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Barbara C.
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| Posted: March 28 2009 at 9:55am | IP Logged
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In three weeks my husband will come in full union with the Catholic Church when he receives his FHC and Confirmation at the Easter Vigil.  However, in the preceding years in which he was working out his faith, he was very anti-religion in general.
As a result my six-year-old has been a little reticent about us transforming into a Catholic family. At first she wanted no part of any it, but I have been seeing her heart open more and more in the past seven months. She still refers to me as super-religious and comments that she'll never be as religious as me. However, she is really been absorbing a lot of the information. Sometimes I don't realize how much until I hear her explain things to her father or hear about conversations she's had with her Baptist granny (who is very supportive of her son's conversion).
My daughter seems to be looking forward to getting baptized this May, but because she is six our parish has insisted that she learn four prayers, read through an RE text, and meet with the RCIA teacher before allowing her baptism. She's willingly done all the work, and now it is time to schedule the meeting. She keeps saying that she does not want her father or I to be there for the meeting, though, because she's scared that it will be too much pressure and that she'll disappoint us, hinting that she might say that she doesn't believe any of it if asked.
She has a very keen understanding of a lot of the finer points of the sacraments, but she continues to express a lack of faith in the truth of them. She keeps asking if she has to "believe this" or "do that". I don't know how much of this is a matter of just wanting to test her free will, though. I try to make it clear that she will be expected "to do" certain things like attend Mass regularly with the family and RE classes at the church next year(which she is looking forward to). I express hope that she will believe the same as her father and I, but that we can not force her to believe anything.
For multiple reasons we do plan to send her to RE classes for at least the first year, even though we homeschool everything else. We probably have two years before she would make her FHC and First Reconciliation. However, if she continues to express doubts at that time, I wonder if I should delay her FHC and First Reconciliation.
So, after this very long prologue, I guess my question is would you have a doubtful child go through with FHC/FR despite their doubts or would you make them wait until you felt confident in their full belief?
I am kind of torn--especially I think because of the long-time issues and misunderstandings surrounding the sacrament of Confirmation. Should all sacraments wait until a full understanding and faith is reached, which for most of us may not occur until our 20's, 30's, or older? Or should sacraments be initiated early and grown into? Kind of a "fake it 'til you make it"?
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Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
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folklaur
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| Posted: March 28 2009 at 10:41am | IP Logged
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this is only my opinion, so take it for what it's worth.
In the Eastern Rite of the Catholic Church (so for those Catholic in Full Communion with Rome, such as Byzantine, etc) babies are baptized, receieve the Eucharist, and are Chrismated (Confirmed).
So...it seems that there are definitely parts of Catholicism who feel it is just fine to do these things prior to full understanding or belief.
does that help at all?
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donnalynn
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| Posted: March 28 2009 at 11:15am | IP Logged
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Gosh Barbara - I really feel for you.
My older son was baptized at age 6 with his 4 year old brother and neither one had to anything - no questions, no reciting of prayers - I don't know if this was because the priest knew me and trusted in my heartfelt conversion and ability to prepare them but if it had been up to my son at the time - I don't know that he would have *wanted* to do it. But boy did I thank God that our priest did allow for my sons to be baptized - and I really begged God for forgiveness for not having come to my senses sooner.
Generally - the age of reason is considered to be 7 - so maybe that was what my priest was going by...
He actually suggested that they be Baptized at the Easter vigil but I knew that would not work for my very rambunctious sons so we had a small gathering and reception outside of Mass.
When I came back to the Church - I really had a heart to heart with God and said "Ok Lord - you've got me back - but I am going to need a lot of help here - please help me bring my family too."
It will happen - He will help you.
Is there a chance that the RCIA director would recommend not allowing your daughter to be baptized based on her responses? I would talk to your priest and express your concerns - see what he has to say.
As far as 1st Reconciliation and FHC - I would take it one step at a time - I was concerned that my son wasn't really ready but through his preparation I saw so much happen in him in a short time. Even though your daughter is going to RE classes - I would continue to supplement at home too - we created a Novena to Our Lady of the Blessed Sacrament with some stories to go with each day before his FHC. He read "The King of the Golden City" and listend to it on tape. We did alot in the CHC 2nd grade religion supplements. He went to the parish retreats but did not attend CCD.
