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folklaur
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i feel so funny asking this, i almost did it anonymously.
what do you do if you have no real affinity towards the Rosary?
i know that in Official Catholic Teaching, the Rosary is not "required" to be a good Catholic - but it often *feels* that way, kwim?
i love making rosaries for others, and i love praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet, and other chaplets, and i do have a strong Marian devotion....but i have never felt drawn to the Rosary itself - and i have been saying it since i could talk, and i went to Catholic school and we said it there often, my homeschool groups love to get together and say it, etc. so i have been exposed to it. a lot. it is not for lack of understanding the prayers or the meditations or anything like that.
yet, in Catholic circles it is so often seen as a given that if you are a good Catholic, you say the rosary.
any advice? am i the only one who feels this way? 
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JSchaaf
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No advice, but I will admit I do feel the same way.
Jennifer
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MaryM
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Laura, I'm glad you didn't post anonymously. You aren't the only one here who feels this way, as this thread from last year will attest to - No Marian Devotion - No Rosary?. The rosary is one tool that is available for prayer and meditation on Christ's passion and for devotion to Our Lady, but not the only one. Different people find different helps in their spirituality. I think there is a lot of wisdom from members in that older post and a sense of not being the only one.
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SusanJ
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To encourage you--I just finished a biography of Therese of Lisieux last night. She said at the end of her life that she wondered why she could never get into the rosary when she had such love for the Blessed Mother. We're not all called to the same devotions :)
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TracyFD
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Ok, I'll be honest about this too.
The rosary has always made me yawn
I also think that hearing the rosary prayed out loud by a group sounds kind of creepy. Should I brace myself for the rotten tomatoes?
I like the idea of praying the rosary and I have no doubt as to the incredible power of this prayer but personally I have a difficult time entering into the multi-tasking requirements of praying the words and meditating on the mystery at the same time. I have better success praying for a certain person or prayer intention with each bead.
I also enjoyed praying the rosary more B.C. (before children). I would say the same for the Mass, especially the Traditional Mass. Four children later, my prayer life still seems as if it will never be the same as it was when I could concentrate on prayer uninterrupted.
I also worry that my dryness will affect how the children feel about the rosary if we continue to pray it as a family in such a dry routine way. I like to try ways of making it more meaningful, but that is not DH's style and he is the one who has been leading a decade every night.
I would really like to be able to pray more like the protestant ladies in my homeschool support group (no Catholic option around here!). I was asked to lead prayer the other night in a small group setting and was completely embarrassed. I apologized and declined and offered the excuse that I am Catholic and pray differently. I felt so humiliated.
Admitting a lack of affinity for the rosary is courageous and difficult. It ranks right up there with being skeptical about Medjugorje. Correct me if I am wrong, but my understanding is that Catholics are not required to believe even approved apparitions.
Sounds like this is true of the rosary as well? You can still be a good Catholic without praying the rosary? Especially if you are drawn to other prayers or devotions?
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ekbell
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I like the idea of praying the rosary and I have no doubt as to the incredible power of this prayer but personally I have a difficult time entering into the multi-tasking requirements of praying the words and meditating on the mystery at the same time. I have better success praying for a certain person or prayer intention with each bead.
I've spent the last year saying the Rosary with the meditation interwoven between the Hail Mary's instead just at the beginning of the Decade.
This was one of the set of Mysteries I used.
Praying the Rosary without Distraction
My primary reason was because my baby was grabbing my beads and I was losing my place but it also helped with both praying and mediating (as much as is possible with children around).
Another help is a display of a fine piece of art (I collect Rosary booklets with fine art).
My current limit is one decade a day prayed with the children. My main expectation is that I will *gently* lead my children by example in giving honor to Jesus and Mary (and go through the major events in their lives), rather then that I will feel anything in particular. I take comfort in the fact that my desire to honor Jesus and Mary is important, my feelings are secondary.
The rosary is a sacramental, it's very good but not essential.
I've found that having such projects as CHC's rosary books in A Year With God or making prayer flowers for every decade Spiritual Bouquet as part of our religion and celebration of the liturgical year go a long way with my children. The effects last for a fairly long time after the projects.
