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mairejam5
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| Posted: Feb 27 2007 at 6:12pm | IP Logged
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Hello ladies,
Forgive me if this is a long post.
I would like to ask your prayers for me, for my husband and his work,and for the housing situation for my family.
We have been living with my Mom for the last three years while my husband has been starting our business. Our original projection was that it would take about three years before we would be able to get our own place. Unfortunately, due to the incompetent bureaucracy and other obstacles in our state, we have only just gotten started and it's been three years. In the meantime we have grown from a family of four to one of 7 (new baby due in June) while living in a small two bedroom house with my mom and two of my youngest siblings. I know many would question our choice to be open to more children, but in our prayerful use of NFP we have clearly heard God's call to trust Him with our family size and to trust that He will provide for each person. He certainly has done exactly, that, also, even if not always the way we would want. At the same time, I have become increasingly affected by the crowded, cluttered chaos and my inability to make any sense of it. I have struggled with being thankful for our situation (which really is a blessing because if we couldn't live here, we couldn't have gotten this far with our business) and my feelings of desperation and being overwhelmed. By God's Grace I had calmed down a lot and was more peaceful. I heard about the rental assistance programs and signed up even though they said the waiting list was seven years long. I hoped that we would never end up needing to use it, but I figured you never know what is going to happen and I might as well sign up now just in case.
Just before I got pregnant with this last baby, I looked around our bedroom (we are sleeping outside in a trailer)and the room where I have organized all of our clothes against one wall and said to God, "I know that you are asking us to trust you again, but if you give me a baby you are going to have to give me more space because I just can't fit another one in." Of course, the way that I want "more space" is that our business goes gangbusters and we can afford our own place, or somehow build on to Mom's house, which has been everybody's dream. It came to me at some point that God's way of "more space" might be public housing. I did not like that idea because of the stigma, but I finally gave in completely and gratefully and said to God that if that was the way He wanted to do it, then I know it is the best way for us right now...
...the next day I got a letter from the Public Housing commission with an appointment to go through the approval process (because dh is a veteran, we got pushed to the top).
I picked up the letter, looked at my mother and said, "I'll bet we're going to have another baby"... I was about a week pregnant and didn't know it yet.
When I found out I was pregnant, too, I rejoiced for a while. That combined with other signs as we got things together and went to the interview seemed to point to getting that "space" for our family soon, and certainly before this baby is born. However, all of that culminated in the last letter we got which said the estimated waiting time for a vacancy is 12 to 18 months.
I know that God can make it happen any time He wants -- which will be whenever is the best time. I fervently hoped that maybe a miracle would happen and we would get a place sometime in my second trimester when I have energy to be packing, unpacking and organizing a home... but I am now entering my third trimester with no vacancy. I see quite a few of the blessings of this waiting period : we said a 54 day novena all together as a family, we have grown closer to St. Joseph in our prayers to him, and other things. I know in my head that even if it is God' plan that we wait another year or so to move, that it will be the best thing and that our part is to be grateful for our blessings, find the joy in the "suffering" in waiting, etc. I also know that our trials are sooo small compared to so many others.
And yet, I am battling -- and losing -- to my strong feelings of ... well depression (and I am NOT someone who is prone to depression, and I certainly do NOT have a medical case of it) I know that really I am in a dark tunnel and God is walking with me and even when I stumble, He is picking me up and helping me to go on, and that there is an end to all of this.... but I feel like I have fallen into a dark pit and I'm walking on a treadmill. I know that God is calling me, leading me... but I feel like my ears are clogged and I can't clear them. Some parts of the day I can act in trust and focus on my family and the tasks for the day and even be cheerful, despite my sadness. Whenever the mail the comes and there is no letter, or if it comes late, then starting from about noon or so until it comes, I just slowly lose it. I try to do another activity with the kids or find SOMETHING to do (like write this prayer request), but so often I find myself just sitting there, paralyzed. Sometimes I go cry to Jesus and the saints in the bathroom so that my kids don't see Mommy upset everyday. It could last for hours or sometimes I can get myself moving sooner. And at the same time I want this so badly, I am afraid to have such a strong desire for it because I know the answer might be "No," or "not till later."
And even though I HAVE actually figured out how to add yet another little one to our bedroom and his/her things to our "wall," the idea of having another baby in this house (and it's just the crowding and the clutter because my family is AWESOME) is ... I feel suffocated.
So I need prayers.
I need prayers to be able to accept with joy and serenity the plans God has for us.
I need prayers to not let my depression get in the way of the tasks I need to do for the good of our family.
My husband needs prayers for his own struggles -- some have to do with our housing, but others have to do with healing he needs from his upbringing and help in returning to his Catholic faith.
And Please please please pray that we get our own place soon and that we are all able to adjust well to our new situation (after three years here it will be very different not to have mom and sister around to help me and for the kids it will be strange not to have auntie there to play, hold, argue with etc. -- of course they will still visit a lot, but it won't be the same).
And anything else you feel the Holy Spirit guiding you to pray for us.
If you've made it to the end of this post, I thank you. If not, well, it's been helpful just to write it out today. Now I'm going to go visit a friends house with the kids. :)
May God Bless you and all of your families!
