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Maggie
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| Posted: July 26 2012 at 12:53pm | IP Logged
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Dear Moms~
A friend is calling me within the next couple hours regarding her marriage. I need your PRAYERS!! I also need your advice.
1). She is not a good friend of mine. We met on a silent retreat last year...and really only spoke very little...given the retreat was silent. Since then, we have emailed on and off...never talked on the phone. She said she needs to talk to me because she needs solid, Catholic advice...I am guessing I am a bit *safer* since I do not *know* her and am not in her intimate circle of friends.
2). I know they have had marital issues with arguing, blaming, etc...
3). They have 3 very young children and have just recently had to miscarriages in the last 8 months or so.
4). I know she is very stressed out about her husband not *providing* for the family. Unbeknownst to me, they were on welfare. They recently made a big move out of state so that he could provide better...but things are still strained.
5). Aside from seeking counsel from a priest (hard to do when you just move to an area) and/or going on a Retrouvaille retreat...I do not know what to say. I cannot imagine having such burdens as hers...and it must be so difficult to be in that place where you are not on the same page as your spouse.
6). I am naturally cautious as I do not really *know* her at all...and so...am just cautious. I did offer to send her a box of hand-me-downs from my children...and now I am wondering if that was not such a good idea? But how can one go wrong with an act of love? I always second guess myself.
If you have any ideas, please let me know asap.
Prayers, if anything, appreciated!!
Come, Holy Spirit!
__________________
Wife to dh (12 years) Mama to dd (10) ds (8), dd (1), ds (nb) and to Philip Mary (5/26/09), Lucy Joy (12/6/09), and Margaret Mary (3/6/10) who entered Heaven before we had a chance to hold them.
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guitarnan
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| Posted: July 26 2012 at 1:25pm | IP Logged
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I am praying.
Perhaps she just needs someone to listen to her concerns - and since she just moved, maybe she wants someone who's not only solidly Catholic but far away from her geographically (she can't run into you in the grocery store, in other words).
Your planned advice sounds fine to me. If money is the stressor, they could also look for information on cutting expenses and saving money (Dave Ramsay?). They should not seek advice from anyone who sells financial/investment products.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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DominaCaeli
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| Posted: July 26 2012 at 1:44pm | IP Logged
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Praying!
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Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: July 26 2012 at 2:06pm | IP Logged
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It's ok Maggie She's calling you because of who you are.. as well as those other things. Relax and let you be yourself. Your advise is great!
Do mention that there are of course legitimate reasons to leave someone especially for the safety of herself or the children. That will help ease your mind on what's not being said.
Otherwise I suggest helping her focus on what she can do, on what she can change (for instance nagging rarely helps and often makes the person being nagged drag feet on just what was being nagged about) and less on running down her dh which can be an easy pitfall to run into. Also building someone up for the things they do do (even if they're very little to start with) will help more than cutting them down for the things they don't do.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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WithAllMyHeart
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| Posted: July 26 2012 at 3:31pm | IP Logged
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Tell her to pray and to trust in God. Do not place so much weight on dh's efforts to provide- all provision comes from God, and He will not let us down if we trust in Him.
This message sounds weird to me as I reread it, and normally I would reword it so that it sounds "nicer", but I don't have time at the moment, and I feel *strongly* compelled to get this message across to your friend. So I will let it rest and hope it helps... 
And I'm sending my prayers for you that the Holy Spirit will guide you in how best to help your friend. She's lucky she has you to turn to. 
__________________
-Jennifer
SAHM to a 3 yr old boy and a 1 yr old girl (hoping for more).
Looking for friends who live nearby!
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stellamaris
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| Posted: July 26 2012 at 6:32pm | IP Logged
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Just seeing this now, but praying your words will bear fruit in the life of this woman.
I want to caution you to remember that you are only hearing one side of the story. It would be advisable for her to get counseling from someone nearby who can get a better picture of the whole relationship, if her husband will do that and if they can afford it. Otherwise, talking to a priest may help. Lastly, try not to allow her to focus on blaming her husband or complaining about him, but rather direct her to think about his positive characteristics. Why did she marry him in the first place? She is at an early stage of marriage where the demands of a young family and financial struggles seem so overwhelming, and it is easy to begin to focus solely on what is not right rather than being thankful for what IS right. You might suggest that she make a list of everything she can think of that she loves (or loved in the past) about her dh, and read that several times a day. Sounds a bit trite, I know, but it really helped me when I was in the early years of marriage. If she can offer him her emotional support and confidence, then he may be more able to face the tough work world.
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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Maggie
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| Posted: July 26 2012 at 7:12pm | IP Logged
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Thank you all for your prayers for this beautiful family! The conversation went very well...and it turns out they are doing so much better!!
God bless you all for your faithfulness!
__________________
Wife to dh (12 years) Mama to dd (10) ds (8), dd (1), ds (nb) and to Philip Mary (5/26/09), Lucy Joy (12/6/09), and Margaret Mary (3/6/10) who entered Heaven before we had a chance to hold them.
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: Need advice asap for friend's marriage!
