal times but they never pan out. So an hour before dinner I try to limit snacks (a few crackers are allowed during desperate times). I try to make at least one thing that everyone will eat, following my mother's example. But with a small family and small budget I usually do not make more than two dishes. If there is something that I know a particular child will not eat (one doesn't like tomato sauce and the other doesn't like hamburger), I will try to make them something extra but not super-involved. I expect them to eat a reasonable amount of something they like but I don't force them to eat things they don't. (I still have nightmares of cooked tomato chunks being forced on me.) And I make it clear they will get nothing else for at least an hour after dinner time (to prevent them holding out for junk food later).
I have a real concern about boredom eating, though. My older daughter eats on an erratic schedule. (I think that has to do with being "spirited".) But she is also prone to eating when bored and would slip into her daddy's mentality that "I must eat if I'm sitting in front of the television" if I would let her. And all snacks must be approved by me.
That's how we handle things here.
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Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
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SallyT
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1) I try not to make dishes that I know people hate, though sometimes it's unavoidable in a family with varied tastes.
2) I will not make separate meals. What is for dinner is what is for dinner. I will ask a younger child to have one bite of everything, because often "hating" a certain food is just an idea of the moment. I don't force people to finish things, and if an older kid, who has consistently not liked something forever (like green beans) doesn't want to have them, then I don't force that.
3) I try to have enough things on the table that there's something for everyone to eat, even if it's just bread and butter. I always try to have a choice of vegetables and fruit, and enough variety that nobody has to walk away hungry. My little kids don't much like cooked vegetables, but they love carrot sticks dipped in ranch dressing, so I almost always put on a bowl of carrot sticks and a cup of dressing. Maybe it's just a psychological thing: the fact that I'm not getting out something especially *for* somebody, or letting somebody get up to make an alternate dinner seems crucial to me somehow, even though in fact the "special dinner" is all right there on the table. It's just . . . part of the dinner we were all having anyway.
4) I do not buy any kind of "snack" food like chips, cookies, etc, and no drinks except milk and water. We keep baby carrots, apples, and bananas on hand all the time, and plain bread, if anyone just has to have a carby-type snack. We almost never eat fast food -- I've noticed that among the kids we know who do eat lots of fast and processed food, all of them think that plain home-cooked food, which my kids eat up just fine, isn't salty enough. Taste buds can be conditioned . . .
My two oldest have gone through picky phases, which I've mostly just ignored, and they outgrew them. I figure the littles will outgrow them, too. Nobody has starved to death so far. It's natural to have foods you like better than others, and I won't force a person to eat a food he truly despises, but to me it's just plain bad manners to turn up your nose at what's on the table and to expect a different meal. My kids have had friends who have done this at our house, and I have thought it was obnoxious enough that I wanted to do my best to make sure my kids weren't doing the same thing at other people's houses. I would be mortified to learn that a child of mine had announced to someone else's mother that he "didn't eat that," or "didn't like that," as if the mother were a waitress. But then, that's a projection of how I feel when a child does this to me -- I have a hard time restraining my sharp tongue!
I also know that my feelings about this have been colored by seeing my brother, when we were children, constantly demand and receive special meals. At forty, he still is a fussy eater. And while you can't make someone not have hypersensitive tastebuds, it seems to me that you can help them learn to cope with what's given them, instead of expecting special treatment.
Sally
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Food issues
