| Author | |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: Feb 22 2006 at 6:40pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
I am determined to have more written work from my children this year. We are really appalling in this area, I do not exaggerate  Just thought I'd post Malachi's narration, I'm very happy with it. 
Shy the Platypus – Leslie Rees &n bsp; 23rd February 2006
Shy and Spur were born in a burrow under the roots of a tree. Their mother feed them milk and one day their mother went out of the burrow for a little time and she came back and bought them bugs and worms. They ate them all up.
The next day Shy and Spur’s mother took them out of the burrow for a swim. Shy and Spur needed no practice to swim. Then the next day their mother took them out of the burrow to meet their father. Their father taught them to dive for food. Shy and Spur stayed under for too long and they finally came up and they were puffing for air. Then Shy and Spur’s Dad told them to blow air through their nose and when they had no air to come up. Shy caught two bugs and Spur caught half a worm.
One day their mother told them an eagle killed their father.
Shy and Spur grew fur coats.
One day their mother called Shy and Spur and told them there was a drought and there was not enough food for all of them. Shy’s mother told Spur to go up the river over the bridge to find a new home with more food. She told Shy to go down the river across a yellow pebble bridge to find a home to live under. Shy found a place but it had an angry water rat. Then she found another hole and it had an eel. Then she found another place with a friendly female platypus. There wasn’t enough room so after awhile she moved on. Then she found a home to live under.
One day Shy went to visit her mother, on the way home a flood came and swept her away, she tried to swim to shore but it was too deep. Then she saw a branch and tried to get up but then she got swept away again. Then she saw a tree and grabbed at it and climbed up. Days later the flood was calmer and Shy swam out to the shore. She found a male platypus, he said,
“Some fun.”
She said,
“What do you mean by fun?”
Boonda and Shy lived and played together happily.
A stranger came with a gun He shot next to her and stunned her and made her dizzy. Just as he had planned. Then he put her in a bag and carried her home it was very uncomfortable. Then the stranger tipped her out of the bag and a woman tried to pick her up and Shy gave a big snap. Then the man picked her up and Shy swung her tail at him, the man fell back and hit a can. The man got the bag and put Shy into a wooden tank. The man gave Shy some worms but she would not eat. All Shy could think of was Boonda and escaping. Shy got skinnier and skinnier. She thought that if she wanted to escape she needed to keep her strength up. One day the man took the lid off the tank and went to get a bucket of water. While he was gone Shy escaped out of the box. She ran and ran then she stopped at a pond to have a drink and some tadpoles. Then she ran and ran and finally reached the river.
Boonda was surprised to see her. One day a male platypus came along and said,
“Come with me.” to Shy.
She said, “No I am quite happy where I am.”
And he said, “No you are coming with me.”
Then Boonda came and they had a big battle. Boonda whacked the stranger with his spur and squirted poison in the wound. It was a really fierce battle and finally Boonda won.
He felt that he should have Shy. Shy started to build a nest, she dug deep and hit a root. She backed up around the root and then she hit a rock. Then she knew there was a rabbit hole ahead so she went under it. At the other side she made her nest. Then she had two babies.
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JennGM
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 17702
|
| Posted: Feb 22 2006 at 7:08pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
So fabulous!!!! Very detailed!
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mary G
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5790
|
| Posted: Feb 23 2006 at 6:18am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Excellent Erin! You should be proud of him!
__________________
MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Rachel May
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 24 2005
Location: Kansas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2057
|
| Posted: Feb 23 2006 at 8:22pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Wow! That was great! My 6 y/os try to say "The End" after every thought.  I would love to get something like this.
__________________
Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: Feb 24 2006 at 9:52pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thanks for your kind words. Btw I should have pointed out this was a oral narration typed by me. I was very happy with this. Part of my determination to have my children produce more written work this year.
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
MichelleM
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 12 2006
Location: Colorado
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 113
|
| Posted: Feb 28 2006 at 8:54am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Erin,
Tell Malachi that my 8 & 6 yr. old girls loved his narration! They want to hear more! 
Thanks for sharing!
__________________
~Michelle
Mommy to 5 Blessings
Visit my blog: House of Grace
Our nature blog: All of Creation
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: March 01 2006 at 3:05am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Michelle,
How kind of you and your girls. I'll tell Malachi, so is it more Australian narrations or is it Malachi narration they mean? 
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
MichelleM
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 12 2006
Location: Colorado
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 113
|
| Posted: March 01 2006 at 10:01pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
They would love to hear more narrations! It was such a treat for them to hear someone else's work!
At the time I posted I didn't even notice you were from Australia.  I think we will be headed down an Australian rabbit trail now that I saw your incredible link. Thanks!
__________________
~Michelle
Mommy to 5 Blessings
Visit my blog: House of Grace
Our nature blog: All of Creation
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: March 02 2006 at 4:20am | IP Logged
|
|
|
MichelleM wrote:
| They would love to hear more narrations! It was such a treat for them to hear someone else's work! |
|
|
Well i'll tell him he has to write more so they can read.  Actually what a great idea, I'd love to read some of their's to the children it could well inspire them as well.
