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Margaret in MN
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| Posted: April 16 2007 at 6:37pm | IP Logged
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Dear Friends of the Heart,
Please tell me that I am not the only fighting the temptation to believe that I am ruining my children by homeschooling them. I am near despair today thinking that I am so not cut out for the job--that I can't cut it now and certainly won't be able to do so when the kids reach the upper grades.
This may be burn-out, as Elizabeth has suggested. I am trying to do it "all" and feel like I am doing nothing as a result.
The only thing I do get done is to cry. (And cry...)
I don't know, ladies. Maybe it's poor nutrition, or mild depression, or too much caffeine. I'm stressed to the max and just so tired of feeling this way.
PS. If there have been other posts that discuss this, I would love the links.
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Margaret
Mom to 6  and 4  in Heaven
Minnesota Mom
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Bridget
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Oh, dear, we all feel like that. Mothers with kids in school feel like that. Self doubt and worries just seem to go with being a loving mother.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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chicken lady
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It could be the prolonged winter! I am hearing many local people saying the same as you! Whatever the cause you have my prayers for strength.
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Lissa
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| Posted: April 16 2007 at 6:54pm | IP Logged
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{{{{{{{Margaret}}}}}}} Let me tell you, Alice and I have pulled one another out of many a slump over the years! It happens to everyone. Hang on for spring weather...you'll feel so much better. In the meantime I prescribe shelving everything you are currently doing and taking a week to make cookies and read a really gripping book like By the Great Horn Spoon. Or make Waldorf dolls. Or play Absurd Math (google it & you'll find it) or Sim City. I really think a good binge week goes a long way toward refreshing everyone.
You are a great mom, and your kids are massively blessed to be home with you!
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Lissa
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cathhomeschool
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And you have my prayers as well, Margaret! I certainly feel just as you do sometimes. And I wonder too -- is it the caffeine (too much? not enough??), nutrition, cycle, lack of sleep? And in truth it's all of those things put together (too much caffeine some days, definitely not enough on others!). And when I start to take better care of myself, I usually improve... and then eventually I slack off again and end up back at square one. HUGS to you, dear! You are a great mother and homeschooler! Slow down and do ONE thing.
Helen started a thread on avoiding burnout: Plan for Next Year: No Burnout
And you gave us all great advice in Alice's burnout thread here: A New Springtime
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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SeaStar
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praying for you!
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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Christine
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God, my husband, and an irl just pulled me out of this.
I had to accept my own limitations (as Elizabeth says in her book, there is no way that one person can do laundry for 8) and improve my prayer life.
Hugs and prayers are coming your way!
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Christine
Mommy to 4 girls, 5 boys, & 2 in God's care
Memories of a Catholic Wife and Mother
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Rebecca
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Hang in there, dear Margaret! I think you have gotten some good advice to take a break from what you are doing. Have a little fun playing games, delve into a good book and get outside. You are doing a super job!
Love,
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Nina Murphy
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I second and third and fourth everything already said. This shall pass. Lean on Jesus in the Garden. You know that picture where he is leaning on the Angel---I love that picture. This is a dark time, a dark night, but hold on and trust in God. We all have been there. There are so many answers, and they are different for everybody. I pray the Holy Spirit sends you just the right words you need to hear or read or a boost or inspiration or consolation---whatever you need to just get you THROUGH this time.
Just put one foot in front of the other for today and tonight. Tomorrow will be a brand new day and who knows what it will bring you. At least it will be NEW. And different. Some days I am praying every single hour for grace for the next hour. It's Ok. He knows you're there---that's where He is allowing you to be. He'll turn it all to good!
Praying for you. Hang on. Ask our Blessed Mother to take over mothering the children for a while as you mother yourself  ---she will fill in the gaps!
HUGS to you!!!!
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God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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helene
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| Posted: April 16 2007 at 7:35pm | IP Logged
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I really like Lissa's idea. Curl up with a fun book for everyone. Read all day- don't stop at the cliffhangers, just read aloud all you want. That's what you homeschool for-fun stuff!
Other ideas: buy a new shirt or a new pair of shoes...maybe even sandals! Go have your hair done. Plan a date with your dh. Get a pot of Easter flowers on clearance and put them in clear view from the kitchen sink. Bake some biscotti to go with that coffee! Eat fruit. Eat salad. Drink water. Go to bed early. Get up late and read again!
Burnout is a great excuse to renew and re-make your life! Take advantage of it!
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Happy Mom to five girls (20,17,13,11and 4) and five boys (19, 15, 10, 8 and 6)
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MarilynW
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Bridget wrote:
| Oh, dear, we all feel like that. Mothers with kids in school feel like that. Self doubt and worries just seem to go with being a loving mother. |
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Well said, Bridget.
