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Leslie
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I've enjoyed reading the ideas about participating in the mass with young children and praying for our husbands who aren't willingly coming to mass with us... It has helped me do some soul searching on why I'm having so much trouble actually getting myself, and my children, to mass.
The bottom line is, I'm nervous and scared. Due to the circumstances of how we came into the church (my husband too), I never felt really prepared in the "practical" ways. I love the teachings of the church but I don't have the Nicene Creed memorized and I have to read it, I'm nervous every time I receive the Eucharist because I'm afraid I'll do something wrong (ex: what do you do if the host is still in your mouth and you are being offered the chalice? Do you wait?). To make matters worse, a lady shook her head at me at mass once because I didn't find my way back to the right pew (don't ask me how) and kept her waiting. I know I should shrug it off, but it hit a tender spot.
Every day I pray about this. I deeply desire to be participating in the mass every week. Every week I wake up with the intention to go to mass with my children...and more often than not I literally chicken out.
Even as I write this, it sounds whiny (and definitely too long). I don't mean it as a whine.
I'm hoping for words of wisdom from you. I so want to get over the little details so I can get on with living this beautiful faith with my family.
Thank you for listening!
Leslie
Wife to Mike for 7 years
Mom to Kyler 6, Maddie almost 4, Lucas 2
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teachingmom
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| Posted: Jan 30 2008 at 10:46pm | IP Logged
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Oh, how I wish you lived in my parish, Leslie! I'd invite you to come sit with my family for Mass each week. Do you know anyone at your parish? Maybe you could make a date to go to the same Mass and sit together so you can sort of follow along with others.
I'm really sorry you've been made to feel bad about something as trivial as heading to the wrong pew. Most of us have done that at one time or another.
And I'd encourage you not to feel bad about having to read the Nicene Creed at first. With regular Mass attendance, it won't be long before you all have it memorized. In the meantime, that's what the missalettes are for. I do understand how you feel a bit, though. My parish introduced praying the Our Father in Latin this past year. Even after most of the parishioners seemed to be able to say it from memory, I was still madly flipping through the liturgy sheets looking for it and missed about half of it by the time I was ready to join in. 
Also, if receiving the Eucharist under both species (the Body of Christ in the form of bread and the Precious Blood in the form of wine) makes you nervous, you can feel free to just receive the host. Christ is fully present - body, blood, soul, and divinity - whichever form we receive Holy Communion under. I tend not to receive the Precious Blood when I am visiting at parishes that offer Communion under both species. It's not unusual to have people receive the host and walk past the Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion who are standing to the side with the Precious Blood.
I'm sure other converts will offer advice based on their personal experiences too. Please don't be discouraged! Jesus is waiting for you at Mass, and wants for you to join Him each week. I'll pray for you.
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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JodieLyn
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Leslie everyone I think feels like that as a new convert.. I felt so horribly awkward over things like blessing myself with the holy water at the door..
As far as reading things.. many do anyway. You can either do so or.. give it up and flub your way through until you get it memorized  which is what I ended up doing because I simply could not hold the book AND read it AND hold the baby (which there's been one pretty much constantly since then) I gave up on the book  I even have a great many of the songs our church uses memorized for the same reason.. though I do now have older kids who can manage to hold the book for both of us to read from.
Oh my.. I'm still nervous at times recieving the Eucharist.. and I still vividly remember how awkward it was at first.. my RCA classes just glossed over (to me) recieving on the tongue.. but I found it impossible to manage in a reasonable manner with a baby in arms.. and it seemed like everyone around me only recieved in the hand and it was horribly awkward.. now I'm ok for the most part.. except when I don't have a baby in my arms then I don't know what to do with my hands.
It's helped me at times to get a bit angry.. not as in mad but as in.. "I won't let someone's judgemental attitude keep me from Mass".. and remember that people like to help if you ask.. a quick whispered "this is all so new still, I'm a convert" will often soften any attitudes.
