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SaraP
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I had an email from a friend recently who is expecting another child and in the email she referred to her fertility as a "cross". 
I'm mostly posting because I know this crowd will understand how sad it made me that she feels that way, but if you have a moment woukd you say a Hail Mary for my friend?
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chicken lady
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Saying a Ave now
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lapazfarm
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How sad. Especially when there are those of us who would so dearly love to be fertile just once more.
Sending up a prayer for this woman, that she will recognize the great gift of her fertility.
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Theresa
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Tami
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Praying for her, Sara.
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Tami
When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become. (Nouwen)
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Martha
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um. But is she open and willing and lovingly taking up her cross? If so, then I'd hesitate to think too badly of her for it. In a way, I think knowing what a cross it may be and still being willing, can be an amazing act of faith and love.
From my perspective...
It has been a cross at times for me also. It's lonely, back and heart breaking work, with zero support most of the time, sometimes very scary, and always full of self-doubt and worry. Dh does what he can, but the reality is that he has to work much of the time.
As much as I might like someone to help me carry my cross, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Having a cross, in and of itself is not always a sad thing. Sometimes it's a source of great joy. Eventually at least. 
I'll add her to our rosary intentions.
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mary theresa
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| Posted: May 23 2007 at 11:34am | IP Logged
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Martha wrote:
um. But is she open and willing and lovingly taking up her cross? If so, then I'd hesitate to think too badly of her for it. In a way, I think knowing what a cross it may be and still being willing, can be an amazing act of faith and love.
From my perspective...
It has been a cross at times for me also. It's lonely, back and heart breaking work, with zero support most of the time, sometimes very scary, and always full of self-doubt and worry. Dh does what he can, but the reality is that he has to work much of the time.
As much as I might like someone to help me carry my cross, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Having a cross, in and of itself is not always a sad thing. Sometimes it's a source of great joy. Eventually at least.
I'll add her to our rosary intentions. |
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Martha, this is beautiful! And similar to what I was thinking but unable to express.
I will pray for your friend Sarah.
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Mary Theresa
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Lisbet
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| Posted: May 23 2007 at 11:38am | IP Logged
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I was thinking along the same lines as Martha when I first read this. I have viewed my own fertility as a cross often too, and it's not a sad thing at all. I am saying a Hail Mary for her right away.
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Maria B.
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I am with you Martha. Sara, I will pray for her!
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joann10
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I agree with Martha also. Having had a hysterectomy only 2 weeks ago I do not know what I think about the issue of lost fertility yet. I do know that over the last 12 months, the cross of fertility has also become the sacrifice of total abstinence. I believe that carrying the cross of fertility and abstinence faithfully, we can receive great graces and blessing from God. I know that we certainly have.
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Bridget
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Our fertility seems to be a cross whether it's going the way we want it to or not. Either way involves physical challenges and heartaches. Surgeries, tummy to tummy pregnancies, infertility and all those 'female' things.
Maybe the trick is learning to embrace our particular cross as the means to our salvation.
We have an advantage here that many others do not have. We have each other to help us embrace our cross.
I'm especially praying for Sara's friend and all the dear ladies I know who are struggling one way or another with this.
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Maryan
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Just .02 cents from a fertile lady of 36, married at 30 with four kids and two miscarriages in a little over five years...
I completely understand Martha's point about lovingly and willingly taking up the cross -- because to have three in diapers isn't EASY. AND... Christ didn't want to take up His Cross either... but Thy Will Be done.
However, I've met a lot of people who say that their "fertility" is a cross. And even to me, it comes off wrong and I think that it might really stab those hurting moms desperately wanting a child in the heart.... because Fertility is a GIFT.
Perhaps... we should be careful how we phrase things. Maybe, it would be better to name the REAL cross for the sake of these suffering ladies (and there are more out there than you think!). You know the cross of morning sickness, pregnancy fatigue, gestational diabetes, heartburn, recovery from birth, miscarriage, bed rest, wiping tons of sick noses, lack of sleep, challenges of teaching, nursing and entertaining toddlers all at the same time, etc.
It's totally a lot of work (and many of you ladies know that much better than me), but..
Many of MY crosses seem to do with these things rather than the gift of fertility itself. I'm not sure, but I try to have "the attitude of gratitude"... but I'm too weak to complete offer it up and not complain! But it seems more grateful to complain about the little things than fertility itself IYKWIM.
Prayers for your friend Sarah.
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Maryan
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Cay Gibson
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Bridget wrote:
Maybe the trick is learning to embrace our particular cross as the means to our salvation.
We have an advantage here that many others do not have. We have each other to help us embrace our cross.
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Amen. Amen.
Children are not the cross but they come with living expenses, medical visits, numerous worries, snotty noses, etc. that are good replicas.
And, in handling these crosses, our children do indeed give us many little splinters that drive us to our knees.
I am also thinking of our sisters in Christ who bear the cross of infertility.
