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ALmom
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I almost hate to ask for prayers as this is a minor bump in life compared to all the other requests - but I have really lost my peace about the college situation.
We were not allowed to request a dorm this year - and public university has decided that every freshman must live on campus and they are creating various "living environments". Most are co-ed(not necessarily horrid in itself in comparison to other things and at least the students don't vote on whether the boys and girls share the same bathroom facitlities like they do at the University friends were sending their dd to - luckily they have relatives in town), or require a bunch of extra courses in what I call psycho-babble. Most of the dorms require a long walk to the music building where we were told our dd should never go alone. Now, in addition, they are moving fraternities into the on-campus apartments directly across from the music building. We were already told there is one strange character (an orchestra student so my dd is sure to run into this character) that has been shadowing another music major and really giving her the creeps.
Today, we were told that our dd has been assigned to the dorm that every student we talked to (some known and some unknown) told us to avoid. It's nickname indicates very constant immorality with "illegal" boys in the dorm, directly across from the football stadium (so I'm sure the noise and partying will be obnoxious)and the one that all those planning to join sororities stay. We are trying now to discern whether or not the situation is simply annoying - or downright dangerous.
My dd really needs sleep or her eyes revert to not focusing well - and her grades will suffer. She also has to go to and from the music building a lot for practice! If she has to live here, she may really have to get a car and pay the megabucks in extra insurance because I know it would not be safe for her to walk to convocation classes (which are all at night)from this dorm. She will also probably have to go to the library at night to study.
I know this is our oldest child and a dd, so I am definitely a nervous mom and maybe I'm overreacting. But my dh first reaction to the news was - "Well we'll tell them to find her a new dorm or we'll go elsewhere" But she got full scholarship here, it has all the teachers and orchestra she wants, etc., etc. But my dh is right if her safety is in question, there really isn't a question. How is it that we have to pay mega-bucks for the priviledge of having some crazy university harrass our daughter with their idea of "the college experience  "!!! What happened to simple, all girl dorms with a floor mom that kept the guys out for the most part anyways where studying WAS the college experience!
Now that I've vented some, please pray for our guidance (dh, myself and dd) so that we discern what we should do and how to approach this. Please also pray that the University will respond to my dd and her roommate's polite, e-mail request for a different dorm or provide us with some sort of clear evidence that this dorm will be a safe option for her. We were allowed to request region of the campus and either co-ed or single sex dorm. We jury rigged our request to try and get one particular dorm which was across from the Catholic student center and nearest to the music building so that her walk would be exclusively on well-lit and main roads. We wanted to avoid the one dorm that they got stuck with. The walk from here is through sort of woodsy areas and a bit off the beaten path - so it is definitely not a safe walk!
We could possibly request the honors dorm but that is 2x as expensive, coed by room (not floor), houses the athletes as well (including the football players who are not always noted for high standards of chivalry and respect for women) and even further from the music building and if she walked it she would be walking by the frat house every single time - so this would also require a car. It would also mean we'd have to find a different roommate as this is not an option for the current roommate (we found her on-line but met her and family so feel that this is at least someone who will not be bringing illegal boys into the room).
I am totally going nuts! Pray for wise decisions all the way around and peace (based on reality) in this matter. Thanks so much!
Janet
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mumofsix
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Janet I do not think this is a minor prayer request at all, and I am praying to Saint Michael for your daughter.
Jane.
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guitarnan
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Janet,
I'll pray...I had a couple of really bad roommate experiences in college, so I empathize.
If this helps at all, the honors dorm with the athletes (this strikes me as bizarre!) is a far worse option, probably, than the one with the girls who want to join sororities. I was in a sorority myself (not a party one!) and finally moved into my sorority house to escape the dorms...and we studied hard. Not all sorority girls are in college just for the social scene.
My dorm floor, on the other hand, housed several football players, and some of them played extremely loud music late at night. It's pretty hard to ask someone who outweighs you by over 150 pounds to be quieter! (On the other hand, one of the football players was very protective of all the female students on our floor...he told us to address all problems with football players, intruders, etc. to him and he helped us resolve them!)
I lived on a coed floor...it was definitely noisier than the all-women's floor but it wasn't bad. It was the roommates that made my experience so awful. If your daughter has found a good roommate with similar morals and study habits, she'll be able to get good sleep.