Oh and one other thing that a good friend of mine helped me to see. When someone gets upset at silly things like missing the pew on the way back.. it's more about something going on in their lives than you. Maybe the lady's feet hurt because she'd been standing on them too long the day before helping out somewhere or something that would make anyone a bit testy about wanting to get back to sitting quickly.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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JodieLyn
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I was also thinking how nice it would be if you could join us for Mass.. I'd let you have my oldest girl.. she LOVES to explain what we're doing and why and she'd just naturally direct you through absolutely everything without it being unnatural at all.. matter of fact.. you'd have a harder time getting her to hush than to to tell you something
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Martha
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you know I've met many a cradle catholic with the same worries - so do NOT feel like you are somehow defective because you are a convert.
the most important thing is reverence and desire to grow in faith, imho.
just focus as much as possible on doing your best to please God. I rarely look at anyone while at mass other than my own kids (which really do keep me pretty occupied!) because it always makes me self-conscience and I don't want to be thinking of myself during that time.
not much of advice I suppose, just saying you aren't alone in such feelings and it doesn't mean you are a "bad" catholic or anything. it just means you are human and exploring your faith.
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Martha
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Yes, they're all ours!
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10 Bright Stars
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Leslie,
Welcome Home! For starters, I am a convert to the faith too and appreciate your nervousness. Many people read from the misselette, just to pay attention and not get distracted. Try not to go into Mass thinking that everyone is looking at you or noticing that you are a convert. They are probably all in their own little world's and won't notice anything you do "wrong". Just try to focus on Christ in the Tabernacle. Then, you and your spouse, if the children are unmaneagable, could go to separate masses for you to "get in the groove" with things so to speak. It would give you time to focus on yourself and what is going on at Mass etc. My husband and I have twin two year old girls and we cannot take them to Mass currently. While we love going as a family, now is not our season for that. That will come in time.
Also, I would not worry about the lady who gave you a look. Sometimes people can be so rude! And after receiving Jesus too. Also, I usually make a very profound bow before the Precious Blood if it is offered under both species, but do not actually drink from the chalice. I usually have a baby "on board" and do not want them to grab the cup etc. (I also hold their little hands when I am receiving the Host due to this fear as well.)
So, I would try to find two masses to go to for a time. I am sure your parish has two. Then, you can see going out to Mass as a special time of growth between you and Jesus, and you can feel relaxed and able to focus. Pick up some treats on the way home like doughnuts/bagels for Dad at home and the kids waiting, and then tag Dad for his turn at Mass! It works great for us!
So hang in there. Things will get better. Just remember whose house you are in. Not the old lady with the "look", the folks around you who have been there forever etc. You are in Jesus' house and I am sure he is happy to see you. 
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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Sarah M
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Oh Leslie. I can so sympathize with everything you've said. I converted almost 4 years ago, and I had all those feelings you are having.
A few quick encouraging thoughts-- at my parish, the priest reads the Nicene Creed from the missal. I know that he has it memorized, but he wants everyone to feel comfortable reciting it, even if they don't have it memorized. So he reads it. I love that. I, in a good moment, have it memorized, but frankly, when my 4 and 6 year olds are fighting over the pink crayon and my 2 year old is running down the aisle or doing a somersault over my shoulder, I have a hard time focusing enough to recite it myself  . My dh is a cradle Catholic, and he'd be hard pressed to recite it accurately when he's focused. Please don't feel judged over those kinds of things. I still need to follow others' lead when it comes to when to stand up/sit down.
Also, I "hide" the body under my tongue when I receive the blood.
They sure do skim over a lot in RCIA, huh? I think for those who have been immersed in the Church all their lives, it's hard for them to know exactly what converts need and want to know. So never feel ashamed to ask.
God bless you for the desire in your heart. 
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cathmomof2
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Leslie,
I'll repeat what everyone else has said so far...don't worry about reading the Nicene Creed. I am also a convert and the only reason why I knew it already is because I converted from the Episcopal Church and they used the same creed (other than a few words).
I'm sorry that lady was rude to you. Some people. I cannot imaine getting all worked up just because someone got lost after communion. I've been to churches where their communion lines don't make any sense at all, and I feel like I've taken a tour of the whole church before I find my seat again. It happens.
Your desire is obviously there. Maybe for lent you and your husband can pick up a book and deepen your understanding of the faith. I learned nothing in my RCIA class. Any of the learning that I did originally was from reading Scott Hahn and Patrick Madrid books.
Prayers for you!
God Bless,
Meghan
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deselmsfam
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I agree with everything everyone has said. I'm not sure how I do it, but I manage to get myself confused on which pew I'm in often. It helps in winter when I can leave my coat there! Everything will fall into place the more often you go. Really it will. I am a convert as well and while I've been in the Church long enough now to feel more comfortable with the creed and such, there is always something else that can make you feel less at ease. Now I am trying to transition from receiving the Eucharist in the hand to receiving on the tongue. I chicken out often when going up. Ahhh with time it will get easier. Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone.