[We've made Spiritual Bouquet the last two lents. The first lent we decorated our house with prayers on Easter. Last year my children (as well as my nephews and nieces on that side) gave their prayer flowers, neatly assembled in a scrapbook to their great-grandparents on the occasion of their 50th wedding aniversary. I don't think anything could have made my Oma more happy then this happy co-mingling of handicrafts and prayers.]
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stacykay
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We have a priest (fantastic) who grew up Catholic but, for years, he never felt drawn in any way to pray a Rosary. When I first met him, he said it was something he wasn't "into," but over the past 5 years, he has become very devoted to Our Lady and the Rosary. When he didn't pray it, I can't think of a single person who thought he wasn't an incredible gift to our community, let alone not Catholic enough! Take heart, Laura! 
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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Milehimama
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I got a secret little thrill when I read The Story of a Soul, the autobiography SusanJ mentioned, and found out the Little Flower also had a hard time with the rosary!
It does not help that as a child, my mother recommended reciting the rosary until I fell asleep if I couldn't sleep - the Catholic version of counting sheep. I'm sure she meant it as a pious act, but now it makes me sleepy!
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folklaur
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don't get mad -and i am not meaning to pick on anyone in particular - and know that i am saying this in the teeniest, tiniest, most timid little voice you can imagine...
okay.
but...don't sentiments like "try these different ways to incorporate it" or "so-and-so *used to* not like it" still give the impression that i should be saying it, or learning to like it? i know they are said in the most loving way, with hearts sincere on helping. and i appreciate that so very, very much!!! but....it still seems to hint that, eventually, with the right motivation, i can/should/will learn to like it - or i should do it whether i like it or not.
or! i am just over-sensitive to it. which is entirely possible!!!
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folklaur
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Milehimama wrote:
the Catholic version of counting sheep.
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my mother would say the same thing!
maybe that is why i start to yawn and get droopy?
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CrunchyMom
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cactus mouse wrote:
don't get mad -and i am not meaning to pick on anyone in particular - and know that i am saying this in the teeniest, tiniest, most timid little voice you can imagine...
okay.
but...don't sentiments like "try these different ways to incorporate it" or "so-and-so *used to* not like it" still give the impression that i should be saying it, or learning to like it? i know they are said in the most loving way, with hearts sincere on helping. and i appreciate that so very, very much!!! but....it still seems to hint that, eventually, with the right motivation, i can/should/will learn to like it - or i should do it whether i like it or not.
or! i am just over-sensitive to it. which is entirely possible!!! |
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I don't think that those statements are meant to imply *will* or *should*, but more like *might.*
Affinity describes a liking, but I don't know that everyone with a devotion to the rosary always *likes* it. Prayer is hard work regardless of the method.
I don't say that to imply that you should just say it anyway. Rather, I'm just dispelling any misconception that those who do recommend praying it always *love* doing it. Thinking that everyone else is always "liking" this thing you find tedious might contribute to any feelings of being "left out."
I think the examples of those who disliked it and then grew to like it are good reasons to not say *never* regarding the rosary, but rather seek to find other methods of prayer that might fill that void, and if you truly are seeking to follow God, He will lead you back to the rosary if you are supposed to pray it.
I also think that it is a huge part of our Catholic heritage and a vibrant part of our culture. I think that I would continue to make rosaries as gifts and teach it to my children. It is something that is uniquely Catholic, and since so many of the shared customs and traditional community devotions have been lost as our culture has grown more secular, I think I would hesitate to abandon something that is shared, as you say, with such a large number of fellow Catholics as well as many of the saints in heaven.
That is a reason I might recommend "finding new ways to incorporate it." Not because I think you should feel guilty about not liking it (I don't think you should feel guilty for ignoring my suggestion altogether!), but as something that is so strongly associated with our Catholic identity and has remained so widespread over so long a time, in my opinion, it seems prudent to keep it a part of your life even if you reserve it especially for particular Marian feasts just a few times a year or a means of praying in community with your fellow Catholic homeschoolers.
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Martha
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I really dislike saying the rosary.
There I said it.
After all these years, I still have trouble remembering where I am on the beads, which mystery goes in which order and so forth, and yes I have been known to doze off during rosary - even in public! 
