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Keepmehome
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| Posted: Oct 06 2009 at 2:06pm | IP Logged
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My children all attend formal religious education at our parish. Our pastor is also the vicar and very determined that his parish be a shining example for others. My husband wants the children to be part of the CCD program, and our program does seem to be quite good.
The downfall of it, in my eyes, is that it is so academic. Every Saturday, my third grader has to copy 10 vocabulary words from the board and define them using the glossary within ten minutes. My daughter cannot even read the vocabulary words. I am sure she could define them, but that doesn't help if she can't write the definition. She tells me she "gets this feeling in the bottom of my tummy when I walk into the room."
I am not sure what to do? If I pull her out, my oldest will be completely irate because I have made him go all these years, our priest will aggressively fight me on it. He seems to take personal offense that we will not enroll our children in the Catholic school and when I talked to him about homeschooling religion, he showed me this very large binder and said I had to teach everything that is in here he will test my children before he will allow them to make any sacraments.
My uncle or cousin are both willing to offer them the sacraments, but I have been told that although they are valid in God's eyes, the Church will not recognize them.
Although our pastor seems hostile to homeschooling, he really seems to be impressed with their spirituality?
Any suggestions on how to handle this so that my daughter does not feel like she is not as "smart" as the other kids. I am trying to do everything I can to teach her how to read, but I am pushing her to perform where she is not ready and it is not good for either of us.
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sarahb
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| Posted: Oct 06 2009 at 6:20pm | IP Logged
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As a catechist I have to say this is desperately inappropriate.
As a parent I have to agree with me above.
As a parishioner I think Id lean towards a parish with a less academic view of CCD. Is this an option? If not Id go to the DRE and express that my child can not function within the parameters academically but can spiritually. Perhaps you could sit in and scribe for your child. Or do this work at home orally.
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guitarnan
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The program should definitely take into account all learning styles and abilities - I am sure your dd is not the only child in that room who is still developing her reading skills.
If the teacher could be convinced to change the activities around (do the vocab orally, have teams fill in one definition sheet) your daughter could do the work with no trouble.
I have to say that glossary lookups sound like a less-than-stellar use of that one hour per week of CCD time.
Perhaps your DRE could help with this? (If the pastor is the DRE, maybe you could bring it up with him from the angle that you really really want to keep dd in the program, and your husband does too, but her reading level makes it hard for her to do the work the way the class is presented, and she needs an accommodation of some kind.)
Praying for you (and for your pastor's change of heart!).
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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stellamaris
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I would speak first to the teacher. Explain the situation, and see if some accommodation can be made for your daughter's learning style. I would approach her as a member of my "team"-we both want the best for my daughter, I appreciate the work you are putting in, my daughter is struggling, how can we help her? If you don't get good results there, then I'd discuss with the DRE. Sometimes the CCD teachers are only doing what the DRE has handed to them to do; sometimes the teachers are happy to make adjustments for the students. After working with the DRE, then I'd talk to the pastor; if that fails, I'd look for another more compassionate parish. If that is not an option, remember you only have to tough it out for the years required to obtain the sacraments.
If your uncle and cousin are priests (not sure on what you meant there), they could give your dd the sacraments when they determined she was ready. The records of her reception of the sacraments would be sent to her parish of baptism. I can't see how this would be "invalid", but you should probably do a little research on it first. If it is just a problem because they are closely related, there are probably other priests willing to help you out.
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Keepmehome
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| Posted: Oct 07 2009 at 12:38pm | IP Logged
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Thank you all for your ideas on this. It has been a stressful situation for my daughter since 1st grade. In kindergarten she came home one day with a sense of wonder on her face and said, "Mom, this boy in our class can read! I can't wait till I can read!" I think of that comment so often when she comes to me now with her fears and frustrations about CCD. In 1st grade, the focus became more academic. Last year, I volunteered every Saturday morning that I did not have to work and helped her keep her place during class reading time, and I helped with her in class work with spelling the answers.
Just to clarify my earlier comment: my uncle is a priest in Odessa, Texas. He retired earlier this year. My cousin is a priest in the Pittsburgh diocese, but works as a missionary in Puerto Rico. He is the one who told me that the sacraments have to be completed and/or approved by the home parish. This is the only Catholic Church in our town, and is only 1 mile away from our home. We were fairly active in the Parish until I began homeschooling. This did not go over well with our pastor. We are the only Catholic home schoolers in our home town. My husband refuses to change parishes because this is where he grew up and what he knows. He is not bothered very much by the animosity we have experienced in the past, but I am. He tries to keep things in perspective for me, but I am not very good at separating my emotions from my logic. Over the years, it is my seventh year of homeschooling, our priest has mellowed a little in his criticism of homeschooling and has come to accept that it is going to continue. He is good with the children of the parish and that is not always the case in every parish, so I am trying to take the good with the bad.
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Jody
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Wow, sounds like an intense program.
Since changing parishes is not an option....will the CCD teacher make adjustments for different learning styles?
That's my first choice. Then if that doesn't work I would opt for teaching her at home and receiving the sacraments elsewhere.
It's awful to think of children growing up with horrible memories of CCD. Doesn't exactly instill a love for all things catholic  .
Jody
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Oct 07 2009 at 6:34pm | IP Logged
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Quote:
| She tells me she "gets this feeling in the bottom of my tummy when I walk into the room." |
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 Oh my goodness. THAT is your answer! This is so important!!!!! She is emotionally drained from this!
From what you've described about the program and about your daughter, I would do everything I could to keep my child away from this program. The "academics" behind a CCD program in the early years would be the least of my concerns. Is the child learning to love and live the Faith? Is she learning importance and beauty of the Sacrament of Penance and the wonder of the Eucharist?
I would propose a meeting with one or both of them, explaining the situation and propose doing things at home, with a clearly laid-out plan. See what they say.
And, then go from there.
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Keepmehome
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| Posted: Oct 22 2009 at 2:17pm | IP Logged
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I just wanted to follow up and let you all know how things have turned out.
I spoke with the DRE a week ago Monday and told her I was withdrawing my daughter from the CCD program and that I would homeschool her religious education. She said she wanted to talk with Monsignor about it, then get back to me.
She called me today and said that Monsignor thinks the children should be in formal religious training, but he would agree to the homeschooling so long as before any sacraments are made my daughter sit down with him and discuss the sacrament and what it means. She has to demonstrate an understanding. He even agreed that I could use the materials that I have as long as I cover what is on the Diocesean scope and sequence.
I feel good about this and when I told my daughter, she visibly relaxed and said, "Thanks, Mom."
I am very surprised and thankful. Thank you all for your advice, it gave me courage to do what I knew needed to be done. And in a way, it has fostered some healing between our priest and me.
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Oct 22 2009 at 2:26pm | IP Logged
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 Yea!!!!!!  That's so GREAT! You must be so relieved!
Keepmehome wrote:
| ......and when I told my daughter, she visibly relaxed and said, "Thanks, Mom." |
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  Oooooohhhhh, so sweet!
Awesome job, Mom!!!!
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Suzanne in ID
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JodieLyn
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Wonderful news!!
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MaryM
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Yes, it sounds like a good resolution to the situation.
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Mary M. in Denver
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Help with dd's CCD situation
