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Misty
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| Posted: June 11 2012 at 7:13am | IP Logged
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I wish not to go into a long drawn out so I will try to simplify. My dh and I married (I catholic and he lutheran) at the time I was not a practicing catholic at the time except during the holidays, he went also at that time as he saw fit. But I made it clear that I wanted to be married catholic and raise our children catholic. So we did and I am.
We have 7 wonderful beautiful children. But at this time in our life we are now done. Financially, physically (they are 13 to 18mo old) and dh is very committed to that. I am right now also.
dh wants a vasectomy, I don't recall but I guess we discussed this before marriage (15yrs ago) and this is what we said we'd do. Now I feel differently as I have grown a ton in my faith and don't feel its the way to go.
We have been using NFP now for 8 mo. Not because he wanted or wants to but because he wants one way and I feel another and there is really not an inbetween. I went to classes on my own.
Now my dh is just like I am done this is not working for me. So I did what I was instructed to do by our priest.. told him that's his decision to do what he wants to do. That isn't good for him because I am not on board.
Well it's also released a lot of other emotions. Things I didn't know... like he thinks the catholic church is full of bull**** (sorry), why do we "worship" Mary, they are always asking for money for everything, homilies are always telling us we are not ever going to measure up/good enough. He knew 1 catholic family growing up who also seemed to have 7 children and they all grew up and turned out bad, really bad. He thinks that's whats going to happen to ours
This is like a 2 ton truck running into me. I had no idea this was all in him. I knew he was not strong in a faith and I have never tried to push him, though he says I do. But this was huge. He says he's very happy with his life, he is kind to others, tries to be fair, is honest, and the such and he's fine with that. He doesn't need to learn any more, read any books or the such.
anyway.. my prayer request is so numerous I ask you to just pray what you feel in your heart with help the most. We love each other dearly there is NO question there. But I feel like the devil is pulling him farther and farther away from God. As when I ask if another church would be better he says NO they are all the same they all want more, expect more...
I'm really lost and feel so sad. He has not at this point asked me directly to stop teaching the faith to our children but I'm afraid that's what I am going to hear next. And yes, this all stems from or at least opened the door for all this because the catholic church is so crazy to not let families do things like a vasectomy when it's the right thing to do.
I hope this made some since. i have never posted before, but I am at a loss. I don't know what to do, who to pray to, or if I am just at the point of no return with him.
He is a wonderful husband, a good father and a great friend to those he knows. But even my 13 yr old son sees he is pulling farther and farther away from God than closer. And I will say that the economy did it to him because before things were nickle and dime it was much better.
Thanks for the prayers
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jawgee
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| Posted: June 11 2012 at 7:26am | IP Logged
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Saint Monica, pray for us!
Saint Augustine, pray for us!
Misty, I do want to mention that NFP has a way of bringing out tensions in a marriage. DH and I see it as a good thing, something that sanctifies and helps the couple to draw closer together. Praying that this is what will happen with you and your DH.
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Monica
C (12/2001), N (11/2005), M (5/2008), J (8/2009) and three angels
The Catholic Cup on Facebook
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: June 11 2012 at 7:34am | IP Logged
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Misty,
I am pretty quiet here, also 
Your post tugged at my heart and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
I really can't address the vasectomy thing. But , in the context of the economy and being open to children, I can see how that could be stressful to a provider for a family. The past few years have been very hard on our men.
Is there someone, a man, who also has a large family, that can provide him a sounding board and some encouragement? Send them out for a beer once a week  I think our men are struggling in the world today and most, come home to family(and it should be that way)and don't have bonding time with other men. They need each other just like we need our girl friends to chat, and get support.
I will be praying for your intentions.
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Anne, married to dh 16 years!, ds,(97), Little One (02), and dd (02).
