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Syncletica
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| Posted: June 19 2007 at 11:12pm | IP Logged
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All you ladies with the lovely large families, how do you do it? What I mean is, well, I find I get less and less organized and more stressed out. I get worried over things such as: how am I going to cook food for so many people every day? (When the family gets bigger.) What have you learned along the way - and what can you pass on? I'm expecting my 5th, so I suppose most of you think I 'hardly have a family' yet.  But I find some things overwhelming. What wise words do you have? I find it hard to enjoy them like I know I'm supposed to. I appreciate my 'time away' from them during the day (as in going downstairs w/o them to change a load, or letting them play on the deck w/o me there) b/c I don't get it any other time.
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Lisbet
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| Posted: June 20 2007 at 5:04am | IP Logged
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Syncletica, Congrats on the impending arrival of your new baby! :) My 5th was when I began to realize that I really did have a big family! I can never imagine myself having one more than what I currently have. I simply cannot fathom tending to 10 children. Nine, well that's do-able, but 10??? Isn't that funny??
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| how am I going to cook food for so many people every day? (When the family gets bigger.) |
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Don't concern yourself with this now, just concern yourself with feeding and caring for those you have now. That is what God supplies you with the Grace for, not more, not less! Playing those numbers games and 'what if' games can overwhelm anyone, and they are pointless!
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| I find it hard to enjoy them like I know I'm supposed to. I appreciate my 'time away' from them during the day (as in going downstairs w/o them to change a load, or letting them play on the deck w/o me there) b/c I don't get it any other time. |
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I've dealt with trying to 'find the joy' in the everyday stuff too. A few things that really worked for me was remembering that my 'joy' comes from Christ, not my children or husband or daily tasks. If I remain in Him, it's easier to enjoy anything that I am doing. I certainly struggle and fail in this daily (sometimes hourly!!) I have also been known to pretend to be joyful, like cultivating a good habit, I practice it. I have found that it often comes natural very quickly! :)
I also, about 6 years ago, stopped looking for opportunities to 'get away'. (now, I don't mean a moment behind the bathroom door to catch my breath and pray an Ave, I mean 'hiding' behind chores or just flat out leaving my family for 'me' time.) Once in awhile those opportunities do arise, and I do relish them, especially if they are with my husband! But when I stopped trying to 'get away' and embraced what was in my path, I got better at it and began to enjoy it more. I don't think I've articulated my point well here, but maybe you get the drift?? Oh, and one more thing about enjoying my duties more... this one seemed impossible to me, but it has done wonders for my attitude and my own esteem for my vocation...
Take the time for those details or sweet, motherly, womanly things around the house. Wear an apron, hang laundry out in the sunshine, cut and arrange flowers for the dinner table, set a pretty table, present even the simplest frozen pizza on a pretty dish, etc... The house can be falling in shambles around us, but my husband and children love to see me in a apron (maybe some lipstick when hubby comes home) they ohhh and ahhh over a simple mason jar overflowing with cosmos. It makes me feel really good, and encourages me that they appreciate these things! (funny, a freshly mopped kitchen floor can go completely unnoticed, but a pretty vase of flowers garners smiles and showers of compliments!! )
I have also found that simplifing, decluttering, and having quality in the bare minimum to be very helpful. Especially in my tiny little kitchen. That has helped me in the practical end.
I have blabbered on enough here. I am still struggling and working on the very things you are myself. It is good that we recognize these struggles and look to improve. It is super good that we can come here and encourage one another!:)
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: June 20 2007 at 6:31am | IP Logged
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Nothing to add, but thanks Lisa!  Number 5 is due in 3 weeks for me and I needed the reminders that you wrote above. When I embrace my vocation as mother and truly have a thankful heart for each of these blessings the joy soon follows!
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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Mare
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Congratulations Becky and Syncletica! I just had my 5th child 2 months ago.
In addition to what Lisa said, I find for myself that I need to be organized. If my home is in disarray, my thoughts are in disarray. If my thoughts are in disarray, my home is in disarray.  Sad but true for me. I make the time each week to put together a "to do list." This helps me feel like I got something accomplished when it seems like I didn't.
I also find that getting up before everyone else for my "me" time helps my family immensely. I've had time with the Lord, I've exercised and I had my cup of coffee. I'm set for the day and I'm happy.  I feel like I can meet the needs of my family with a better attitude.
