4Real Forums: Respecting introverted child or to push?

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Topic: Respecting introverted child or to push?

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Erin
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Posted: July 19 2007 at 10:15pm \| IP Logged

Meredith talks here about mother/daughter time ideas
I would like to add to her question.

I have often thought the idea of mother/daughter time as as being so precious. Particularly as my oldest is fast approaching 14

However my dd is very independent and can at times rebuff my overtures, we are very different personalities (she is her father's daughter) and she doesn't always understand me. I often feel we are not as close as I would like. By trying to respect her boundaries am I missing opportunities, should I push?

I actually just asked her for input to Meredith's question, whether she had any suggestions, she tells me that she enjoys it when we do craft together but she is quite happy to have her brothers involved. When I asked if she would like to do any of the suggestions above, to have mother/daughter time she answered, "That she doesn't have a need but her sister5 does." Miss 5 (the next girl down)is a far more demanding personality.

Whilst a more needy personality would benefit from mother/daughter time, wouldn't it be possible that an introverted child may need it even if she doesn't think she does?

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Erin
Faith Filled Days
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Cay Gibson
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Joined: July 16 2005
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Posted: July 19 2007 at 10:22pm \| IP Logged

Erin,
If I'm reading your question correctly, all I can offer is to follow your dd's overtures.

My oldest dd is also her father's daughter. They have a bond I can't seem to penetrate at times so I usually let her lead and I follow.

I make it a point to stop what I'm doing whenever she comes to me...to talk, ask a question, whatever. I take special care to look her in the eye, fiddle with a loose hair or admire her necklace or something, and smile. I focus on offering her support and encouragment and never negatism. I'm talking about a 17 yr old dd here.

Our relationship has grown nicely. I try not to be too invasive because she is very much her own person. But I let her know she was my daughter first.

Shopping, as much as I despise it, and a quick meal (or coffee) out is almost a surefire welcoming mat to a teenaged dd.

Finally, whether she needs it or not, just do it. Later in life, you'll both be glad you did.

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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks

Rachel May
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Joined: June 24 2005
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Posted: July 20 2007 at 8:55am \| IP Logged

You know those Love Languages books? I really like those. You can read it and figure out what love language she is (or have her take the quiz) and then love her that way. I notice all of my kids respond very well when I love them in a way they understand. I have 3 touch, one gifts, 2 quality time. For me too, it's so important that I get quality time. When I get that, I realize that I'm more responsive to all overtures of love and affection, but without it, I just want to be left alone. Just a thought....

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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)

Erin
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Posted: July 20 2007 at 11:07pm \| IP Logged

Cay and Rachel
Thank you both for your help.

Dd hates shopping with a passion however she loves going for a walk in the bush. So I was thinking that if I put her in charge of waking me up (she would be happy to do that) then we could go for a bushwalk before breakfast. So hard to do though in winter, some mornings we have been having frosts, brrr. I do need to stop what I am doing and give her my undivided attention that is a weak area

And she is very sensititive to negativism and I can be sharp at times

Funnily enough I had a real heart to heart with an irl friend yesterday who nailed many 'niggles' I have had on the head. BC she was a youth counsellor and she has the added bonus of being a Christian

Anyhow she has lent me the 'Five Languages of Love for Children'.

Thank you

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Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians

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