| Author | |
albeto
Forum Pro
Joined: March 03 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 105
|
| Posted: Dec 31 2008 at 7:41pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
Hi all. I don't post here often but love to come here as I have found these forums to be a source of encouragement, useful help, practical ideas from *real* moms with *real* lives. (Honestly, I don't know why I don't come more often  )
I'm embarrassed to ask, but, here goes...
how can I incorporate the faith into our day more?
I have three children, the older two homeschool with me (the youngest goes to the local Catholic School). My husband is not only an atheist, but a Peter Singer kind of atheist (the human animal is no more dignified nor important than the common housefly, just has a different evolutionary advantage). Oh, and bitter against religion (he's a scientist and is appalled at the efforts to teach creationism as a valid science). The only faith centered paraphanalia in our home is in the childrens' bedrooms (dh was raised Catholic and his mother sends them gifts like Madonas).
I've ordered Catholic Spelling from Catholic Heritage Curriculum and Exploring Creation Science for one child (we are not creationists, but its the best science program I can find and I'm sick of the faith being compartmentalized into one subject). The other has told me he doesn't believe faith is anything real but an emotional response to external stimuli (he's a budding neurologist and has Asperger's so not much of an abstract thinker). I don't think he'll make confirmation in two years but I'll keep praying and he will learn about the faith anyway, as well as go to Mass with us as he is only 13. I haven't found a religion study we can really use with him. It can't be too detailed because he can only hold on to so much before his brain bursts. But it can't be fluff because he wants to know if God is real.
I homeschool independently, using St. Thomas Aquinas Accademy Homeschool as my umbrella school. It is a classical education but we only started homeschooling two years ago and the first year was learning how to learn (school for ds had become very stressful - long story, took a long time to accept actually learning and doing work as opposed to sitting appropriately with a tutor). We'll study non Western cultures next semester (using CHC's 6th grade history book) and the year after that he will review ancient Greece and ancient Rome in one year before continuing on a classical path, dd will take one year for each. I'll have them start reading stories of Saints as part of our reading, but after that, I'm out of ideas.
I feel like I've really let the ball drop. I know I can't force them to believe, but I feel like they hardly have a chance around here. We have few friends (ds doesn't want friends anyway) and our Church has no youth or family group so religion really is "Mom's Baggage." I'd like it to be something more personal to them but without dh on board, I'm really hesitant about any expression.
Any ideas?
Helen
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Taffy
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 05 2005
Location: Canada
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1567
|
| Posted: Dec 31 2008 at 9:19pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Pray.
Seriously, I've found that the best thing is to incorporate family prayer time. My mom had us all do a nightly rosary followed by a brief bible study and ending with a hymn. The bible study consisted of a reading a chapter followed by a synopsis/meditation from our study guide. Then she would ask us to describe what we thought. Very important to note that she would listen a lot and that there were no wrong answers at this time. We kids really resisted it but I am so grateful that she persisted.
For my family, we do a shortened decade from the rosary. We do some sort of spiritual study, more or less following the suggestions from materamabilis.org. I really need to improve our consistency in this area and it is one of my New Year's resolutions to do so.
I know that it's hard to do but don't attempt to hide your expressions of faith. Let the children find you in prayer. Let the children see you go to confession. Take your children to Mass with you.
Another thing that might help is to show your children how the church supports science and the pursuit of truth. There are many examples of this but, unfortunately, my brain is only half functioning at the moment and I can't think of them offhand.
And, for you, I'd recommend reading this previous thread on this topic here. And you might also find Chari's online prayer group, Happy is the Husband, helpful.
 Hugs to you, your road is so hard. I'll be praying for an improvement in your situation.
__________________
Susan
Mom to 5 on earth and 1 in heaven
Susan's Soliloquy
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mary G
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5790
|
| Posted: Jan 01 2009 at 1:07am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Helen,
Would you like my dh (who is a Phd in Bio and holds a Masters in Theological Studies) to compile a reading list of proofs for teaching the truth ...
Evolution is JUST a theory ... and the Creationist sometimes ignore scientific proof that the Earth is older than 4000 years or so ... these are the two extremes and truth lies somewhere in between. dh teaches this (and rather well too!) so maybe we can come up with some things if dh is intersted (my dh is a revert who came back after all the doctoral studies indoctrination in the material!)
