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Chris V
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| Posted: Sept 18 2012 at 7:05am | IP Logged
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About homeschooling. I could use some prayers from you all.
My husband sort of blindsided me with his concerns about homeschooling. What began as a healthy discussion about our children's involvement in the Atrium this year snowballed into "what we are doing isn't enough".
With our new participation in our new parish, the lure of the Parochial school is enticing to him (which our new parish hppens to have one). Initially his concerns were academic, then it moved onto the benefits of social interaction in a school setting. He had a very positive experience with his schooling - good grades, varsity sports, popularity, etc. and is pooling his "at-home" insecurities from that.
We all go through seasons of doubt ourselves, and because his doubts seem to come out if nowhere, I'm hopeful that they will subside. But, no matter, I'm still left to communicate my own feelings as best I can (which can be difficult when you are so passionate about something). I want to respect his concerns, though in my heart I think he is over-reacting. I cerainly wouldn't say as much to him, that would only incite conflict. Please pray that the coming conversations are done so in nothing but a loving manner, and that he comes to understand and feel a renewed passion for our journey in homeschooling. And pray that his doubts don't cloud my own judgement with what I know to be a virtuous path for our family. Thank you so much. ... My mind and heart are just in turmoil this early morning. ... It doesn't help that I've been up since 3 am with a baby who doesn't want to sleep, it gives me too much time to think!
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Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11) 
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drmommy
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| Posted: Sept 18 2012 at 9:53am | IP Logged
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I am so sorry this is going on in your life.
My friend's husband made her put the kids in the local Catholic school, because of the same reasons. She obeyed him and just kept praying. After a MONTH, he wanted those kids out, because he finally realized the beautiful fruits of homeschooling. For them, they had come to realize homeschooling was a much better option for their family. Outside school can be fine too, but God knows what is best, and can work miracles. We personally had my kids in public school, which we loved, but once we started homeschooling them, and seeing the fruits, we won't go back as a family. My girls are now older and see the differences themselves. Every family is different, and every situation is different. Just pray and give it up to our dear Lord. Peace is very important in the family. I will pray for you today, as this is a tough situation. Bridget
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Sept 18 2012 at 10:23am | IP Logged
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You might also get some of the info from NHERI It can be reassuring for some to see that homeschoolers do as well or better than the general population in social areas.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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stefoodie
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Praying for you and your husband, Chris!! May the Holy Spirit guide both of you in your discussions.
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stef
mom to five
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Booksnbabes
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Praying that the love that comes through in your post is as apparent in your talks with dh. May the Holy Spirit be with you two in your discussions.
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Wife to wonderful DH, mom to SIX beautiful gifts from God!
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Misty
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Praying that he sees the good in home schooling and you can be patient in the wait.
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Chris V
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| Posted: Sept 18 2012 at 10:46pm | IP Logged
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Ladies, thank you. Your prayers are so very much appreciated.
We haven't yet continued our discussion from yesterday, but I think that we'll leave well enough alone, for the time being anyway.
My husband appreciates homeschooling and isn't opposed to it, but rather has concerns (and really ... don't we all?). And I know that some of his worry comes from our current season of life with infant twins. He knows what my days are like. Life is intense. He doesnt' want our oldest daughter to miss out on opportunities because the needs of the babies have to be prioritized. Opportunities for her to meet with friends. Opportunities for her to go on special outings. But he sees the short-term. What's happening *now*. I see what is to come. I see how our family will be shaped and nurtured from these precious times of togetherness. ... some of this is really just a matter of one's perspective. Sometimes it helps just to not talk about it for a while ... not everything has to be hashed out immediately. Sometimes all you need is a little *time*.
Again, thank you for the prayers. 
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Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11)
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DominaCaeli
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| Posted: Sept 18 2012 at 11:28pm | IP Logged
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Chris V wrote:
| Sometimes it helps just to not talk about it for a while ... not everything has to be hashed out immediately. Sometimes all you need is a little *time*. |
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So true! Praying for you and your husband, Chris!
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Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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mariB
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Praying for you and your family. These decisions are so difficult but praying that the Holy Spirit will lead and guide you all and give you peace with whatever outcome for your children...
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marib-Mother to 22ds,21ds,18ds,15dd,11dd and wife to an amazing man for 23 years
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CrunchyMom
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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juliana147
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Prayers for you and your husband as you make these decisions, Chris... I'll say a prayer to the Holy Spirit for wisdom for both of you as you discuss schooling.
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- Juliana
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AmandaV
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I've been praying, Chris. One thought I had, though..I know you tend toward more relaxed, or unschooly approaches. I do/did too, especially the first few years with my twin boys. But maybe if you did a more cohesive plan for your dh to see and know the direction you all are headed with your school he would feel more confidence in continuing the homeschooling path. Including what memberships or classes you'd like to do over the next few years. For example:
This year- Fall: home, no activities while twins are so young (if you feel the need)
free classes/activity at nature center once a month in Spring (we have some great ones at our natural areas that are $10/family per class and great for nature study )
next year: Zoo membership - go once a month, take pictures and narrations of animals seen.
nature center once a month?
year after: science or history museum membership - go monthly, attend demonstrations if there are any, respond via narration and create scrapbook of learning.