Regardless of dorm, I wouldn't want my daughter walking anywhere alone at night, ever. Perhaps if she ends up with night classes or rehearsals, she can set up a standing appointment with the campus safety escort service so she doesn't have to wait a long time in the music building for someone to walk home with her.
Safety isn't a minor prayer request at all. You'll be in my prayers, for sure!
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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marihalojen
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Don't take this the wrong way Janet, but pull a page from their own book and rent your daughter an apartment you are comfy with as well as the dorm. Yes, more expensive but you'll feel so much better! This sounds cliched but - everyone does it. Just because the kids have a dorm room sure doesn't mean that they don't have an apartment on the sly too. The room checks may or may not be a problem depending on your college (they may not even have room checks and usually they state when they will be happening so everyone can show up and clean their room prior) Lots of students rent rooms and usually try not to let their parents know...you can be playing it opposite  Talk to some of the upperclassmen, feeling them out for cheap apartments nearby and when you go to check them out, go back late, late at night to see what the atmosphere is really like. 11pm is totally different than 11am! 
I feel odd and almost devious giving you this advice but it is your daughter and I find it wonderful that you are really trying to help her...if she ends up staying in this dorm they will most likely give lectures on safety to all the girls (walk in groups, safety karate-style class on Tuesdays...) and show where all the blue phones for emergencies are located on campus. Also some colleges offer escort services from security if you arrange for it.
I hope this helps Janet, know that I am praying for a resolution you are comfortable with in this situation.
Oh, one more thing,  have your daughter do the calling and the requesting and the talking, parents have no pull with colleges and are more likely to end up with the opposite outcome than what they asked for. But if your daughter is firm, strong-willed, articulate (not timid, teary and begging) the college hopefully won't think they need to do anything for her own good, to get her out from under anyone's thumb, expose her to life, etc... Sigh...
~Jennifer, fairly recent college grad
Sister to many girls of college age or nearly college age
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~Jennifer
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The Mari Hal-O-Jen
SSR = Sailing, Snorkling, Reading
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jdostalik
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Janet,
My, how times have changed!! I will pray for you, your dh and your dd, that all this may be settled and for your dd's safety and comfort once she begins college...
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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JennGM
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Janet, this is one of those maternal nightmares. It's not minor. I hope you can find resolution....
Would their be any loopholes in the handbook that for religious or health reasons to be exempt from residing in dorms?
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Taffy
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I don't think you're over-reacting at all Janet and will certainly add your situation to my prayers!
Being Canadian, I'm not sure about how these things work in the U.S. but why couldn't your daughter just get her own apartment? That would be my solution. But, I'm sure there are good reasons why you may not want this (especially $$).
I also agree strongly with the suggestion that your daughter should deal with this personally. I am sure she'll get better results this way.
Keeping you in my prayers...
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ALmom
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Thanks for prayers - dd wrote an e-mail to university explaining why she needed to be in one of two other dorms (proximity to music bldg). She is waiting for a reply from them. In the meantime we learned through her roommate that they are on a waiting list for one of the other dorms. Our dd contacted a trusted student there now and asked for more specifics on the dorm - ie is it simply a pain and just an annoyance or is it unsafe. Basically we were told it is as safe as any other dorm on campus (I'm not totally sure this is comforting - I guess that means they all have illegal boys in the dorms who may or may not be sober) - but during Football season it will be a nightmare and to do her best to get out of it if possible. It is under the shadows of the stadium - as close as you can get.
At least she no longer feels she has to give up all if they don't switch her dorm - but we wouldn't mind a prayer or two that they can get into one of the other 2 dorms. If not, we have decided to see if it is possible for her to swing the cost of having a car and she could drive to the music bldg and call friends to meet her going to and from car - and invest in a full supply of earplugs! Anyways thanks for your prayers.
Janet
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cathhomeschool
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Praying, Janet.