Although I KNOW that the homeschooling lifestyle if best for our family right now, I still get the nagging doubts and "what ifs" - mine lately has been compounded by unhelpful extended family who make lots of comments.
My dh is always such a help at times like these - he says how great the kids are doing and how he loves how the kids are so relaxed and happy, and how good family life is since we brought the children home.
I also think as moms we have to avoid comparing ourselves to others - homeschoolers or not - I am slowly learning this and developing my own style - and not getting discouraged by others who seem to be so much "better" than me.
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Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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Maryan
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Oh Margaret... no advice, just encouragment!
You've been helping me keep my sense of humor when I'm "stressed out to the max" in this my first year homeschooling. I wish I were witty to say something to cheer you up! But I'm not -- so you get someting better - prayers!
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
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Sarah
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Margaret
I had a severe case of these feeling this year. I also have five kids. Some older women have told me that when you have a bunch of kids that really cannot do much for themselves or REALLY help with housework independently then it can feel like a real burden.
I felt like I was shouldering more work than I could possibly handle.
I pared our curriculum down to the basics plus literature read aloud.
I hired a homeschool teenage girl to come and help me pick-up and fold laundry.
I decided that I couldn't accomplish the goals that others set: I had to stop hearing Laura Berquist in my mind or others (not that she is not good, but I needed to be realistic for my family).
I decided that if that went to school they would not necessarily be academically better but may have some others issues to deal with.
I stopped trying to do what I saw on other people's blogs.
I decided that my kids weren't in a certain grade but that they are just who they are--measuring them with a grade level standard made me panic.
I decided that I hate winter
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Cay Gibson
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Dear, dear Margaret,
(((HUGS))) from a mother who is humbled, yet relieved, to be walking in your moccasins.
You are a treasure...to us and to your children.
Bridget said it best in fewer words than I ever could but I'll share something that happened to me today that you won't see posted on my blog.
Despite an almost picture perfect school day, which looks like a glowing report on my blog, the reader wouldn't know what happened as we walked through the grass on our way to the playground after touring the ship (our field trip pictures of touring Columbus' ship are at the bottom of my post).
My dd asked how much time they had to play and I looked at my watch and said, "Well, it's 5:20 now. I guess till 6:00 would be good."
"How much time is that?"
"Well, if it's 5:20 and you have till 6:00...how many minutes is that?"
Her public schooled friend promptly began counting off the minutes. My child (same age as friend) simply looked me in the eye and said, "This isn't school time, Mom." 
 I give up.
I also have to say, because I am a human-4real homeschooling mother, I was a teeny-tiny bit happy when her friend gave me the wrong answer of 27 minutes. 
Shame on me. 
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
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Dawn
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Dear Margaret, I'm off to bed and just saw this. Know that I am praying for you tonight!
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Dawn, mum to 3 boys
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Anne McD
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Ditto what everyone said-- and don't listen to how other people are homeschooling if you find yourself comparing yourself to them. That's a biggie for me. Figure out what you want to teach now, and how, and as Elizabeth said in one of her posts over the summer, keep your eyes on your own work. 
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Anne
Wife to Jon
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KC in TX
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Margaret,
Praying for you.
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KC,
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Karen E.
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Oh, Margaret,
Big hugs from me, too! 
I agree that we all go through this, and we need each other in order to get through the slumps. I also love Lissa's advice about a binge week. I decided that we needed to be outside more and that's my aim this week. Everything else is on the shelf.
Hang in there, and keep reporting back to us, okay?? In the meantime, know that prayers are going up for you!
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God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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Donna
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Margaret... .
After homeschooling for 13 years, I still go through the same feelings from time to time. What has helped me, though, is seeing my oldest daughter graduate a couple of years ago and know that all is well. I didn't ruin her. Quite the opposite. She is a fine young lady who would not be who she is had she gone to school. When she was working her way through high school, I often would go to bed at night praying to be a better "homeschooling" mom. I found it difficult to give her the time she needed with so many little ones needing me, too. But, it was all in God's plan. He wanted her to own her education and be capable of working out the problems herself. In the long run...what a gift! She thinks for herself and is firm in what she believes. What I saw as an inadequacy from me was really a gift for my daughter.
So many ups and downs...but the downs don't hang on forever. They pass. What we all need is some springtime, and it'll come. Winter can't last forever .
Praying for you today, Margaret.
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Donna
DH, Keven
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JennGM
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Margaret, hugs and prayers for you. I just finished telling my sister how I was feeling this way, and didn't think I could even homeschool because I'm such a miserable failure. If I can't get my act together now, how can I do it when his learning is on the line?
She of course recognized this was just discouragement, and to not listen to this kind of thought.
So same with you...you're not alone, you can do it, you're doing a fabulous job, just take a break, like Lissa's suggestion.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: Seriously Tempted