I cannot help it. I'd love to have more of an affinity for it, but I just don't.
My dh doesn't like it at all. He isn't religious, but says even tho he knows we don't worship mary it sure does seem like it sometimes to him or any other outsider. So no rosary when dh is home for us.
That said, I do think we've have graces from saying it. Maybe the sufferring of saying it is part of what attributes the graces, I don't know.
And despite my feelings on this, which I try very hard to NEVER let on to the kids, I have 1 child who absolutely loves the rosary.
So I don't know what to tell you. It is a socially expected norm in catholic circles. I don't say anything bc what would I say!?
If it helps I was given a tip for focusing during adoration that uses the rosary. For each bead, say a name of God. Emmanual, Lamb of God, Holy Spirit, ect...
This we have found very helpful and does make us reflect on the many gifts and aspects of God.
So while everyone lse says the rosary, that's what I and one son do bc it works for us and doesn't draw attention.
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amarytbc
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When I first found out about the rosary I really disliked saying it. I found it painfully boring and difficult to meditate because of distractions.
but....it still seems to hint that, eventually, with the right motivation, I can/should/will learn to like it - or I should do it whether I like it or not.
Two thoughts-
I've always understood that Our Lady of Fatima and the Church encourages us so strongly to pray the rosary because it is a methodical system of prayer and meditation. How many of us would meditate on the mysteries of Christ's life and Mary's virtues for twenty minutes a day with our children if it wasn't for the rosary. Our union with God in this world can only come about through prayer (vocal and meditation), which will lead us to conform to His will, and the rosary is an easy way to achieve that conformity and union. So, I do think it is something that we should do. I don't see it as one of dozens of devotions that we can choose from.
As I mentioned, I really did not like to say the rosary and had to make myself do it each evening with the children. It was recommended to me that I pray for the grace to love the rosary and that I pray the rosary alone, when I had spare time, even if I didn't want to. The first opportunity I had was later that day while driving to pick up a child. I really resisted at first because I wanted to hear the news on the radio. After forcing myself to pray it alone a few more times I started to feel an affection for the rosary and shortly after that I craved praying it with my family. What a turn around that was for me!
Loving the rosary is a gift from God. Ask for the gift and I'm sure you will get it. It's not something God could say "no" to.
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JodieLyn
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cactus mouse wrote:
but...don't sentiments like "try these different ways to incorporate it" or "so-and-so *used to* not like it" still give the impression that i should be saying it, or learning to like it? i know they are said in the most loving way, with hearts sincere on helping. and i appreciate that so very, very much!!! but....it still seems to hint that, eventually, with the right motivation, i can/should/will learn to like it - or i should do it whether i like it or not.
or! i am just over-sensitive to it. which is entirely possible!!! |
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I think perhaps you're over-sensitive to it, which is understandable. After all you're asking because it's bothering you for some reason. I think it's just that since it does bother you some things are posted on both sides.. yes it's ok not to say the rosary. But also if it really bothers you that you don't like it, there is hope that you could overcome or change that so that you do like it and stop being bothered by it. Not that you MUST do so.
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Cay Gibson
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Naturally, we are all of different personality and temperaments and backgrounds. Our beautiful Church has countless devotions to choose from, they are all a gift and the Church has something to offer everyone.
By background, I mean this...I have a little 4th grader at CCD who told me that she sits on her grandmother's lap sometimes while her grandmother prayers the rosary. Anna's words to me were, "It's the coolest thing!"
This grandmother is clearly being the active body of Christ, passing this tradition and devotion down to her granddaughter who will remember the simple lull and tranquilty of this form of prayer for the rest of her life. It will, very likely, become a precious and meaningful form of prayer for her.
Another child will be given something else. My children will know of candles, prayer quotes on mirrors, foods for feasts, spiritual books strewn all over the house, signing whenever we pass a Catholic Church or graveyard, Mom and Dad faithfully going out at night to their Adoration hour and sometimes taking a child w/ them, a kitchenful of bowed heads at mealtime, and...yes...a tenner of little beads sliding and the Magnificat residing in their mother's fingers.
