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saintanneshs
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| Posted: June 04 2007 at 10:48pm | IP Logged
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Is it just me, or is it because we've just had #5 that people don't know what to say to me anymore? 
It seems like everywhere I turn, family and family friends are talking about "moving on."
Maybe I'm crazy, but I can't imagine being joyful about no more chubby little baby feet swinging from the baby swing. Will I get to this point though? My mom assures me that one day I'll be ready to let go.
Do some moms just never want to move on?
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Kristine
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Elizabeth
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Kristine,
Do you mean moving on to the next stage of parenting?
My oldest chick is a rooster now. I've spent the last week pulling together a collage of pictures for the reception at graduation. As much as I enjoy my big boy, my heart still aches for the tow-headed toddler in the Peter Pan costume and the energetic six-year-old at his first soccer game. It's a comfort to go from the reminiscing about his baby days to nursing a new baby...
Maybe someday I'll be ready to completely move from the stage of little ones, but I can't imagine ever being completely ready.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Lisbet
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I don't really understand what you (they) mean by 'moving on'. You have 5 children, moving on to the next stage of parenting is a given, whether you have more babies or not is irrelevent!
I often wonder why people around me are suprised when we are pregnant again. Did they expect us to stop at 3? 4? 6? 8? I don't know why we would! :) Maybe that's what you mean? Or maybe it's their way of saying to you "Please don't have anymore?" I don't know!
I run into elderly woman (at daily mass  ) all the time that had 6 - 10, (one had 17, another had 24!!) they say to me all the time "I wish I had just one more!" I can't imagine, personally, ever having that longing go away. I think we are created with that longing, it's a good thing.
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Bridget
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I'm sure many people think of diapers, wiping runny noses, hauling strollers and diaper bags as an exhausting burden. They are glad to move to the next stage of independence in their children. There is more freedom to pursue other things. Don't be upset that someone would think that way or even hope that for you. It's just part of the culture.
In the homeschooling culture, both Catholic and Protestant, families have an above average number of children. We are just used to this stage because we are in it for so long, no point in hoping to rush through it. It could last 20 years for some of us. And plenty of other moms around us are in the same looonnnng stage. Many of us even think it's big fun!
As Christians we are all about serving our families. Certainly we may be tired to the bone sometimes, but we know we are following God's call to serve our families and we have a peace, joy and strength in that.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Cheryl
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I imagine that I will come to a point where I'll be happy to spend time lots of time alone with my dh, and hopefully time with my adult dc and grandchildren. But what do I know? I'm not there yet. 
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Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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joann10
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Lisbet wrote:
I often wonder why people around me are suprised when we are preg. |
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It took us until number 10 for nobody to be surprised at the announcement of a new baby.
I have been in the baby stage for 20 years, and I know that I will always wish that I could have another. But, I am also starting to look forward to grandchildren. I have a 20 year old and it does cross my mind. I guess I am moving on and staying in one place at the same time.
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saintanneshs
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Bridget wrote:
| I'm sure many people think of diapers, wiping runny noses, hauling strollers and diaper bags as an exhausting burden. They are glad to move to the next stage of independence in their children. There is more freedom to pursue other things. Don't be upset that someone would think that way or even hope that for you. It's just part of the culture. |
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I'm not really surprised that they would think that way, just not sure how I should respond to them.
That's EXACTLY what these conversations around me have been about. The moms are so glad to be "done" having babies (and done with diaper bags and teething and potty-training and lugging everything...) and that seems to be all I hear about. But I totally don't mind those things at all! Funny thing is, I think I'm actually getting better at this, the more children I have!
From family the talk mostly stems from their worry that I won't be able to physically manage any more children. (And I have to admit that I'm still battling back-to-back postpartum UTIs and it's been 4 months already.  ) They know this and they see that I haven't "bounced back" after childbirth like I have in the past, so they're assuming that we have a reason to stop now...) Dh is worried about my health too. So the conversations, whether they are intended to or not, affect me. I've actually started to think about "how" a mom knows when she's ready to slow down and if some moms never feel like they'll CHOOSE to pack up the baby things.
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Kristine
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Cay Gibson
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My oldest will be 20 this Sept. My youngest is 5, and I still desire little ones. They're so fun and you always have your hands full with them. And I love (yes, I said "love") having my hands full.
And the house is full. Especially with summer. My bil and sil live next door. They have five grandchildren (ages 13 down to 7 months old) who are always over there...or over here.
I've had to tell the children, "The doors don't open until noon." just to have time for US. We need our down time, our storytime, our quiet playtime. I need my computer time.