I'll keep you in my prayers and know that God will show your dh the truth ... if he's scientific, he'll discover the truth of God's church if he looks.
__________________
MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Barbara C.
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 11 2007
Location: Illinois
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 882
|
| Posted: Jan 01 2009 at 9:36am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I can totally sympathize with where you are. I have so been there. My husband was raised Southern Baptist, but he had not been to church for a long time when we met. He went through a long period of agnosticism/atheism.
Meanwhile, I was a cradle Catholic, but I had not been practicing very vigilantly. I went to Mass about once a month, Christmas, and Easter, and I had not been to confession since the last time I was forced to in 8th grade. I was however very interested in religion/Christianity in general (my degree is in Religious Studies). So sometimes I would read a religion book and try to share something interesting I learned, like he would share sports trivia, and it would devolve into a fight. Ironically, these fights would often lead me to delve deeper into my Catholic faith causing my faith to grow which led to more tension. Things did not get any easier when we had children.
Like others have said, pray, pray, pray. And like someone else said, incorporate family prayer time even if it is just a prayer before a meal. Do it when he is not around whenever possible to avoid antagonizing him/confusing the children.
Lead by example, take the kids to Mass regularly, observe HDO and fasting periods. Maybe attend Mass during the week, the same day as your child in Catholic school. Let them see you praying, going to confession. Live your life as a Christian the best you can.
History is a natural place to incorporate more about Catholicism. I swear I learned more about Catholicism in two semesters in a History of Christianity course in a secular college than I did in eight years of Catholic school. It also helped tie all the history classes I had in school together. A book like the Oxford Illustrated History of Christianity or another book on Christianity might help. Maybe some magazines like the Biblical Archaeology Review (if it still exists) might spur discussion.
Maybe you should consider sending your homeschooled children to religious education classes, even if they aren't great. That would get them outside of the house with other Catholic kids with an adult outside the home teaching them. You could always go over what they learned with them the next day as part of school time.
Like someone in the similar thread mentioned, sometimes people get hostile with their anti-religiousness because they are struggling within themselves. This was often the case with my own husband. Early in our marriage he didn't want me to go to church, because while he didn't want to go to church, my going made him feel guilty. Later on he thought I was being irrational for having faith and worried about me "brainwashing" the children, but on the other hand he was jealous of my growing faith. So I would be careful of doing too much that would antagonize him further. And maybe you could talk to him about finding a middle ground.
To be honest, I would be hesitant about using your science text if it is creation science heavy since that seems to be a particular pet peeve of his. I would probably take more "scientific" texts and then point out the religious context on my own. For instance, point out that many early scientist were practicing Catholics/Christians (Gregor Mendel). Fractals and chaos theory really emphasize the concept of intelligent design. Take Mary G. up on her offer for a list from her husband.
I also recommend Scott Hahn's "Reasons to Believe" as a good primer for you and and your oldest to read through together. He's good at breaking things down.
To be honest I'm just trying to throw as much out there on the table as I can. I know that what you are going through is not easy. I despaired for many years over the state of our family and our children. And I was not as strong as I should have been. I compromised too much of myself and the children's religious well-being in order to "keep the peace" when I should have been stronger.
But now I know that it was like that for a reason. After eight years of marriage, and many fights over religion in general and Catholicism in particular, my husband decided out of the blue (to me anyway) this past summer that he felt called to convert to Catholicism. We are now half-way through RCIA, and while there are demons he still fights, he is really starting to feel the change and is looking forward to receiving the Eucharist this Easter. We may never be a super-devout Catholic family like many on here, but I am just grateful that we will be a Catholic family at all.
I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
__________________
Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
Box of Chocolates
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
folklaur
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2816
|
| Posted: Jan 01 2009 at 12:30pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
hey albeto,
i pm'd you  .
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
albeto
Forum Pro
Joined: March 03 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 105
|
| Posted: Jan 01 2009 at 2:50pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Taffy wrote:
Pray.