Spiritual reading continues to be my primary source of inspiration and devotion, followed by my daily Magnificat. I had trouble w/ the rosary for years and took great comfort in the fact that St. Therese did as well. I began praying a decade a day. That's what I do. I meditate on one mystery a day. It has made me grow fonder of the rosary.
It isn't what we pray, but how we pray.
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ekbell
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cactus mouse
This thread reminds me of posting about my oldest who doesn't like milk. 
I would recieve a few reminders that you can have a healthy diet without eating any milk products and many, many ideas for getting my dd to enjoy consuming milk in some form.
It's a normal reaction and it's normal to find it a bit annoying if what I wanted was help learning about milk subsitutes that my dd would like eating/drinking.
The Rosary is like the practice of a regular walk. It is a valuable and commonly used aid to spiritual health, much like a regular walk is a valuable and commonly used aid to physical health but it is not essential.
There are alternative means to pray and meditate on the events of Mary and Jesus's life just as there are alternative means of getting exercise and natural light for a person who dislikes walking.
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folklaur
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amarytbc wrote:
| So, I do think it is something that we should do. I don't see it as one of dozens of devotions that we can choose from. |
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see, this is kind of what i was talking about...
Quote:
Ask for the gift and I'm sure you will get it. It's not something God could say "no" to.
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oh, how i wish this were so!!!
thank you for sharing your thoughts.
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folklaur
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ekbell wrote:
cactus mouse
This thread reminds me of posting about my oldest who doesn't like milk.
I would recieve a few reminders that you can have a healthy diet without eating any milk products and many, many ideas for getting my dd to enjoy consuming milk in some form.
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(i don't like milk, either! )
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folklaur
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thank you, everyone, so very much for sharing your thoughts and opinions with me. it is very appreciated!!!
and - thank you for letting me know that at least i am not totally alone in this.
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Angie Mc
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cactus mouse wrote:
what do you do if you have no real affinity towards the Rosary?
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I pray the rosary...anyway.
I don't have an affinity for exercise...I exercise anyway.
I don't have an affinity for eating vegetables...I eat them anyway.
Why? Feelings, shmeelings! Just because I don't feel like something is right for me, doesn't mean it isn't right for me. In fact, often, I most need exactly what I'm fighting against. Also...thoughts, shmoughts! The challenge of having options (praying the rosary is optional) for me is that I can get trapped in an never-ending cycle of decision-making..."Should I exercise or not today? Should I eat vegetables or not today? Should I pray the rosary or not today?" For me it is most helpful to make a decision and commit, then even when I fail (and I will fail) I can at least offer up my failure as an act of humility and suffering in my humility.
I pray the rosary, however poorly and regardless of my feelings and thoughts on any given day, because it is objectively powerful and beautiful...because it is a perfect rose among many beautiful flowers of devotion. Praying the rosary is a means to holiness (it helps to conform my strong will) and unites me with others who pray the rosary, today and throughout time. I have realistic expectations of how much (I have built up to one full set of Mysteries - Glorious, Joyful, Sorrowful, or Luminous), how often (daily) and with what level of attention I can give at this point in my young soul's life (toddler steps) so I (mostly) avoid discouragement. I also see praying the rosary daily as the most practical way to develop the habit and an act of obedience because praying the rosary doesn't come easily to me.
I can't imagine judging the faith of others or being judged on my faith by whether or not I pray the rosary...I can't! Yet, judging is it's own issue and doesn't take away from the objective truth of the power and beauty of the rosary.
Now I'm going to risk going beyond my own experience and *invite* (as Pope John Paul II invited me) anyone who is struggling with this issue to move beyond the struggle and "just do it." You decide and commit to a plan (like an exercise or vegetable eating plan) - to how much and when and then... do it! When you fail (and you most likely will) offer up your failure then jump back on track and do it! Sure it may be difficult at times but this point should *reassure* you (because it can be difficult) not discourage you! Look at this as a habit that will take the rest of your life to master and a mystery that isn't meant to be solved...so go easy on yourself today! Flex your obedience muscles! Trust that God knows you are trying to please Him and only Him! Ask Our Lady for help...she will!
Love,
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: no affinity towards Rosary?