Things are easier for me. Really. But I have more people in my house than ever before. I am never lonely, never without someone to talk to, never without. My 5 yr old still sits on my lap or I walk to my sil's and hold one of the babies.
But every stage has been marvelous. I miss my own babies but I'm shocked at how fast time goes and I know that grandchildren are around the corner. My oldest has been seeing a lovely Catholic girl for the past two years. Nothing is written in stone and she has four years of college ahead of her while he has two more years of night trade school and four years of saving his money.
I'm looking at them and seeing my dh and myself at those very same ages. We were 1 year 10 mo. age difference, they're 1 yr. 3 mo. apart.
It's eery watching your life in replay. At my dd's b-day dinner last month, I sat there watching Corey and Julie and realizing I was in the same shoes my mother was in only 20 years ago...watching Mark and I. And now my mother sits across the table from me in the place I will be 20 years from now. The circle of life, ya know.
The only difference? There's more of us. Lots more.  And, in having all these extra hands, I don't mind the moving on because there's simply more of everything and everybody. I just don't see anything lacking.
Yes, I do have some space because there are older ones to help. I might talk differently when I'm old and creaky and slow and the grandchildren are being dropped off here by the dozens and there's no one here to help me. But I'll cross that road when my car gets there. 
There are times, loads of times, I wish I could turn the clock back but that's when I go through photo albums or baby books or watch videos. That's when I realize with each b-day I'm getting older and, though wiser, I wish for those young years of blissful ignorance. They were full of blessings and I wish I had savored the wine instead of sipping it.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Maria B.
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I hear all of you. Quite frankly, I will always long for a baby and little ones. I am anxious about not having little ones at some point in my life. I figure by then, I will have grandchildren! But for my dh it is different. He does talk about wanting to move on and wanting to get out of diapers. I admit, it hurts to hear him say these things, but I think it is different for him. He worries about my health, lack of sleep, etc. A big part of this too, is worrying about our finances. I think this is all normal. I just pray for him and his peace of mind with our large family. Plus, he comes from a family of two kids. All of this is "new" to him. I need to be patient with him and more understanding. Have any of you experienced this with your dhs?
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Maria in VA
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MicheleQ
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Bridget wrote:
| I'm sure many people think of diapers, wiping runny noses, hauling strollers and diaper bags as an exhausting burden. They are glad to move to the next stage of independence in their children. There is more freedom to pursue other things. Don't be upset that someone would think that way or even hope that for you. It's just part of the culture. |
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Well truth be told I think that diapers, wiping runny noses, hauling strollers and diaper bags can indeed be an exhausting burden but I think it's a burden worth bearing and I try to do it joyfully. I don't always succeed but I do try. But I wouldn't wish it away and I can't imagine ever feeling "done" but then I'm trusting God to bring along the grandbabies to help fill the longing. 
Quote:
| We are just used to this stage because we are in it for so long, no point in hoping to rush through it. It could last 20 years for some of us. And plenty of other moms around us are in the same looonnnng stage. Many of us even think it's big fun! |
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Sometimes I think it's big fun - sometimes I'm just getting through the day. As of next month I'll have been a mom for 22 years - which I just realized is more than half my life.
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| As Christians we are all about serving our families. Certainly we may be tired to the bone sometimes, but we know we are following God's call to serve our families and we have a peace, joy and strength in that. |
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Well said Bridget!
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Michele Quigley
wife to my prince charming and mom of 10 in Lancaster County, PA USA
http://michelequigley.com
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hylabrook1
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Certainly, putting God in charge of our family size cuts both ways. We are blessed with little ones, often for a large number of years, but then we have to accept the time in our lives when God brings us to another place, one without new babies of our own. Each stage presents its unique challenges, but, for me at least, the *challeng-ness* is equal at each stage. And all the time, whatever is happening, it works toward moulding me into the woman God calls me to be.
That whole *I'm done with that* mentality is the cultural message we all receive. Lots of times, when people voice that sentiment, they are trying to make peace with their own *moving on*. Sometimes they really don't want to be done with that stage,deep down inside, but have bought into the cultural message, so they are conflicted.
I think the most honest answer to, "Aren't you ready to move on?" is, "We'll see what God has planned for us."
Yet, all that said, which is what you all know anyway ,it IS wearying to keep hearing this message at every turn.
Peace,
Nancy
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Maturemomg
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Mine are 28 to 3.
Could you please explain what "moving on" is?
(Plus I have 4 grandkids ages 7- unborn.)
Yes well, moving on....
Am I SUPPOSED to do this???
I STILL wonder if God will send me another one (I am 52). I sure don't EXPECT it, but I didn't expect my last either...
