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SeaStar
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| Posted: Dec 26 2007 at 5:35pm | IP Logged
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Ever since my ds was born, we have been going to mass on Christmas Day- no crowds and a much more peaceful experience. This year we attempted 4 pm mass on Christmas Eve. The crowd was unbelievable- I can't even described how many people were crammed into the church. Although we arrived early, I estimate we would have had to come a good 45 min- 1 hour early to get a seat in the church.
After about 5 minutes sitting in the church ( on the tile floor), my dd began to cry. I think the crowd and the noise were too much for her. It was intense. We lasted only through half the mass, and by then she was so distraught we wound up just going home. I was so upset and disappointed.
Now I find I am angry at myself- we should have just gone to mass on Christmas morning as usual... and also I am at a loss about how to feel about the crowd. While it was wonderful to see so many people in church, I felt as if they were in some way keeping many of us from being able to be present at mass. Does that make sense?
I find myself agog over the sheer number of people who are only going to mass once a year. What is happening in their lives, and why do they feel like they have to come to church on this one day? (OK, and maybe on Easter).
I feel terrible that in the past I have not prayed for these people who are sort of lost in limbo. It was an eye opener for me.
At the same time, I wonder- how do all of you with many small children make it to a midnight mass or an evening mass on Christmas Eve? Even if we went to mass an hour early, there is no way my two could sit for an hour before mass, and then another hour and a half for the mass itself.
Well, we will be back at Christmas Day mass next year, but this whole thing really shook me up.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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stefoodie
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When we have children under 5, we go to the 5 pm Mass or go on Christmas Day. Now that our children are 6 and up, we've gone back to midnight Mass, 2 years in a row now. Eldest dd sings in choir so we really have to be there anyway. We come early so we get really good parking, make sure the kids are well-fed before we go (we take cereal boxes in the car so in case they complain that they're hungry we can run out for a bit and come back), that they took a nap that afternoon through early evening, and we bring lots of Christmas books and old Magnifikids with us to keep them occupied before the singing/Mass begins. We don't get home 'til 1:30 am or 2 but by then they're excited to open presents so we staying up 'til 4 or so. We then sleep in Christmas Day and they wake up to a nice brunch/lunch.
hth,
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stef
mom to five
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JenniferS
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| Posted: Dec 26 2007 at 6:21pm | IP Logged
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I would love to do Midnight Mass, but I know our two youngest could never make it through. We go on Christmas morning. Last year, since dh had his hips replaced and coudn't go to Mass(and we couldn't go to mil's for the family Christmas), we attempted the evening Mass on Christmas Eve. It was an awful experience for me. I was crammed into the cry room with all of the kids and about a dozen other people because that is where the usher seated us. My kids didn't have a clue what was going on, and we had arrived very early also. That really squelched my desire to skip dh's famly Christmas and go to the Children's MAss. I had always dremed of that in the past, thinking it was better for the kids to go then. I was pleased as punch to spend the eveing at mil's and go to Mass at 10 AM on CHristmas, even though our four year old was a total terror because he'd rather be home playing with presents. We'll probably try midnight Mass when the littler kids are older. So...maybe i six or seven years!
Jen
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Michaela
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| Posted: Dec 26 2007 at 6:33pm | IP Logged
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Melinda,
Our parish has a 5pm family Mass and "Midnight Mass" is at 10pm.
I understand why you're frustrated. 
At first I felt a little sad looking at the new faces as CEO Catholics (Christmas and Easter Only)....first time I heard that phrase was from the DRE during RCIA. The church brings in at least 200 chairs for the influx.
It's something that actually warms my heart now. I keep in mind that many families have children away at college who come home for Christmas (they may bring friends from college), non Catholics seem to come for Christmas Mass, and yes, the Catholics who never go to church...except during Christmas...or Easter...willing to go through what it takes to get there. (yes, I imagine the spouse does this....)
I honestly rejoice. I have family members who will come to Mass with us on Christmas Eve....even a nonpracting Jehovah Witness who always talks about not celebrating the birth of Christ, but something pulls him to come.