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mariB
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| Posted: June 11 2012 at 8:17am | IP Logged
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Dear Misty, I will be praying for you, your husband, and family. Our husbands do so much. They have so much pressure. One thing I have learned is to focus on my own relationship with God...to accept my husband where he is at and to give him the space to grow in his relationship with God. Letting your husband know that it is difficult and that you appreciate him daily by doing little things for him...by saying to yourself and to your children those things you said in your post about your husband... "He is a wonderful husband, a good father and a great friend to those he knows"..are wonderful qualities. Faith is a journey for each individual and sometimes we just need to pray and to let that person grow. Earlier on in my marriage I had a tendency to judge...but then I realized those including my husband were much godlier than I thought. I think about how my husband is supporting our whole family and the pressures he has to keep it going..that is a prayer in itself...it is incredibley faithful. I hope I don't sound preachy it's just that we have gone through similar thoughts and conversations in the past about NFP and your post really jumped out at me. Praying that God shows your husband the faithful and good Catholic families. May you find peace and sending you a hug, too, for doing such a wonderful job with your kids. May God bless the work of your hands.
Praying to your husband's guardian angel and to St. Michael...
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marib-Mother to 22ds,21ds,18ds,15dd,11dd and wife to an amazing man for 23 years
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guitarnan
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| Posted: June 11 2012 at 8:18am | IP Logged
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Adding my prayers...
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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3ringcircus
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| Posted: June 11 2012 at 8:50am | IP Logged
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Praying.
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Christine
Mom to my circus of boys: G-1/06, D-1/04, S-4/10
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Booksnbabes
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| Posted: June 11 2012 at 3:00pm | IP Logged
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Praying here. That's a lot of emotional stuff to deal with. 
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Wife to wonderful DH, mom to SIX beautiful gifts from God!
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kristinannie
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| Posted: June 11 2012 at 4:23pm | IP Logged
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I am adding my prayers as well. I do feel like marriages are under severe attack from the enemy. I am going through a similar struggle with my husband. We are definitely not on the same page on this issue. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that you and your husband can come to an agreement on this issue and the many others as well. God bless you!
Kristin
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Ruth
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| Posted: June 13 2012 at 9:11am | IP Logged
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Praying!
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Ruth
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MaryM
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| Posted: June 13 2012 at 9:36am | IP Logged
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Misty, praying for you and your family on this intention. Thank you for trusting us.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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stellamaris
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| Posted: June 13 2012 at 9:56am | IP Logged
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For many years, I was the non-Catholic spouse. I was Christian, so that helped some, but it also brought to the conflict an intensity...I was desperate to "save" my poor husband! Many, many nights we would sit up in the wee hours of the night discussing God, faith, etc. Finally, God was gracious to me and gave me the gift of conversion to the Catholic faith.
Our marriage was able to support this long difference of faith because we always respected one another's religious views and re-affirmed our love for each other.
In fact, after I converted, my dh had a period of "resistance" to God. During this time, I entrusted him to the Divine Mercy. I really didn't try to change him, just to love him and pray for him and serve him in as many ways small and large as I could. I offered up many joys, sufferings, and daily crosses for him, especially the sorrow and worry I had about his spiritual state. I kept on practicing my faith as well as I was able. And now he is the wonderful, devout Christian (Catholic!) husband I dreamed of years ago. (Not that he wasn't wonderful before in many ways...just more wonderful now.) God is so good!
Love your spouse, respect him, and accept him as he is. Pray for his conversion. Remember that sometimes a person under spiritual conviction will react by being aggravated with religion in general, but it is part of the conversion process. So things can look worse when really God is beginning to act and the Holy Spirit is on the move. Take care what you say about him to others and protect his reputation, as you would wish him to protect yours. Value your marriage and hang in there!
Praying for you!
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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stellamaris
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| Posted: June 13 2012 at 10:06am | IP Logged
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Quote:
| And yes, this all stems from or at least opened the door for all this because the catholic church is so crazy to not let families do things like a vasectomy when it's the right thing to do. |
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I wanted to add that the teaching of the Church on vasectomies is precisely that it is the wrong thing to do. It may be the easier thing to do, but right and wrong are moral questions and the Church has definitely spoken on the issue of sterilization:
Catechism of the Catholic Church wrote:
| 2399 The regulation of births represents one of the aspects of responsible fatherhood and motherhood. Legitimate intentions on the part of the spouses do not justify recourse to morally unacceptable means (for example, direct sterilization or contraception). |
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It is important that you yourself understand the truths of the Faith and live them to the best of your ability. You might read over the sections of the Catechism dealing with married life. Your husband has to make his own moral choices.
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: Dh who is not Catholic