I'd like to share one last thing. My of my favorite book to inspire me as a mother is Abandonment to Divine Providence. I like to read it each year. Fr. de Caussade speaks about the Sacrament of the Present Moment. It is something that I need to reminded of often.
"There are remarkably few extraordinary characteristics in the outward events of the life of the most holy Virgin, at least there are none recorded in holy Scripture. Her exterior life is represented as very ordinary and simple. She did and suffered the same things that anyone in a similar state of life might do or suffer. She goes to visit her cousin Elizabeth as her
other relatives did. She took shelter in a stable in consequence of her poverty. She returned to Nazareth from whence she had been driven by the persecution of Herod, and lived there with Jesus and Joseph, supporting themselves by the work of their hands. It was in this way that the holy family gained their daily bread. But what a divine nourishment Mary and Joseph received from this daily bread for the strengthening of their faith! It is like a sacrament to sanctify all their moments. What treasures of grace lie concealed in these moments filled, apparently, by the most ordinary events. That which is visible might happen to anyone, but the invisible, discerned by faith, is no less than God operating very great things. O Bread of Angels! heavenly manna! pearl of the Gospel! Sacrament of the present moment! thou givest God under as lowly a form as the manger, the hay, or the straw. And to whom dost thou give Him? (Luke i, 53). God reveals Himself to the humble under the most lowly forms, but the proud, attaching themselves entirely to that which is extrinsic, do not discover Him hidden beneath, and are sent empty away."
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Syncletica
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| Posted: June 20 2007 at 9:49am | IP Logged
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Wow. Thanks ladies! Some great food for thought.
I struggle very much with joy, esp. since I'm so prone to sadness. Thanks Lisa. I will try to practice what you said.
Mare- how do you stay organized? What sources do you recommend? I've got 'Confessions of an organized homemaker" "Your Guide to become a Professional Organizer" and a dvd "Chaos to Comfort". (I guess I really do have enough sources.  )But I find it hard when I don't have the cash to get more containers or shelves or whatever. Then it's like everything is at a standstill and I feel helpless to do anything about it.
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teachingmyown
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As a mom pregnant with #8, who has been dreaming of sandy shores a few thousand miles away from these kids, I understand your struggle with joy.
Last night, after a particularly hard day, I knew I needed to turn to some trusted comfort. I pulled out "Seasons of a Mother's Heart" by Sally Clarkson. That book has been such a gift in my life, and it refreshed me anew again last night. She starts off talking about joy. She is so real and honest, and not perfect. Yet, her gentleness and love for her children are inspiring. I highly recommend it!
I also pulled out "A Mother's Rule of Life" by Holly Pierot. I haven't started reading it again, but was drawn to again because she also struggled with a sense of being overwhelmed and then goes on to tell how she overcame it.
I am always wondering how others "do it". I still struggle. There are of course seasons where it seems to working, and then seasons like now where I want to cry "Uncle"!
God bless you!
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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time4tea
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Thanks everyone for all the great advice! I, too, am expecting #5 in early August, and I have moments of sheer panic when I start to get ahead of myself. Thanks for the reminder to take "one day at a time."
Congratulations to all the other expecting moms here!
God bless,
Tea
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Blessings to you!
~Tea
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juststartn
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Oh, I LOVE the Abandonment to Divine Providence book! I took it with me to the hospital, while I was in labor. DH lost it! I do have it on cassette, but I no longer have a cassette player in my car (new van), so no dice there.
SIGH
GOtta buy another copy of that book!
Rachel
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Lily 3/11/00
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Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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Waverley
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What a wonderful thread. I am reading it at the end of a LONG day and feel blessed to have found it. Tomorrow, I'm going to try again to live in the moment and enjoy the chaos!!
Mare, I'm like you in that if my house is in chaos, I feel chaotic. Every night before bed, I give my children their empty laundry basket. They have to go around and pick up all of their things and use the laudry basket to carry back upstairs the stuff that belongs upstairs. I don't usually make them put away the things in the laundry basket right then but allow them to put it away in the morning. Coming downstairs to a picked up living room and kitchen makes me feel more in control and allows me to start the day "fresh."