Now I say that it doesn't hurt for you to talk to someone as well. I had a full scholarship at a state university, and my parents insisted on a specific dorm in August before classes began. The directors baulked and sent my dad to a couple of different people, but in the end he got me in the "safe, studious" dorm that he'd requested.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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Elizabeth
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Ummm...can I just mention why I think honors students and athletes DO mix? Athletes are required mandatory attendance at supervised study halls. They are supposed to pay careful attention to eating and sleeping and NOT to drinking. The serious athlete has little time for partying (despite what the Duke headlines would have you believe). They train hard several hours every day. They have to compensate when they are away for games and miss classes. While some of them are certainly not the strongest students coming in (primarily basketball and football) most of them have to meet the same academic criteria the rest of the students met.They are also the first to volunteer to be escorts for university-run escort services (and not with ill intentions, simply because they know that they are fit and able and are proud of their ability to protect). PLUS they have to balance academics with the real time and energy demands of training--there's not a whole lot of time for nonsense. Most of them are there for an education and have to work hard to get it. There's certainly a bad egg in every bunch (and I experienced some very serious psycho cases in my honors dorm, too) but there are also chivalrous renaissance men in the athletes' dorms. I married one; I've tutored several of them; and I know some that will be freshmen next year.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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guitarnan
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Elizabeth, you're so right! Perhaps my experience was an anomaly. (Of course, UCLA didn't have honors dorms then...We were lucky to get any dorm space at all.)
Another thing to consider on this topic: students DO drop out or request transfers to other dorms during the school year. (That is how I got my second roommate, who then transferred to the all-women's floor, and my third, with the abusive boyfriend!) Just because the transfer doesn't happen at the beginning of the year doesn't mean it won't happen at all. Your daughter will just need to keep on top of her waiting list status.
Some students thrive in the dorms (study halls right there, better food than self-cooked ramen noodles) and other folks do much better a bit farther away from campus. You almost have to try it both ways to see for yourself (or, perhaps, spend a weekend with an apartment-based friend?). I know my brother's dorm in Santa Barbara was very different from mine. He was there for 3 years...I could barely make it through 1 year in mine!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Elizabeth
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Nancy,
All day, I've been wondering if my experience was an anomaly. UVa has one of the highest graduation rates of athletes in the country. I knew lots of athletes and rare was one who wasn't genuinely a "scholar-athlete" but that is probably not the case everywhere.
Personally, I hated dorm life, didn't find sorority house life much different, and absolutely loved my little apartment off-campus.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Sarah
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| Posted: May 25 2006 at 4:15pm | IP Logged
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Praying. . .
My freshmen dorm life at a Catholic Liberal Arts Midwestern college was HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE. I can't even write it here. What I saw, what I heard, etc.
I am not naive now. I know firsthand what happens in dorms and if your child has a less than virtuous roommate he/she could end up be being exposed to things none of us should ever have to deal with. Don't be naive. College kids have no limits and the freedom is often too much for them, freshmen especially.
If I have to sell the farm, I'm going to try to have my kids avoid dormlife. Hopefully they will agree.
Okay, I'm not reassuring you at all, but this isn't a light situation. If you KNOW the dorms are full of partiers, it will be very difficult for her to avoid drunkards -male & female, and all that goes with that.
Sorry to sound so grave.
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guitarnan
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I must have belonged to a strange sorority. Most of the girls were incredibly nice, we studied hard (and quietly) every day, I had great roommmates, no men were allowed anywhere except the dining room and common room, and there was a curfew, and I made lifetime friendships.
I never wanted to live in an off-campus apartment because the roommates I had in the sorority house were so great. (I just did the Smithsonian with one of these friends last month...and her lovely family!)
I helped several UCLA athletes "read" their class schedules when I worked in the bookstore. While I know many UCLA athlete-grads are famous for their business endeavors, I guess I didn't meet any of them. The ones I helped as a student employee had a very hard time figuring out which textbooks to buy. I always wondered if they could decipher them once they got the books home.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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ALmom
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Elizabeth:
Didn't mean to sound down about athletes in general and I am sorry that my post did come out sounding that way - no offense to the dedicated athletes among this board and in general. However, I know the scandals, etc. in our local situation. One of the problems is that when you are dealing with a school that cares more about it's football wins and losses than academics and integrity, all kinds of things happen. This state has major brawls over football games and football is almost a god here. Your dh might be able to guess the school - as they recently came out of severe penalties - no televised games, etc.
Hopefully, the Univ has learned its lesson, but it is too early to tell and not worth finding out the hard way. The new honors dorm they built has a massive swimming pool with fountain and a man-made river for the students to float down which is right under the honors dorm windows so I have my doubts.
Off campus is not an option for us - freshman are not allowed off campus (no exceptions other than living at home) and dh rightfully pointed out that at least on campus you have built in numbers milling about (more public), on campus police officers 24 hours/day who respond quickly and seriously patrol the campus and at least some recourse to a hall RA if noise, etc. is a problem.