MichelleM wrote:
I think we will be headed down an Australian rabbit trail now that I saw your incredible link. Thanks!
|
|
|
Thanks for your words of support, they made my day. It has been an incredible week and words of support mean quite alot at present. 
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: March 07 2006 at 7:36pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Michelle,
I just thought your girls may like today's narration dictated by Malachi. Have to say I'm most happy with it. Isn't it funny how some children like narrating and some won't.
Ponny the Penguin – Veronica Basser 8th March 2006
Ponny’s father wanted to call her Podgy and her mother wanted to call her Penny. They called her Ponny instead. When she was a baby her father went down to the ocean to catch some shrimps for her. He chewed them up and opened his mouth, her mother told her to put her head inside his mouth. Ponny put her head in and ate all of the food. And after she finished she asked her Dad,
“Is there anymore?”
Her mother and father took her to the nursery where the aunties looked after the babies while the parents went down to the ocean to catch their food. The aunties told Ponny not to wander off but Ponny wandered off too far and almost got hit by a skua gull. He was going to kill and eat her. She screamed so loud her aunties came and chased the skua gull away. Her aunties took her back to the nursery and roused on her and her parents did too.
Her mother took her to the ocean to teach her to swim and fish. Ponny did not want to go in, her mother went in and showed her it was not scary. Ponny still did not want to go in. Her mother pushed her in and she made a big splash. Ponny figured out it wasn’t so scary after all. Then she swam with the other children. They played together. They tried to push each other in first because they were scared of the sea leopard. One time when they were swimming the sea leopard came and they swam around and around the sea leopard. Ponny called out,
“Porpoises, porpoises!”
Then all of the penguins swam in different directions. But two of them forgot what they were doing and swam around the sea leopard. The sea leopard ate them both. Then the rest of the penguins got to shore and they stayed on the shore for a long time.
One night Ponny heard the grown ups talking about a meeting. It was about the coming of winter. In the morning thousands of Adelie’s gathered by the ocean, to practise their take off to their winter habitat. The next day the penguins took off swimming hundreds and hundreds of miles until they reached the pack ice. One night Ponny saw the Aurora lights it was the most beautiful scene Ponny had ever seen in her live.
Ponny went back to the Antartic to find her mate. The other penguins told her she wouldn’t find a mate because she was too fat. Many of the others found mates but still Ponny didn’t have one. One morning a boy penguin named Peter came and asked Ponny to be his wife. He bought her an engagement stone.
Ponny started to make the nest. Peter had to find stones to help build the nest. He got the stones from old nests and sometimes he stole them from other nests. Ponny laid two eggs, one time when a penguin came to steal a stone and Peter was away a skua gull stole one of their eggs. Ponny felt terrible. Another penguin came up to her and said,
“Don’t feel so sad, last year my egg got stolen too.”
Peter sat on the nest while Ponny went to catch some fish and shrimps and go for a swim. When she came back she sat on the eggs. One day a chick was born.
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
MichelleM
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 12 2006
Location: Colorado
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 113
|
| Posted: March 07 2006 at 10:30pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Bravo!
My girls are eager for me to get back to typing their narrations so they can share as well.
__________________
~Michelle
Mommy to 5 Blessings
Visit my blog: House of Grace
Our nature blog: All of Creation
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
alicegunther
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 28 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1992
|
| Posted: March 07 2006 at 11:11pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Great narrations, Erin!
Michelle, I'll be looking forward to reading your girls' work as well!
__________________
Love, Alice
mother of seven!
 
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
lapazfarm
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 21 2005
Location: Alaska
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6082
|
| Posted: March 08 2006 at 10:45am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Having an outside audience is such a motivator. When I posted my son's pirate journal on my blog and he got some positive comments it really inspired him! It was like a light went on for him and he couldn't wait to write the next chapter so that he could get more feedback. Every day, first thing, he would ask me "Any comments today?" And thanks, btw, to all of you ladies here that did comment. It has meant a world of difference in writing here.
__________________
Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Rebecca
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 30 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1898
|
| Posted: March 08 2006 at 11:18am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have never asked my six year old for a narration before and did not know what to expect. This thread inspired me to do so. Today the kids went on a tour of a local bagpipe factory and this is what my son (6) told me when I asked him to tell me all about it.
A Trip to the Gibson Bagpipe Factory
"First, they showed us the bagpipes. Then, they went into a room, that I almost threw up in because there was lots of sawdust in the air. Than they gave us a piece of wood that sinks. It is called Coca Bola. It does not float. It grows in Africa. Thats what they make the bagpipes out of. Then they showed us all around the place and they showed us the machines. There are men working at the machines and there were people working at the machines, doing all the stuff they need to do and stuff.. There are a couple more things that I forget. Then we went out into the place where we came in and heard a bagpiper coming who played lots of music and then we left. Now can I go outside and play?"