I know we aren't supposed to watch others while at Mass (our mind should be on the altar, on Christ), but I see these new faces singing along, knowing the creed, it honestly makes me feel good. I pray for them. I remember the couple...the man must been a Catholic and maybe not the wife....she refused to do, say, sing, shake hands....he talked to my children...encouraged me, that no matter what, keep bringing them to Mass. The unknown....we just don't know why someone has come and only comes during Christmas and Easter, but I always pray seeds are planted....hearts are warmed....it's a time when visitors to a home are asked to accompany the family to Mass.
Yes, we have to come at least 30 minutes earlier than we usually would just to get a seat...but....it isn't as quiet with the extra people so my children's (Nathan & Teresa's) wiggles don't stand out. My teenage neice will take out the child who is restless, then come back. Snacks just before are a must for my twins & baby. Promises of food after are a must, too. 
Believe me, I know it can be so sad to have to leave Mass. I've had to leave a Sunday Mass because Teresa wants to move around, and sat outside in tears. I want to be there, but.....
Yes, do pray for those who came...that they will come again...soon.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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stacykay
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I can empathize with what you write about the crowds, and I think many of the same things that you do about the once or twice a year folks. My dh says it is the optimum time for the priests to make a pitch to those who so rarely come. I feel bad I don't pray for them. 
I had great plans to go to a late Mass, not mid-night, but 11pm. Then dh was sick, 12 and 6yodss were not feeling swift either, I was very tired, and... I just wimped out on the whole thing. I am embarrassed, because dss 19, 17, and 9 ended up going by themselves, to another church (other than the old one downtown which I thought would be beautiful) but they had one of the loveliest priests, plus 3 others! Dh, younger dss and I went on Christmas day, overflow crowd again, which I was happy for, but I left feeling that I need to make some changes.
Our youngest is 3. I am thinking that next year, he could manage an 11 pm Mass. There is a smaller crowd for that, but we still need to be there a half hour ahead of time.
But, like Stef wrote, I am going to have to really plan to make it happen. I will have to have everything set by the 22nd to make the 23rd and 24th calm and organized, with naps for those who need them, (myself included !) Food and snacks planned. Otherwise, it won't happen. I will try it and see, but if it is a zoo, or makes us feel less Christ-like , back to Christmas Day.
We have gone on Christmas day since...our dc began arriving. One year we went at 6 or 7 on Christmas Eve., not the 4ish one, but it was still chaotic. I really want to be able to go and feel the peace and serenity and joy of our Lord's birth.
So, I haven't answered your question! We are in the same boat. Just wanted you to know you aren't alone. 
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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LisaR
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| Posted: Dec 26 2007 at 7:23pm | IP Logged
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we are not big fans of the "children's Mass" that ends up being at around 5pm or so, but we have had great success attending "Midnight Mass" (starts at 10:30, ends at Midnight) almost every year at our Cathedral. Any boy who wants can wander back and offer to serve- this year there were 20 (including two of mine!) not counting the seminarians. When we have had babies they just nurse to sleep, our toddlers and preschoolers end up nodding off too. This year it was changed to 9pm, with the 12 midnight being a Spanish Mass. I try to pray for those who seem distracting to me. But, the trumpets, schola, huge organ, bells, etc kind of grab one's attention and help to hush people and we have actually been pleasantly surprised each year at how reverent people become as the Mass goes along...
sorry you had a bad experience. I might have more "patience" as I grew up in a fallen away Catholics home, and we only occasionally went to Mass for Christmas, and I'm sure we looked/acted out of place. Recently attending my grandma's funeral Mass, many of my cousins (my moms siblings all had fallen away as well) came up to me and made a point about the good memories and peacefulness they always felt at those rarely attended Masses, and how Grandmas funeral was bringing all those memories back...
Merry Christmas!!
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
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Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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folklaur
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| Posted: Dec 26 2007 at 8:18pm | IP Logged
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Our church has two 4pm Masses (one inside, which is the "Children's Mass" with the children's choir, and one outside at the same time.) I wasn't feeling good, but DH took the children to the 4pm Mass, planning on going inside - but it was SO packed and he would have had to sit way in the back, and he said he didn't want to watch it on a moniter, so he took them outside (which was still packed...but he said it was nice) There is one at 6pm, that is also VERY busy. Then a 9pm one that is VERY empty - it is a peaceful Mass, especially compared to the earlier ones that day. Also Midnight (back to very, very busy...people show up by 10:30 when 9pm is just letting out for seats...I went one year to Midnight...it was just too overwhelming for me!)