The honors dorm is not an option for us as it is way beyond our means (someone has to pay for that fancy man-made river) and it is on the extreme other end of campus so the walk is equally scarey, though maybe there are more music majors in the bldg. to walk with. The dorm we want had a piano in it, would be on the way to the music bldg from just about any dorm on campus so not hard to find someone to walk with. The reality of a music major's life is that you practically live at the music bldg. putting in at least 5 hours per day practice time and she has a mandatory class there that is only offered in the evening. Any other dorms, would require a car - just because we wouldn't be able to count on her having someone to walk with.
We continue to try and get the most accurate picture possible and there are really scarey things going on at college campuses these days. Most stem from the basic moral decline at large where pretty much anything goes as long as it is "between consenting adults" so there is no attempt to curtail any of this and sometimes you begin to wonder if the system is really trying intentionally to encourage it. There are certainly some good things we have seen and our dd is mature, solid in her faith, etc., has a talent that should be developed for the glory of God.
I am not so naive as to believe she can be shielded from all the ugliness (and gaining a great deal of understanding for parents who simply won't let dd go to college - there are quite a few evangelicals here that strongly hold that view). I do believe that she is strong in her faith,mature, etc., etc. but not so naive as to think that there won't be some real dangers out there especially since we have become disappointed in the campus Catholic support.
I know she will need continued prayer support in this environment. I was so proud to realize that she is so strong that she is willing to give it all up if it is too much of a danger to her soul. That speaks volumes to me about her character and I am so proud of her. I also know that the devil will certainly use whatever is available in that setting (and there is plenty) and whatever weaknesses of character remain (we are all weakened in our will by original sin) to try to entice her away from God. But God's grace is sufficient - but we are also not to put ourselves into harms way. At what point does the whole college scene become a "near occassion of sin?"
Sometimes I wonder at what point you bow out and refuse to participate in what seems to be an attempt to intentionally break down whatever moral fibre remains. In the middle ages, many fled to the monastery and thus civilation was eventually re-Christianized. Are we there now? I know as lay people we are called to transform the world (not be of it) but to transform the world, most of us in normal circumstances must interact in it. It is so confusing. Yes, I went to college and a lot of the problems are the same on the surface - but with a very real and significant difference. These things are now viewed with a bit of non-chalance because they aren't seen as a real sin and there is a real downward spiral sort of like the penny in those tubes - the closer to the pit, the faster the downward spiral.
I am comforted by a few really, really solid people we have met in the music department and know they can be a spiritual support to one another.
I think we are all in a discerning situation. We don't want to be turtles and just duck our heads in a shell. But neither do we want to go barrelling into a situation that perhaps God is providing ample warnings about. At what point are we required to sacrifice what the world says are necessities? Has our culture so degenerated that our times are calling for heroic sacrifices? Things are pretty bad now. Thank you so much for your continued prayers for us and please accept my apologies for my wording - I do not intend to imply "all members of a group whether athletes or sororities" but an identification with what we have seen in our local situation.
I am wondering - since the prayer request has been made and responded to - should further discussion about the issues involved be moved to a different forum (perhaps the teenage years?) as this forum is such a beautiful focus on prayer and I don't want to cause us to get distracted into discussions (and almost hesitate to post this for that reason) - no matter how timely and helpful everyones input has been.
I am very grateful for your continued prayer - perhaps we could even have a rosary day or something for prayers for all our students in college.
Janet
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cathhomeschool
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ALmom wrote:
| One of the problems is that when you are dealing with a school that cares more about it's football wins and losses than academics and integrity, all kinds of things happen. |
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My mother teaches at a university like this, and has definitely had issues with athletes. I think she has yet to come across one who is studious or responsible. Yes, they are "required" to attend class and have passing grades, but the teachers are heavily pressured and actually exptected to pass the athletes and ignore absences. My mother has had several run-ins because she bucks this system.
Praying, Janet.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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Sarah
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ALmom wrote:
At what point does the whole college scene become a "near occassion of sin?"
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I think this thread could get moved. I don't know who should do it. I was going to, but then I thought I might be overstepping my boundaries,. . . not sure on the rules with that.
