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ALmom
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| Posted: May 15 2008 at 6:17am | IP Logged
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I hesitated to post as I seem to be on a roller coaster right now and know I should trust more. Please pray for us to get beyond the emotions and disappointment and know what we really are supposed to do. It would be nice that since God seemed to close a door, he would open one in some other direction and let her know what it is He really wants her to do. I just feel for my dd so much.
She had a wonderful lesson at the conservatory - but a discouraging one. She loves the conservatory, the professor she worked with, would love to go there, had confirmed by them that she is not getting what she needs where she is at and would need to have intense lessons with someone else over the summer in order to audition and have a chance of getting in (her difficulty level is fine just needs work on the pieces). Basically what all the news seems to mean is that if we had the money and could find a Conservatory calibre teacher/professor within a reasonable drive and if she worked hard (pretty much a given with this kid)then she could follow her dream.
The problem is that the only one we have any control over is the working hard. The other two seem unlikely or well nigh impossible. Talking to me on the phone she was the one who kept reminding me that realistically she cannot pursue her dream because even if she gets in to the conservatory, she (even if we helped or even if we tried to do it all)couldn't afford to live there, let alone come up with tuition for the conservatory. Right now no other avenues seem open to her. She has never wanted to teach music and she definitely has no interest in pursuing anything outside of music. She could accompany around here but she doesn't want a dead end where she cannot continue to get better and work with really serious artists and really dreamed of eventually getting into a good chamber group - knowing it probably would take her a few extra years, but she'd work hard and get there. I'm not sure what she'll do now and really don't know how to advise her as I know nothing of the realistic possibilities of different approaches or options. I think the hardest part is that she does have talent, she could perform given the chance to have high calibre instruction and the main things keeping her from it are the location where we live and lack of opportunity because of that and the cost of conservatory training.
I could tell she was very, very sad. It was a huge letdown for her. She has one more lesson with the other professor there and then a lot of decisions to make. I know she has worked so hard and would be willing to continue working like a maniac to achieve her dream - but the simple fact is we cannot afford it. I don't know if there are other ways or other things to try and do and I just don't know how or what to advise. I know if she could get there, she would rise quickly. Even the professor noted how quickly she picked up on their instruction. We've also noticed that just being from Alabama is a liability and there isn't anyone around here that we know of that has any contacts with any of the piano conservatory faculty anywhere.
I guess we were naive and thought that all the local advice was good in terms of where to go and who to take from. She learned a lot her first year, but now her professor isn't even making comments on her pieces and just is so excited about things. DMA candidates were asking her to be duet partners (but she isn't allowed to be duet partners with them because she is undergrad and they are grad level). My dd knew there were things that needed work on her pieces, she just needed some guidance but her teacher kept saying there wasn't anything. She knew she would have to be the one pushing herself because her professor was continually trying to slow her down or get her to do easier pieces. She thought she would have opportunities for master classes - there have been none and chamber has been disappointing basically the strings here want no part in it - heck they don't even want to play in orchestra which really baffles my dd who has played in orchestra (violin) every single semester so far.
Anyways, I'm really sad for her right now. I think she is going to try to find someone to work with her this summer and at least see where she can go - realizing that whatever guidance she can get to improve will benefit her even if she gets accepted into the conservatory and cannot afford to go. This has been a tough year for her emotionally - between frustration with the music program and lack of challenge and some real crosses she has been asked to bear including a lack of spiritual support and now facing the possibility that it might be time to let go of a dream with nothing in sight with which to replace it.
Mama Bear here is fluctuating between anger and tears and probably just needs a good nights sleep. If only something would come together for her.
Anyways - thanks for letting me have a good cyber cry. Please pray for us. I know this is really minor in the big scheme of things, it just doesn't feel that way right now.
Janet
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Mackfam
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| Posted: May 15 2008 at 8:11am | IP Logged
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I'm praying, Janet!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
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MarilynW
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| Posted: May 15 2008 at 11:02am | IP Logged
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Janet - I am praying for you and your dd.