Seriously, I've found that the best thing is to incorporate family prayer time. My mom had us all do a nightly rosary followed by a brief bible study and ending with a hymn. The bible study consisted of a reading a chapter followed by a synopsis/meditation from our study guide. Then she would ask us to describe what we thought. Very important to note that she would listen a lot and that there were no wrong answers at this time. We kids really resisted it but I am so grateful that she persisted.
For my family, we do a shortened decade from the rosary. We do some sort of spiritual study, more or less following the suggestions from materamabilis.org. I really need to improve our consistency in this area and it is one of my New Year's resolutions to do so.
I know that it's hard to do but don't attempt to hide your expressions of faith. Let the children find you in prayer. Let the children see you go to confession. Take your children to Mass with you.
Another thing that might help is to show your children how the church supports science and the pursuit of truth. There are many examples of this but, unfortunately, my brain is only half functioning at the moment and I can't think of them offhand.
And, for you, I'd recommend reading this previous thread on this topic here. And you might also find Chari's online prayer group, Happy is the Husband, helpful.
Hugs to you, your road is so hard. I'll be praying for an improvement in your situation. |
|
|
Thank you, Taffy. I'll look into these links more tomorrow when dh is at work (so I can take my time and make some plans). We do pray a decade in the morning before schoolwork and read a short story from the bible so my kids start to recognize the bible stories. Funny, after years of Catholic school, they don't know who Elija was or why Moses left Egypt in the first place. However, part of the 8th grade world history curriculum at the school is practicing Buddhist meditation. Go figure.
I hesitate to do much in the evening when dh is home, even though he is often downstairs while I'm getting the kids to bed (independence is something we're lacking here and having an older bro with a past history of unpredictable uncontroleable behavioral outbursts make my younger kids a bit more clingy than most their ages). I don't want to have to keep my voice low and give them the impression I'm hiding my faith from dh but they already know we don't talk about that around him. Of course this means that our day only starts with prayer and discussion as to how this history applies to us on school days only. Again, it feels like I'm compartmentalizing.
But I shall continue to pray.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
albeto
Forum Pro
Joined: March 03 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 105
|
| Posted: Jan 01 2009 at 2:52pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Mary G wrote:
Helen,
Would you like my dh (who is a Phd in Bio and holds a Masters in Theological Studies) to compile a reading list of proofs for teaching the truth ...
Evolution is JUST a theory ... and the Creationist sometimes ignore scientific proof that the Earth is older than 4000 years or so ... these are the two extremes and truth lies somewhere in between. dh teaches this (and rather well too!) so maybe we can come up with some things if dh is intersted (my dh is a revert who came back after all the doctoral studies indoctrination in the material!)
I'll keep you in my prayers and know that God will show your dh the truth ... if he's scientific, he'll discover the truth of God's church if he looks. |
|
|
Ooh, I would love a list of proofs! You can PM me and I'll be thrilled to look! Dh isn't the least bit interested and I don't dare talk to him about it. No truth will come through me. It will have to come through some other avenue. But I like to be prepared to have a reason when asked!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
albeto
Forum Pro
Joined: March 03 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 105
|
| Posted: Jan 01 2009 at 3:01pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Barbara C. wrote:
I can totally sympathize with where you are. I have so been there. My husband was raised Southern Baptist, but he had not been to church for a long time when we met. He went through a long period of agnosticism/atheism.
Meanwhile, I was a cradle Catholic, but I had not been practicing very vigilantly. I went to Mass about once a month, Christmas, and Easter, and I had not been to confession since the last time I was forced to in 8th grade. I was however very interested in religion/Christianity in general (my degree is in Religious Studies). So sometimes I would read a religion book and try to share something interesting I learned, like he would share sports trivia, and it would devolve into a fight. Ironically, these fights would often lead me to delve deeper into my Catholic faith causing my faith to grow which led to more tension. Things did not get any easier when we had children.
Like others have said, pray, pray, pray. And like someone else said, incorporate family prayer time even if it is just a prayer before a meal. Do it when he is not around whenever possible to avoid antagonizing him/confusing the children.
Lead by example, take the kids to Mass regularly, observe HDO and fasting periods. Maybe attend Mass during the week, the same day as your child in Catholic school. Let them see you praying, going to confession. Live your life as a Christian the best you can.