Then there is also 10:30 & 12:30 on Christmas Day. I have not gone to the Christmas Day one before, but dh has had to work them, and says there is a good showing, but nothing like the night before.
As I said, I was feeling not-so-hot, so I watched the Vatican Midnight Mass on EWTN, and the local televised 11pm Mass. I was sad, I missed going, but it is no good needing dh to drive me home half-way through.... 
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isjalu0826
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| Posted: Dec 26 2007 at 10:43pm | IP Logged
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I went to Christmas Day Mass this year at 11:30. It was a full Mass but very reverential.
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ElizaPA
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Melinda,
I used to think the same thing about the once-a-year goers but then I realized that the early masses Christmas Eve simply is a better time for people. Our family goes to 10 am Mass normally but until this year went to the 4 pm Christmas Eve so we didn't have to take the kids out another time Christmas day. So, I am one of those people who don't normally attend the vigil but would be taking up 6 seats. I think that's the case for others, plus with visiting relatives....
No question, it's hard with little ones because you do have to go so early (I used to go and save our seats) and it's packed, but for us, the time was ideal. We finally made it to Midnight this year and I hope we can continue that. Though, we were all exhausted the next day even after sleeping in.
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Mom of dd8, ds7, dd5 and ds3
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SeaStar
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| Posted: Dec 27 2007 at 5:01pm | IP Logged
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Thank you for all your thoughts. Having been away from Christmas Eve mass for so many years, I was affected by the huge number of "CEO"s. Our church does an outside mass for Easter, so the crowd is spread out and everyone is able to enjoy the mass. I wish we could do the same at Christmas... would be kind of chilly, though.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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LisaR
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when you all speak of outside Mass, do you really mean ouside, as in out of doors? I have heard of two Masses held simultaneously, but one in a school gym, one in the church, that sort of thing.
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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folklaur
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| Posted: Dec 28 2007 at 8:08pm | IP Logged
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LisaR wrote:
| when you all speak of outside Mass, do you really mean ouside, as in out of doors? |
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Yes, outside. 
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mandamum
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We went to Midnight Mass this year, and it was a vastly better experience behavior-wise than most Sundays. We planned to get there a little over 1/2 hr early, actually arrived about 20 min early. That meant we had to park in the overflow and hike, but there was still a seat near the front. Our parish sings carols for the 1/2 hr before midnight, and I had given my two dds small jingle bells for the trip there. We rousted them out of a sound sleep, so they were pretty dazed anyway. I think that was the key--getting them up out of bed (our family tradition when I was growing up). To be woken in the middle of a special night and brought to a church filled with lights and flowers and songs.... it made them both sit quietly and LOOK and LISTEN...and occasionally ring their bells along, which was pretty unnoticeable, and I took the bells before Mass started.
Then for Mass itself, my 5yo sat in my lap trying to nap, and the 22mo looked through *every* Christmas picture book I had brought, and then did a little coloring. But she spent a lot of time just observing too--so much to see! This was a huge improvement over the "I have to run and shout" she exhibits most Sundays.
I didn't think to do snacks beforehand, but came with the "first cookie of Christmas" for everyone afterward. I think had we tried the (crazy but kid-friendly) Eve mass (with pageant before), it would have been overwhelming and keyed them up too much. Also, the readings at the Midnight Mass are more kid-friendly (no begats, but rather the story they know).
Thank God for all the people who encourage us as parents with small children in Mass! We sat next to a woman who told me how beautiful my dds were, and let me know she was happy they were there. I think that can be a ministry in itself, especially on the mornings when I feel like a failure and someone tells me I am doing good, important work. My mom has moved from being one of the parents of small children to encouraging them
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Maddie
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In years past, my dh or I would go in and save the pew we wanted for Midnight Mass while the other parent occupied the little guys. Sometimes we would hang out in the van with a book on tape and a snack and then slowly make our way into the church where we would look at decorations, or let them skip around in the cafeteria. I always bring books and cheap empty notebooks for them to draw in. And with my present set of little guys, I am not above bringing a portable DVD player for the van to keep them happy for a short time.
