4Real Forums: Advice for parents of newly adopted child

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Topic: Advice for parents of newly adopted child

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MarilynW
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Posted: March 18 2007 at 10:00am \| IP Logged

My sister has just adopted a year old little boy from China - I met him yesterday - the cutest little boy. But they are really struggling and I am hoping some of you can give me some advice.

Please would you share with me any websites, books ideas - that I could give her.
And please pray for them.

Thanks so much.

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Marilyn
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Helen
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Posted: March 18 2007 at 12:13pm \| IP Logged

Marilyn,
I'm probably not the person to respond to your request, but I did blog about winning over the adopted child.

Here's the link to the category

Winning the Adopted Child the first post one sees is the last in the series and may not appeal to her.

The first post is here: First Post

Maybe suggest the first post and then she can press the bottom links to follow the series or go to the category.

I didn't go back to work but both my husband and I have advanced degrees

Does that count? (Six of my children are adopted.)

Or am I still considered very crazy?

(Don't answer that!!

)

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Ave Maria!
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MarilynW
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Posted: March 18 2007 at 12:36pm \| IP Logged

Thank you Helen for your blog link. I will send to her.

Thank you again - I appreciate all the information. And I see you as a total inspiration - not crazy at all.

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Marybeth
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Posted: March 18 2007 at 3:31pm \| IP Logged

Congratulations to your sister!

I have really enjoyed the books we have (many are on loan or not returned) by Lois Ruskai Melina. I don't remember the exact name of the titles,but you can usually get her books via the library.

We learned in our adoption classes that sleep issues are the #1 concern/problem for newly adopted families. It will take a while for him to calm down and adjust to all the newness in his enviroment. I would advise setting a sleep routine for him since they don't seem comfortable to the idea of cosleeping. We didn't cosleep with our baby either so no judgement from me.

I would purchase or borrow from the library different books on sleep and see what methods works best for the baby. It is difficult b/c we tend to want to use what works best for the parents to get the child to sleep and not for the baby.

Would she sling him during the day? Is he healthy? I know babies can come down with ear infections from the flight or be sick with parasites and such. Does she go to a peditrican who specializes in international adoption or at least have adopted children in their practice? This allows the comfort of knowing the doctor will understand your child and have seen illnesses/issues beforehand. Our ped. contacted the WHO regarding our ds's polio vaccine to get a clearer understanding of what dosage was given. It was great to work with a dr. who tried to understand the uniqueness of our family.

We subscribed to Adoptive Families magazine for a few years. It can have very liberal views but does give good and concrete information pertaining to all aspects of adoption.

Does their adoption agency have any follow up classes for parents? Could their social worker give them any tips on resources to help this adjustment go a bit smoother?

I didn't use the internet too much in 2000 when we brought home our son so I can't recommend any websites. I am sure a google search will bring up plenty of resources to help.

Not sure if any of this will help but hopefully the adjustment and attachment will get better each day and sleep will come easily soon.

Marybeth

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BlessedBGod
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Posted: March 18 2007 at 6:07pm \| IP Logged

Hey Marilyn,
Something to think about might be the food issues. This was a mistake I made on our last foster child. She came at six months to me with no information about what she ate except special formula. I thought, because my own only had milk at this age, that she only had milk at six months old. Well, a few months later I found out (from her six year-old-sister I met at a foster parent meeting) that she had been on table food...sweet potatoes and white potatoes. What a difference that could have made to a screaming child! The formula just doesn't fill them up as well. Since your sister's baby is screaming both day and night, the drastic change in food just may be an issue. People may say they feed a child one thing, but in reality, it's entirely different. God bless her in this challenge. -BlessedBGod JMJ P.S. I have extremely good praises for using St. Erasmus' intercession of the thirteen Holy Helpers for colicky babies. Sometimes, I think, the colic lasts for way more than a year old. Maybe you could pray for her if she's not open to that.

onemoretracy
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Posted: March 19 2007 at 7:00am \| IP Logged

Marilyn,

How old is the he? Mary Clare was 8 mo. and I think because she was so young the difficulties for us were minimized. He could very well still be grieving.

Helen's posts are beautiful. I know they would be helpful if she could read them with an open heart.

I really hope they can get some sleep soon, but this adjustment period is just part of the deal you know? He has not had parents to love him and hold him his whole life. Maybe they can think of it as 'catching up' on the holding and snuggling, not spoiling.

I will keep them in my prayers.

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