4Real Forums: Confession quandry

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Topic: Confession quandry

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LucyP
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Posted: April 14 2010 at 11:15am \| IP Logged

Our son is six, and as we have been talking to him about an issue he has been struggling with recently, he has expressed a desire to go to confession to "get comfortable with God again". We talked about the whole subject of sin, confession, forgiveness etc, and the upshot was that I asked to meet with a priest to discuss whether he could have early first confession. We went today, and our son was very shy and not very communicative but then he wasn't really given a chance to. He understands a lot and was very excited about the idea of the sacrament as opposed to just saying "sorry God", but he has walked away with the impression after a 5 minute chat that he doesn't need to "worry" about confession and that it can wait until he is 6 and the dicocese starts processing the children through FHC prep (which in any case we might do at home). Father just told him to say sorry to God and that he can't really sin. But he believes that when he does something he knows is wrong (lying, disobeying, saying he will not come to Mass, hurting people, trying to distract his sister at prayers etc) that it is a sin, and he can even say what is mortal sin (deliberately trying to sabotage us getting to Mass, thankfully infrequent) and what is venial etc.

I feel a bit frustrated that Father didn't spend more time or really get a feel for DS's understanding and feelings, and irritated that he has the message that confession is not that important after all and that it is a "worry" anyway, but I also don't want to teach by example that it is a good idea to second guess our priests. But to now wait 2 more years (he can have FHC in summer 2012, so FR in the lent of that year I suppose) seems....wrong?

Any thoughts from wiser heads than mine?

SeaStar
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Posted: April 14 2010 at 5:08pm \| IP Logged

Do you have a director of religious education at your church that you could talk this over with? A DRE might have more insight and be able to talk to your son for longer, and possibly with more empathy, than the priest.

I don't know that there is a Church set age for first Reconciliation. I do recall from going through the FHC prep with my ds this year that we read in several places that God protects children from serious sin in a special way (this came up especially when discussing mortal sin). That may be why your priest sort of fluffed it over...

I do agree it is frustrating. Maybe you can set up a special area at home to be a prayer room/corner where your ds can go and be alone to say he is sorry to God in a special way. Or maybe he could learn a special prayer (the Act of Contrition) to say when he feels he needs more than just a "sorry God".

Your ds sounds like a very sensitive and caring little guy

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ekbell
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Posted: April 14 2010 at 5:21pm \| IP Logged

Your priest may have been approaching matters from the knowledge that an act of contrition is truly sufficent for the forgiveness of venial sins and that it is highly unlikely for such a young child to have sufficent knowledge and control over their actions as to be able to freely and knowingly commit a mortal sin.

Other considerations-

When my oldest was going through FHC preparation our priest noted that he wanted us to be careful when discussing sin and reconcilation, as he remembered going to confession on Saturday and then worrying continuously if he was sinning too much to go to communion the next day.

From his experience he had concluded that it was important to be careful to discourage excessive scruples in young children since they lack the experience to properly judge their actions (there is a big difference between knowing certain actions are wrong and knowing just how wrong certain actions are) and these scruples too easily led to unnecessary misery and the thought of God, not as a loving Father but as a judgemental superior.

Betsy
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Posted: April 14 2010 at 6:21pm \| IP Logged

Something to consider....
When our oldest was in preparation for FHC we moved. At the time we were considering having him make his first confession, and then make his FHC when ever we found a parish and got settled. We were discouraged to separate First Confession and First Communion by a long time. I am sure that this point could be debated, by nevertheless, it's food for though.

Betsy

JennGM
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Posted: April 14 2010 at 6:35pm \| IP Logged

Lucy, is your son six already? So he will be 8 when he receives FHC? What is the age in your diocese?

I mentioned in this thread on delaying FHC that reading Pius X's encylical Quam Singulari which adjusted the age for First Communion and confession.

The points Melinda, Betsy and ekbell made are all good. This is a difficult transition into the next plane of learning. He is moving into the age of reason. With that comes more rational free will choices that have culpability. But it takes a while for it to come together. That's why it seems misbehavior comes right before FHC! Learning all about sin can be overwhelming, and at this sensitive stage it can lead to scruples sometimes.

Working with Father's advice, I would talk to your son and explain that he is "in training" for his First Confession. It's not that he doesn't need confession, but he hasn't reached the age yet. But he should "practice" everything but the actual going to the priest. So, this is when we learn to examine our conscience, learn how to be truly sorry for sin, and set up firm purposes of amendment.

I would suggest trying to set up a time to talk to Father without your son present to share your concerns and try to understand further what his reasons are.

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Jennifer G. Miller
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