Presently, I have 3 teens that are great pew savers!
I didn't go to Mass with my family this Christmas. I went to the 5pm alone, then stayed home to wait for St. Nick while dh took ALL the children but the baby. Brave guy. It worked out well though, St. Nick HAD come while they were gone, I tracked him on NORAD, so I knew when to expect him  and I made a huge breakfast for them for when they arrived home. We opened presents, ate breakfast at 2am, (almost burned the house down**note** blow out Advent candles and Christ candle next year at the end of the meal) and got the first decent nights sleep on Christmas since I've had children. No one woke me up at 6am wanting to open presents!
I'm not sure we'll do it the same way next year, but that's what worked this year.
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~Maddie~
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sewcrazy
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| Posted: Dec 30 2007 at 10:49pm | IP Logged
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We split up this year also. I took my 8yod to the 7pm vigil Mass, while my dh took our boys to the 7am Christmas Mass as they were requested to serve.
Our church offers 13  Masses between Christmas Eve and Christmas day, and every one was filled, many beyond capacity.
I too have, at times, struggled not to feel put out by the crowds but this year my dd and I went early and prayed a Rosary to open the hearts of the Chreasters (as they are called here) to return to the fullness of the Church. It helped my attitude considerably.
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LeeAnn
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SeaStar
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| Posted: Dec 31 2007 at 6:26am | IP Logged
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At mass yesterday the church was maybe 1/2-3/4 full.... 
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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Bridget
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We went to midnight Mass last year because we knew we weren't having guests the next day. It was nice but since we usually host Christmas dinner we won't be doing it regularly till the kids are older and will sleep in the next morning.
This year we ended up going to the 10:30 AM Christmas Mass, mostly because the boys offered to serve it. It worked out really well.
The children wake up early Christmas morning anyway, so there is more than enough time to do gifts and a nice breakfast before getting dressed and heading out to Mass.
I agree that the early vigil is crowded and hectic. We try to avoid it.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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JodieLyn
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Well, we've always gone to Midnight Mass.. but we're also in a small community where between either a late (10pm) vigil mass or Midnight Mass plus a morning Mass.. we're not crowded (that's one more Mass than we have every Sunday).. you don't have to show up especially early etc etc. No one standing though lack of choice, no extra chairs crowding aisles etc.
But my kids are raised so that when they get tired they go to sleep wherever we may be.. I have a funny story about how many times I moved one child while shopping during the day.. and that child slept through the whole thing
So.. since they'd be up real late from excitement anyway.. we found that Midnight Mass meant that we (as the parents) weren't annoyed by the late night.. and soon as we got home, the kids go to bed easily and are out the minute their heads hit the pillows.. and they do sleep later than they would otherwise.
We had a 10pm vigil Mass this year rather than Midnight Mas  not a good fit for our family.. the kids were still wired when we got home.. so I really didn't have them all asleep much sooner.. and I ended up being up just as late.. and they woke up a bit earlier than they would have if we'd gone to Midnight Mass.. so.. dh and I were actually shorted sleep by an earlier Mass.
And they definately didn't have any more people than otherwise.. and they're doing a Mass at midnight for New Year's so I think sometime here we need to let our priest know that we greatly prefer the Midnight Mass for Christmas.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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tracym
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Usually we have always gone to thechildren's Vigil Mass. And it is so hectic, crowded, etc. This year our church offered a mass at 6:00(children's was at 4) and we went although we expected that to be very crowded also. However, the place had many empty seats and we got to enjoy the whole mass. I wen t home so pleased and had pretty much decided we are done with the Christmas Children's Mass from now on. What a gift to enjoy Christmas Eve Mass this year.
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Tracy M- mom to Allen 12, Laura 9, Joeseph 7, and Anthony 4
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Lisbet
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We have done the midnight mass for YEARS! We spend the day laying around reading, watching movies, and resting. The 5 and under crowd wear the pajamas to mass, the rest of us get dressed up. It'candlit, it's beautiful, wouldn't miss it if I could help it.
This year, thouhgh, I missed it. Dh took the 3 non-pukers, I was home cathing vomit and wiping brows.  What a Christmas we had!
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Christmas Eve mass
