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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Dec 20 2010 at 11:43am | IP Logged
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My husband and I considering attending a local TLM, but I have a few questions and concerns. Some of them kind of silly, but I am fairly clueless about what to expect and don't want to make a silly mistake.
1. Head covering? I don't veil, and I don't have anything to veil with. Is this a deal breaker for attending? Part of me thinks that it shouldn't really matter, that attendance is more important than appearance. But I don't want to commit a major faux pas. Also my best pants that fit right now are my jeans.
2. I understand that communion is received kneeling at the altar rail by mouth and Host only. What do you do with young children that are too young to receive while you are at the rail?
3. How much of the Mass is in Latin and how much is in the vernacular?
4. Is there the same amount of sitting, standing, kneeling as the N.O. or is it really different?
I am intrigued by the TLM and would like to experience at least once, but I'm also very overwhelmed by the idea of it. Any help would be appreciated.
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JennGM
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Barbara C. wrote:
My husband and I considering attending a local TLM, but I have a few questions and concerns. Some of them kind of silly, but I am fairly clueless about what to expect and don't want to make a silly mistake.
1. Head covering? I don't veil, and I don't have anything to veil with. Is this a deal breaker for attending? Part of me thinks that it shouldn't really matter, that attendance is more important than appearance. But I don't want to commit a major faux pas. Also my best pants that fit right now are my jeans. |
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This shouldn't matter and definitely not a deal breaker. Headcovering or wearing skirts is not mandated. Headcovering was required in the old Code of Canon Law, but because it is NOT in the current revised Code, it is not obligatory. The Latin Mass is following the old rite, but the rules and regulatations are the current Code, not prior rules.
It is still the holy Mass, and Jesus is present in the same manners as He is in the Novus Ordo. So what's important is to show respect and dress modestly anytime you are within His presence, whether Novus Ordo or TLM. Veiling and wearing skirts only for a TLM implies one rite is holier than another, and that's not the case.
Now, if you think you will feel out of place, , just know many women veil and wear skirts attending the TLM.
But I'll just say, don't let anyone say you HAVE to veil or wear skirts. It's just not simply true.
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stellamaris
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| Posted: Dec 20 2010 at 11:55am | IP Logged
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Might I gently mention here to be sure the church you are planning on attending is in union with the Holy Father? Sadly, not every Latin Mass is licit.
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CrunchyMom
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1.) At our TLM, head coverings are about 50/50. I think it might be higher at other places? Also, while overall, more people make a conscious effort to dress up, there are all varieties of clothing and socio-economic levels present. I rarely ever see any shorts or tank tops (not that its an issue this time of year), but it would not be unusual to see ladies in pants or even blue jeans.
2.) We leave our 4 and 6 year old in the pew while we go forward, but generally just hold the two year old. Others have their young children go forward and sort of stand behind them or kneel with their arms folded for a blessing.
3.) The entire mass is in Latin. At our mass, the priest repeats the readings in English from the ambo. The homily is also in English.
4.) There is more kneeling and less standing. There are missals to follow which help, but you will probably be a little lost the first time. I have a friend who insists that one visit to the TLM is just enough to confuse you--you have to go at least twice to make a judgment 
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MicheleQ
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I'll just piggy back on what Lindsay wrote if that's OK.
CrunchyMom wrote:
| 1.) At our TLM, head coverings are about 50/50. I think it might be higher at other places? Also, while overall, more people make a conscious effort to dress up, there are all varieties of clothing and socio-economic levels present. I rarely ever see any shorts or tank tops (not that its an issue this time of year), but it would not be unusual to see ladies in pants or even blue jeans. |
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Most all the women veil at our TLM (Extraordinary Form being the proper term). Veils are not required but if you don't have one and want to wear one a lot of places have loaners in the back --we do.
Jeans not so much here. But skirts aren't required either.
CrunchyMom wrote:
| 2.) We leave our 4 and 6 year old in the pew while we go forward, but generally just hold the two year old. Others have their young children go forward and sort of stand behind them or kneel with their arms folded for a blessing. |
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Ours come with us and kneel at the rail. Fr. knows us so he knows who to skip over --he doesn't give a blessing to those not receiving.
Keep in mind too that you don't say Amen before receiving --just open your mouth and stick out your tongue.
CrunchyMom wrote:
| 3.) The entire mass is in Latin. At our mass, the priest repeats the readings in English from the ambo. The homily is also in English. |
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Same here, I think this is pretty standard.
CrunchyMom wrote:
| 4.) There is more kneeling and less standing. There are missals to follow which help, but you will probably be a little lost the first time. I have a friend who insists that one visit to the TLM is just enough to confuse you--you have to go at least twice to make a judgment |
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Agreed. It took me a full month to "get it" and now, well, I LOVE it!
Oh and there's more kneeling (a lot more) if it's low mass. The missals they (hopefully) have available should guide you but sit towards the back and just follow what the majority of people are doing.
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Betsy
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CrunchyMom wrote:
| I have a friend who insists that one visit to the TLM is just enough to confuse you--you have to go at least twice to make a judgment |
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This is so true. I think the TLM is like learning anything worth while--it takes time and will not be mastered in the first visit (or even a life time). There is a great amount of Mystery and Symbolism that just needs to be absorbed and learned over time.