You will be in my prayers.
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SusanMc
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| Posted: March 28 2009 at 11:20am | IP Logged
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IMO, many of the current relgious ed programs often set the tone that the sacrament is a "graduation" of sorts that signifies the work someone had done to "earn" it. Perhaps requiring that your daughter memorize prayers, have a meeting, etc. have given her this impression too.
As a CCD teacher I tried to keep in mind that sacraments like baptism, FHC, and confirmation aren't a finish line, they are a starting line. Perhaps if you stress this to your daughter it may feel less like she needs to have perfect faith and understanding. If that were the requirement I'm not sure I would have ever gotten confirmed.
Also, it bears saying that the graces conferred by sacraments will HELP develop faith and understanding as well.
So, to answer your question directly, I would continue to guide her through the sacraments. Let her practice your faith until she grows into accepting it as her own.
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: March 28 2009 at 12:09pm | IP Logged
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The policy of the parish is that a six-year-old can not be baptized unless they attend a year of RE classes. They're really concerned with parents who want to get their kids the sacraments without really practicing the faith. Because my husband is in RCIA and the RCIA teacher has been there forever she pulled some strings. The memorization and meeting are to replace the year of RE so that all three girls can be baptized together this May, and the priest has agreed to a private ceremony to ease my daughter's anxiety.
I do plan to be right on top of what's going on in her RE classes--adding to and clarifying concepts. And we will continue to ease into living the Liturgical Year. I'm just thinking down the road, borrowing trouble.  Two years is a long time for her faith to grow. And she's always been the sort that needs to sit with things for awhile before she accepts them. There may be more going on there than she is willing to reveal to me.
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Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: March 28 2009 at 1:43pm | IP Logged
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This is most certainly a prudential decision between you and your dh (Congratulations to him and your family!) and you did ask for input...
Receive the sacraments. The sacraments have an objective reality that is beyond our current knowledge, belief, or ability to attend classes. The sacraments open a mysterious door to grace...GRACE!
My dh and I received our sacraments as children with little understanding or belief (I don't recommend this route ) but now we credit in large part, the sacramental grace we received as children and marriage as our way home to the Church as adults!
Praying for your intentions, Barbara.
Love,
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Willa
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| Posted: March 28 2009 at 2:14pm | IP Logged
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Barbara C. wrote:
| My daughter seems to be looking forward to getting baptized this May, but because she is six our parish has insisted that she learn four prayers, read through an RE text, and meet with the RCIA teacher before allowing her baptism. She's willingly done all the work, and now it is time to schedule the meeting. |
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Baptism certainly brings sanctifying grace that prepares the soul to receive the further sacraments. Baptism is the sacrament of faith, according to the CCC.
Quote:
3 Holy Baptism is the basis of the whole Christian life, the gateway to life in the Spirit (vitae spiritualis ianua),4 and the door which gives access to the other sacraments. Through Baptism we are freed from sin and reborn as sons of God; we become members of Christ, are incorporated into the Church and made sharers in her mission: "Baptism is the sacrament of regeneration through water in the word." |
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I don't think she can possibly see with her natural eyes the beauty of FC and FHC when she has not yet received the sacrament of baptism. But when her soul has been infused with the light and grace of the first sacrament, I think it will probably be a whole different picture.
What I guess I'm saying is that especially since she is willing to go through the process of receiving baptism, go for it! but it wouldn't be necessary to make a full statement of faith beforehand, because the fullness of faith is given from above, and is not generated from inside. Then see what your mother's (and father's) senses tell you about how to proceed with the other sacraments. Learning a few prayers and instructions as your parish asks seems appropriate. I would hope they wouldn't ask her if she "believes" in what she's doing -- I would think it more appropriate to ask if she understands the meaning of it.
Oh, and congratulations! HOw many blessings are in store for you in the future!
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Willa
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Belief Before or After??