Maire
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Paula in MN
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| Posted: Feb 27 2007 at 6:25pm | IP Logged
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Maire, I am praying for all of you right now. I don't have any advice, other than to keep praying. He hears you.
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 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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Ruth
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| Posted: Feb 27 2007 at 6:26pm | IP Logged
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Dear Maire, I will keep you in my daily prayers. God bless you, dear friend.
__________________
Ruth
mom to 7 miracles
My family blog
Loreto Rosaries
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Feb 27 2007 at 6:33pm | IP Logged
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Dear Maire,
I did read to the end of your post and my heart goes out to you.
It was a strange coincidence you mentioned the feeling of being paralized because I felt exactly like that today, over other issues but still immobilized.  It's a self-defeating feeling and I'm pretty sure it isn't of God. Clearly the work of Lucifer.
I will be offering prayers for your intentions until I hear an update from you. I pray that a miraculous vacancy occurs in the very near future.
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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aussieannie
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| Posted: Feb 27 2007 at 6:33pm | IP Logged
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 Maire!
I will be praying for you and your dear family's situation, that you will be abundantly blessed in all ways this year coming.
__________________
Under Her Starry Mantle
Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
Blessed with 3 boys & 3 girls!
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aussieannie
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| Posted: Feb 27 2007 at 6:35pm | IP Logged
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Oh Cay, that is me too! Maire, I will offer these particular feelings of mine in particular as I pray.
__________________
Under Her Starry Mantle
Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
Blessed with 3 boys & 3 girls!
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momwise
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| Posted: Feb 27 2007 at 6:47pm | IP Logged
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I will be praying Maire. St. Joseph's feast is coming up and I know from so many experiences that he would never refuse a humble request; only replace it with one that would be better for us. I will pray for the Spirit's gift of peace.
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Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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ladybugs
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| Posted: Feb 27 2007 at 6:50pm | IP Logged
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Maire,
My life resembles your's to a certain degree!
Definitely praying for you! Lately, I have been feeling trapped!
I've been praying more and trying to exercise more...
Hang in there! This is only temporary!
__________________
Love and God Bless,
Maria P
My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
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Rebecca
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| Posted: Feb 27 2007 at 7:12pm | IP Logged
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Parying for you, Maire.
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SeaStar
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| Posted: Feb 27 2007 at 7:24pm | IP Logged
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My prayers are with you and your family. I hope good news will come soon for you and a house will become available.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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Dawn
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| Posted: Feb 27 2007 at 7:25pm | IP Logged
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Maire, I am praying for you!
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Dawn, mum to 3 boys
By Sun and Candlelight
The Nature Corner
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chicken lady
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Maire, I hear your pain, I too have had similar experiences, of course not the same, but I do promise to remember you to Our Dear Mother! Cling to her, she will lead.....I promise 
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St. Ann
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| Posted: Feb 28 2007 at 3:58am | IP Logged
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Dearest Maire,
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS ! God has blessed you with another beautiful baby!
I have not forgotten you and your family. You and your dh are in my prayers. I am so sorry, that you are going through all of this right now. You are such a strong, faithfilled and joyful woman with so many talents, and I am certain that God has not forgotten you, although at times you may have this feeling...
I miss your joyful, welcoming spirit!
Your sister in Christ,
Stephanie
__________________
Stephanie
Wife and mother to Hannah '96, Maria '99, Dorothea '01, Helena '03
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: Feb 28 2007 at 7:39am | IP Logged
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Maire -
"Making do" can really wear on you. Trusting God is important, obviously, and you certainly are doing that. But you are only human. Over time, everything will fall into place, but hanging on until it does, not knowing when or how it will is very, very tough.
I will be praying for you and all of your family.
Peace,
Nancy
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msclavel
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Marie-
All I can say is I know exactly what you're going through. I often wondered how on earth my family would survive some of our trials. I will offer up many prayers for you. My heart goes out to you. May you feel strengthened and renewed. And trust in Our Lord. His plans are always so much better than anything we can imagine.
Love,
Maria A
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mairejam5
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| Posted: March 01 2007 at 10:40am | IP Logged
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I just wanted to say that my ears must have been unclogged for a few minutes in order to hear God leading me to this forum for help. :) Your prayers and loving encouragement have already greatly comforted me. I will be offering my "paralyzed" feelings for those of you who are suffering the same immobilization and prayers of thanksgiving for each one of you. And whenever there is an update, I'll let you know.
May God rain down His blessings on you,
Maire
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stefoodie
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Praying for you as you go through your struggles, Maire. And CONGRATULATIONS on the newest blessing!!! How wonderful!
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stef
mom to five
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benedicta
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Praying that Our Dear Lord will guide you and your DH to a resolution of your situation!
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kingvozzo
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Maire, praying that you find peace and resolution!
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Noreen
Wife to Ed
Mom to 4 great kids and 10 sweet ones in Our Lady's arms
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teachingmom
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Virginia Bluebells
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| Posted: March 01 2007 at 11:11pm | IP Logged
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This must be so, so hard. Praying for you and your family, Maire. And congratulations on your newest little addition.
__________________
~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: Just need a little help...