History is a natural place to incorporate more about Catholicism. I swear I learned more about Catholicism in two semesters in a History of Christianity course in a secular college than I did in eight years of Catholic school. It also helped tie all the history classes I had in school together. A book like the Oxford Illustrated History of Christianity or another book on Christianity might help. Maybe some magazines like the Biblical Archaeology Review (if it still exists) might spur discussion.
Maybe you should consider sending your homeschooled children to religious education classes, even if they aren't great. That would get them outside of the house with other Catholic kids with an adult outside the home teaching them. You could always go over what they learned with them the next day as part of school time.
Like someone in the similar thread mentioned, sometimes people get hostile with their anti-religiousness because they are struggling within themselves. This was often the case with my own husband. Early in our marriage he didn't want me to go to church, because while he didn't want to go to church, my going made him feel guilty. Later on he thought I was being irrational for having faith and worried about me "brainwashing" the children, but on the other hand he was jealous of my growing faith. So I would be careful of doing too much that would antagonize him further. And maybe you could talk to him about finding a middle ground.
To be honest, I would be hesitant about using your science text if it is creation science heavy since that seems to be a particular pet peeve of his. I would probably take more "scientific" texts and then point out the religious context on my own. For instance, point out that many early scientist were practicing Catholics/Christians (Gregor Mendel). Fractals and chaos theory really emphasize the concept of intelligent design. Take Mary G. up on her offer for a list from her husband.
I also recommend Scott Hahn's "Reasons to Believe" as a good primer for you and and your oldest to read through together. He's good at breaking things down.
To be honest I'm just trying to throw as much out there on the table as I can. I know that what you are going through is not easy. I despaired for many years over the state of our family and our children. And I was not as strong as I should have been. I compromised too much of myself and the children's religious well-being in order to "keep the peace" when I should have been stronger.
But now I know that it was like that for a reason. After eight years of marriage, and many fights over religion in general and Catholicism in particular, my husband decided out of the blue (to me anyway) this past summer that he felt called to convert to Catholicism. We are now half-way through RCIA, and while there are demons he still fights, he is really starting to feel the change and is looking forward to receiving the Eucharist this Easter. We may never be a super-devout Catholic family like many on here, but I am just grateful that we will be a Catholic family at all.
I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
|
|
|
Thank you, Barbara!
What an encouraging story you have to share! I will admit that I don't feel much hope for dh right now as his hostility is pretty fierce. But I do like your ideas. We'll be going to the Latin Mass for today's HDO and I'm hoping my kids will eventually feel comfortable enough there to start joining in other activities. It's a very homeschool friendly Church (most families are homeschooled I understand) and even though it will suck all my money for gas to get there (next city), I think it's the best option we have.
I agree with you about not using a science text that would upset him but I can't find a better one (I am so hopelessly disorganized, I simply can't put together something) and if dh would listen to me for a half a moment he would know I do not disagree with him in the study of scientific discovery and the theory of evolution. However, for my kids to learn to be gracious, they need to understand they will rub elbows with people who hold different beliefs than theirs and there is no reason not to be familiar with differing beliefs. I'd hate for my child to look with a scrunched up face and say something like, "Really? You belive THAT?"
Thank you especially for the encouragement.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JennGM
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 17702
|
| Posted: Jan 01 2009 at 6:23pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
****Moderator's Note****
When discussing our spouses we should choose our words carefully as pointed out in the courtesy reminder.
This has been a fruitful discussion and has been handled extremely well for the most part. Some of the more recent posts may be approaching too much personal information about family members. Some of these revelations will not make a significant difference to the excellent advice received. Please continue with the discussion, just use care in not sharing too much.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
LisaR
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2226
|
| Posted: Jan 01 2009 at 7:39pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I grew up in a home like this. My dad would not allow for us to be baptized. however, all of us kids became Catholic, and attened Franciscan University in Steubenville. My mom returned to the Church after a time away (it was exhausting for her, emotionally, I think for awhile to attend mass, even) and even my DAD has become Catholic.
So do not ever give up hope. keep praying.
I will remember you and your fmaily in my prayers. Situations like this are close to my heart.
Peace of Christ,
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Taking back the faith