Syncletica, I have never read an organizing book so what I say may be obvious, but I do have a suggestion. I agree that plastic storage containers can get expensive. So, at our house we never throw away a box!! I usually tear the lid flaps off and use them as storage containers. I wrap the box in a grocery bag turned inside out so no words are showing and then I can write on the box what goes in it. Once I got the kids to organize their things by giving each of them a box or two wrapped in brown paper (the grocery bag) and let them decorate the boxes (mostly with pictures cut from magazines and wallpaper samples). The boxes turned out really neat and the kids actually enjoyed putting their collections away in the boxes they belonged in.
Oh well, you've heard enough from me but thanks again for the words of wisdom everyone.
Waverley
wife of 1, mom of 5
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Maturemomg
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| Posted: June 21 2007 at 9:38am | IP Logged
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Well, I don't mean to sound rude, but what I once heard in reply to that questions was this and it made lots of sense to me:
If you HAVE a large family, you KNOW how to do it.
If you DON'T have a large family you don't NEED to know how to do it!
I think it is good to share helpful tips (really what this post is about), but thoses phrases make sense to me.
Really, all you will do is a little more than what you are doing now- more laundry, eventually more cooking, etc.
God gives most of us one at a time so we gradually work into the "large family" mode!
You will figure out your ways....
Yours in Christ,
Kathy
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Mare
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| Posted: June 21 2007 at 9:43am | IP Logged
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Syncletica wrote:
| Mare- how do you stay organized? What sources do you recommend? I've got 'Confessions of an organized homemaker" "Your Guide to become a Professional Organizer" and a dvd "Chaos to Comfort". (I guess I really do have enough sources. )But I find it hard when I don't have the cash to get more containers or shelves or whatever. Then it's like everything is at a standstill and I feel helpless to do anything about it. |
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I haven't read any books on organizing. I just try out different things when my other ideas don't work.
Part of my organizing is keeping up with things on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. There are certain things that need to be done everyday (picking up toys, meal preparations, school work, etc.) Then there are weekly jobs like vacuuming and dusting that need to be done. Then we have the monthly jobs like washing the woodwork and walls.
I do my once a week jobs over the course of the week. I set up reminders on my PDA and PC for the monthly jobs. If I don't get to it one month, then I'm sure to get to it the following month.
Some inexpensive ideas for storage are covering cereal boxes with solid contact paper and making magazine/teacher manual holders. I also like using Zip-loc bags for holding our LeapPad books and cartridges, foam art supplies, etc. I also buy the plastic containers only when they are on sale.
I'm running short on time. I hope this makes sense. 
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Mare
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| Posted: June 21 2007 at 9:45am | IP Logged
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Waverley wrote:
Mare, I'm like you in that if my house is in chaos, I feel chaotic. Every night before bed, I give my children their empty laundry basket. They have to go around and pick up all of their things and use the laudry basket to carry back upstairs the stuff that belongs upstairs. I don't usually make them put away the things in the laundry basket right then but allow them to put it away in the morning. Coming downstairs to a picked up living room and kitchen makes me feel more in control and allows me to start the day "fresh."
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Great idea! I had to laugh too when I saw that you cover old boxes. Great minds think alike. 
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kris
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[QUOTE=Maturemomg] Well, I don't mean to sound rude, but what I once heard in reply to that questions was this and it made lots of sense to me:
If you HAVE a large family, you KNOW how to do it.
If you DON'T have a large family you don't NEED to know how to do it!
---I think this really *nails* it. I also believe if you don't think about it too much it won't overwhelm you :)(whatever numer of children you have). It's just *your* life and you deal with it
. Not to say that it isn't good to think about ways to better organize or do your job better etc. etc. but if you sit and think about how many diapers you change, how many meals, loads of laundry etc etc you're bound to get buried in unproductive feelings of panic.