As far as the above quote, I think it depends on the person. There are severel STRONG Catholic families I know whose children lost their faith in college, usually the oldest child of these families. Were the reins too tight causing rebellion, did their temperament just predispose them to moral weakness, were they educated right out of the Faith, or did the devil just win?
In my opinion, and speaking from experience, those individuals that do not have the strength to handle freedom should possibly refrain from a "wild" college scene as a freshman and perhaps ease themselves into a more structured college life. I do not have teenagers, so I will admit to not having ANY idea what it is like to prepare a child for their first year of college. However, as a person that was ill prepared for such an adventure and who lacked parental involvement with my college life, I would say to parents that they should be very careful if they are sending their child off to a situation that they cannot handle. Its true that you can't be prepared for everything and that someday you have to learn the realities of the world---"you can't live in a bubble." However, there are situations that can be avoided by facing reality (which I think YOU are doing, Janet, by posting this).
I'm merely saying that a person that is not mature/strong/whatever may find a college a "near occasion for sin" because it is extremely lonely, full of freedom, and let's face it. . . wild fun! 
I'm not anti-college. I just think a person would have to weigh its worth and whether or not it is really makes a difference in his salvation.
Obviously in MANY cases it IS necessary to complete your God-given vocation.
That's just what I think.
Janet, I'm not trying to talk you out of college for your daughter, because you are doing a great job of looking into the environment and her welfare which I think many parents fail to do.
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Elizabeth
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I'd rather not move the thread. It was and still is a prayer request and so much discussion is interwoven. Every time someone responds to the discussion, everyone is reminded of the prayer request. Keep talking. Keep praying. As more and more of our children go off to college, we need to keep reminding ourselves of the real and present danger and to incessantly pray for their souls.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Rebecca
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I am praying for your situation and for your daughter.
God Bless,
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ALmom
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Thank you everyone for your prayers. DD will be speaking with her confessor today and am sure he will give her some help sorting through things. Just so you know - she is the one who brought up not going at all, but I think is calming down a bit now and thinking it through very carefully. She is very good at taking her time deciding but tends to be very decisive once the decision is made. I'm the one that goes on an emotional roller coaster. I am beginning to think that it is a blessing in disguise that she was assigned to this dorm as it has really made us think through some things, though we really hope they will honor her request to transfer to a different dorm. I still am unsure what the decision will be if they will not transfer the dorm.
I do know as parents we have to stay involved but it is a fine art to stay enough in the background that our dc mature in the process and get some practice. I have seen rebellion fostered by not allowing enough air for dc to make some of their own mistakes - but it is a fine art to be firm in the areas that really matter and solid in advice - but patient to let them absorb and discover it is solid while making sure to provide the safety net by exercising authority when you need to.
I think our dd has come through this quite well and we are glad that some of those early lessons were learned here at home under our guidance and tutelage. I'd hate for her to be learning some of these lessons for the first time in college - like learning to recognize how easily a young lady can give confusing messages to a guy when what she wants to indicate is a friendship only - girls tend to be afraid of hurting someone's feelings but the message has to be clear and firm. So I'm glad we've gone through those lessons under mom and dad's guidance. It is a comfort to see the values you tried to instill coming from within the dc and we are very, very proud of her.
One problem with college is that the environment is totally artificial (doesn't even resemble the real world even though the values are the same as what you see in the world at large there are fewer ways to avoid bad situations and fewer natural consequences) - it is a pleasure promoting environment without too many responsibilities and not much control over the exposure. Many are backed by parents unknowingly feeding this lack by the money - police officer made a comment to beware if dc asks for $200 to cover unexpected expenses as that is the fine for public intoxication, but so many parents just shell out the money and don't ask questions. A great deal of what is promoted is contrary to everything we have taught. If dd were going into history or English, she'd be somewhere else for sure - but with music there are no alternatives. There isn't a solid Catholic college anywhere that even offers a degree in music (either performance or ed). The closest is Franciscan's music minor. Most music schools, even though associated with a major college, are entities unto themselves. She will have very few courses with the campus at large, but dorm life is the problem for the first year. I know she has a gift from God that she has worked very hard to develop and I cried from pride and sorrow when I saw her willing to let all those dreams go. With new info. about the dorm from solid people who lived there last year, we do have some real information to go on. A lot depends on who the RA is, who is on the floor, etc., etc. Football season will still be a nightmare as the crowds and noise and alcohol (though there is an attempt to control this aspect more thanks to the police officers). We are praying that she will be moved to one of the other two dorms - but the serious upperclassmen must get first dibs on those. Maybe someone will move out into an apt. and our dd can have the room.
