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Leocea
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| Posted: March 25 2011 at 10:13pm | IP Logged
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I am really struggling.
We have five living children, and have three saints in Heaven. Our latest just one month ago. :-(
After this last loss,my dh and I agreed that I would learn NFP and we would try to avoid, as it is so painful to lose these little ones. I also struggle with anxiety and we have had some financial issues that we are working on. (Major ones, such as almost having a foreclosure last year, currently going through a bankruptcy)
I started charting, and have determined, confirmed by ovulation test kit strips, that this week I am fertile again.
I am just so sad. I want another baby so badly, and I *know* we should wait at least two cycles per the dr, and that my dh isn't ready to try again yet, if ever.
It's just that now I KNOW that I am fertile this week. Now I know that someone new could be coming if we just threw caution to the wind.
This is so hard. I want so badly to be pregnant, but being pregnant fills me with so much fear. Right now, though, the desire outweighs the fear. <sigh>
I just feel like we are using NFP to contracept, not for a *grave* reason.
We have reasons, of course, but to me, one more baby won't make our financial situation any worse. If I have anxiety attacks and lose the baby, I'll be back where I am now, which isn't too bad. Life would go on. God would hold us up.
I just don't know what to do.
Please pray for our discernment. I am going to speak to dh about it this weekend. I want to see if he is feeling this way too, and just isn't sure how I am feeling. I am hoping he is, but then what do we do?!?!?
There are those that would judge us for not using *anything* when our financial situation is not completely under control. However, dh is working, we can provide for our current children. Mismanagement of our money is not a grave reason for me. It is not a lack of money, it has been the way we did things. We are turning this around. A new baby won't cause that to change.
Please pray. I want to do what God wants me to do.
I am sitting here wondering if by abstaining this month, we are saying no to a tremendous blessing, a baby that will never be, because we are scared. :-(
Time also concerns me, as I will be 38 soon. Taking a year *off* could make a big difference at my age.
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Your sister in Christ,
Leocea, wife to Ken, mom to KC 22, Caitlin 17, Malea 13, Mary Catherine 10,Elina Rose,6,Andrew,3 and Lauren Celine,1. Angels 5/05, 5/08, 2/11 and Cameron 7/26/11.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 25 2011 at 10:32pm | IP Logged
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I'll pray for you Leocea. You might also consider this a time to watch your charts for health issues.. is your luteal phase long enough for instance (not enough progestrone or other?), or is your thyroid functioning well.. those two things are also implicated in contributing to miscarriage. So maybe if you focus on that it won't feel so much like "wasting time".
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-Sir Walter Scott
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MaryM
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| Posted: March 25 2011 at 10:45pm | IP Logged
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Praying.
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Mackfam
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| Posted: March 25 2011 at 11:01pm | IP Logged
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I'm praying, Leocea!!
JodieLyn wrote:
| You might also consider this a time to watch your charts for health issues.. is your luteal phase long enough for instance (not enough progestrone or other?), or is your thyroid functioning well.. those two things are also implicated in contributing to miscarriage. So maybe if you focus on that it won't feel so much like "wasting time". |
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I was thinking this as well, Leocea. As I've gotten older, my thyroid function has become an issue, and I have very short luteal phases. I discovered this through charting. By setting in place some nutritional and supplement helps (Optivite helped me...you'll need to scroll down in the little menu to Optivite.) I have been able to manage and assist my health and ability to conceive and sustain a pregnancy. Even with my efforts, my last pregnancy, I needed early progesterone intervention to save the pregnancy and baby. Again, it was charting that helped me recognize this, and prompted me to go in early for labs, at which point my doctor immediately put me on progesterone. I responded well to the treatment...and that baby just turned 3!!
Prayers as you discern, Leocea.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
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guitarnan
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| Posted: March 26 2011 at 7:04am | IP Logged
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I am praying.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Betsy
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| Posted: March 26 2011 at 8:55am | IP Logged
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I am praying for you!
I wanted share a bit of my experience and hopefully it will help.
I am currently recovering from a very difficult pregnancy, which has left me with my chronic pain for the past three years. Once my baby turned 1 I was struggling each month for the desire of another child, but I was physically unable to walk, I couldn't do house work, and my marriage was almost lost.
After many months of trying to deal with this issue of wanting a baby but knowing that it wasn't prudent, I went to Our Lord and Lady and prayed for the desire for more children to be taken away. Almost immediately I felt this desire lifted from me and I felt a great peace and joy with the family that I have.
Fast forward two more years and my physical condition is only little better, however this break has given my family time to heal from the stress of it and allowed my marriage to heal as well.
I have had to often return to our Lord and Lady to make sure this is "right", and the prayerful response that my heart has received is similar to the explanation I once head about priestly celibacy. Priestly celibacy isn't saying that the marriage act is bad and needs to be avoided, instead it's saying that it is such a profound good that a Priest is willing to offer that up as a sacrifice for an even greater good. There is no doubt that being blessed with a child is good, but sometimes we need to offer that desire up for the greater good our our family, etc. Does that make sense?
I am in no way saying that this is what you are called to do, but I just wanted to offer what I have been lead to do incase it might help.
PM if you would like to talk more....
Betsy
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: March 26 2011 at 9:55am | IP Logged
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I am praying for you. 
Betsy wrote:
I have had to often return to our Lord and Lady to make sure this is "right", and the prayerful response that my heart has received is similar to the explanation I once head about priestly celibacy. Priestly celibacy isn't saying that the marriage act is bad and needs to be avoided, instead it's saying that it is such a profound good that a Priest is willing to offer that up as a sacrifice for an even greater good. There is no doubt that being blessed with a child is good, but sometimes we need to offer that desire up for the greater good our our family, etc. Does that make sense?