I'm not sure who has it harder, though I suspect the ones who are infertile do because, in the end, they do not have a tangible cross to embrace.
Our crosses might seem hard to carry and, at times, unbearable but hardly ever does one desire the crosses of others over their own.
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Cay Gibson
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Cay Gibson
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I'm saying a prayer for your friend right now, Sara. I have faith that in nine months, her "cross" will have upon it the Resurrected Christ in place of the Crucified Christ.
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Cay Gibson
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Lisbet
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Quote:
However, I've met a lot of people who say that their "fertility" is a cross. And even to me, it comes off wrong and I think that it might really stab those hurting moms desperately wanting a child in the heart.... because Fertility is a GIFT.
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Shouldn't we consider our crosses gifts?
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Bridget
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Lisbet wrote:
Shouldn't we consider our crosses gifts? |
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I believe so. Christ's cross is a joyous symbol to us.
Just to clarify my earlier post, fertility and babies are always a great good. All the 'female' problems and work that result from it are the cross.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Jane Ramsey
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Yes, we should consider or crosses as gifts, but we shouldn't consider our gifts as crosses. Who would say, "It is such a cross to be so healthy?" Sounds a little silly, doesn't it?
Fetility=reproductive health=a definite gift from God.
I agree with Maryan. There are crosses involved in bearing children, but fertility itself is not a cross; a child is not a cross.
I will pray for M.
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Maryan
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Oh.. Lisa, I think that's true.
And I probably won't do a good job explaining myself again...
I'm just concerned with the SEMANTICS of how we present our crosses.
Putting it all our "fertility" could give the impression that we view children as a cross when it's REALLY the particular suffering that having children or raising children brings that we view as a cross.
And my concern is for two reasons: I think our anti-life world (who doesn't understand crosses and embracing them) will misunderstand those words... and then in Catholic circles -- where there are unfertile moms desperate to be pregnant -- the statement might seem hurtful or ungrateful.
I think it's clearer in meaning to label morning sickness or four broken bones from a different kid four weeks in a row as a crosses. Who could misunderstand those crosses!
Another example -- I have had pregnancies that were real crosses, but I wouldn't want to say "Baby M" was a cross.
I didn't really want to be argumentative. I am just sensitive to how we word those crosses for the sake of others.
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Lisbet
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I understand what you are saying Maryan, to an extent. Of course our children are not crosses, just some of the 'stuff' that comes with 'em. I certainly understand that!
But just to really round out the discussion, couldn't one consider fertility itself a cross when it involves prolonged abstenance OR either husband or wife having that in the back of their minds when they are intimate? Again, it's not the child that may result if God so blesses them, but the 'fertility' itself? We could also turn it around and replace 'fertiltiy' with 'infertility'. (constanly worrying whether or not that time together will be fruitful.) KWIM?
*this is coming from someone that has concieved a baby every year for the past 12 years.
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Maryan
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[aside - my keyboard is acting up -- reason why all these posts take so long. some keys just don't work - like the shift key.]
hmmm... but to your question...and lisa again my points are just for the sake of witnessing to our antilife society and being sensitive to our infertile friends.... because you have been open to life and generous for so much longer than i...
if we had all the money, health, sleep, patience and help in the world - would 'fertility' be a cross [that's a question]
i know for me pregnancy means i'm soooo tired, sick, and not as able to do the things that i could when i wasn't pregnant. so... again just for the sake of sensitivity, i still think that the tight finances, the pregnancy malaise, the very frightening pregnancy conditions, and the worry about those things affecting our relationship, -- in other words all the conditions of our fallen world -- those are the crosses... not the ability to conceive a child.
so i still think the ability to conceive would still be a gift and the inability would, well, even be called a curse in the bible. i don't think fertility is ever presented as a curse.
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Maryan
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Martha
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Maryan -
I see what you are trying to say, but I also don't think we should get so caught up in semantics that we can't speak plainly.
Fertility can be a cross. That is seperate from the child resulting. YOU may not have occassion to see it that way, but some do. And to tell them their cross isn't really a cross is a bit unfair and hurtful to them too. Having been pregnant well over 12 times in the last 14 years, fertility has been a cross at times for me. It is not a cross I would ever choose to set aside, certainly not a curse either.
I don't think speaking plainly in this manner is fodder for those who are anti-life. In point of fact, I think speaking plainly and honestly is very much a fruitful seed for life. I don't paint a false, rosey or semanticly correct picture of being willing and lovingly open to life. I prefer to be honest and let them know it's okay to have these feelings and frustrations and that God will bless their efforts just as fully as when it's easy to follow Him.
I have meet so many women who say things like, "Oh I'm not patient or rich or blahblah ...." and what they are really saying is only those who are more virtuos than them should be open to life. They are, in a nutshell, over whelmed by the notion they have to be something they are not to trust God in this area. I hope that, if nothing else, seeing me in all my obvious imperfection, lets them know being open to life is not just for those who can appear perfect all the time. God will take us as we are.
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Martha
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: This made me want to cry