Blessings,
Beth
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Leslie
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Thank you so much for all of your replies. I've been out all day, or I would have responded sooner.
The biggest missing piece for me of coming into the catholic church has been a sense of community. I cannot express how moving it feels to be a part of a community right here online (and someone also reached out to me who lives right where I do!). Thank you for your kind words and prayers. It is helping more than you can know...
God bless each of you,
Leslie
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SusanMc
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cathmomof2 wrote:
... I've been to churches where their communion lines don't make any sense at all, and I feel like I've taken a tour of the whole church before I find my seat again. It happens.
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I've been there too!
Hang in there. Keep going to mass. Before long you'll be the "old timer" giving a knowing smile to the person who is juggling kids and trying to read the Creed at the same time.
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Bella
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Oh my goodness can I relate!! I too am a 4 yr convert....(just me,not DH).
I agree with the others....although I do understand it's much easier with our intentions than our actions.
I have to tell you a story of just how clueless I was when I first started going to our Catholic church- I had started RCIA- but obviously missed the part about what happens when the priest enters the church. I remember the day as if it were yesterday(amazing for my menopausal brain! ): I sat at the back with DD who was 5yo, and DS in his carseat with the handle to carry. I took DS out of his seat and into his sling-AND SET THE CARSEAT IN THE AISLE!! Can you imagine the embarrasment, when a lady behind me tapped me on the shoulder and pointed her thumb to the back of the church. I turned around, and there was the Priest and procession-WAITING FOR ME TO MOVE THE SEAT! I knew I was in for a long journey at that point!
These days I tend to take most things in stride. Although I have many moments when I think my DC aren't being as reverant, or I'm too casually dressed.I also am a bit of a germ phobe, and have leaned over to tell my DC NOT to shake hands but to give the peace sign. Bad mommy, bad mommy.
Anyway, you are not alone. I think it was just about a year ago that I finally had the responses and prayers memorized.And, you are THERE. So many aren't due to choice or situation...that is what matters to God.
Thankyou for your honesty...I LOVE hearing converts share their stories,issues, whatever.
Have a blessed night,
Christy
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wwandsprmn
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Isn't this a great Church!! I converted 10+ yrs ago. I came kicking and screaming as a Baptist.
I felt like I was in my first Jazzercise class not knowing ANY of the moves! Are we kneeling, or standing? They would spout out the "stuff" and know when to sit. argh! I kept thinking there is probably someone signaling and I am missing it. I kept sitting in a different place each week trying to find the signal man. I think I was Catholic for a year before I KNEW there WAS a missal.
anywho...
First the grumpy lady probably had to go to the bathroom and there is no good time to slip out to the ladies room during our Mass, especially if you aren't escorting a child. Everyone just KNOWS you have a weak bladder.
Second, I promise, promise, promise NO ONE will notice (and if they do they won't care) if you don't join in at all on the Creed. Always assume odd looks are because of them not you!! Pantyhose that are riding up or sliding down, having gas, being hungry, who knows?!
I finally broke down, took a missal home and printed it all out on little cards I could use discreetly.
It was hard for me to make it to weekly Mass after coming into the Church. Once RCIA was over and I didn't have those folks or sponsors to sit with the experience was very different.
I would suggest going to Mass separately for a short time. So you can soak it up and focus a little more.
I also found great comfort and joy in daily Mass. It's usually very intimate, and if you go early and chat up a couple people, let folks know you are new and nervous, and learning I promise someone will take you under their wing and befriend you.
On the slimmest chance they didn't, there aren't enough people to worry about holding up lines to get back into your pew!!
Blessings!
Robin
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Lorri
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Hi Leslie! Does your church use missalettes? If so, pick one up and follow along. The whole mass is in there, including telling you when to stand, sit and kneel. You have to flip around a bit to find the correct prayers during the consecration, but it is so helpful. I need to follow along in order to focus, so I have my own missal that I bring with me. There are even children's missals available. My dh is a convert, too, and for a long time I had to find the creed for him so he could read it.
Don't forget who it is that is putting all those fears and doubts into your mind! He wants to keep you separated from the Lord and every Sunday you miss mass makes him happy. Don't give him that power over you!