How do we encourage our kids to leave out all the extra comments and to add more detail? I hope to post his 9yo brother's narration later. It does not have alot more detail. Any tips on honing the skill of narration?
God Bless,
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
lapazfarm
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 21 2005
Location: Alaska
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6082
|
| Posted: March 08 2006 at 11:41am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Rebecca,
I actually think this is quite good for a six year old, especially for a first narration! I recommend doing several more narrations just like this before you start to ask for more. Once you have several done, you and ds can go back through them together and pick out one that he might like to develop further. Then you can ask questions such as "What did the music (or the machines) sound like? What did the bagpipes look like? Did you like them?..." in order to draw out more detail. Work on just one detail at a time and come back the next day or so to work on another if ds likes. But at age six I would not ask for much more than a few more vivid details. And make sure you make a big deal out of it when ds is done- decorate it, frame it, hang it up, post it online, send it to grandma, whatever will please ds and inspire him to do more.
Hope this helps.
__________________
Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Rebecca
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 30 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1898
|
| Posted: March 08 2006 at 4:58pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thanks so much Theresa, I have always been under the (wrong) impression that as parents, we were supposed to ask for the narration without asking any pointed questions or directing the narration in any way. I do not know where I got that information but it really makes more sense to help them focus on a specific detail. Somehow, I had the idea that it was supposed to be completely uninfluenced by me.
I have asked my ds9 for narrations for the past couple of years but never directed them at all. Sometimes they are very detailed and other times not. I will try to help him to focus on the details by asking pointed questions. I know that the general rule is that kids can start written narrations at about age 10 but I do not think he is close to being ready for it yet. He is barely writing sentences and I can't imagine him writing out his narrations without purposely making them really short (so that he doesn't have to write as much). How do you know when they are ready to transition to written narrations?
Thanks for the help,
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
lapazfarm
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 21 2005
Location: Alaska
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6082
|
| Posted: March 08 2006 at 9:56pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Well, I don't know if your impression is wrong. I am no CM expert, that's for sure, so if you want to be a CM purist, I am not the one to follow. I am simply sharing the way I personally think of narrations, which may or may not be CM. For me they are like a freewrite, which can be left as is, or used as a basis for more detailed work.
As for the transition to written narrations-that's a tough one. For me, it depends on the goal for that particular narration. For my ds(10) I still type out for him the ones that I know are going to be longer and more detailed, or if I am really wanting to let him use his imagination and not worry about the mechanics of writing. I ask him to type the shorter ones himself and this gives him the practice he needs in spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc, when that is the goal. (If he has to handwrite, I wouldn't get more than a sentence or two!)
Anyway, that has worked pretty well for us. My ds used to hate writing, but now he is happily working on a "novel" and is close to 4000 words, all on his own! I think it is largely due to the confidence he gained through the oral narrations, the way he saw his work take shape after gentle revisions, and not transitioning him too soon.
__________________
Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: March 08 2006 at 10:25pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Rebecca wrote:
| Then, they went into a room, that I almost threw up in because there was lots of sawdust in the air. |
|
|
Rebecca,
I laughed and laughed here. soo funny.
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: March 08 2006 at 10:34pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Rebecca wrote:
| I have always been under the (wrong) impression that as parents, we were supposed to ask for the narration without asking any pointed questions or directing the narration in any way. , |
|
|
Well actually I was under that impression for a few years too. I believe I read it in CM info. Maybe erroneously , I don't know. Anyhow after a couple of years being very diligent in not correcting my children's grammar or sentence structure I started gently pointing out tips. After all they weren't improving and that wasn't good teaching. So I would gently say, " You know you don't need to join everything with 'and then.'" Or perhaps "can you think of a more descrptive word than 'big'"
Rebecca wrote:
| I know that the general rule is that kids can start written narrations at about age 10 but I do not think he is close to being ready for it yet. He is barely writing sentences and I can't imagine him writing out his narrations without purposely making them really short (so that he doesn't have to write as much). How do you know when they are ready to transition to written narrations?, |
|
|
Well my dd is 12 and still not writing her narrations, well perhaps occasionally on her own decision. I'm just so grateful to get any writing I don't care how. Just today dh who is home suggested gently that really the older two should be doing more writing.
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Rebecca
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 30 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1898
|
| Posted: March 09 2006 at 3:56pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Erin wrote:
Rebecca wrote:
| Then, they went into a room, that I almost threw up in because there was lots of sawdust in the air. |
|
|
Rebecca,
I laughed and laughed here. soo funny.
|
|
|
Erin, This was the first thing he told me when he came home, about how dusty the room was, not about the beautiful bagpipes or the interesting details of Coca Bola wood!
Oh to be six again!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Forum Locked) 
4Real Forums : Language Arts Come Alive
Topic: Sharing my 6yr olds narration
