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guitarnan
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I just had a chat with our parish DRE, who has informed me that not only do I need to attend "teacher meetings," because I'm a homeschooling parent, but that I'm trapped in the mandatory "family life" (they use another name) curriculum required by the Archdiocese of Baltimore, starting this year. I have only previewed one of the "approved" series of texts and don't like it. I'm supposed to pick up my teacher packet and materials tomorrow. I'm unhappy on several counts.
First, I resent being told at the last minute that I'm a)"treated like any other teacher" as a homeschooling parent; and b) "required" to use this curriculum, when I met with the DRE and turned in my book list over a month ago, and all my chosen texts are on the diocesan approved list of materials. At that time, no one mentioned this "family life" stuff or any mandatory meetings, materials, etc.
Second, I can't figure out what to do if, upon review of the materials tomorrow, I don't think they're appropriate for my child. I've reviewed the diocesan website and its extensive review of this "family life" educational process, and I see no "opt out" provision for parents, nor do I see a way I can ajdust the curriculum to meet my daughter's developmental level. She's in grade 4 academically, but she's only 8.
Third, I'm unhappy to think that this is being foisted on all families, regardless of school choice, in our archdiocese.
Fourth, I feel uncomfortable volunteering to do anything with RE in our parish, knowing that the archdiocese will require me to teach this stuff, with no "opt out" ability for parents. Our DRE wants to put together a program for homeschoolers and small group family catechesis in our parish, and I'd love to get involved with this, but...
Maybe I am over-reacting, but given the recent discussions of secular college life, modesty, etc., this "required" program just rubs me the wrong way. I also don't feel happy going around the archdiocesan requirements...how do I reconcile this problem? Am I supposed to teach to their program, if I don't believe it's appropriate? Am I supposed to disobey the bishops' requirements? Can I teach part of the "family life" curriculum and not all of it? Doesn't this mean I'm going against the bishops' teachings?
As with many of you, we've sheltered our children from much of life's ugliness, and tried to give them an appropriate perspective on God's Will for each of His children. I don't want to be stuck between a rock and hard place when it comes to educating my children about vocations, family life, relationships, and the nuts and bolts of, you know what...
I can't help but think that this "mandatory" program is a liability-driven issue for the archdiocese, rather than an effort to teach our young people the right things at the right time. The strong emphasis on child protection issues (per the archdiocesan website) seems to validate my theory. Rather than supporting my role as primary educator (which is what the website states as the goal of this program), I feel that the archdiocese is pre-empting my role and taking away my opt-out privilege. Not only that, by shoving this responsibility onto DRE's and parents, the archdiocese seems to be ensuring that it will be all our fault if something goes awry between children and adults. (By the way, new volunteers are screened/background checked by the archdiocese, but the screening process doesn't have to be complete before volunteering begins...???)
The website says:
This catechesis is to be offered as an integral component of the curriculum of religious instruction and faith formation in the parish or school setting. The National Directory for Catechesis (NDC, Chapter 6, 178) calls for catechesis in human sexuality which
“recognizes the duty of pastors and parish catechetical leaders to support and encourage parents as they carry out their role as educators of their children in human sexuality as well as to provide additional instructions regarding Catholic teaching and values that complement and complete the formation provided by parents.”
But...it's mandatory. I can't opt out. This isn't support, it's supercession.
Has anyone else been here? What should I do? My husband is supportive of my position, but he isn't the one who's here to discuss this all with the DRE.
(Just in passing, I've been a DRE, taught RE classes, and am now in my 5th year of homeschooling...I'm pretty confident that I know what I want to teach and how/when I want to teach it. I empathize with our DRE, but don't agree with the mandatory aspects of this program.)
All advice and prayers appreciated. As you can tell, I'm pretty upset. 
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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BrendaPeter
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Hi Nancy,
I'm just wondering if your daughter has received her 1st Holy Communion yet. If she has, does she even need to attend CCD?
In our case, my eldest attended CCD just for 1st Communion preparation. After that, we found a new parish with a priest who would work with us & allow us to teach religion to our dc as part of our homeschool. When we're ready for 1st Holy Communion, we give our pastor a date & ask if that will work for him. They receive their 1st Holy Communion as a part of the Mass that day. We pretty much do the same thing for Confirmation.
HTH!