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MarilynW
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I get the moving on question a lot. Usually phrased as "don't you want to get your life back?" !! Or questions about when I am getting rid of all the baby gear so I have more space. I always want more kids - even now at 8m pregnant - my SIL just had a little boy and the whole labor I was so emotional - and thanking God that I was expecting - so I would not have the longing with no baby in my arms. I did wonder out loud to my husband about whether/when/if one reaches a stage where one does not have the longing for more children.
Many think I am strange - that I am still feeling this way in the midst of hyperemesis and preterm labor
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Cay Gibson
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My best friend told me that we never get over the yearning for another baby. She's said that's how God programmed us. It's natural and it's a beautiful yearning.
She's my 4Real mentor.
That being said, the deacon at our church and his wife found out they were expecting #6 when I was expecting #1. He is my mother's age so he was in his late 40's at the time.
They were eating out one evening when a friend came up to the booth and said, "I heard you were pregnant again." and enhaling deeply, "I tell you what...I'd rather have cancer than have another baby!" 
As shocking as this sounds, that is the mentality that is out there.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Martha
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MarilynW wrote:
| I get the moving on question a lot. Usually phrased as "don't you want to get your life back?" !! Or questions about when I am getting rid of all the baby gear so I have more space. |
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This IS my life!
There are days when I long for more space in the bed at night. Actually, I'd just like any space in it at all. If it wasn't for little Bridget latching on to me, I'd surely fall off the bed. And dh isn't even home! I have no idea how such an itty person can take up an entire queen bed.
One day I will have no little ones in the bed and maybe no dh either. I'm in no hurry for those days, thank you very much.
Honestly I can't imagine ever having a home without diapers. I figure by the time I get mine out of them, there will be grandchildren, by the time the grandchildren are all out, there will be great-grand children. Oh just imagine the possiblities...
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Martha
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Rachel May
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Well, not to be the wet blanket, but there are times when I'm ready to "move on". It generally starts when the newest baby is 4 months and ends by the time the next one announces his presence. Then I'm happy and grateful (or work hard to be) to be just where I am. I have my own desires, but I like to think I put God's plan first (and not begrudgingly).
I have friends who said that they always wanted to have one in diapers until they themselves were in diapers. I think that is a very nice sentiment....
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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saintanneshs
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Maria B. wrote:
| But for my dh it is different. He does talk about wanting to move on and wanting to get out of diapers. I admit, it hurts to hear him say these things, but I think it is different for him. He worries about my health, lack of sleep, etc. A big part of this too, is worrying about our finances. I think this is all normal. I just pray for him and his peace of mind with our large family. Plus, he comes from a family of two kids. All of this is "new" to him. I need to be patient with him and more understanding. Have any of you experienced this with your dhs? |
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I am, and for the first time, ever. It's really scary. I'm trying to remember the prayer: "Lord, help me want what You want," so I'll be open to hearing and understanding dh's point of view. I'm not sure if there's anything I can do besides focus on getting well and helping facilitate the balancing of another child in the family.
For those of you who (like me) feel like you could go on having babies forever, are your husbands just like you? Or did they go through this uncertainty too?
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Kristine
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saintanneshs
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Rachel May wrote:
| Well, not to be the wet blanket, but there are times when I'm ready to "move on". It generally starts when the newest baby is 4 months and ends by the time the next one announces his presence. Then I'm happy and grateful (or work hard to be) to be just where I am. I have my own desires, but I like to think I put God's plan first (and not begrudgingly). |
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Thanks, Rachel, for being so open and honest. 
I feel that way too sometimes. It's almost like it's okay for ME to think it because I know I'll get over it, but I get totally freaked out when someone in my family wants to say it out loud to me!
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Kristine
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Lisbet
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saintanneshs wrote:
For those of you who (like me) feel like you could go on having babies forever, are your husbands just like you? Or did they go through this uncertainty too? |
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I am very very blessed that my husband and I are, and always have been, on the same page on this issue. Sure, he worries about finances, my health, etc.. just like I worry about laundry, dishes and the like. We would have these concerns if we had fewer too I'm sure.
I think a big part of cultural thinking about 'moving on' is that so many couples look at having a baby as something they 'have' to do. Ya get married (or not) in your late 20's/30's and have 2 kids, right? The 'American Dream'. Why do more?? So few of us look at it as what God wants. And only when we look at it that way do we realize that we end up loving and (overall) enjoying what God wants.
I can't imagine having had stopped at 2 or 3. So many people would be missing from my life. I wonder in great awe about those I don't know yet! :)
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Cheryl
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I had some complications after my last one, which included a blood transfusion, but my dh still wants one more. He loves having babies around, so I think he could be persuaded to keep going after five, but he does have concerns about us getting older.
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Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Moving on...??