I don't know if this helps any, this is just brainstorming, but this way maybe he can see that they are getting out and they are being social and they are learning even if not in a typical brick and mortar school way. I know to my husband when he doesn't know the plan it can all seem random. But knowing we are going to our local Heritage/culture Museum monthly (vs. 1 field trip if in school) and continuing to learn about the area's history, animals, plants, art over the year helps him to see that it is building and we are taking advantage of the flexibility of homeschooling.
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Amanda
wife since 6/03, Mom to son 7/04, daughter 2/06, twin sons 6/08 and son 7/11, son 1/2014
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Chris V
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| Posted: Sept 19 2012 at 12:24pm | IP Logged
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AmandaV wrote:
| I've been praying, Chris. One thought I had, though..I know you tend toward more relaxed, or unschooly approaches. I do/did too, especially the first few years with my twin boys. But maybe if you did a more cohesive plan for your dh to see and know the direction you all are headed with your school he would feel more confidence in continuing the homeschooling path. |
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I actually do this. My methods are relaxed, not my content, we have a very subject-rich environment. The spreadsheet I keep contains a weekly schedule; this is not for my children to follow, but for my own accountability, and a comprehensive living-book list. Often when I speak to him about resources, his eyes start to glaze over, so I stop talking ... 
AmandaV wrote:
I don't know if this helps any, this is just brainstorming, but this way maybe he can see that they are getting out and they are being social and they are learning even if not in a typical brick and mortar school way. I know to my husband when he doesn't know the plan it can all seem random. But knowing we are going to our local Heritage/culture Museum monthly (vs. 1 field trip if in school) and continuing to learn about the area's history, animals, plants, art over the year helps him to see that it is building and we are taking advantage of the flexibility of homeschooling. |
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Yes, there's certainly an element to this.
Life has been tremendously intense this past year. We built a house (literally, *we* built it), we sold our old house, we had twins, and we moved. This all happened within a short period of time.
There have been occasions when he wants to know what's happening, but mostly he doesn't seem to care and just trusts that all is well and that I'm on top of it all. Perhaps after the whirlwind of the past year he's just realized that he's been out of the loop for *a long time*. Never intentionally kept in the dark, but out of life's neccesities, he just couldn't have one more thing on his plate. We were all maxed out, and stretched so thin. He also mentioned, briefly, a word or two about my own workload with all five kids - though so very thoughtful, he also knows that I love it and I'm up for the challenges of homeschooling.
... a time for gentle hand-holding? Maybe so.
He was delighted to hear that our older three girls will be spending much time each week in the Atrium, and that we'll be getting involved in American Heritage Girls this year. These two elements will go far (I pray) in easing his concerns about "getting out there". ... funny thing is, he's always the first to complain about us being away from home too much - he likes that we are here and is completely supportive of me and my philosophy about over-scheduling our children (and so much of this is why we moved way out here in the first place). But with the Atrium, AHG, and a few other social engagements with our homeschool groups, I'm hopeful that we will all have a sense of greater security with our homeschooling.
Thank you for your thoughtfulness in thinking things through with me, and for your prayers
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Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11)
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AmandaV
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Chris V wrote:
Life has been tremendously intense this past year. We built a house (literally, *we* built it), we sold our old house, we had twins, and we moved. This all happened within a short period of time.
....
Thank you for your thoughtfulness in thinking things through with me, and for your prayers |
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I understand somewhat. We moved suddenly to rent a friend's house when the twins were exactly 1 and my oldest was 4. We were also trying to sell our house (fail!, ended up renting it until this year) and I was going a bit bonkers.
I hope you didn't think I was assuming you didn't plan at all. I'm working on being more thorough so its in my head right now. Glad to think through with you!
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Amanda
wife since 6/03, Mom to son 7/04, daughter 2/06, twin sons 6/08 and son 7/11, son 1/2014
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Chris V
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AmandaV wrote:
I hope you didn't think I was assuming you didn't plan at all. |
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Not at all - just shedding more light into our unique little family.
I'm always open to suggestion and advice (or at least, I always try to be). I often need it, more than I think I do .... always working on my own humility.
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Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11)
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JodieLyn
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If he's worried about your workload, you might help him see that following someone else's schedule and sending away all your older "helpers" is not going to ease the workload but could very easily make it much worse. 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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SeaStar
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Oh, Chris- I am praying for you! Getting older kids off to school and/or waiting in drop-off/pick lines with infant twins in the car would be a challenge.
Also- I have two friends who put their children in the local Catholic schools in two different cities in hopes of making friends/more socializing, and neither one has had their hopes fulfilled this way.
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Chris V
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JodieLyn wrote:
| If he's worried about your workload, you might help him see that following someone else's schedule and sending away all your older "helpers" is not going to ease the workload but could very easily make it much worse. |
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You don't know just how right you are!! What would I do without my helpers?! 
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Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11)
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pumpkinmom
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Praying for your family. My dh is very uncertain at times with homeschooling. Same reason as yours plus others. Earlier this year I took him to a homeschool group support meeting. There were so many moms in differnt stages of homeschooling (beginners, the middle like us, some with high school age, and some with out of the house kids) and my husband found that the concerns he had was common with the moms. And hearing the older mom say it all turns out in the end was good for him to hear. He has backed down some on sending them to school after that meeting. I think he would go to more of the meetings, but of course no other dad's were there.
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
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teachingmyown
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Praying, Chris!
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In Christ,
Molly
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: Husband's concerns