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Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: May 15 2008 at 11:18am | IP Logged
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Oh goodness, Janet. I'm crying and frustrated with you. It is such a battle when we can clearly *see* a particular outcome yet we just can't seem to make it happen. My brain just has such a hard time loosening at first because *my* outcome makes so much sense! I can remember many a prayer to God, insisting on telling Him my desire...how beautiful it would be....how perfect it would be...how holy it would be...how loving it would be...OH, those are the hard ones for me!
Just like you wrote, it does come down to trust. And I know that you and your dd trust our Lord. It can just take some time for our emotions and thinking to settle into our latest reality. Nothing sinful about a mama entering into her dd's saddness and suffering  .
I'm praying that God will find a way for your dd to continue her studies. He is so much bigger than this situation! And may you all be blessed during this time of uncertainty.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Willa
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Praying that God opens doors for your daughter, of whatever kind. Echoing what Angie said. I know how hard it is to do our utmost and find that something else is needed that isn't within our own control.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: May 15 2008 at 12:39pm | IP Logged
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Praying, Janet.
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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snowbabiesmom
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| Posted: May 15 2008 at 1:59pm | IP Logged
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Prayers!!
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Kaleigh'97,Brett'00,McKenna'02,Reesie'04,Madelyn'07
+Luke'05,+Mark'08,+Karoline'08
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LucyP
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Dear Janet, oh that must be so hard. My late nana was a wonderful musician (pianist) who had a fantastic opportunity that was destroyed by WW2. I know that was a grief to her for many years. I really believe that she is in heaven, and will ask her prayers and St Cecilia's for your sweet daughter. God bless you - I know how hard my own little children's small set backs are and this must feel so huge to her and then to you. May God's beautiful will be done for her.
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aussieannie
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| Posted: May 15 2008 at 4:49pm | IP Logged
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As Willa said, praying for an open door to this situation, Janet.
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Under Her Starry Mantle
Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
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guitarnan
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Praying, Janet...the ache to give our kids all that they deserve when temporal resources are limited is one that I think many of us here understand so, so well.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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jdostalik
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Dear Janet,
Praying for you and your daughter!
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
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Chari
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Janet........I have been following closely and praying..........thanks for the pm........I loved reading the details! I had no internet in Los Angeles.........except a tiny screen on my dad's cell phone......I could read but posting was totally out of the question!
I SO wanted to be in SF to show her around and take care of her  .......but there was no way I could get away to do so.........and then, in the end, I was able to get away  .........I am just sorry it took a funeral to get me out of town. 
....continued prayers, of course!
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Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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mariB
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| Posted: May 16 2008 at 5:23am | IP Logged
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Praying for your daughter and you! This is important in the scheme of things! I am sure she is a blessing and has been for all those she has played for!
Music is one of the most beautiful gifts the Lord could bestow.(Personal opinion reason being: You lay your heart and soul out for people when you share your music with them. Something a lot of people may not realize.) It takes courage, perseverance, and not taking "No" for an answer. It requires one to receive many closed doors but many also many open windows! I know how your daughter feels! <<<HUGS>>>
I will add you and your daughter to our prayer book in which we offer up daily with our Rosary.
Praying for a miracle for her...praying for strength...praying for guidance and direction...praying for the right people and opportunities for her and praying to St. Cecila for your daughter and all musicians.
Blessings,
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marib-Mother to 22ds,21ds,18ds,15dd,11dd and wife to an amazing man for 23 years
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hylabrook1
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Praying, Janet.
Peace,
Nancy
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ladybugs
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Praying here, Janet!
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Love and God Bless,
Maria P
My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
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Paula in MN
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Janet, I'm praying here for all of you.
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Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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Maryan
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Prayers here.
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
A Lee in the Woudes
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: me again asking for prayers