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Brenda (mom to 6)
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guitarnan
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Brenda,
She doesn't have to go to CCD...that's the kicker. All this is part of my homeschool "requirement", I guess. The DRE says she couldn't just "hand the books to the parents and set them free," although she already knows I've selected my own (orthodox) materials...we're supposed to do the "family life" part at home.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Mary G
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Nancy,
I'm sending up a prayer as soon as I finish typing this....I'm going to teach my 2 littles and prep them for FHC and I've got my fingers crossed that our pastor will ok this all. A case of asking for forgiveness rather than permission 
I'm sure this will all work out as you need it to -- after all you're in the home of the "Baltimore Catechism" -- surely they'll follow the teachings of the Church and allow you to be the first parent, and thus decide what curriculum, etc.....
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Martha
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Well.. despite what is said ...
No one can *make* you do anything.
If you feel this is wrong, or maybe a bit "off" the catholic path so to speak, not only do you not have to do it - personally I would feel an obligation to my faith and my kids NOT to do it or to volunteer to perpetuate it. 
I'm sorry for your situation and pray things change for the better all around. 
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lapazfarm
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I'm thinking along the same lines as Martha. What would happen if you just said "No"?
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SuzanneT
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Perhaps a letter to your bishop?
Suzanne
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ALmom
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Here's my question - and I'll be praying by the way. Is this "requirement" really coming from the Bishop or from the DRE? Sometimes, we've found that there has been horrid communication down the chain of command and somewhere along the line, the bishops instructions have been misinterpreted - almost like the whisper game. If there is an orthodox priest or parish in your area, I would ask for advice. Sometimes this is all it takes as the information then gets passed to the Bishop by one of his priests - and everyone takes to this more kindly - and things get done quietly. But do save all written correspondence for future reference in case you need it. Start with assuming the best - but know your rights under canon law and do what you need to do to protect your children.
Since the quote speaks of in the parish or school setting, it doesn't seem to apply to you in the home as long as you are not teaching CCD in the parish. I think I would assume this especially in light of other Vatican documents with regard to the teaching in this delicate area.
But I am confused - why does the DRE have to approve your homeschooling materials? I understand their right to mandate what is used in the parish and would not teach if I did not feel I could in conscience use what the parish mandates. But I would write a letter to the DRE first - and then to the pastor if no results from the letter to the DRE explaining why I am resigning - and what I find objectionable about it, asking for them to look at the materials being used for the parish and address your concerns - and then forward this correspondence to the bishop if the pastor does not respond and it is a serious enough issue - even higher if it is really, really serious. This assumes, of course, that there are serious deficiencies in the texts or inappropriate content or failure to respect the parents rights in matters.
It could also be a case of misinterpretation of what the law/policy requires - we've seen that too. Sometimes all it takes is someone knowledgeable of the law. I would seek clarification of the obligations and rights of both parents and church in the religious education of children from a reliable source before stepping forward. Of course, the Bishop does have the responsibility to oversee the religious teachings in his diocese - (this refers to What is taught and it must be in line with the Holy Father). I don't think he has any right to say how it is taught within the confines of the homes - and there certainly must be some space for individual teachers to come up with how to best reach the children. If there really is some oversight from the Bishop of homeschoolers in your diocese, then I would politely ask exactly what is objectionable in what you are planning to teach your children (you would still be in control of how something is taught, I'd assume) but perhaps the Bishop sees an error in what you are teaching and you could then correct this. I cannot see how the Bishop would have a right to tell you exactly what text to use if what you are using is for your own children. I'm a bit confused here.
Is this a policy for Catholic homeschoolers in the diocese? Is homeschooling a sort of institution of the diocese? I'm really confused here. If this is the case and the Bishop is really behind it, then as a faithful Catholic you have a right to get clarification from the Vatican and you could certainly elicit support from the Catholic lawyers association - even just for advice on how to proceed charitably. If you find the teaching material really obnoxious, I'd document and reference every single thing that is objectionable - starting with the mandate for the teaching of s* without opt out options for the parent (this goes against the Vatican's own instructions and in matters of obedience, the Vatican takes precedence).
I've come to the conclusion that at times it is important to politely and charitably stand up against the beauocratic mess that seems to strangle. The standard operating proceedure is to go through the chain of command - first directly with the person involved (sounds like DRE here) then with the next (pastor), to the Bishop and beyond if you decide it is necessary. It all depends on how serious the matter is, etc. But you do have a very serious obligation to protect your children so if the material is offensive, then it seems you should speak up. If it is just a matter of annoyance and doesn't apply to homeschooling then you just might want to simply say you just don't have sufficient time to re-plan and simply step out of the teacher role - and CCD program and do your own thing at home. It all depends on the extent that error is present in the materials and the time you have to jump on your head to go around poorly organized stuff, etc.