Just from class titles you see "agenda". I know dd is very focused on music - and the music school is like a world unto itself. They take very few courses in the college at large. Things may really settle after she gets there, meets some of the music people, etc. We just don't want to go in with lots of presuming that things will take care of themselves. She is bound to run into the Alt. lifestyle folks in her field as it is common in music and theater (esp. among guys - with girls it is often in the athletics).
After the first year, she can opt out of campus living and other things provided we feel the apt is safe, etc. Evidently a lot of folks around here, buy condos as that is cheaper than paying dorm fees - and then rent or sell after own dc are graduated. The college is not far from home (too far to live at home but not too far for us to be there within a couple hours and get her if we need to. She would not hesitate to call us - and we would be there in a minute if she asks.
It appears that the college assigned a lot of folks arbitrarily - at a protestant homeschool graduation most of dd friends were complaining of their dorm assignments - a couple of the guys got assigned to a dorm that was rumored as the "alt. lifestyle dorm." and most of the girls got put in the same dorm as dd- the "party and slut" dorm by reputation even though they had signed up for special programs with special dorms to kind of guarantee which dorm. I'm wondering if they saw the signs of "homeschoolers" and are trying to help them "loosen up a bit". Of course it could just be major disorganization with the new policy of not being able to select a specific dorm. Perhaps, I'm a bit paranoid - I tend to be a bit suspicious by nature and maybe they are trying to get a handle on some of these dorm reputations by putting a larger mix of people rather than letting the selection process go. There certainly are some concerns with the dorms reputation - though some comfort in the good company that might be there with her. She also has a standing invitation to come to apartment of a very solid and reliable music major already there (we met through church)who even volunteered to pick her up.
You also play a bit of Russian roulette with roommates. We had to go on-line and e-mailed back and forth for a while to find a match. I see signs that the roommate may be a bit less conservative than her folks - you kind of notice an underlying rebellion and wonder how all that is going to fall out once they get to campus. I'm also a bit concerned by how much $ she got for graduation and then is blowing on clothes. Dh and I are both concerned here, though we have met the family and like the parents. All the folks we know were staying in the honors dorm which we cannot afford so we had no choice but to try and find an on-line roommate which was better than pot-luck with random assignment by computer. Our dd is in continued communication with this girl - and the more they communicate privately the more comes out that is of concern. We are hoping our dd recognizes this and we continue to talk about this. We do at least still feel confident she would not bring any boys in the room - just might get a bit led into the party and fun scene. She seems to be a follower and so far has followed dd lead in things like when she wanted to see DaVinci code, dd tactfully convinced her that it wasn't worth seeing. Things might work out Ok, just there are a lot of red flags in the whole college scene.
I am so very, very grateful for everyone's support. We go on June 7 and 8 for orientation. I think dh or dd may talk to someone there if our dd has not been assigned a different dorm. Please pray for the decision about whether or not to go, and if she goes that she gets very good faculty in her honors forum and the few standard classes she will have with the campus at large. We've heard there are some great faculty hidden in the weeds and are trying to get their names. I think one thing we would do differently next time would be not be so up front about our real concerns (personal safety) but would be quite discreet and ask through unofficial sources. The college wants the parents to just trust them - and will tell you anything to reassure, but the reality is often very different. We'd also be very much in the background while still being spies. My dh wandering by himself around campus while I did all the official parent things worked out well. I joined him to wander later - and look at bathroom facilities etc. with dd (we wanted to make sure there was sufficient privacy and to check cleanliness). When the college was doing the housing tour, we did our own - kind of wandering to different dorms in different order. With toddler in tow no-one thought much of it, but this way we got the unofficial info instead of the party line. The best info we got was just walking around campus talking to students and one housing employee on the side (off the record kind of) and also talking to the police officer assigned to the University. We were also able to talk to some of the RAs unofficially.
Thanks everyone for prayers - and for the advice and things to look for. Whatever we do, we want it to be according to God's best design for our dd.
Well better go scrub bathrooms before in-laws arrive for dd Senior recital and graduation on June 1 and 3. Thanks for prayers for their safe arrival, and for all of us as we negotiate this new step for dd.
Janet
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: dd dorm situation