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This touched me. Thank you for sharing as this has lightened by burden.
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Lara
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: March 26 2011 at 12:58pm | IP Logged
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Oh I so sympathize with your feelings, Leocea. Your emotions are so raw and tender at this time .
Since you are asking for help with discernment, I thought I'd share some reasons that may help to settle your emotions and lead to peace.
*The Church in her tender love and mercy offers NFP as a tool for the benefit of her children. The Church must assume that this tool is needed and usable by common people with proper help and support.
*The term "grave" is used in the Pauline translation from Italian of Humanae Vitae. The Vatican English translation from Latin uses "serious".
*...well-grounded reasons for spacing births, arising from the physical or psychological condition of husband or wife, or from external circumstances, the Church teaches that married people may then take advantage of the natural cycles ...thus controlling birth in a way which does not in the least offend the moral principles."
Leocea, our Church is soooooooooooooo loving and gentle . Her teachings and applying them to our everyday lives are challenges to grow, learn, and be as responsible as we can be at any given moment. They are not to burden, cause confusion, or fear. Each moment is mysterious and they string together, over time, to bring wisdom. You can show that you trust God by trusting His Church, your dh, your priest, your health care providers, and others who are contributing in a well-formed manner to your decisions.
May Mother Mary comfort you in your time of need. I'm praying for you, dear .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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mariB
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| Posted: March 28 2011 at 7:12am | IP Logged
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Praying...
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marianhome
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| Posted: March 28 2011 at 8:26am | IP Logged
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Hi,
I felt the same strong longing last week ( to conceive), and had a struggle to decide who to listen. There was a voice inside me saying to obey God's will and completely surrender to this longing. We have been using NFP for one month to look at possible reasons for our miscarriages, and I had an appointment with a nurse to look at the chart on Friday. For all week I was pondering about what to do, my personal NFP teacher suggested abstaining from conception, since I was going to see the medical officials, but I did not know if it was an advice from God or more from the world. I listened attentively to all pros and cons, and as I was talking to my husband there were many of: On this hand, but on the other hand.....I did not want to follow evil, but God and I could not discern which one was which...
Well finally I decided to not conceive, it was a leap of faith, because usually i listen to my inner voice which seems to be more of trusting God.
The fertility window closed, and after talking with the NFP nurse she told me we could have started a treatment right then if i had conceived, but alas, the opportunity was closed and now we will look for the following month.
The sensation i got was of a loss, an opportunity to trust God was lost. BUT, I have to say too that reading a part of Saint Teresa of Avila gave me peace of mind:
-Saint Teresa was one asked by the bishop: Saint Teresa, where does God wants the new chapel, in Madrid first or in Seville? Saint Teresa consulted with God and said: In Seville. The bishop then replied, well I think it is better first in Madrid. and Saint Teresa replied, well, so be it. After the preparations have started for having the chapel in Madrid, the bishop asked Saint Teresa: Why did you accepted my thinking if God had said to you otherwise? and Saint Teresa responded: I cannot know for sure if the revelation was true, but i can say for sure that your authority is over me.
This passage describes for me a good way out of doubt when we do not know if it is evil disguised trying to mock us, for me it was clear that i have given authority to my NFP teacher, and I could not be so clear about the strong calling to conceive again.
Our situation is also similar to you in that is very sad to go again with the miscarriage fear....every time I feel that i cannot endure another one, but God gives me graces to renew that burden, and I also think about the babies in heaven which we may see again. Furthermore I noticed people around me getting pregnant more often and I wonder if it is the Lord using also this longing that we have and inabilty to bring to term, to bless other families around us.
Praise be to God, he knows what is best for us,
lovingly,
raquel
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Raquel&David, Maria 8, Rebecca 6, Samuel 4, and early pregnancy babies in heaven.
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shineblue
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Praying for your discernment on this delicate issue Leocea.
May our Lord's peace be with you always,
Marcia
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aussieannie
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| Posted: March 29 2011 at 9:30pm | IP Logged
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Praying!
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cathhomeschool
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I have nothing to add to the beautiful words shared here -- only many prayers. In the past I have struggled with the desire for a baby while at the same time knowing that it is not the right time. It is a very difficult cross to bear. May God guide you to His Will for you all, and may He heal you of your pain and fears.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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Leocea
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| Posted: April 11 2011 at 7:53am | IP Logged
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Thank you to all! Your words have truly comforted and encouraged me during this rollercoaster of a time!!!
I ended up with a 7 day luteal phase, so even if we didn't abstain, a pregnancy most likely would not have resulted.
I am going to have my thyroid checked. Good idea!!!
If my next luteal phase is that short, I will try some measures to lengthen it.
I spoke with dh, and feel better about where we are right now.
I think that the best part of NFP is that nothing is permanent. You can decide each day if God's will for you has changed.
I truly still feel that our family is not complete, and that even NFP is not fully trusting God. If He feels that we can handle another baby, He will give us another baby. However, dh feels differently right now. It is okay, his reasons for feeling that way are valid and loving, not selfish and uncaring. Dh does feel that if we use NFP and conceive anyway, that baby was truly meant to be here.
So, we will be using NFP to space, not avoid forever.
We are still in the same place we were when I first wrote, but I feel much better about it!!!
Thank you again!
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Your sister in Christ,
Leocea, wife to Ken, mom to KC 22, Caitlin 17, Malea 13, Mary Catherine 10,Elina Rose,6,Andrew,3 and Lauren Celine,1. Angels 5/05, 5/08, 2/11 and Cameron 7/26/11.
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: Please pray for me re: NFP, discernment