And I really do understand the annoyance of stuff that is so obviously ridiculous, its hard to tell why the ridiculousness is missed. I keep getting angry at various stupidities and how it impacts us personally - but I have begun to be a bit more assertive in a kind sort of way (hopefully) - just trying to keep my focus on what my responsibilites are in this and going from there. I do always want to make sure I am in obedience to legitimate authority, however, so when in doubt, seek clarification!
Janet
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Elizabeth
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Nancy,
I have found that things differ widely from parish to parish within a diocese. I've also found that in many cases this is a great barometer of how open to home education in general a parish is. If the pastor and/or the DRE is digging in heels over madatory curriculum, they have the concept of subsidiarity upside-down. It may be a harbinger of things to come. And you may need to parish-shop. I can't go so far as to say it's an indicator of orthodoxy because I can think of a couple of very orthodox parishes here that require RE even if you're homeschooling and give you no choice but to use their materials and meet their requirements. And, it's sad, but homeschoolers tend to shy away from the very parishes where they'd love the liturgy, etc because the RE requirements don't mesh with their family's situation.
I think the question is "Why does the DRE need to know anything you are doing with your child?" She's received her 1st Communion--lots of kids aren't enrolled in CCD either in the parish or under the homeschooling umbrella. I also think it's an popportunity for you to calmly enlighten her that the Chruch teaches that you are your child's primary educator and her role is to support you.
Prayers headed your way!
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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guitarnan
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I really appreciate all of this good info and advice as I prepare to head off to this meeting. The DRE asked me earlier this summer to tell her what materials we'd been using to make sure they were on the national list of approved materials (they were). All seemed OK.
Baltimore has a policy of being homeschool-friendly (at least officially). There are lots of homeschoolers here. This is really the first I've heard of homeschoolers being required to do this "family life" curriculum, and the info on the diocesan website talks about the "parish or school setting." The regs actually say I can provide family life catechesis at home using my own materials. The DRE may not have read the regs as recently I as I have...also, she's coordinating 90 RE classes to start next weekend! (I'm sure I'm just an annoying blip!)
I'm hoping my trip up the chain of command begins and ends with this meeting...I'm very willing to go higher if need be. I've printed out the appropriate pages of the regs to take along. I've prayed (a LOT) and have friends and family praying for me. I guess that means I've done everything I can do for now...so off I go...
Thanks for all the encouragement. It helps a lot to know that my reaction and concerns are OK.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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guitarnan
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Well, you're not going to believe this. Actually, maybe you will! I just got a call from the DRE telling me not to come in, because not only had they mixed me up with a regular CCD teacher (with similar last name), when she pulled my file she realized that my Ignatius Press materials were, of course, approved for use by the American bishops. So...case closed. I'm cleared for takeoff.
Thanks again for the prayers and encouragement. They both worked wonders! 
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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cvbmom
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Where do you find a list of materials approved by American bishops?
We have a similar situation here with our DRE. Homeschooling religious education is fine with her, but we must use her materials and go to her homeschooling meetings. She says that we can't use Faith and Life, Seton, or other materials as they aren't approved in our diocese. We must use Faith First, which I don't like at all. The priest has allowed her to set up the program and wants us to follow it. We have since moved parishes so dc can receive the Sacraments while being homeschooled. Seems silly to have to do that.
Thanks!
Christine
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Sarah
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If a Bishop asks you to do something that is contrary to what you believe is right, it is outside his boundaries and therefore not disobedient. A Bishop cannot tell you or anyone else that they cannot homeschool or HAVE to provide your children with more info than they might need at a given age.
You're not being disobedient if you choose not to teach this stuff.
Is there a Latin Mass "parish" nearby to join that is under the Fraternity of St. Peter (or loyal to the Holy Father and the Church)?
Out here our children our examined by our FSSP (Fraternity) priest before a sacrament. Oftentimes they teach a little class before the sacrament also. The dioces might have their own curriculum, but the priest in charge of the sacrament is the one that has to answer to God as to whether the child was ready. Therefor, they do the final questioning of the child (which has been for us a nice appt. with Fr. X to talk about catechism-the kids are a little nervous, but no really big deal). If after talking to the child they decide he/she needs more work on a certain area, then we study it and they meet again.
Maybe you could find something similar.
Also, the homeschoolers out here that do not go to the Latin Mass have a similar interview with their diocesan pastors. Could you do something like that?