It is true, IMO, that a person really needs to go a few times before they will feel more comfortable. The books to follow along are very helpful, however, I recommend for the first time going with an open mind and heart and just watching and following along as be you can. After you feel a bit more comfortable definitely used one of the books to follow along, maybe even borrowing it through the week to read all of them side notes of why the Priest/alter severs are doing what they are doing.
Also, I often don't veil when I attend because it is more of a distraction for my littles than it's worth. Most of the places that I have been have a basket of extra veils if you would like to veil or forget yours. Also, many women wear hats, which is a nice option during winter.
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stellamaris
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I just wish we had the TLM option here! You ladies are truly blessed!
I will agree about the problem with veils and little ones. I veiled most of the time before my twins were born, but it was a real distraction when they got bigger. Between wrestling with them and wrestling with the veil, it was hard to pay proper attention  . So I set aside the veil. It would be nice to wear it again.
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Dec 20 2010 at 2:18pm | IP Logged
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Thanks for all of the information. I feel a little better prepared if we decide to try it out. The idea of having to kneel more, though, might be a deal-breaker for DH. ;-)
Oh, and the parish that offers the TLM is very much in union with the Holy Father. Only one of their nine masses is TLM, they have Opus Dei confessions, and one of the priests (my husband's fave) from our usual parish just got transferred there. I did come across a sketchy website when I was searching for information on-line; that's one reason I decided to ask here.
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CatholicMommy
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I think the other ladies have covered the veiling - non-obnoxious hats and the like are acceptable as well. While they can't require female heads to be covered, there is definitely a certain theology that if followed through to completion does require it. But you really need to follow your conscience on this one.
Some people use pins or hairclips to hold their veils in place. I stitched mine to a stiff headband so that it would stay on better with my active 2+ year old. Now, I wear a different style (a wide cloth headband with another piece of solid (not lace) fabric hanging down the back and clipping under my hair) but I wear it full-time so it's a different story.
For the kneeling - sitting down is fine too, especially for those with health issues.
Little ones can stay in the pew or go up. My son typically has stood just behind me and slightly to the side. Now that he is preparing to receive FHC, he is kneeling but Father knows who receives and who doesn't.
If in doubt, find the priest beforehand (or another family) and ask what the norm is.
The first time I went, I approached the first family I saw and explained that this was my first TLM, that I was traveling through the area and would they mind if my son and I sat with them and receive some guidance. They were *super* nice and very helpful. They gave me their address but before I sent a thank you card to them, I lost it....
(now, with that said, if anyone recognizes this story - PM me because I owe you a thank you!)
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DominaCaeli
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Veiling is very common here (maybe 90%), but that's probably because at both churches we attend, there is a basket of veils at the back for guests. They are definitely not required, though, and the 10% or so that don't veil aren't looked at strangely at all as far as I've noticed. Several ladies wear hats, and I, with a wiggly infant, currently wear a handkerchief that I tie under my chin (several other ladies do this as well). So there are lots of options.
Some ladies do wear pants to our TLM, though skirts are much more common. Jeans are much less common (people dress fairly formally here).
We bring our four children to the altar rail with us, as do most families. The 4yos kneel and the babies are held by us. Father gives a blessing to them before distributing to us.
Plenty of people sit instead of kneel (due to health issues or a wiggly baby, for example), so that shouldn't really be an issue.
The first time my husband and I attended the TLM five years ago, we did so on a whim...and were completely LOST!  When we got home, we printed out a missal and read through it before the next Sunday, and it really only took a few weeks to get the hang of things. Now we attend the TLM exclusively and have been so incredibly blessed by it. I cannot describe the difference it has made in our spirituality and our family life. So, give it a shot! 
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4 lads mom
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Try it out, it is a beautiful Mass!! We miss our FSSP apostolate back home! 
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Sharyn
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Betsy wrote:
I think the TLM is like learning anything worth while--it takes time and will not be mastered in the first visit (or even a life time). There is a great amount of Mystery and Symbolism that just needs to be absorbed and learned over time.
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In the 7 years since we have been going to the TLM I have found this to be true. As converts my dh and I initially attended the Novus Ordo, and I remember being very self concious in the beginning and wondering if I'd ever go past trying to work out what was happening and move beyond doing more than just looking around and copying everyone else. I really found this to be the same with the TLM. It also took a while to see the similarities between the TLM and the NO.
You may come across people who aren't encouraging, I think we are more sensitive to this when we are new. But I have found many times that people I thought were giving bad looks weren't, and actually were really nice people. We all have our different personality types too. There's this one lady who always looks very grumpy, and I've always had the impression that my dc bugged her, and probably they do but people from older generations have often been raised with the idea that children are to be seen but not heard. After speaking to this lady I have found her to be really nice, we just have to encourage the children to be a little less boistrous around her.
When it comes to covering your head, we have a few ladies that don't, most wear veils, hats, shawls, scarves etc. Most wear skirts but some pants. It can be hard not to feel self concious at first, but most people really are just concentrating on the mass, just ignore the rest.
You could always try going just once a month or every few weeks, for feast days etc. It's enough to start getting used to it without being overwhelmed.
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: TLM questions?