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Kris
married to Tim 6-83
mom to Al (87) Zak (89) Dylan (91) Noah (92) Naomi (94) Jackson (96) George ( 98) Samuel ^i^ 2000, Jed (03) Manny (05) and Gabriella (06)
http://myspiritrejoices.blogspot.c
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Joelle
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| Posted: June 24 2007 at 9:35pm | IP Logged
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Lisbet wrote:
| I also, about 6 years ago, stopped looking for opportunities to 'get away'. (now, I don't mean a moment behind the bathroom door to catch my breath and pray an Ave, I mean 'hiding' behind chores or just flat out leaving my family for 'me' time.) Once in awhile those opportunities do arise, and I do relish them, especially if they are with my husband! But when I stopped trying to 'get away' and embraced what was in my path, I got better at it and began to enjoy it more. I don't think I've articulated my point well here, but maybe you get the drift?? |
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It is articulated very well, and it is SO true, Lisa! We are expecting our sixth in July (sooner rather than later would be nice) and I think I am most stressed when I forget that my duties are done for Christ and start thinking of all I've done and looking for a "break." Then it becomes all about ME and how hard I work at schooling, meals, cleaning & caring for lots of littles, etc. Christ will give me a break when he chooses, he will provide me with all I need. And I am happiest when I take my days moment by moment and smile a little more as I'm changing a diaper and the water to the carrots is boiling over while my oldest 3 are arguing and tattling and I'm thinking, "it's only 11am--Lord, have mercy on me!!" It's not about me, it's about serving Christ and God's will for my life at that moment is...a dirty diaper, carrots boiling over, and arguing, tattling kids...Thanks be to God!
That said, I struggle not to boil over with the carrots , but God is good and provides what I need, when I need it as well as little outings with the hubby and dear hs'ing friends when I need them.
I also find the need to be more organized with more kids and have somewhat of a daily routine to ensure things aren't total chaos! Elizabeth and Kim have wonderful home organizer posts on their blogs, with some great ideas--those helped me with home organization immensely. Does anyone know how to link to these?
And finally, right before I deliver each baby, I start to wonder how I am going to do everything with another one as I feel SO incredibly busy with just daily care as it is--but it comforts me to know that I feel that way with each new blessing and always it just works out. God is good that way! So even with #6, I know it will all fall into place according to his will! Hope that helps!!
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God Bless, Joelle
Mom to 7: Boy (96), Girls (00, 02, 04), Boy (05), Girl (07), Boy (09)
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Bookswithtea
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5 is the point where I was forced to get really organized. Before that, I could still pull off things in a more random way.
Still, the grace for parenting 5 doesn't come until you have 5. So feeling like you can't do it right now is perfectly accurate!  You'll get the grace when the little one arrives.
There are tons of threads here on organizing. There are neat web sites and great books that appeal to all different kinds of moms and their style/temperament. They have been immensely helpful to me.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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asplendidtime
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I am really enjoying reading this thread. Thankyou all.
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Rebecca~Mama to
Noah 17,
Katie 16,
Mary 14,
Tim 13,
Jonah 12,
Josh 10,
Zoe 9,
Will 7,
Peter 6,
Laura-Mae 4,
Emily-Joy 2,
Genevieve & Gabriella 1
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Leonie
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For me, it was also a mental thing - I had to realize that I couldn't "beg worries" - iow, not worry about how I would do things or how I would cope but just do it. Sometimes, the worry and thinking about things is worse than the doing!
All the organization in the world couldn't help me unless I had myself right mentally - prayerfully, accepting some things as they were, not looking for perfection but simply doing it, step by step every day.
And consciously looking for joy in little things. Even now, I remind myself almost daily of Billy Blanks' (from Taebo) words - "Every day is a blessed day."
That said, being organized is a must for me - what I call semi-organization. Too much organization made my life too stressful with keeping up systems . But simple routines and pegs and good habits ( for me!  ) has worked, over time.
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Living Without School
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Elizabeth
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Joelle wrote:
I also find the need to be more organized with more kids and have somewhat of a daily routine to ensure things aren't total chaos! Elizabeth and Kim have wonderful home organizer posts on their blogs, with some great ideas--those helped me with home organization immensely. Does anyone know how to link to these? |
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Elizabeth's Home Management Notebook post
The first in Kim's series of posts
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Cheryl
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This is a great thread. Thank you all. I especially liked the reminders that I am serving Christ.
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Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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asplendidtime
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One thing I keep doing, is find renewal... If I am downcast, overwhelmed, frustrated, I make it a priority to renew my attitude. Find ways of changing what isn't working. But most of all I need to pray more when I am struggling.
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Rebecca~Mama to
Noah 17,
Katie 16,
Mary 14,
Tim 13,
Jonah 12,
Josh 10,
Zoe 9,
Will 7,
Peter 6,
Laura-Mae 4,
Emily-Joy 2,
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: how do you do it?