Just out of curiosity and I don't mean this to be rude, but why are you contacting the DRE's? Why do they have a say in your kids education? Is it to get the sacraments?
My mother happens to be the Director of Religious Education (the queen of all DRE's)in a different diocese than I'm in and I always wonder (to myself  ) why any homeschooler would listen to her liberal advice. Not that I don't love my mother, but let's just say we're "not reading from the same sheet of music" when it comes to matters of the faith!
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PDyer
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cvbmom wrote:
| Where do you find a list of materials approved by American bishops? |
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I found this today: Conformity Listing of Catechetical Texts and Series
It's a PDF file on the USCCB website on the Office for the Catechism page.
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Patty
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guitarnan
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Notice that Faith and Life IS on the UCCB approved list...Christine, maybe you could take the list to your DRE and ask why they don't allow you to use it, since the UCCB list says it's OK.
We ran into this in our last (WV) parish; the DRE wanted to use F&L but the more liberal parish coordinator (holder of purse strings) doesn't like Ignatius Press and wouldn't let her purchase F&L.
You might want to check your diocesan regs (probably on their website, or they could mail you a copy); there's a lot of detail there, at least in ours, that's easy to miss the first time through. I can't imagine a diocese saying "no" to a text approved by the entire UCCB!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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alicegunther
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guitarnan wrote:
Well, you're not going to believe this. Actually, maybe you will! I just got a call from the DRE telling me not to come in, because not only had they mixed me up with a regular CCD teacher (with similar last name), when she pulled my file she realized that my Ignatius Press materials were, of course, approved for use by the American bishops. So...case closed. I'm cleared for takeoff.
Thanks again for the prayers and encouragement. They both worked wonders!
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Well, that's certainly a good resolution to all this! God is good. 
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Love, Alice
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cvbmom
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Thanks for the ideas and links. I am getting tired of the "fight" but also don't like that parents are getting "bullied" into parish religious ed. Some DREs just don't get the whole primary educators of our children responsibility. They see a need for numbers in their programs. It's sad.
Christine
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Patty LeVasseur
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I wanted to tell you about my experience with this so you can see the power of prayer. We were having major issues with what was being taught in our RE at our church. I was feeling very conflicted as our DRE was encouaging us to have our children involved because "being Catholic is about being part of a community". I prayed asking God to show me the right thing to do. One day we had a visiting priest and I went to confession. The priest didn't know me and didn't know that I homeschooled. When he gave me my penance he said, "I want you to do your children's religious education at home this year."
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MicheleQ
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Sarah wrote:
| If a Bishop asks you to do something that is contrary to what you believe is right, it is outside his boundaries and therefore not disobedient. |
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Sarah,
I'm pretty sure I understand what you mean but I do think we need to be careful how such things are worded. It really should be made clear that if you are asked to do something that is contrary to what the Church teaches then yes you are not obligated to be obedient since your obligation is obedience to the Church and it would be the one wanting you to do otherwise that is in fact being disobedient.
But we also have to be careful not to think that just because we don't particularly like what our Bishop asks of us that we aren't obligated to obey. If it's within the realm of Church teaching we are indeed obliged to obey.
We are to follow are conscience yes but our consciences are also to be formed to the mind of the Church.
This is a conversation I have had with liberals who say they are simply following their conscience and "doing what they think is right" even if it isn't in conformity with Church teaching. But I do think you already know that, I just think it needs to be said because you never know who's reading.
God bless!
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Michele Quigley
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guitarnan
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Michele,
You state so well my original concern! I certainly want to follow the direction of our Cardinal with regard to the religious education and sacramental preparation of my children. What I don't want is to have someone who isn't one of our bishops (we have several, we're so blessed!)to decide what the diocesan regs mean...without really having digested them. Fortunately, everyone in my case discovered that there was a big mix-up, and what I'm doing (F&L plus Catholic Mosaic books) is just fine for my daughter. I can do the *** education stuff (aka "family life") at home with my materials, according to the diocesan regs. That's exactly what I wanted, because her "academic" grade is higher than her "developmental" grade.
I was feeling very conflicted when this issue came up for our family, precisely because I was worried about following our bishops' teaching and reconciling what I'd been told with my role as primary educator of my children. The Good Lord has worked it all out, so far.
I do have difficulty with the issues in my former parish (where the DRE wants to use F&L and has been told she can't). I realize that pastoral decisions are important, but it's hard for me to see how a book approved by the UCCB is Not OK in a particular parish, just due to liberal bias.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: "Family Life" is mandatory. Ranting!
