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Michaela
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| Posted: April 16 2007 at 8:53pm | IP Logged
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I know this will sound like such an odd question, but I could use some perspective or a kick in the rear.
I'm having a problem watching family kiss all over my baby. These long kisses on the mouth or 20 kisses in quick succession get under my skin.
I'm not sure if I know how much is enough vs. how much is too much. It's all too much to me. Because Teresa is rooting or wants something so suck on it's encouraged family to over kiss.
These long kisses on the mouth drive me nuts...even though they are innocent.
I was molested as a child and consequently, I just don't like any of it. I'm not sure I can see long mouth kisses as normal IYKWIM. Not even long, but too many on the mouth bother me.
How can I handle this? I know it's innocent. I'm absolutely sure of it. It's something in me that can't take it. I'd rather people smile at her or kiss her forehead or cheeks.
ok....give me a kick!!!
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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Michaela
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| Posted: April 16 2007 at 8:56pm | IP Logged
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BTW...I realize that my definition of "long" may be different than someone else's. When is it too long or too much?
told you this is a dumb question. I feel foolish, but it's really really really bothering me to see her sucking their lips or hearing how her tongue went in their mouth. All innocent, but I can't take it and asking family to stop leaves hurt feelings. Like I'm preventing them from bonding or something.
UGH!
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Michaela
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Maryan
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| Posted: April 16 2007 at 9:09pm | IP Logged
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Michaela, I don't have an answer to your question -- and I'm so sorry for your suffering. 
However, I will say that *YOU* are the Mom so you don't have to ever feel foolish. If someone is doing something with your baby that makes you uncomfortable, IMHO you have every right to stop it. And I think it's certainly okay if you "can't take it."
If you don't want to explain your reasons and don't want to hurt feelings, perhaps you can simply say (and I use this line a lot): "Okay, it's Mommy and baby bonding time now." And then you can change the baby's diaper or do something else to change the situation. Sometimes I do this with a relative that is sick who wants to hold my baby as they cough five times!!
My babies suck tons of stuff too -- but mostly chins and noses cuz they stick out!
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eschuetter
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| Posted: April 16 2007 at 9:15pm | IP Logged
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Michaela,
I'd rather give you a quick hug 
I completely agree with everything that Maryan just said. And I LOVE her presto-change-o, super-polite way to snatch the baby from an uncomfortable spot (without making anyone uncomfortable!) I wish I was good at that kind of thing! Great phrase to stick in my pocket for later, Maryan. 
Erica
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Bridget
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| Posted: April 16 2007 at 9:27pm | IP Logged
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I am uncomfortable with mouth kisses too. i don't let my children kiss babies that way, i sure wouldn't let anyone else. Thats what chubby cheeks are for!
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Willa
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| Posted: April 16 2007 at 9:45pm | IP Logged
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Ditto what Bridget said. I would be uncomfortable with it too. And if it bothers you, it's not working, harmless or not. You need to protect your mom instincts; they are there for a reason. But you can do a graceful transition as Maryan suggests. Say, "she seems to be hungry -- time to go nurse," or something. Think up a few quick transitions and use the one that seems to fit the best at the time. 
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: April 16 2007 at 9:47pm | IP Logged
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I agree. I always teach my kids that we kiss each other on the cheeks or foreheads. Mouth kisses would freak me out too.
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Erin
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| Posted: April 17 2007 at 12:38am | IP Logged
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I would be uncomfortable too. I guess it also ties in with setting boundaries for later as I imagine from what you share you won't be comfortable with anyone kissing them on the lips when older either.
Could you discourage them from kissing on the lips due to germ exchange? Would they get offended by that?
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JennGM
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It's not an odd question, Michaela. We have a family rule that only Daddies and Mommies kiss on the lips. I had that rule growing up, and we repeat the same thing in our family.
If they need another reason, the germs thing is the other route.
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Becky Parker
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I agree with everyone else here. My dd was one that kept kissing our baby on the lips, or doing the million kisses all over the face thing. She was 4 at the time and it was all quite innocent but made me uncomfortable. I just told her to stop. Now, as I think back, she probably was old enough to understand if I had explained it a little better. Perhaps explaining that the baby can't tell people to stop doing something they don't like so we have to take it easy. Maybe making a limit of one kiss per cheek or something like that. I'm probably not much help but I agree that you should follow your mommy instincts.
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: April 17 2007 at 9:14am | IP Logged
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I agree with you,Michaela. Cheeks and foreheads here too. See? you're NOT crazy
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Willa
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| Posted: April 17 2007 at 11:08am | IP Logged
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Becky Parker wrote:
| Perhaps explaining that the baby can't tell people to stop doing something they don't like so we have to take it easy. |
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That's true. The baby learns from example. Her intuitions about her privacy are still being formed, and so are those of her siblings. It is a teaching moment for everyone about boundaries and personal space.
I originally thought you were talking about family members outside your own children, Michaela. If it is your own children, I agree that some explanations and teaching would be a valuable thing. It can be totally innocent and yet something to be gently discouraged, like certain issues of modesty that come up during a child's growing years.
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ShawnaB
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| Posted: April 17 2007 at 11:25am | IP Logged
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Not an odd question at all. I remember my grandma telling us "you shouldn't kiss a baby on the mouth, it spreads germs!" To this day, she avoids baby mouths like the plague, and it finally dawned on me that she was worried about the BABY having germs, not the adult or older sibling!! 
We tell our children that mouth kisses are for mom and dad...cheeks and forheads, bellies and feet are for baby kisses.
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Anne McD
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| Posted: April 17 2007 at 3:59pm | IP Logged
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ditto, ditto, ditto!! I've always cringed when I've seen people kiss kids on the mouth-- even their own!
My guys (completely innocently) have wanted to kiss me on the mouth, and I keep saying, nope, that's Daddy's spot!
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Michaela
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| Posted: April 17 2007 at 4:07pm | IP Logged
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Yes,  the "family" is my children. That's what made me feel so foolish and confused about how I have been reacting. I'm sorry to say, I blew it last night, and my son had such a hurt look on his face. 
Maryan, I will use your suggestion of gently changing their focus. It's a perfect way to discourage it when it's too much.
It felt so awkward explaining that some kisses are ok, while others aren't.
Quote:
| It can be totally innocent and yet something to be gently discouraged, like certain issues of modesty that come up during a child's growing years. |
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Willa, thank you, this is an excellent way to handle this. I feel better about how I've been feeling already.
Ladies, you are so wonderful for understanding.
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Michaela
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 17 2007 at 5:43pm | IP Logged
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and remember that you can give suggestions rather than "no"s like "give her little gentle kisses on her cheek" or "give her a little kiss on the nose" or whatever
Also, acknowledging funny things like.. it's funny when she turns her head while you're kissing her cheek and she sucks on your lip.. it's not funny when you try and do it on purpose.
Also things like.. she's little and needs only a little amount of kissing.. of course then I might say hmm well you're bigger and while keeping baby safe give the older child a bunch of kisses all over their face
Sometimes laughter can help ease a situation without causing hurt feelings.
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Alice R
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| Posted: April 19 2007 at 8:05am | IP Logged
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I am a "germ-a-phobe" and no one kisses the baby on the mouth. Like a baby needs a cold or a sore throat or whatever? No thanks. 
AND!!! I make everyone wash their hands before they play with her.
She 14 months now but I'm picky with babies. They are so little and a sickness can really be horrible for them.
Blessings,
Alice
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: odd question -- kissing baby