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Lorri
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The Mac and Cheese Chronicles
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JodieLyn
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Something else I just remembered. When my older kids were little.. the parish we were at.. we couldn't sit right up front.. but we'd try and sit close.. and what we found was that any childish noise seemed to be attributed by the people in front of us as coming from my kids.. rather than ones further behind us... so sometimes those dirty looks weren't even for something we were doing (or not doing)
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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DeAnn M
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Hi Leslie,
I converted 3 years ago and had all of the same fears you have. Sometimes I still think I am doing things all wrong. It's funny how the big stuff--like the fact that the Eucharist IS the body, blood, soul and divinity of Jesus--was easier for me to understand than how to actually receive Him...right hand over left?...how far do I stick out my tongue...etc. I had an incredible RCIA class. Our priest was wonderful and explained every detail yet I still struggled with the logistics of Mass for more than two years.
It seems the period of time that I struggled with it the most was when odd things would happen...like the priest dropping the host as picked it up...an usher rudely fussing at me...my two-year-old trying to grab the host ...you name it, it akwardly happended. It was good, though because it really helped me to realize that it's not about me, or the priest, or the ushers, or anyone else in the church...it's about Jesus.
Hang in there. It will come with time and practice. I know you want to bring your kids but try to go by yourself every now and then, or maybe with just one child. Also, if you can ever make it to Daily Mass, that would be a great way to practice too.
As far as the creed goes, I was so frustrated that it took me so long to memorize it. How could I remember all the words to a 90's rap song or a cheezy 80's love song yet not know the creed of my church? Shouldn't my brain know to get rid of the useless stuff in order to memorize more important things? Oh well, it came with time...and I still, unfortunately know all of the words to, " I like big butts and I cannot lie..."
I can tell you that after years of being in a very strong, vibrant Evangelical community, I feel more stable, more complete, and closer to Jesus and His church than ever before. Becoming Catholic was the most difficult thing I have ever done. We lost many close friends over our decision. In time, God has provided new friends and a community that has far exceed my hopes or expectations. I don't regret any part of this journey. It has been hard and challenging, but exceedingly rewarding.
This post was kind of all over the place. I'm sure most of us could write a book about our experiences. Hang in there. Thanks for having the courage to ask questions and share your struggles. You are not alone! I'll be praying for you.
God Bless,
DeAnn
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LucyP
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Still in the process of converting here, and yes, very often I feel exactly as you describe. For me, and this is just me personally, I ditch the book and that helps me learn things quicker. I find adding a prayer/creed I want to memorise to my daily prayers helped me get them in my head. And, ultimately, if I get stuck or lost I either look holy and as if I am communing deeply with Christ, bury my face in a child's hair, or just take a deep breath and remember that Jesus knows my heart and won't care what I am saying or doing with my body as long as my heart is with Him at the altar. And I still cannot get the three crosses at the gospel right because I am such a clutz and I once fell over while trying to genuflect. Worse, I looked into the holy water stoop, saw some fungus stuff in there and said audibly "urgh! there's yuck in there!"
I will pray for you!
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SimplyMom
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I converted over ten years ago and I so can sympathize with this: "I never felt really prepared in the "practical" ways."
I loved my RCIA program, but man did I miss out on the practical aspects of the sacraments. Theology I get, but it is so hard to form personal habits of devotion when you have no model. There is such a learning curve coming into the Church and I think so many religious educators and priests just miss that.
One thing I found helpful for mass was Jimmy Akin's booklet "Mass Confusion". I also have been greatly helped by Scott Hanh's "Lord have Mercy". Both have practical information. One other thing I did that was helpful was to memorize the prayers of the mass. Then we started going to parish that uses more of the Latin forms so I had to do it again... only this time my Cradle Catholic husband had some learning to do as well.. (he he)
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Michaela
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SimplyMom wrote:
| Theology I get, but it is so hard to form personal habits of devotion when you have no model. |
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This thread has been very reassuring and comforting! I appreciate each of you sharing your experiences.
As I posted in another thread, I am struggling specifically with not having a role model.
Which, consequently, is slowing my growth.
I know that I'm spending more time than would be necessary figuring everything out on my own, than with another Catholic.
__________________
Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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Cici
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Michaela wrote:
SimplyMom wrote:
| Theology I get, but it is so hard to form personal habits of devotion when you have no model. |
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This thread has been very reassuring and comforting! I appreciate each of you sharing your experiences.
As I posted in another thread, I am struggling specifically with not having a role model.
Which, consequently, is slowing my growth.
I know that I'm spending more time than would be necessary figuring everything out on my own, than with another Catholic.
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yes, yes!
__________________
Christine - mom to 
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Struggles as a new convert
